I want to be more free in the way I live my life.
Bubble.

For so long I have lived in a bubble, refusing to explore because it was dangerous or it was disrespectful, oh, because it was  ' I said so.'

I want to be more free in the way I live my life.

I want to explore, I want to write, I want to experience, I want to live with all my might.
I need to live with all my might.
Break down the concepts that were ingrained in me.

Yes marriage is great,
But why should it be the centre of my life?
Yes money grants freedom but why must I follow material wherever it walks?

I'm bursting this bubble and escaping this mindset.

I want to be more free in the way I live my life.

Why is the phrase I'm going to **** myself used so leniently?

Is it not a statement that carries weight? or is it just a jovial way to deal with feelings and move on from it?

Why can’t we be thankful for the life we have, the breath we breathe?

Let us PAUSE for a moment.







The breath that you have today is the same breath that someone’s soul is craving for.

The day that you are living in is the same day someone else was not permitted to see.

The experiences that you have experienced today are the same experiences somebody wished to see one last time before the plug was pulled.



Please, be grateful for your life and what it entails because everything that has breath must praise the Lord.  

It is our praise to him that makes us more aware of our lives.

Lust, to consider others as mere objects of ****** desires.

The idea of the other man was one that was so unfamiliar to her.
The world of somethings or should I say someone's to whom she was strictly advised to not communicate with.

They did not realise that they were everywhere. In the streets, the churches, the buses, the schools, the screens,,,
Her school.

But when does a parent come to the realisation that their child is bound to met the other man.
Is it a day they wish would come but not too soon?

As a unit when do parent's decide that their child is ready to bear their new life in love?
Or is it a journey their child must venture into on their own?


This was a world that I had to venture into on my own.

But yet I was not alone, for no temptation that has ever enticed or overtaken me, regardless of it's source is uncommon to the human experience.
The years I served and loved the Lord allowed me to see that.

*

Sun shining through the opaque window was not something I witnessed regularly.
I would quickly pass through the mesh of other men and familiar men, attempting to not  be engulfed by their constant entrance and exiting.

I had seen this other man before but I had never permitted my eyes to view him in that way.
But the one day I gave lust permission was the day I enrolled myself into a learning season.

I learnt later on in my life that messing with the other man was something that always left me incompetent; unable to control my own body.

The wisdom I gained after this tumultuous experience lead me to understand that I firmly believed I could overtake lust but I was repeatedly and shamefully left to consume the dust that it left.

It is the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye and the pride of life.

Keep these three in mind.

The lust of the flesh is the constant desire embedded deep in the man.
It is what triggers lust in the man's eye and leads to a growth of pride in their heart.
It is pride which directs them way from sanity and wholeness of their minds, it is lust that turns them away from their values and virtues, the God they serve and most importantly the God they love.

After granting permission to the lust of my eyes I finally witnessed this other man.
His eyes of hazel.
Hair of silky wood.

The stray rays of sunlight showed me the beauty of his beautiful brown eyes.
My heart was enticed.

Now I know that more than anything., the heart deceives.

By giving permission to lust I gave it the liberty to use my mind as it's playground, my soul as it's puppet.

I would venture through the day unable to focus on what I was being taught and why.
I forgot what my goal in life was, why I was there, in that school, in that body, with that name. With my name.

I believed my purpose was stripped away from me, I did not understand that my purpose in that season was to sit experience, absorb and learn.

Venturing through the new life in love lead me to a mistaken identity in lust, because whenever you give permission to your flesh out of His Spirit you are bound to fall into mishaps, In my case to consider the other man as mere objects of ****** desires and not the man that God has created for His Glory and their honour.

Conceiving a child out of lust and bearing it on my own birthed bitterness in me.
Which when fully grown turned into sin and unless I submit this child to God it will turn into death.

I refuse to leave a cavity in the womb of my heart because of lust.
I refuse to be tainted by the lies of the one with no identity, therefore tries to steal mine, because of lust.

So through the mesh of other man and unfamiliar men, I must walk up to the other man and begin to consider him as the man of God and not just the other man.

Because just as the woman was taken out of man, the man was taken out of God.

Because it's that easy, it's that easy to let go of the reality you have conformed to.

Let go and let God.
What does that even mean?

So I drop the label.
I drop the band.

*

They call us idols.
Do you know how hard it is to forget what you have worshipped?
Why do you think it was hard for me to not worship Him in those few times I could?
Because he is embedded in me.

Those sounds that we have sung, dances we have preformed, I have become alert of those people who worshipped us because in doing that they worshipped him.
The one we sung to, the one we served.
The lullabies he loved, the sensuality they adored.

We became figments of their imaginations, roleplays that they could call on to make them sleep, we have become a game that they mentally switched on and off when they wanted to.
Their desire is to switch me on when they want to zone out and switch me off when they need to come back to reality.

For my body to be abused in their minds.

But I am worth more than that.

I too am a man.
I too am a son.
A brother.... A friend.

I am not a prized trophy.
A statue of sensuality for all to see.

...

I too am a child of God.

Stray kids, baby sheep who have gone astray.
Jesus is The shepherd and we his people are The sheep.
Bangchan, Felix, Hyunjin, Han, IN, Seungmin, Leeknow, Changbin.
All sheep who have gone astray from the shepherd ; stray sheep that lead more sheep away form The shepherd.

Baby sheep that is what a kid is.
The equivalent of a child in terms of sheep.

Stray kids are children who have gone astray from their father- his love and his care for them.

It's crazy that this is what these children of God are being called.

Before, Bangchan who God calls by name Christopher (bearer of Christ)
worshiped God in his monthly music listening...
This was unheard of in the Korean entertainment industry, I had never seen nor heard of anything like that before.

It wasn't a regular thing but it was something that happened enough for me to recognise.
The one who has been called to bear Christ still wants Christ.

He has never forgotten about the shepherd.

Alas.

There must come a time where the kid thinks of the days he was not lost... in the care of the shepherd where he could constantly see the shepherd, he doesn't realise that the shepherd is still looking out for him.


The shepherd watches over him daily but he respects The kids decision to go astray and so patiently waits for him to return.
And so patiently waits for them to return.

Christopher has been called to bear Christ in all things, in all that he does.

And even in the short moments that he did bear Christ, those were  moments of awe, moments of clarity and peace.

This is a call to the Bearers of Christ.
Please come back and bear Christ.

The beauty of life is found in the small things we observe.
The smaller details we decide to pay attention to, fragments of life we decide to pick up to create our own images and perspectives of.

The beauty of life is found within, that is a decision to not trust ones own self but rather Abba in all of his wisdom and understanding.


The beauty of life is found inside out, accepting that what you see on your body is beautiful and does not deserve to be  demeaned by your own lips.

The beauty of life is found outwardly, in the way we choose to speak to others, whether those we dislike or those to whom we forget we love so much.

God: You call that Love? I call that
         infatuation.

Man: You call that love?

God: I call that raising a nation.

My tongue has not always been merciful towards you.
My eyes have not always displayed my affection for you.
My ears have not always listened to you.
My hands have not always helped you.
My feet have not always walked towards you.
My heart has not always loved you.
My mind has not always thought justly of you.


I now see that this too is your first go at life.
So I'll not take that right away from you.


I will make sure my eyes always display my affection for you.
That my ears always listen to you.
My hands always help you.
My feet always walk towards you.
My heart to always love you.
And my mind always thinks justly of you.

It is He who makes me whole.
Not man.
It is He who restores my soul.
Not man.
It is He who has dominion over me.
Not man.
It is He who will truly fill me.
Not man.
It is He who will truly love me,
Not only man.
So when I forget, and begin to return to my *****, Lord please remind me,
"I know the plans I have for you, plans of I good and not evil, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Good things sometimes take some time.
The eternity that you have placed in my heart, I cannot see from the beginning to the end, but you can.,
So I wait on you.
So I look to you.
Remind me o Lord that you are the only one who makes me whole.