ignored, adj.; i am not invisible, neither am a ghost, but u passed through me, wholefully denying my existence.

afraid of having you wholefully
for a fear of losing you pieces by pieces, slowly
from trapping you inside of me 24/7
to letting you go entirely
by saying i love you each and every single night
doesn't mean i want to be yours
i just wanted to feel, be loved, by loving
in case i don't get any of you
either because you're not used to me
or you choose not to
it doesn't matter
cause every time
my eyes scream 'you look beautiful' in every light i met you
my heart runs a marathon for the hope of welcoming yours into mine
even my nose sense a tragic yet desiring story of one who fell so deep
one became so in love
and for each time you smile, not for me, for who, but the world,
my existence has been blessed for letting you be one of thousands i've seen
one of hundreds i know
one of few i befriend
one of one i fell for

and when the time comes,
i know my invitation never really went away

to completely say that,
i am strong,
would be a lie.

I bask in darkness,
hoping my demons would calm,
and that i wouldn't think of death.

darkness, fear and loneliness,
engulf me wholefully,
and i to submit in ordeal.

must i be like this?
to always seek comfort of blood and pain,
and to make me forget just a bit.

downing pills and alcohols,
taking a long drag of smokey puffs.
what more would pleasure me the thought of being free?

to seek myself in the dumps,
the bathtub that sees me more often than the garden,
to feel completely in a state of trance.

am i to still feel what my demons want?
am i still finding solace in the dark?