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It's so hard
waking up everyday
loved ones not knowing what to say.
It's so hard
when everyone is going about their day
when no one can tell you're crying inside.
It's so hard.

Sometimes you look at the clock and pray
sometimes you hope
that today will be the day
the day you don't wake up.
It's so hard
lying to everyone
lying to yourself
You know you need help
but you're scared
you fear what they will say.

It's so hard
going to sleep at night
hoping and wishing that tomorrow never comes
that you never wake up.
It's so hard
when no one knows how you feel
and those that do, can't help you.
Each day, each night
each minute, each hour
it's so hard.
  Apr 2015 YourNightLight
Chaos
How
do you erase
the demanding thoughts
that float around
your mind

How
do you stop
the howling wolves
that run around
your head

How
do you dim
the frightening scenes
that replay in
your eyes

How
do you release
the haunting cries
that reside in
your heart

How
do you forget
the grueling monster
that lives in
your soul
  Mar 2015 YourNightLight
Samantha
I got lost searching for your heart.
And I'm still wandering.
Drop the rocks
Full-grown pop in the jaw
Bleeding gold
Won't save your soul
Moving again and again and again and again
Until the pacific
Closes behind your back
because criticism smacks
kids out of whack
Morphemes-phonemes again
and again
Given the knowledge
of a recycling bin of
letters

Use them again and again
Won't save your soul
Atom smash logic replaying
and playing before your eyes
Some days it's too much
coal to mine
Mouth covered when you
step in time
Won't make your life
I'm a goner if I can't
stand on the rocks
and if the laundry doesn't burn
If the grim reaper doesn't speak
nonsense words from one
state of consciousness
to the other

Drop the bomb
Call the mob
Stock our shelves
Grow the letters
Feed all those starving
tongues

Let me tell you a story
Once the grim reaper
dressed like an old woman
and bought denture cream
just to know how it feels to
grow old
A human is an animal
Some think an olive is a fruit
A dog is a wolf on the inside
Begging to learn the trick
Speak

Next in line most wait
for straight prose
pinch their noses misguided
Want blood to bleed red
Don't want ideas to smash
their bread
Won't save their minds
from a punch in the gut
Mine closing in their faces
and their Atlantic drowns
shattered glass
encasing words upon words
owned by streams of

Consciousness running
all around
Those nonsense words
running aground
can't swim though all
the world's frowns.
Kind of proud of this one, because I've never been so liberated before I wrote this. The anecdote: After listening to a TON of 90s-nonsense-Beck, Odelay in particular, I realized that I really really really needed to write a poem but didn't have a solid idea. So in AP world history, instead of learning about patriarchy/autonomy/etc. I started jotting nonsense, because listening to Odelay made it seem like a good idea. It was an awesome idea. It felt cool and radical. I think I understand Beck a little more now. Thank you Beck.
  Mar 2015 YourNightLight
r
I like the sound of the rain
washing away the silent day

And the lonely call
of a home-bound train

A mournful morning
kind of pain

....Give me the sound
of a blue bluejay

over the busy noise
that mocks my ways

I want to pack my bag
and fetch my dog

Whistle a tune
while we walk along...

Come on girl
It's starting to rain

I hear the sound
of the lonesome train

and the blue bluejay
calling my name

(Here's where yer sposed to whistle)
r ~ 3/13/15
Been listening to John Prine this morning. He does this to me. :)
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