"stilll" poems
O stony grey soil of Monaghan
The laugh from my love you thieved;
You took the gay child of my passion
And gave me your clod-conceived.
You clogged the feet of my boyhood
And I believed that my stumble
Had the poise and stride of Apollo
And his voice my thick tongued mumble.
You told me the plough was immortal!
O green-life conquering plough!
The mandril stained, your coulter blunted
In the smooth lea-field of my brow.
You sang on steaming dunghills
A song of cowards' brood,
You perfumed my clothes with weasel itch,
You fed me on swinish food
You flung a ditch on my vision
Of beauty, love and truth.
O stony grey soil of Monaghan
You burgled my bank of youth!
Lost the long hours of pleasure
All the women that love young men.
O can I stilll stroke the monster's back
Or write with unpoisoned pen.
His name in these lonely verses
Or mention the dark fields where
The first gay flight of my lyric
Got caught in a peasant's prayer.
Mullahinsa, Drummeril, Black Shanco-
Wherever I turn I see
In the stony grey soil of Monaghan
Dead loves that were born for me.
8.5k
I need to write I need
To write I
Need to write
Right right
Know
No, I dont need to
It like there's buzzing in my hands
Its like there's buzzing in my body
Like my head's rocking backwads and forewards
I see the open window
And I want to hang out of it
With my weight on my hips
Just like.
Rocking rocking
And. Air
I always need it now
And the way the letters look when I type
Just fast enough
Like theres movement
Like i'm busy
When i'm only sitting down
Its like the colours have gone inverse around my eyes
Like negative colours swirling
Framing everything i see
Like its a tunnnel
But i'm not moving through it because the end is big and clear
And im already there
I can't have faith that's it
(But there is no certainty though in those words i just spoke)
How many times i've wished i might be
That squirrel up in a tree
Free free free free
But he'll never go far
I tried to make art yesterday
I found paper, tape, pens and magazine
A cocktail stick
It looked like *******
I crumpled the paper with oil pastelled hands
I stabbed a cocktail stick through the lines
Wound the tape, wound the tape.
I poured my tea over it
Poured the tea
And it bled red
From the marks of a red pen
But no now is today
Nonoooo why did I go back?
Now is shaking.
Flies on the glass,
But they ruin the dream
But they made a new one
But they never knew.
Sofa sofa and cardboard boxes
Like im in a coat again
Where am I going
I'm not there yet
I want to fly
I was scared to admit it before
Or I wasnt sure
But i'd like to fly
Fly fly
Shaking legs
My eyes aren't right not right
My eyes are dragging too much
Its like the weight's on the bottom
Like a hammock but no swinging noo
Why are there sparkles on the floor?
Who thought of the teapot plant *** outside?
I can see it coz it's white
Everything else is black
But the giant teapot is white there
in the night garden out of the window
Who thought of it?
Who designed it?
How was it made?
Where are they now?
I hope they stilll make things
Never stop making
I'd like to be someone who never stops making
And creating
But i'd like to be someone who starts making
Spiders think they own their house,
Coz they built their web
On these walls we built
And this house that we made
Hahaha
Haha
Hahhhhh
But we built our house on somebody's floor,
(Or someone's wall
Whatever direction they walk in?)
And we built this town on somebody's floor
But I didnt build it
No
Labels
White sticky labels
Only found them again when I no longer needed them
Lets all just live in the world okay
Or even no
Live where you like
2 rules:
Be kind.
Make people happy,
In the very least
Try.
But I dont make the rules
Nononono
Forget the rules
I can't make rules
I can't close it
No closing
Everything just be
Everything
Spill over
Spill over
Open.
Dec 9, 2014
Dec 9, 2014 at 6:06 PM UTC
1.) make him coffee everyday and know exactly how he likes it
2.) have a playlist of songs solely that relate to him (listen to it everyday)
3.) know things about him that he doesn’t even know himself
4.) pretend to sleep while he’s over (actually fall asleep)
5.) lie about liking him
6.) give anyone a chance (i mean him)
7.) cry herself to sleep because she realized he wasn't the one
8.) not realize every poem shes written lately has been about him
9.) play the memories over and over in her mind
10.) never let him know how she feels because that would only complicate things
11.) give him advice, even if its not what she wants to say to him, but it’s for the best
12.) kiss his scars (she knows where he’s been)
13.) regret every word she never said (theres alot)
14.) always wish for him at 11:11
15.) always fall asleep faster when he’s by her side
16.) sing every song in the car off key with him
17.) kiss him and mean it (tells him she doesn’t)
18.) want him so bad it hurts and be content with being just friends (so she says)
19.) spend her nights lying awake retracing her lips because there once was a time he had kissed them
20.) let him call her and tell her that they’re better off staying friends (she’ll agree, hang up and cry herself to sleep)
21.) act like nothing has happened the next time she see’s him (maybe hug him a little longer than usual)
22.) close her eyes and take a deep breath (tell herself she’s okay)
23.) google the symptoms of a broken heart and realize her diagnosis is him
24.) know they’ll never be anything more but stilll hope
25.) be by his side no matter what
(a.f.)
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 12:03 AM UTC
Morn hath come, and I rushest out of my bed;
I washest my hands, and striketh my fingers wet;
I cleaneth out dust, which keepest falling from 'em stilll;
I greetest lone dew, clouds, and yon usual mornin' shrill;
I washest my face, and ponderest over Thy Grace;
I soaketh my lips, and saith Thy love verses;
Verses of love, my florid comfort and solace;
Best of wonders, justice, and solar miracles;
I slideth hastily into my white gown;
For dawn hath come, and greeted me when alone;
Night hath but been a dream and a tiny song;
With chords unreal, and words t'at were not long;
When winds are gurgling and my fantasy is torn;
I still wantest to think but of Thee alone;
The verses of love t'at hath long been gone;
Leaving me deathlike, and breathless on my own;
My blood is again thirsting for Thy love;
Whose enemy hath been dishonest all t'ese years;
When I boweth to th' floor and looketh again at Thee above;
Within my chaste gown, I recalleth my prudent inward tears;
Tears t'at hath never real faded, nor waned;
Tears t'at hath hitherto kept me all sane;
Thy verses of love made me once more feel loved;
And healed my congested soul t'at was sorely halved;
Within my heart dwelleth but one lump of scars;
But all t'ese years I'th known Thou art ne'er t'at far;
With Thee only, my past regrets might just seemeth fatuous;
My whining heart cometh relieved, and my virtues turneth joyous;
Ah, Thee, Lord of th' Worlds and of nights and days;
Ah, Thee, Whose verses are prettier than what we hear;
Ah, Thee, Whose Light is tenderer than any poems I might say;
Ah, Thee, Who ruleth but alive and always stayeth here;
Ah, Thee, Who engendered earth, hell, and heaven;
Ah, Thee, Who tamest wild souls, and enlightenest the chosen;
Ah, Thee, under Whom enemies canst be our best friends;
Ah, Thee, under Whom misery canst be glad, and hearts are patient;
Ah, Thee, by Whom an infant shall healthily grow;
Ah, Thee, by Whom days shall fade, and be braced for tomorrow;
Ah, Thee, by Whom th' luminous shall win and as ever glow;
Ah, Thee, Who always listeneth and heareth and ceaseth not to know;
I praiseth Thee and Thee only with joy;
I claimeth my blessings and honour to Thy Prophets;
Thy delight is th' sweetest t'is life canst employ;
Thee, by Whom I was created--and by Whose Mercy I am fed.
And I boweth again and again to the floor;
I criest my deepest tears, and cite t'ose anew from th' core;
Thy verses of love t'at were once then thwarted;
But as I ever know, Thou shalt always leave my heart rewarded.
Dec 24, 2013
Dec 24, 2013 at 8:42 PM UTC
Lets take a seat now because we're going to start rocking the boat,
and you might not want to be on your feet.
Lord knows I knock people off them enough when I start taking swipes.
Someone has to shake society from the roots they've set,
and well why not a ****** white girl that thinks they've all got
sticks so far up there back if they were remove why they'd be croooked!
What in the name of something is with all these young folks
behind my generation that doesn't know what they've got?
Like they've been there,
Done that and done them?
I mean come on idiots who ***** like they're sixty years old,
your stilll in highschool thinking it so hard for you?!
You haven't open your eyes to the world yet and
you already want to say you hate it.
Lord I would love to go back to school again,
put the time I should've into school and
have a slightly easier life because my folks cared.
Don't you know that once you leave the nest
its going to be hard to have to return once again?
WAKE THE **** UP ALREADY!
You have the ideal life already for yourself,
only having to worry about education and food..
When you get into this world let me tell you,
its not going to take it lightly just because your some rich bastard's get.
The world will eat you alive if you don't wake up soon my child,
so put up your knives and stop having your blood go to waist.
Mommy and Daddy are taking care of you
so ride the train for a little while longer as you can..
Sep 22, 2010
Sep 22, 2010 at 9:21 PM UTC
when I look at you
as I do
i see questions in your eyes
your lips move with sounds
in a foreign language
I do not know
are we living,
you and i
on uneven days,
each with our own story
*
your cold, thin fingers
grab my hand, and i wonder
do you want to feel me
do you want to see me
or are you stilll
looking at yourself
surrounded by a fragile world
captured by your restless mind
Nov 26, 2014
Nov 26, 2014 at 3:08 PM UTC
In the old grand Cathedral
Down by the City Hall
Across the buzzing lively street
The place where we'd meet
Birds chirping signifying the new day...
My new dawn with you
Until the break of dawn...
Then balloons, --big white balloons across the sky...
A magnificent view
In the shimmering glistening sun,
the cooling breezy wind,
The crisp autumn air...
Laughters and cheer,
--those wedding bells!
Do you hear those beautiful tower bells?...
My billowing gown...
And doves, --doves flapping their wings...! Up and beyond,
gazing to the future...
...
I wish we're getting married today...
...
But we're not,...
You left me months ago...
and now my mind draws blank,
for another one to fill,
an empty space where your arm used to link mine,
as how we should've walk...
... the aisle, ...
under the stares of our beloved...
And you're not coming back, I know...
Stilll I wish, I wish, that were getting married today...
It's not the promise you break,
but it's my heart and soul you do break...
Oct 10, 2017
Oct 10, 2017 at 4:34 PM UTC
so if black people
enslaved white people
for 250 years
then let them be ex-slaves
in the name of liberty
under a hand written
signed constitution
to stilll labor
for the excitement of killing
impunity
****** superiority
lives of infinite compromise
less than possible to survive
constantly *****
and killed for being white
legally
by black and white women in uniforms
with badges
insurance
familes
anger and impunity
******* in their minds
chains and slave ships
designed for their efficient torture
then racism would matter to them
and they would help us
but then we wouldn't need help
they would
Aug 16, 2016
Aug 16, 2016 at 9:57 PM UTC
the pages are blank bulk and empty.
my mind.
forced with the temptation to reminsce
on the joys and smiles that we shared
made with the memories
ill treasure for ever
in the dreams ill dream upon slumber.
you are stilll apart of me every single day
and behind the miles apart and the struggles and tests we haved faced together; a friendship built upon trust and chance ruined; forever my greatest regret.
Apr 21, 2011
Apr 21, 2011 at 4:24 PM UTC
the pages are blank bulk and empty.
my mind.
forced with the temptation to reminsce
on the joys and smiles that we shared
made with the memories
ill treasure for ever
in the dreams ill dream upon slumber.
you are stilll apart of me every single day
and behind the miles apart and the struggles and tests we haved faced together; a friendship built upon trust and chance ruined; forever my greatest regret.
Apr 21, 2011
Apr 21, 2011 at 4:24 PM UTC
I tried to write a long piece
about missing you
still writing things about things we would do
the September fog wrapped me up like celafain
I tried to write a long piece
but my hands wouldn't stop shaking
I tried to write to you
and tell you how I've been
but a year later
and not much has happened
you moved on
I moved back
the city feels empty even with the world on my back
I tried to write a long piece
about liberation and hope
and how it gets better if you let it
but a year later,
and I still choke up
so I don't write anymore
I don't sleep anymore,
I don't look for love anymore
and that's something I have had to
learn to store away until the day
I stop missing you, stilll
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 10:14 AM UTC
sometimes i forget you’re deaf--- yeah I know, my voice sometimes sounds like yours, but remember you’re seeing my cameo appearance
sign language gives me the ability to see what you feel, the nuances that makes you, you, and hopefully you see that in me too.
my eyes trace the curl of your lips, the lifts of your cheekbones, the crinkles of your eyes, Not because you’re pretty (tho Im sure you think you are), not because I'm creepy, but because it’s my method of carrying on conversations. In your eyes are where I find your words, the verity on your cheeks, the tone on your lips.
Seeing as I can do that, DO...YOOOUU...STILLL...NEEEED...TOOO...TAALLK....LIIKKEE...THIISS? **** NO. Over-enunciation is a thing and I don’t need that ******** I’m deaf, not dumb.
When people ask me, “Did you hear that?!”......HAHAHAHAHHA
There’s also that moment when you can’t distinguish whether your mom’s yelling at you cuz she mad or cuz you can’t hear
One of the best moments ever is like when I turn on my hearing aids and I’m waiting, like I get this start-up music, like windows pc, right? And like whammo! It’s Claritin-HEAR.
That awkward moment when you’ve asked someone to repeat 4 times and you still don’t understand what they said... :/
Calling on the phone. Let me see if I can get you to visualize this:
Ring Ring. Picks up
Hello, may I know whom I’m speaking to?
-Yes, this ---- Im here to talk about---. Is-----ome?
What, can you repeat that?
-Yes of cou--- to talk about---
Wait, Wait. Hold on, let me get my sister.
-Why? It's not---
Here you go.
*Done with conversation
I’ve got other examples: there’s the African accent of my family and friends from Africa. There’s the too quiet, can’t possibly speak louder than a whisper, there’s the too fast for my shirt. There’s the simple phone call from the dispatcher/sales person...There’s too much confusion on both ends and frustration when people on the other end must think you’re rude for wasting their time. I just got to the point that I would sometimes ignore phone calls because I’m not in the mood to embarrass myself not hearing anything they say.
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 10:20 PM UTC