Such a vivid dream.
She walked up and wrapped her arms around me.
I remembered the way it felt when she's hold me close.
I guess I sorta miss it.
Last night I had a dream.

Such a vivid dream.
It was about her.
I miss her and wish she was here.
She made the choices she did.
I loved her a lot.
But now we are nothing but a past.

Such a vivid dream.
We sat in the grass at mendive.
We walked around the halls at the boys and girls club.
Over to the kids side.
I remember the staff would get mad.
Yes I do miss what we had.

The way I deal with my problems.
It isn't the best way.
Sneaking out to get the things I need.
Coming back high and unable to think right.
Yeah the street lights are blurs.
It's how I deal with losing her.

The way I deal with my problems.
Isn't always the right way.
I get in fights a lot.
The pills make me manic.
I no longer take the ones that calm me.
Instead I chose to stay up high.
Until I crash real low.
That's how I deal with losing her.

I'm trying to find the words to write about you
I don't have an idea of what to say
Because you don't feel real anymore
You feel like a dream I had a few nights ago that was inevitably cut short.
It's so hard to get out how I feel when everything I want to say is stupid and pointless because it never happened.
I have conversations we had, and I have the memories, but I don't have proof these things exist outside my own head.
The you in my memories isn't the same you as today who can't look me in my eye.

It's as if I can't remember you.
It's as if you were a dream.
Not in a good way.
But in the fact that I remember you vaguely.
I'm going to be married soon.
I wish I didn't waste my time with you.
Cutting myself, because you caused me unnecessary pain.
But it was all in vain.
Maybe, I tried to get you to understand
That leaving me was wrong.
But I should have left you long before you decided that you wanted us to end
I should have said goodbye
Before you decided that you wanted to quit this fling
                                                                                     of nonsense.
                                                                               this relationship
                                                                                    of infatuation.
                                                                                this fake commitment
                                                                                    of so-called love
                                                                                 which ran off pangs
                                                                                   of emotional distress                    with                                                                            no real sense
                                                                                         of trust
and                                                                            revolved around
                                                                                  selfish feelings
                                                                                         of lust.

Sometimes I click on her name and start typing, I ease it and start over.

Second guess my actions.

I'll do this about three times back to back.

Then I convince myself its a waste of time.

I cant help she occupies my thoughts.

ill just push is deep down and ignore it like she would ignore my texts anyway.

Ill continue living my life as if the thoughts and endless,
(but never Written) conversations, never went through my head at all..