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allison joy Feb 2020
I remember being a little girl and dreaming of Prince Charming, lying in bed awake wondering what it would be like to fall in love and be loved back, and then I met you. 21 and naive, I fell quickly, I never expected you to catch me, I never expected to love you so deeply... but I do. From the first moment I saw you my heart knew that it had found the one. I am so incredibly in love with you and by in love I mean that everyday I wake up and I ache for you in the most simple and innocent ways. Like in the mornings when I’m laying in bed, I ache for you and wonder what it would be like to wake up in your arms everyday, I wonder what it would be like to turn around under the covers every morning and be able to look up into those absolutely breathtakingly beautiful hazel eyes that I love to get lost in and rest my head on your chest.

Without knowing it you’ve patched up parts of me that I didn’t even know were broken. You’re my safe place, my best friend, and lover all wrapped up into one. you have the most genuine caring heart I’ve ever seen and you’re the most determined and supportive person that I’ve ever met. You inspire me to be a better version of myself and I’ll always do my best to do the same for you.

In my darkest days you’ve pulled me closer and on your darkest days you’ve learned that I’ll be there, no matter how stormy the clouds look. You calm my unsteady hands, you make me relax my shoulders. You feel like home and I think that’s why I miss you so much when I’m gone. You have taken my wrinkled pages and smoother them with care.

I want to make a promise to you, right here and right now. I promise to be there always and show you a love that you’ve never known before. With me you can always fall because I will always be there to catch you, you’ll always be safe when we lie down for bed because I’ll scratch your back and hum songs to you. I promise to hold your heart and keep it safe with me always. I promise to do my best to be your safe place, as you’ve been mine.

Your smile has brightened the darkest corners of my life that I didn’t even know could be reached and you give me hope. You give me hope that despite all the obstacles that have been put in my way I can overcome them all and so can you because we will always be by each other’s side. T.J. you’re my punk, my goober, and my baby cakes and I can’t wait to spend many more years making memories and sharing my life with you. I love you so much, or should I say, “... I have very strong feelings for you..”

With all my love,
allison joy Dec 2017
message received

the moment i opened his message i sealed my fate
his one message turned into many
i began looking at my phone in anticipation of his name popping up
we’d stay up late talking and laughing
his banter always one step ahead of mine
it was a first
the first time i’d fallen hard and they had fallen back
then everything fell apart
there became less and less calls
maaaaybe 1 text
and then nothing
my heart slowly broke and unlike how quickly i had fallen
this feeling was not going away anytime soon or fast
a modern day romance
ghosted and back to swiping left and right again
allison joy Jun 2017
the leaves are coming back and you're not.

not that i expected you to stay anyways.

goodbyes get a lot easier when you start

writing them as you begin to fall.

but this isn't a poem to depress you.

this is a poem to put things in perspective.

a reminder to dip your toe in before you


a reminder to keep your heart under lock

and key until you can be rest assured you're

giving it to someone who's an expert in

playing for keeps.

a reminder that love is not defined by the

length of a relationship, it's defined by the

strength of it.

a reminder for me personally that worth is

not measured in pounds.

a reminder that you'll know when he's the


a reminder that genuine love is being each

others bestfriends.

a reminder that their laughter is your


a reminder that you'll find yourself

wanting to explore life with them by your


a reminder that even though love doesn't

always work out, you'll have some good

stories to tell.

a reminder that it is better to have lived it

and regretted it later, than it is to not have

lived and always wonder what you missed.
allison joy Dec 2016
this happens to me every time. i'm never the 1st choice, 2nd choice, or the 3rd. a classic case of i like him, he likes her. it's like a scene out of a movies and i'm tired of playing the role of unrequited love.

scene 1: we meet and i get this nervous fluttering, like i've been repeatedly punched in the stomach, but in a good way.

scene 2: he meets me and has and has always known her, but it seems that when the attraction starts some ****** up gravitational pull makes him gravitate towards her.

scene 3: i'm in a daze talking to you after class, but it's different now and i can tell when we're talking that your mind is obviously elsewhere.

scene 4: you're holding hands and i can't help but turn around and walk away because that was supposed to me.

scene 5: you find out she has a boyfriend back home, so you break it off. i guess now both of us are alone.

scene 6: you still carry her books and walk her to class, i trail behind you with my head down and a heavy heart because i still want you so bad that it hurts.

scene 7: you're different now, broken down from unfulfilled promises and i just feel like screaming at you, "I'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME."

scene 8: you slip your hand in mine and pretend like everything's alright, but when she walks by your grip loosens and i feel like i'm losing you all over again.

scene 9: i became what i didn't want to be, only this time i was the 2nd choice and not the 3rd.

scene 10: i don't want to keep on playing pretend and i don't like seeing you playing house with me when its painstakingly obvious that you wish it was her, so i let go and say, "catch her if you can."

scene 11: you chase after her like a bat out of hell and the tears fall freely from my eyes.

scene 12: what else can i say? we just weren't meant to be.

scene 13: it's been two years and you're still going strong, who am i to mess with that?

scene 14: i may have seemed like i've moved on but the day you left i cried so much i'm pretty sure that i'm going to need flood insurance.

scene 15: i hope you're *happy
allison joy May 2016
i've been wondering what it was like
to have words pour from your
fingertips like the cup of coffee he's
probably pouring for her right now

it always had a bitersweet taste to me

and so did he

the acrid taste was already enough
to make me falter

and when he came around she stuck
her foot in the door and her nose
up to me

no need for a going away

no need to bereave the death of
what could have been

i was already reading my eulogy
in tears at his mothers house

no cliche will ever get close to explaining
the sound of my feckless heart shattering

no one will ever know how much it
hurt to watch as she serpentined herself
into my place in his heart

so i grab my keys and drive

i end up on the side of a backroad
with my car turned off and a perfect
view of the days darkness creeping

i want to call him and scream at
the top of my lungs about how
he's trapped me in this
secret hell

but i know i've already lost
him anyways

so i get back in my car because
i and everyone else knows that
wishing on stars hasn't and
never will work out for me anyways
allison joy Feb 2016
i still remember the string lights and
the just cold enough weather that made
me want to move closer to you

i remember the butterflies and the
weak feeling in my knees as you
kissed me for the first time

i can't forget the time that we got
pulled over just hours after you asked
me to be your girlfriend

falling for you was as terrifying as
riding a bike without training wheels
for the first time, but as rewarding
as realizing it was worth it if i fell

i guess maybe i got a little to


i guess i thought since i had been
given a taste of what love was like
i was entitled to the whole thing

that was my first mistake

where heaven was once a place on
earth with you, it was now the
gates of hell from which you grew

why is it when it comes to love,
i must love with restraints?

why is it that every time i take that
leap of faith i'm met with the bleak
reality that loving someone to your
fullest capability won't make a
**** difference in the end

why do i find myself working
so hard to keep someone in my
life who doesn't want to keep me

i remember knowing that after
all my efforts to be good enough
for you, i still wasn't enough

i just really hate that people are so
content with throwing away love
like it's a toy that you can leave
and forget for whatever duration
of time and come back to and
think it will still be there

sometimes i get tired of waiting
because it seems like every time i
take that route i am discarded only
to have to pick up the pieces by
later on

lately it has been getting harder to
pick up the pieces, its been harder
getting up knowing that even at
my best i know that i'm not good

*and that hurts
allison joy Oct 2015
i didn't know that losing sleep meant losing you too.

how could the hours upon hours i spent sleep deprived, bleary eyed, drunk off your opulent words, mean so little?

were the words you said just a myth?

just lies escaping your lips?

all the evening stars leading to a early morning sunrise, did they mean nothing?

why is it that your words were more comfortable than my bed?

why is the thought of not talking to you far more fear inducing than the test i have early in the morning that i did not study for?

the bags under my eyes,

the slowness of my step,

the drop of my head on my desk,

all worth it.

every second speaking to you was a gift.

and then you were gone.

and i thought that i could finally sleep again.

except that's the funny thing,

i'm not.

even now i'm still losing sleep over you,

even now?

there are tears on my pillow.

even now?

the words that used to rock my world make me terrified of the goodbyes just as we started our hellos.

and now,

callous in passing we remain.
a collaboration of words between lexi smith and i
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