My mind is a sea. At times I latch on to the boat of sanity, as the waves thrash & the winds blow. Seems as though the downpour will never ease. Stranded with only the feelings of hopelessness to surround me. Alone in my feelings. Alone in my thoughts. Alone with in myself.

The waves subside & lay calm, crystal clear to the sea life beneath. The sea is full of colors & creatures abode. The sun is warm on my skin, bright in the baby blue sky. Dolphins come out to play, showing off eagerly as they entertain. I dive in. Life couldn't be greater.

My heart can be a secret garden, filled with fruits & berries. The air is scented of sweet lilies. Come to this garden & be refreshed my love. I have so many gifts to share.

Yet when the sunlight fades into dark, the cold winds howl. The gate to the garden is locked. There's nowhere for you to rest your head. Nothing to share.

My world lies on a merry go round. Up then down & round I go. I sit sick on this rollarcoaster of emotions. I don't wish to drag you along so I'll silence myself until the sun rises again because it always does. I'll do anything for you my love because my love towards you is the only stable thing.

I wrote a song for you.
I play it on the strings of my heart.
I crossed a line for you.
It will never be crossed again.
I loved all of you.
I fell for your soul.
I want to hold you.
love you.
You don't love me.
You don't want me.
I needed you.
Where were you?
Why did you leave me?
*I love you.

NO. MORE. PAIN. My soul is draining through the blood droplets on my fingertips. CAN'T. TAKE. ANYMORE. Though you tell me I can. Pushing me to limits even I didn't think I could go. WHAT. IS. LOVE. What is life, who am I, who are you? My whole world is being rebuilt. GIVE. ME. LOVE. GOD DAMIT! Give me love, give me love. I DEMAND IT!! fix my wounds, fix my wounds, I CAN'T STAND IT. NO. MORE. DARKNESS. Don't send me back to that place, I can't have it! Don't let loose the demons from my past. This is all happening so fast. DON'T TOUCH ME, DON'T TOUCH ME. YOU WON'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M UGLY. Consumed in all my hate, all my pain, all my fears. I'm running like a mad man in flames. Set it out, set it out. No stay away, stay away.....& after I was burned alive & thrown into a salt water lake where my flesh was picked apart by the monsters below, my bones lay. Cold, hard bones, not much. THAT'S ALL I AM. Until someone wakes me up, & it starts all over again.

Upon fire's head is a crown.
The crown jewels radiate respect.
  Of an energy so magnified.
    Warmth dances off the wipping waves.
     Beautiful in its essence but do not touch.
      Warm & comforting but do not get too close.
       Wild & consuming in its nature.
         Must be given its throne & space.
           For if let loose will run with out control, no mercy.
Holding in it's right hand the gift of erasing.
Ashes, dust, earth, beginning.
  A friend to earth, a helper to humans, a slave to water, a lover to wind.
    May we set our past, our insecurities, stresses, & anything we wish to eradicate in the fire of our soul.
    Allowing them to become ashes that we throw to the wind.

I hate this feeling like I'm always doing something wrong.

I'm tired of pretending like I'm strong.

I'm always chasing after happiness like it's a ******* rainbow.

Left with false laughter & a desire to be cuddled.

I need someone to tell me it's okay.

I need to know if I open up you'll still be here for me at the end of the day.
  
This world is hollow & all the **** that happens in it is hard to swallow.

Just love me for one night, so I can feel alright.

I can't escape my feelings.

They always come back to suffocate me in the night, when I'm forced to be alone with myself.

The night is where all my realities lie.

But I better get some shut eye, so when I wake I can draw my smile on all over again.

Damnnn.....