I get scared when you leave me
I get scared when you take hours to respond
I get scared when you’re gone
I’m happy when you are here
Where I can see you
And know you’re okay

But you can’t always be here
And neither can I
But when we are
I seem to fall into the sky
Although my worries don’t go away
You make things seem okay
I just want to be with you all day everyday
Until the day
That we both fade away

She says she misses me
She says she still loves me
She says she's a mess without me

But how can that be?
How can she feel that way after I left?
And why...

I miss her
Still love her
And am still a mess without her

Someday we'll feel okay
Maybe I'll even be special to her someday

As I look up to the starry sky
Time stands still
I remember the stories she would tell me
The ones about her getting up in the middle of the night just to gather her thoughts and look at the starry sight
Those stories brought me such joy

But the stories are over
They've been put on a shelf
Now the only thing I wonder
Is if my story should be put on a shelf too

The tears are backed up so much
I wish they’d come
I wish they’d run
And finally get all of my emotions to out of my headspace

A shell that’s almost numb
Run down from the lifelong fight
Often feeling dumb
And always in fight or flight

A father whom is barely home
A mother whom I only know over the phone
Ever since the last one left
I’ve been living in a basically broken home

Night after night
Day after day
I still feel the same pain
And still comes the same rain

Suicidal contemplation's
Consumed by anxious thoughts
Filled with my worst fears
And followed by my vulnerabilities and desperate actions

An emotionally unstable demon
One whom tries to be happy
But is beaten down every time
And left alone in his own minds creation of purgatory

Would you watch me fall tenth story off our balcony
It's all I want
Push me closer to my fantasy

Like who's at fault when these demons come back for me
Got a heart of stone
But 'm dying 'cause you left me

You’re here
But I still miss you
Even when you’re near
I miss you
I wish you knew
Just how much I need and want you

**** all these other *******
These stitches
These tricks 'n hoes
You're the only one I want
You're the one I chose

I know you won't see this
Because you're hurt
You're broken
You're altogether gone
But... I have to try

My intentions were never to hurt you
I just wanted to love you
I had never shown you that
Frankly...
I showed you the exact opposite at every turn

I gave my love to the wrong person
It shouldn't of been given to her
It should've been given to you
All of it should've been given to you

I showed you that I hate you
That I wish you weren't in my life
That I didn't want you in any way

But none of it was truthful

I loved you
I needed you
And I wanted you in every way possible

And I know you loved me
I know you cared about me
I know that you wanted me
And I don't understand why anymore

How could I hurt you, when I loved you so much?
How could I of done anything I did in that situation when I loved you so much?
And why?

The truth is...
I don't know
I don't know why

But I know one thing for sure
I need you back

But that's not going to happen
Because I'm too late
All of this is too late
My apology
My reaching out
My everything
It's all too late

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Time always seems to be passing by
Never slowing, always flowing
The rate at which speed flows at is painful
It's painful because it constantly puts more and more time and space between me and you

And the more time and space between us
The more I miss you

It's all too much to handle
The memories of her
The memory of her death...
It's all too much to handle

Do you miss me?
Do you love me?
Do you care if I live or die?

Why should you?
Why would you?

I don't deserve your love
I don't deserve your caring
I don't deserve you

And I never will

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And you are too

But the roses have wilted
The sugar is gone
My wrists are now ******
Because your sweetness is gone

"Maybe she's talking about me"
"No, why would she be?"
"Because she misses you."
"No, she doesn't. Not after what you did."
"But she does, and she hasn't been the same since you left."
"You're wrong, she's more than fine without me."

It's a constant war in my head
And this is only one example of a battle

Ever since I left I've not been the same
But I can't go back
She doesn't want me back
And she never will