"rectal" poems
*Another "randyhornbag" poem for all avid fans of *******
rip off my dripping *******
and part my waiting **********
sniff my fresh-scrubbed ****
then rim me ******* senseless
taste the sweet-sour tang
of my recent defecation
force your ***** mouth-prick
past my eager sphincter
seeking to engulf me
in my ****** cum-lust
and now for our delectation
shove your huge **** up me
and fill me with your hot *****
or fist me till I scream
my ******* brains out and
then **** myself in terror
Jan 5, 2015
Jan 5, 2015 at 10:54 AM UTC
Young women know all about style -
how to fix the decimal point
between them and their mothers
differentiate themselves
from Special K over 40s wanna bees
mini skirted and high heeled
trying to catch their husband’s eye
Yummy mummies in their 30’s
are separated from the new stock
by firm elastic flattened midriffs
no bulge or wobble
unlined skin taut sometimes
navel peirced or *******
their legs wear the 4” heels again
on winklepicker pointed toes
for a mid century crop
of bunioned feet.
No scraggy necks or waddle
no tea tray arses only
plump peaches
in the bend over show
of skimpy, lacy thongs
of ****** floss
So, **** femme fatale is cool
body object the thing to be
flouncing and preening
flirting and *******
random hook-ups on the run
in the alleys of time on the net
in the warp of space
Killer ! Whatever !
Wicked ! Yeah feral !
Aug 25, 2014
Aug 25, 2014 at 1:08 AM UTC
she is wary
of ****** thermometers
of masculine logic behind sterile
of adjectives that make things difficult
to put in her mouth
and swallow.
mzf
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 8:04 AM UTC
Oh Joy, Oh Great Heavens Above,
How I like to lingeringly slaver o'er
The fartleberries hanging humunguously
Out of your **** cleft like bunches of mouldering grapes,
And to gaze upon the lusciously stale shitstains
Decorating your hirsute **********
You so rarely wash and your dumps are omnipotent
And you are too mean to buy any **** wipes.
You moan quite loudly in colonic ecstacy
As I plumb the Stygian depths of your sit-upon place,
My nose diving daintily like a woodpecker's beak
Smeared with poo-bits, seeking Nirvana
In your ****** paradise, brown love-tunnel
Serenaded by the poets since Time began!
Nowhere in all the Hershey Universe can there be
A pongier rimmee than you, O unshaven beauty of mine!
My probing tongue is covered with nutty brown paste,
Your sweet excremental delight makes me drool
In joy, as I personhandle myself "down there";
Ignoring the most elemental rules of hygiene.
But sadly there is a fly in the ointment
Indeed a whole ******* barrelful of them:
Not only will I get a very nasty E-coli infection
But I'll have bad breath tomorrow at chapel.
Mar 11, 2015
Mar 11, 2015 at 1:45 PM UTC
He is an unpopular character this old man
Who sits and draw cartoon character
in memories of the dearly departed.
He said that he felt like crying,
but he wasn’t going to cry
Because if he did,
he might not like the taste of his tears
Those loose cells in the tears
is mostly of his mother and father.
He resented them for not aborting him
He wishes that he was never was born.
Due to the facts that all his life he was scorned
He was in and out of intuition
Always in a state of confusion
Month too months he never saw the sun
He never felt the rain upon his face,
Only long session with the nurses and the
Physiatrist who thought of him as a disgrace
He recalled taking the train for the first time at age fifteen
And that didn’t turn out as expected,
He wets his pant, so he sat in his seat and slaps his head furiously
He was spanked by the nuns, ridiculed by Sister Margaret the head hunter,
Got a huge ****** thermometer roughly up his **** by a big black dude
Suffered daily due to his severe autism behaviors
He is an unpopular character this old man
Who sits and draw cartoon character
of all his childhood abusers:
Mar 26, 2017
Mar 26, 2017 at 8:52 AM UTC
*A Poeme from ye Penne of
ye right learned Professor Peter Buttocke
collected by hysse Pupille Edna*
There is an ancient Shittah in my Garden, eldritch and right dun in alle Aspect
Wherein dwelleth a loude and noisome Ouzel, ye like of which I have ne'er yet seen
Under thysse our goode Goddes fayre Welkin up in ye Skye above us alle.
This foule and unwholesome Beeste, with trespassynge shote-like ****** Effusiones
Hath performed ye veritable Antithesis of kindly horticultural Edulcoration
For whiche Sinne I shall emasculate ye Brute, so God may grant me Pow'r.
Sudating at ye Nostrilles I advance, my trustie Stang at ye ever-ready,
And I prepare to eject it from yon Pollard, having previous shattered
Alle its horryd Frangibles with one brave bolde frampold Blowe.
Thwacke! A last Piffero-reminiscent Warble escapeth loude from its fowle coronoid Appendage;
Right severe Damage and harsh fatal Ruine of Nature irreversible have I caused
To ye shaggie shamelesse little avian Runte, whereon Goddes smile hath ne'er dawned.
Thus descendeth it to the Faeces-bedecked Herdwick, and I titubate triumph'lly o'er its conticent Corpse.
And were there yet a duodenary Set of ye Frass-Depositors, I would not give a Demi-Testrel for their Survyvall
Should they e'er again infringe the sacred Privacie whych ye ancient Shittah enjoyeth in my Garden.
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 6:37 AM UTC
while out and about
an unexpected over bare ring bout
to defecate arose,
where sphincter asserted clout
and would excrete
despite without doubt...
if closing distance
(to reach rental abode)
beaten out by loosening sphincter muscle
transmitting excretory code
set sights on prowl for outlawed, secluded,
and wooded make shift commode
and essentially for naught negating
toddler toilet training, sans
getting ***** trained undone
via my ***** ready to explode
and blast immense solid waste byproduct
(oh...close to the size of Rhode Island)
thus a marathon race against time
found immediate readiness to pull off roadside
to access make shift water closet
generating image firmly in pooping mode
grabbing hold of a tree trunk
(a mini rocky horror picture show, -
this analogy included for no particular reason
other than as a non-sequitur)
and also to convey, how I tried
to allay distractions
while painful contractions flowed
(perhaps approximating a woman
on verge of giving birth)
but...no matter, aye could envision,
an ever increasing heavy m**f*** load
hence approaching Highland Manor Apartments
this chap abandoned
prior simultaneous evacuation plan
starkly aware probability for secluded spot sunk
(nonetheless, thy darting darting
anguish, futile lizard like lookout,
a geico Gekko whose cheeks did blush
even for a measly Georgian bush
quickened nsync with ****** spasms
visual scouting industrialized
where backhoes didst crush
once a time sacred happy hunting grounds
of native Americans, now flush
with newly built vinyl city re: urban sprawl a gush,
where cookie cutter houses long since bringing hush
puppies muzzled, yet never the less and mush
a doo doo about nothing) except sprint
ting to a void push
immortalizing indigenous tribes ghosts rush
peopling infrastructure affixing
urbanization with their warrior whoosh!
Apr 19, 2018
Apr 19, 2018 at 4:25 PM UTC
Hi my name is Bob
I am afflicted with ****** cranium inversion
I don't get paid, but it is my job
plus I get a kick from the **********
My hair as you can see
is starting to thin
my ****** hair is all but absentee
much to my chagrin.
I stay highly aroused
when my shoulders are touching my feet
and my head is housed
no other feeling can compete.
I have been told
on many occasion
that I should simply unfold
and eliminate all the abrasion.
But, I cannot help it
I fear its too late
for me to just quit
and start walking straight.
So I came to this place
in hopes that you could provide
some **** for my face
so out my **** it would slide.
Dec 20, 2010
Dec 20, 2010 at 7:45 PM UTC
Somebody Slap Me
feeling sorry for myself
whining like a baby
need to shake it loose
won't somebody slap me
need to think about good things
all the times you made me happy
all the times you made me laugh
won't somebody slap me
get my head out of my ****
it's way too dark to see
inside there is not a pretty place
won't somebody slap me
need a ****** cranial inversion
or some other thing to make me see
need another type of diversion
won't somebody slap me
count my blessings one by one
should take a day or three
find some happy tunes in my jukebox
won't somebody slap me
do the hokey pokey turn myself around
give out some kisses they're free
make a positive statement
won't somebody slap me
stand on the corner with a tin cup
got something to hide me and my monkey
well at least now he's off my back
won't somebody slap me
the sunflower made my garden smile
too bad it had to fade away from me
need to plant new seeds of my own
won't somebody slap me
Gomer LePoet...
Sep 14, 2011
Sep 14, 2011 at 7:21 AM UTC
less than twenty four hours after dashing off a poem
explaining why i wanted to die
found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis,
a bowel movement wherein waste unable to expel
from the **** of this guy
which bout with ****** obstruction
found me doubled over
with lower abdominal distress
whereby comfort found me unable to lie
down nor sit upright (with back padded with pillows
against the cellar brick wall),
thus severe bloating a bonus well nigh
and managed to muster the means to bare
frigid arctic vortex aire to purchase
the Acme brand Metamucil,
which akin to drano doth ply
thru the excretory tract
supposedly loosening the stools,
which optimism (product
didst earn claim to fame) generated a sigh
if that expressed intent
to cease livingsocial would try
humph enjoining
this lvii year old married male
to cede victory
to the grim reaper, who would vie
as winner de jure
to this common fellow invoking libretto
ohm resistant understudy waste not want not
allowing, enabling and providing relief,
without successful defecation
despite the oppressive urge to bolster this uriah
heap of balled up and tuckered i.e. pooped out
five foot and ten inches of lovely bones
thence mouthing retraction
of former thought to cease existing,
though a non-bull lever
in any power broker qua mankind
relief at long last
provided posterior answered prayer
yet, this scrivener scrutinizes
his recurring pain in the *** jagged torture
and asks
a rhetorical one word question "WHY"?
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 3:13 PM UTC
literary food for thought.
Self Mutilation
(ah bet thar iz an app for that!)
within unlit partial "FAKE abattoir"
sans wardrobe alcove
where dust bunnies didst allures
completing a simple task among
my never ending (Matthew's) list
of domestic chores
this undertaking engaged
thankfully while completely clothed,
and scrounging on all fours
nonchalantly picking up scattered detritus
including food crumbs
potential critters hors d'oeuvres
the spouse (ideally seated
on this same swivel chair
dashing off these lines
linkedin with this Macbook Pro) -
housing at least four scores
of word documents, she espied
the cheeky opportunity
that triggered many wars
within arms length the taut outline
of me 'lil derriere - re: rear end
temporarily dormant versus
when flatulence roars -
posterior flank hie
could not de fend
she playfully poked her finger
that didst dis send
within close vicinity of sphincter,
where ****** turgid business height tend
(most likely this husband not alone
getting ***** twerked) inn me own coal
less cents great movements got made
jabbing ma **** hole
while i happened
to be "blindly" groping
upon darkly cutout cubby hole
i.e. without wearing bifocals/ spectacles -
envision a human mole
thus amply qualified her role
to be literal and figurative
pain in the *** vole,
where much to my horror a flash
of red hot poker blind
momentary rage, did lash
out at me, when aye espied
a kitchen knife and acted rash
(how cutlery got in closet floor
a minor mystery
and potential topic de jure
for another poem)
to brandish sharp edge
around abdominal area
grabbed handle with left hand,
thence commenced to slash
rhythmically thwacking
wrist of right hand
then quickly dropped sharp implement
(as like a man momentarily possessed)
before rendering permanent harm
with a river of blood to wash.
Feb 3, 2018
Feb 3, 2018 at 2:10 AM UTC
If putsch comes to shove,
aye ain't no doggone fraidy cat
nor chicken little
fearing coup d'état,
yours truly simply
risk averse, and more exact,
he stays sequestered
within these four walls,
cuz tis safest inside this flat
always... mein kampf,
I remember when fertilization begat
after nine months in utero...
ah dat womb dar full habitat
i.e. ****** cradled humanity, whereat
teeming bajillions primates
peopling planet Earth
couples made lovey dovey after spat
(which species among
other flotsam and jetsam),
got shot out (think) analogous
muzzle loaded gat
excellent marksman aimed
then squirted packed heat hot
as summer temperature
gets within Gujarat
recorded courtesy, thee
oldest functioning thermostat,
albeit microcosmic primordial vat
testy sea men don
(May comb hairy
gah great again) conical hat.
I surmise proto humans
especially storied hall
(conjured in Peer Gynt
by Edvard Grieg
of mountain king)
trumpeted, tooted thwacked,
and announced presence
courtesy posterior primal mating call,
which vibrant cheekiness heard all
around the mulberry bush to Gaul
hmm... maybe e'en hot air
inspired Marc Chagall,
while sitting atop porcelain throne,
nonetheless scandalous
****** blasts methinks help explain fall
of Rome, whereby noxious
generated silent but deadly nauseating
noisome pall mall
felled friend and foe alike
analogous on minuscule
scale to Chernobyl
level 7 nuclear accident
also linkedin, when
Polar Vortex doth stall
across avast swath planet Earth
forcing quick thinkers to marshall,
what (mathers) matters
such as... antique pinball
machines worth a mint,
a ***** to install.
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019 at 5:30 PM UTC
forget the danger of losing gold. "In one of the Golems,
he has defeated the aggressive love of all mankind, creates other basic words, the scale will diminish, will emphasize the value of this information,
will end and save all the Goleys."
Also, this translation, Zizkov's version
Prague Tower of the video and the historical part,
a new challenge for me, was when I was a nationalist leader.
This is not available in general Doxosdetzur
Gilead Orthodox, Jewish, traditional, white and white in front of two friends, two nymphs, two basic materials,
shrunk,
fat, you must make black and white peanut, ginger and two blacks, dark, white, white, white, white from Spain to white, white, white
and white. Anastasia will be lost for many years and part of the neck,
19, and they are the camera that "John, for example,
understands, consumed black, black, black, black",
Prince Friedman and Fox. **** white colony of the shameful bird,
the naked sister, the shape of 18, 1-1 is a white collar co with deeper pearls with a lot of Chihun Fu Fu. The deep hair,
the knife, the big test, finally flirting with 4.
So it's a white culture of the nation. Many types of 2 MAMBA are violent
and dangerous at high risk.
In the United States, ultimately, to strengthen the titanium hood
of Mormpidia. At my school,
let me star with three remaining goals! The popular Dora Teen Latina two Face Hong ****** face white face
and white face face to face with her glasses, Lise babe Domme dam, cut! Latina ***** strong whistle with some asphyxiating
white mouths and big baggage, Tight Latina close;
Eva Ellington for ******* ****** thing
and ATM before Ariel works with diligent dioceses
in a prison cell to suffer the embarrassment
of the young brunette dirtbag core people ... Little father and *** ****** power face all the prostitutes bacteria
To find Latin, Latina services running towards the friend
poorer; his ******* train of two men dealing with changing
a person to have sexually transmitted babies
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 11:57 PM UTC
If only I knew
What luck it is
To get a surprise
****** exam of all
Your private information
Through and through
Plus the mic
Is hanging over me
Just like an all seeing
Who can’t stop
Wait... TWICE!!!
Jul 5, 2019
Jul 5, 2019 at 3:38 PM UTC
less than twenty four hours after dashing off a poem
explaining why i wanted to die
found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis,
a bowel movement wherein waste unable to expel
from the **** of this guy
which bout with ****** obstruction
found me doubled over
with lower abdominal distress
whereby comfort found me unable to lie
down nor sit upright (with back padded with pillows
against the cellar brick wall),
thus severe bloating a bonus well nigh
and managed to muster the means to bare
frigid arctic vortex aire to purchase
the Acme brand Metamucil,
which akin to drano doth ply
thru the excretory tract
supposedly loosening the stools,
which optimism (product
didst earn claim to fame) generated a sigh
if that expressed intent
to cease livingsocial would try
humph enjoining
this lvii year old married male
to cede victory
to the grim reaper, who would vie
as winner de jure
to this common fellow invoking libretto
ohm resistant understudy waste not want not
allowing, enabling and providing relief,
without successful defecation
despite the oppressive urge to bolster this uriah
heap of balled up and tuckered i.e. pooped out
five foot and ten inches of lovely bones
thence mouthing retraction
of former thought to cease existing,
though a non-bull lever
in any power broker qua mankind
relief at long last
provided posterior answered prayer
yet, this scrivener scrutinizes
his recurring pain in the *** jagged torture
and asks
a rhetorical one word question "WHY"?
Jan 9, 2018
Jan 9, 2018 at 12:58 AM UTC
Prescribed by: Doctor ”Micro-Dick" Barry (MD)
Vitamin (T)rauma in large doses may cause side effects such as:
****** bleeding,watery eyes, sucidal thoughts, Liver failure.
vagrancy, depression,poverty, and decreased ****** performance,
cancer,Possession, itchy eyes, tight muscles, and virginity.
SEVERE side effects include becoming a poet.
If you are writing poems PLEASE STOP IMMEDIATELY,
and seek out medical attention.
Warning
NEVER try to be literate.
Oct 5, 2017
Oct 5, 2017 at 4:02 AM UTC
After being amply lathered
from head to toe, aye
ya eye ya eye ya eye, and without fail
(gluteus maximus unloads a dump,
as predictably happens
like clockwork orange
after washing off suds),
this nada so grand poo ba
drops ship capsizing sinkers
(hefty waste ballast
causing sea level to rise), this aint
"NOT FAKE" just ask Cap'n Bligh
sitting athwart the **** deck
i.e. christened "Porcelain Goddess"
well nar did die
after being privy seeing yours truly
exit the water closet did espy
a much relieved rearing *** a nine guy,
which also earned me,
the nick name ****
not evident, via friendly customery wave
conveyed expediting,
(viz nonverbally)
business cheekily dreck eliminated
eh, the formality establishment,
sans customary "hi"
whereupon without any waste I
sought to secure these
weather beaten lovely bones of mine
preparatory to a tidal wave,
thus refuge sought
behind (a replica),
sans Bridge over the River Kwai
after moving ma bowels, no lie,
which predictable tsunami
predicated on my
humungous substantial
****** discharge well nigh
generating threatening
rip snorting currents
impossible mission e'en ex spurt ***** to ply
especially, flush with panic (a *** er,
but mandatory duty) when lookout scout,
(an E Medic) didst spy
an immense wall of water, aye yai yai!
Jun 10, 2018
Jun 10, 2018 at 12:49 AM UTC
gluteus maximus left and right half moon cheek
re: byte size buttock attached via usb
(uniform firm behind) to this freak
with bowel movement
incontinence + gas filled gut evoking contortionist
frown stretching to lowest peak
perched upon porcelain goddess
where elimination did jut held captive hostage
atop toilet seat for many a week
exertion to expel rock solid **** required utmost effort
to force jammed bowel movement free
inducing excruciating abdominal cramps really hurt
plus sharp jabbing spasms within high knee
innards rent asunder
obstruction as canon gun size ***** did spurt
lodged ***** matter refusing to budge from me
caused by severe constipation
whereby prayer a waste delivered only increased
sphincter muscle to scream
for ****** relief this mortal man faced
a worse fate than death, he would deem
since demise would allow alimentary misery to cease
versus remaining in this impasse for what might be years
unless perchance **** lubricant or special grease
would bust loose abominable
constriction in arrears finding me unable
to pay rent or renew lease
best prospect of remaining stationary
with words to wax
poetic found a glimmer of luck
when a kind wildebeest
delivered this message via fax
to help this male in dire per situation getting
pam purred **** unstuck with outsize mug of exlax
to help unclog ****** muck
access to get expunged to the max
but once expulsion occurs
DO DO PLEASE DUCK!
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 5:43 PM UTC