For every night spent wide awake
Crying, tossing, and turning because of you
For every time you decieved me
Tore my heart in two.

For making me participate in your game
And stringing my innocent self along
Until I was certain that lonely place
Was exactly where I belonged.

For every "I love you" I believed
Every other sweet word you said
For each compliment you truly meant
Every night spent in your bed.

For every last broken promise
For abusing my heart day after day
I am writing this to you for the love I wasted
For ******* me up in so many irreversible ways.

Choked back sobs this morning
Told you how I felt
How happy I sensed we could be
You could not feel my words melt

Speeding down my mouth, fragile sounds
Through the phone, nowhere to go
Regret hanging over the shallow line
Vivid memories draped in voices known

Keeping calm yet magnetized
Love immense but difficult to hold
Perfect coincedences forced together
We clicked, now disaster unfolds

An easy connect-the-dots picture
Even in our most trying parts
Direct and to-the-point with problems
So vague and uncertain when it came to our hearts

Unyielding respect given freely to you
My mind is still treated with none
Seems the universe decided
You were the more deserving one

At least that is what it looks like
Life plays clear favorites, unaware
Reasons behind actions hard to explain
No such thing as "just", "right", or "fair"

Love enjoys teaching lessons
Family and friends used as tools
Whether we choose to lose or gain
Is how to tell who among us are fools

All these painful mistakes I ponder
Have shown how beautiful Earth is
Intoxicated, only have oxygen collected
Found a breathless high in natural hits

Do you comprehend what I am saying?
Pushing away with lies
Easily hurt by careless deceit
Stop torturing with your eyes

Stop using me like a pawn
Done getting my heart broken
I trusted you and you watched me drown
Let me fall into your stormy ocean

How can I feel alone with you right by my side?
I am at war with these feelings I hide,
You try so hard, always lend a helping hand,
But when it comes to my soul I fear you don't understand,
I wish you had a mind that worked like mine,
Anxious and uncertain all of the time,
And emotions that constantly go up and down,
With ideas incessantly spinning like a merry-go-round,
Or maybe I just want you to get why
I am easily upset and often cry,
When you tell me I'm crazy that word cuts through my skin,
You of all people should be aware of the chaos within,
But instead I feel in my body there must be something wrong,
Around you I feel like my inner thoughts do not belong,
I know there is no reason for my steadily shifting mood,
But knowing that still does not better my attitude,
I can tell you love and care for me so very much,
But lately I wonder if that is enough,
I find myself trying to be someone different for you,
So we can be happy and not break in two,
But I'm starting to realize and accept
I'll always be like this; insecure, ******-up, a total wreck,
Its not fair to you when you give all you have,
To give up on evolving and only put in half,
You deserve more than what I can offer,
Someone who will aid you to thrive and prosper,
It's clear to see I am holding you back,
A distraction somehow guiding you off-track,
Taking up too much of your time and energy,
Yet when I tell you to go, you say you only want me,
Why is that when I am bitter and cold?
You could find a far warmer hand to hold,
I want you to love me for not despite
My endless flaws that cause us to fight,
I wish I loved you enough to let you go,
It would hurt me but it would be what's best I know,
I am too selfish to say goodbye and depart,
So I continue to break both our hearts,
In hope that your love will make me whole,
Fill up and repair this gaping hole,
I lie not only to you but to myself,
Inside I sense we are too damaged to be helped,
So we live every day with a smile on our faces,
We follow our routine, go the usual places,
But something is off, engraved in each bone,
You're right here so why do I still feel alone?