i weave my hands through a spider silk dress
as the scent of new leather calms my senses
i look over to see a familiar mop of brown hair
and being to wonder what i'm doing there
darkness is falling and the violets outside are glowing
i look up and at the same time, it's snowing
nothin can really be what it seems
and i begin to wonder if its all just a dream
he starts up the car and shoots me a half smile
switching on the radio for a while
soft melodies drift through the car and i'm tempted to sing
and just as my favorite song comes on, it brings on a change of scene
the sheets are cotton but i'm wearing lace
and i can't see anything outside of his face
i never really thought something like this could be
i never thought he could love someone like me
after a moment, everything changes again
different from what others have been
he pulls out a chair and helps me in
and i thank him for his kindness with a grin
the lights from the fireflies are dimming over time
we sit there breathing hope and drinking wine
he leans in and touches my lips with his
i almost pull back from the surprise it is
everything melts into darkness as my eyes open and for the first time
i wonder what it would be like if he was mine
but after all it was just a dream
and didn't mean anything
i could smell his cologne hanging in the air
none of this is fair
because i just want to go back to sleep

I have a theory that the fairy tales are twisted
And that love is the curse, not the solution
Bringing nothing but endless sleeps
And overbearing emotional pollution
When you love someone a little piece of yourself becomes like them
And when you come to a standstill and the story is over
You close the book with a sigh
And that part of them is all you have left
When you love enough you forget yourself
That's what the books don't tell you
You're too busy becoming someone else
To realize that you're losing yourself

when was the last time you actually felt anything?
let it course through your veins like clay and novocaine

your stomach flipping like dolphins
and your heart absorbing the endorphins

etching words in your skin until you bleed like you don't even know the feeling

of being in your sober mind more than just once or twice

because if we are going to do this I want to see your eyes close when we kiss
and feel your fingers shake
and let your skin hiss

i'm feeling everything for you and you're inhaling smoke fumes

i know it's not fair but I guess it doesn't compare to the mask you try to wear

made from cheap alcohol and the way I'll fall

ending in a broken eulogy at merely twenty
and that's not the way I want it to be

the monsters lurking
behind my eyelids
make up nebulas of
nightmares
and the pieces of
every man
i have yet to love

because sooner or later
everyone
lets you down
and terrifies you
and explodes

but i don’t think that i could love
any other way
so i beg the monsters
to please
stay.

It's the rebel in me
That likes the devil in you
But I'll tell you what
I'm not trying to lose
My life
My love
Everything I've become
For someone who sleeps around
And lives life in surround sound

Because it's the cat in me
Killed by the curiosity
Of what it feels like
To feel you breathe
And touch your lips and your tattoos
It's all just not enough
With too much to lose

It's the lover in me
That hates the soul in you
It's sick
And twisted
And downright abused
By the life that you've lived
And the life that you chose
I'm sorry
But I wish I could fix the bruise

It's the fool in me
That makes me let go of you
Because I love someone else too
And I know it's crude
I'll push you away soon
So get out of my life
And my sight
It isn't right
But I'm not in the mood
For you to be foolish and childish and rude
I'm not dealing with your attitude
It's like you're twenty-two
And he's a hundred times better than you

Our souls are fallen and the skies adapt to our faces
And the clouds let out rain when we cry
This month is bad for everyone
And no one really wants to try

There isn't much good about November
Maybe Thanksgiving, if you like that kind of thing
But it's the same old people and same old food
All wondering what kind of pie to bring

I'm so sick of this month
There's only really one good thing about it
But even that is usually not so much
Maybe it's two years too many or two years is enough

Can this year just be over
So everything can reset
With red hair and not so bright blue eyes
And not a single person I've ever met

The shooting stars are falling and the pocket full of stars had a leak
And any kind of lullaby gives me night terrors when I sleep
Times up: game's over and this is how it ends
Remember when you didn't want to be just friends?
You never were one for basic lyrics and cliches
But I guess some stanzas just end up that way
I'm sorry to say I don't believe in magic anymore
Because it's all just a hoax
Put on by small men in dark cloaks
You know we both made mistakes and that's okay
But keeping this to yourself definitely takes the cake
You know there's a reason my head usually says no
Because you were a bad idea and for heaven's sake, I should've known
You know I had no idea what you were going to say
But it still came out of your mouth anyway
Sometimes love is stupid and I wasn't the one
I guess I should have known that but now you're in on the fun

Tonight has been different
And tonight has been strange
This Christmas felt quiet
And we feel the same
It took me forever to figure out what to get you
And I guess that's why tonight I'm seeing blue
I had to dig up everything
All of the rusty
Old
Silenced
Memories
That I had tucked away
Didn't you take me out for your birthday?
I've never bought you anything in my entire life
(Ice cream, maybe? Once?)
I don't know what you're into anymore and I don't know what you like
Or where to draw the line
It can't be too much like it was
Because we won't have any of that [love]
Song lyrics, song lyrics, and song lyrics started to fill my head
The Mayday Parade, The Only Exception, and the Red
That's too much, too much, too much
What's left, what's left, (do you remember when we went for lunch?)
I think you like books still; maybe that doesn't change
I feel like those kinds of things stay the same
Oh god, now I'm rambling again
I'm such a wreck tonight I'm sorry for the mess
(Do you remember the time we made a milkshake
Back then everything was so fake)
And you probably won't even see whatever this is
You're never on as much as you were (you know what, ***** this)
I think it's time to shut it all out
Shut off the phone and sit in the shower
It's just easier to leave the rusty
Old
Silenced
Memories
Buried away where they belong
Maybe I wouldn't be writing this right now

I don't want to look at him
Not even say his name
Someday someone's going to break his heart
And I don't want to be the one to blame

One year, no months, twelve days
Just enough to matter
Someday someone will teach him how to kiss
And I don't want to have to hate her

There's so much future so much promise
Biologist and athlete
Compared to English teacher and literature
It's all just out of reach

There's so much no one knows
And so much that no one sees
Once twice thrice
Sometimes the scars still bleed

So just as this was the first one
It'll also be the last
The words locked away like a bird in a cage
And it's all in the past

he's almost great
and i'm almost dead
why can't i just take a step
and repeat words i've never said
i'm not hung up on anyone else
no one but myself
and my fears
so insecure
if i can't love myself
how can i love him?
i want to-i do
i swear, i do love you
but i don't feel it
not in my soul
i could say it
without a second thought
but it would be a lie
and he doesn't want that
and neither do i

Your eyes are blue
Your problems:
Never miniscule
Why can't I fix them?
*Fix you

This one goes out to the boy who loved me in pajamas
And loved me in a dress
Who loved me at my worst
And loved me at my best
This one goes out to the boy who listened
When everything was wrong
Who listened when the only words I could say
Were the lyrics to a song
This one goes out to the boy who told me I was pretty
And then told me he was sure
Who told me how I'd feel about the ending of a book
Who told me this means war
This one goes out to the boy who loved me quietly
Because words didn't need to be said
This one goes out to the boy who thinks he loves me after everything
And says he'll never forget

I think I've fallen in love with the feeling
Of smiling into a pillow and heavy breathing
And for just a second I think I can feel happiness again
But have to shove it down until then
But I think I'll cherish it while I can
Now how did that conversation start again?

they say rainbows only come after rain
but with my rainbow came your parade
my two years were wasted
and your love was a lie
everything fell apart at the dawn of your pride
because after everything we've been
we're strangers again.

So I'm going to go to sleep in this shirt now, hoping that my parents don't find me wearing it in the morning

my favorite thing
about you was the way that
you fell
from the sky and
set my entire universe aflame
with a white-hot
accidental fire
and the way you let everything
burn down
instead of roasting marshmallows
over the ashes of our
minuscule town
because if we can’t celebrate
the inevitable destruction
of our lives
then maybe you should’ve
stayed in the sky

Everything stops.
Rain stops falling like
a two-year-old’s tantrum tears,
and rocks stop skipping when
inertia gives in to gravity.
Clocks stop ticking when the
gears start to rust,
and hearts stop beating, like
a melody too tired to play.
Just as “I love you” stops buzzing like
insects in my head,
and you stop caring whether or not
we see each other that day.
Eventually, our time here will stop, too.
And looking back,
maybe you’ll wish
that I never stopped and that
you never gave yourself
the chance to.

calm blue waters

falling stars

late nights

love highs

hellogoodbye

ever changing

ever damaging

drowning to breathe

tossed to monsters in the sea

The smell of bacon in the air
My toes cold on the tile floors
You wrap your arms around my waist
Sending warm vibes to my core
We dance in old pajamas all day
And move the furniture around
Making forts and playing games
To music so loud it pounds
We cuddle with popcorn and movies
Maybe I would let you pick
Falling asleep in each others arms
And then sleeping until just six
It all seemed so perfect
In my minds eye
But then I woke up this morning
And wished to speed up time

Sometimes chemistry ends up being a boiling mess
And sometimes you can't scrub off the essence
But I'm suggesting that you do just that
For good this time because we've got to stop turning back
You're graduating an moving forward with your life
Go find yourself-learn that it's okay to cry
Life is the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience
So go live it
I never know where we are I never know where you stand
But let me tell you I am where I am
So go on, get Clean and Let it Go
And when you do, I don't need to know
But if you ever need someone to be your biggest fan
As I said before, I am where I am.

Roller coasters
Dinosaurs
Man made lakes
Wooden floors

Taylor Swift
Instruments
Middle school phases
Humid wind

I'd talk about the weather
I'd talk about the sky
I'd talk about everything
That ever happened with you and I

I'd talk about your favorites
But I already know them all
I'd talk about my fears
But you know about my walls

We could talk about everything
Really
Besides religion
And politics
And everything else on the list
If you would just pick up the phone first for once
And actually call me

Two years ago I believed I had time
I believed that somehow, you'd be mine
I told you we had time
(I told you to be patient)
I told you you'd be mine
(I told you to be fine)
A year ago I believed we would be okay
I believed that you would stay
I told you we were okay
(I told you to be balanced)
I told you to stay
(I told you to be kind)
I told you
I told you
I told you
Yesterday I realized that time was relative
I realized that I don't know what I did
I didn't tell you time was relative
(And now all your love is wasted)
I didn't tell you I don't know what I did
(Then who the hell am I?)
I didn't tell you
I couldn't tell you
I wouldn't tell you
So let me tell you, love never lasts the year
No matter how much you laugh or the pools of tears
So let me tell you, I don't know what happened here
But I thought that I could live without a fear

I don't want to feel or think
And I don't need to stand on the brink
Of this insanity because I'm used to going mad
But this insanity is a greater madness than I've ever had
It's easier to fall down the rabbit hole
When you know what and who you're leaving behind and how
What am I and what are we?
What are we even supposed to be?
He and I are a mess
And you and I are no better than the rest
But really.
What is this?

I ******* up
I know
And I'm sorry
I did the same thing I did before
And now I'm worrying
Can this be fixed again
Or are you done when things have barely began
I was scared
And I'm sorry
I just panicked and vision went blurry
It's done now
I did it
And now I'm here
So if you want something with this
Let me know
Otherwise I don't expect to hear from you
I know how you work
Even when you say you're not hurt

Sorry, not a poem. I'm looking into doing a collaboration with someone. Anyone interested? Comment or message me to let me know.

Your world comes crashing down around you
Suddenly your mother is in your arms
Your brother is crying on his knees
And you haven't felt this way in so long
People aren't supposed to disappear
No one should just die
But sometimes life isn't fair
Suddenly you're running away to anywhere  

You're sitting on a hospital bed
Flowers complete the room
You're drowning in your own regrets
But there's nothing you could have done or said
Your mother is planning a funeral
Cool and collected by now
But all you want to do is cry
All you can do is break down
They lived long lives filled with love
But it shouldn't be over yet
Picturing you in this state
Makes my heart hurt to forget

Hospital flowers should never beautify death
And death should never be beautiful
But why did it have to happen so fast?
Why did they have to be killed?
You choke it up and avoid the smiles
That all say how sorry they are
It doesn't matter how they feel
Because your grandparents are gone.

Sunny days and warm nights
Pretty stars and dark brown eyes
With chlorine hair and water glistening
I'm in too deep to realize I'm drowning
Pretty flowers everywhere
Lining forests and brown hair
The sun beats down on a sapphire  sky
Summer's no time for goodbyes
Sand beneath toes makes everything better
And nothing ever seems to matter
Just me and you
And clear waters fade to blue
Fluffy cloud like promises
Hiding all our anger and our wrongs
But when leaves fall from trees like ghosts
Here comes death and here comes snow.

You look like you could set the world on fire
With ***** blond hair and fire sign eyes
And a voice to split the mountains
Into canyons again

And I bet your world's on fire
But god, you're such a good liar
I see right through your wavy hair
Can't you see that it's not fair?

You've set my world on fire
And I feel ***** and broken and tired
I'm melting and helpless and falling apart
And instead of canyons, it's my heart

So
I'm really tempted to just walk across the street
And pound on his door
Asking him "what's the deal?
Do you want more?"
Because I think we'd be okay
And the worst things come out of the best situations
And we've always been a crooked love
But I don't think he'd answer my questions
So
I will just sip my apple juice in the sun
Bumbling around on hello poetry
Because I'm bad at taking risks
And because the unknown scares me

Do you have a byline?
Do you have a name?
I swear it's always changing
Why are you never the same?

Are you just a teaser
For something that lies beneath?
A shabby, broken prelude
Like chipped and shiny teeth

Maybe you're a template
Rigid, with ****-ups here and there
Burried beneath the words assigned
That are too specific to spare

I bet you're just an issue
Filled with pages of opinions and concerns
Wishing to step away from your stand
But you're just too much to burn.

I shuffle through old drawings like old friends
As bits of a crumbling rose falls to the blue sheets to meet an end
The flowers are falling apart and the ribbons coming undone
This might have been a year in the making but I didn't expect this from anyone
So are the pictures worth the lies and the lies worth the pain?
I guess I'll bury them back in the box anyway
How could it have been "real" when all you wrote were words
And looking back it was all paragraphs that I never really heard
Where did the game go when someone rewrote the rules
Where no one can win and no one can lose
I just don't understand and I guess that's okay
Because it's not like anything meant anything anyway
I guess I'm just bad at reading between the lines
And everything will be as "real" as it is "fine"

I'm on one side of a wall and you're on the other
How do things end up like this
You're disappearing
And I'm taking cover
So much for perfect bliss
We're pushing and pulling
And plaster is falling
Leaving dusty footprints on the scene
But there's nothing but empty space anymore
Maybe I've left or maybe I've gone missing
It's all the same
Because with no one around I'm going insane
I just want things to be like they way they were
Where instead of a wall it was just an unlocked door
And my clothes smelled like you after an hour or so
And no one told us what to do because no one really knows
I've left the walls behind and I'm floating in space
My eyes are going dark and I'm running in place
So I'll write on the walls because it makes me think of you
And it's not like there's anything else I can do.