If i had a bottle of magical reagent
I'd take out a third of it
and put it in the sky
and turn the sky as blue
as it should be
if i had a bottle of magical reagent
I would take out a third
and put it in the lake
let the lake return
to its rightful clarity
If I had a bottle of magical reagent
I would take out one-third
and put it in my heart
let my heart be restored
to its original innocence
if there's such a bottle of reagent
I'd think to myself
i would sit
under the azure welkin
watching fluffy clouds
smooth flowing waters
I'd feel as light as the breeze
and my heart as wild
as a bee.

when marco polo sailed to china,
kublai khan was the emperor of china.

or what other privilege can i speak of, if not that celebration
of the bilingual, there rooted, the sword in slavic
and the sheath in pseudo-Germanic;
for what violence is to come
it will always retract in the Germanic
for a time-period of two-faced thespian
pleasantries,
           without the need for pleasantries
already waiting bloodthirsty,
        as said, the common motto
more true now with ***** farms of turnip
donors than ever before,
science has become arrogant, almost religiously,
it's arrogant, it's arrogant, it's arrogant,
and because it's arrogant: it's blind.
       high expectations for words so grand they
fathomed nations to be used in between
kettles, teacups, knives, forks and napkins...
where's the equilibrium economy?
     well, for one this sort of work is deemed "work",
intellectualism is nothing in the post-Germanic
world of English and Americanism -
if you ain't singing (citing the motto): you
ain't thinking... for the quick buck, doctor.
it's sad and almost revealing,
          a cursed fate of our fathers' indentation
on the world...
                 you don't grow a beard to look smart
while holding a book using your upper-body
to wriggle the jig of a song, the vanity of having
a double chin...
       the principle of ensō is to have things intact,
ensō doesn't exist outside of poetry,
      you don't drink coffee in between and
then flick to a sitcom for a "creative" break
to what is: an already generic narrative.
prose is the excess of narration, there are sparks
along the way, but nothing as convincing
as Stendhal's omnus...
                and could i have simply abandoned
that quasi-epic poem of mine that's two days old?
only having realised that all said things prior
and now, subsequently, after are instilled within
the ensō principle that's less axe on the gallows:
and more guillotine; which translates into
symbols and the effectiveness of *less is more,
what's the standardising canvas? alcohol,
i.e. proof.
               a poem can be nearing 100% proof,
something you'd use in a surgical theatre...
i have drank spirits in the 90 - 99% range...
          a poem can be considered to be in the >50%
range... after all... people are able to memorise
poems, or are intended to do so -
which is hard to conceive the Koranic attitude
toward poets, the Koran states an abhorrence
towards poets, in some surah of so-and-so number...
my problem is with the Hafiz: people who memorise
the Quran... as suggested from the above:
prose literature can be considered to be in the <50%
range... hence the need to extract spoilers /
quotes from prose books... something memorable...
and because prose is laden with too much
narrative lead, it sinks to the bottom,
into the unconscious, and is only revised within
dreams, when something synonymously-parallel
happens to us in your daily-narrated lives:
we are more prone to narrate than think
in terms of Jefferson and the light-bulb...
i wish i had the encyclopedic reference point where
the Quran explicitly states hostility toward
poetry... but thankfully the mere existence of
the Hafiz undermines the Quran as: the poetry
to end all poetry; and where does Stendhal
come into this? in the Red & the Black, the protagonist
is also a "Hafiz", in that he can recite the entire
Biblical text: by heart. i retain the this fact even
though the days spent reading that book
extended to many hours on the bus to school...
Julien Sorel / Ewan McGregor (in the realisation
of the book onto the screen)...
if the Quran attacks poets for their fickle-mindedness
i can only say: the mind is very literally fickle
in the first place, given:
a. the number of choices we can make, and
   b. the reversal of where the mind is embedded,
i.e. in the brain, and given the brain's complexity
and foundation in polymathic expressions
from the gymnastics of trivia, to the labours of
  singled-out interests... poets aren't fickle
  minded because they're poets,
   we're universally fickle minded, because the mind
is a fickle thing in the first place...
  to counter the complexity of the brain,
    only when the mind is found migrating into
the ******* region or the heart is there any sense
of determination to be seen...
clearly Muhammad migrated from the brain
   got himself a mini-harem and established a family,
****** Ali over on an empty promise and
immediately established a schism that took much
longer to be established in Christianity...
       i told you: my prejudices are personal,
they're not environment, i did have Muslim "friends",
i did read the Quran and i did sit in a Reagent's Park
mosque in my socks looking at the feng shui
minimalism... obviously the schism would come
from the place where a major element was used
in dressing up the mosques... persian carpets...
   and the fact that the Farsi loved their poetry...
the fact that the Quran is to be sang is basically
one poet, telling all others poets to come:
YOUR WORK IS ****!
                     that's feeble, esp. if you take the sword
out after when people tell you no.
   but that's what i don't understand, if the Quran
is so against poetry, doesn't the existence of
the Hafiz mean that it actually is poetry?
  could you find a team of such plonkers to memorise
a single chapter of Tolstoy's war & peace?
  i ******* well doubt it...
plus the whole mono-lingual attitude toward it
means for me to argue certain points with some
Sheikh Ali-Baba would means years lost
   to hark out a word of arabic...
      point being, any chance to learn a new optical
encoding of sounds is impossible,
the one i already have has eroded such a potential:
plus the fact that it's so different...
plus i spotted some anomalies in the system i'm
using: here's it's saying java, .dos, linux...
               oh don't feel left out from the computer
programming community: turn the cheek and
say in robo-slo-mo: psi-borg     (Ψ-borg):
it's the crucifix of the psychology community anyway (Ψ)...    
        i inherited the difference between
   s & ś                         a & ą -
or as one ironic German phrasing had it, a long long
time ago on a Catholic retreat in the south of France
(Taizé): vey didn't oonderstand my good Inglish aacent,
you know how Arnie sounds, right?
just like that... became the running joke for a few years...
you basically learn an accent having spotted
  diacritical markings... having been raised in
a phonetic-realm where diacritical marks are used,
and then growing up in a phonetic-realm where
they are completely disregarded... well,
it's not hard not sound English and then lurking
in the shadows if someone is calling your ethnic origin
as vermin... having such a kind remark as this one
to further the entertainment... i heard
that in America there's that thing called "white-privilege",
and that you can't be racist to a white person
if you're a white person... well... you won't be getting
any jazz and blues out of me sweetiepie, that's for sure:
politics, unfortunately; and what better way
to state politics than with poetry, or the tact within
poetry: telling someone to go to hell with them
anticipating the trip.

What the hey!what the **!!
Take it a little slow,
a pinch at a time,
else it'll blow.

Eye on the glass!
Not on that lass!!
Careful if you want to
make it to next class!!

Keep it away from your face.
The reagent's in that case.
Ok,now tell me
What happened to all the base?!

A little less,a little less,
That's called H2S,
Don't drop it!
Oh,God bless!!

Out!out!Get out!!
Now there's no doubt.
I'm going to retire
and go catch some trout.

head to toe kissing


I   the mundane

moonlight madnesses, a possessive noun,
commissions gravitational pulls that disobey and obey
laws of interstellar loving. The antique modalities once and forever, forever laying still, stilled in places of antiquities and historical need, are thundershower and hail rudely reawakened, the undertow of
pull and push, the yanking hands  of need for others, for others,
it’s the explosive-knowledge, the opening of the old kitbag of perpetual principles, that crazy head to toe kissing is no less necessary, more so, than the computation of the total breaths mundane, unnoticed even now as I write of them, that we will count from that very first, in deed, they are one and the same, like the same
kisses given from head to toe

II   the profane

at the first, the body insists, I am but a long haul trailer, no taxi me,
cargo and passengers, are my quatrain accompaniments,
traveling companions boon, my own toons, too soon disembarked,
songs of parents and lovers, children and others, your visage passed
without your permission, but with your happy encouragement,
to generations that will see things that futurists dare not
even mention, but the profane urge to warn them all, kisses from head to toe, elevates, and overcomes...so when most of my names dusted with forgetfulness, lost in the waves, my scorching soft lips will be recalled just as an airy flight of light brushing upon a newborn’s eyelids just at the moment of birth.  A rustling more felt than heard, the ****** and bruised carrying body will sensate and instantly forget, but nonetheless transmit genetically, that the profane of birth and life renewing can be only washed away, when past and future, recalled and recreated, kisses from head to toes, dripping with softening saltwater tears, a chemical organic reagent of creation,
inside the histories of head to toe kissing

III  the insane

so when, somewhere, some place, a man’s body prepares  
tous ses adieux, his memory foolishly sane and strong,
his wasted paper bag container ship, rust bucketed,
crinkled and wrinkled, skin folding in on itself, hanging to bones
by stretched sinews and tendons that no longer tend to business,
loosened and gangly, they hang on barely to the bare nakedness of
evolutionary processes, mostly not, offset, by the tenderizing effects of kisses, from invisible attendees,  unconscious they,
willingly and unwillingly, offering farewells in actuality...
head to toes, noses to belly buttons, tatted, tattered, and still tasted by dying cells.  It’s insane to think it’s even possible  one retains each and all, but he does, those few given, those few  millions he gave away for cheap belly laughs and poems, decade upon decade accumulated are the totality of him, all of them free and sealed in kisses from head to toes

don’t kiss and tell,

meaning
do kiss, go crazy, let passion rule, give in, take out,
meaning

kiss but don’t tell

yet,
the real telling is in the kissing
where your heart gives way,
avalanches into frenzied chain of signal fires,
smoked, clouded eyes, with only one exception made;

the shining, sheer veil see-through when
the other is on the room and the  green spring coverlet felled,
all to see the glow, see all the the blush,
the pretense, aversion skins natural makeup, a liberty beacon

laughing, how it cannot be hid for what’s inside
climbs so fast, blushes blue blood redder, the inside reaction reagent,
the weakening composure, the intense beating from heart to head,
the joyous tearing, the silent swearing, the stupid grinning,
the step skipping, the happy dance springing  spontaneous,
no control, might as well just let it go biology in chemistry class

all these tells that you have kissed beyond reason,
these hidden kisses might as well be on
billboards on the highway into town,
a P.A. announcement in high school,
a hearty button attached to your backpack,
the incessant text checking, all dogs nighttime barking all day

go ahead kiss and tell
go ahead tell and kiss harder,
in the kisses, a million tellings
every body part red swelling,
the tearing of every body part,
concentric circles extended from a pebbled heart

~

On campus--at the very top of the new
eagle pole--a raven struts, one fleck of blood
stuck to his beak from morning carrion, bright
black eyes the same primeval color
as those on the pole.  This ode to nature,
this prayer, this harmony of adzeman’s skill,

tradition, inspiration, and sacred task—I’ll
admire it later—was carved by folks who knew
from childhood each crest and its nature.
Mostly from the clan, and of course blood
relatives, they memorized each color
of each crest, how to mix together bright

pigments from this root, that bulb--right
amounts of everything, reagent to skill
to alchemy--required to make each color
sing.  The importance of ritual to renew.
Significance of Nature, consequence of blood.
Black iron raven in landscaped nature

patch consults his brother.   “Our nature
is belligerent, our destiny to chase bright,
shiny objects and live off the blood-
sticky leavings of another’s ****.
Don’t you think we should blaze a new
path for ourselves?”  Replies the other,  “The color

of your coat is lighter than the color
of your mood today.”All around them Nature
labors.  “Brother, we don’t need a new
direction.  Our future, as always, is bright.
We’re the keepers of knowledge.  Our skill
at irony keeps us relevant. As long as blood

is red They will need us.” He ***** on the blood
red head of the top crest.  A streak the color
of snow bounces down the faces.  “If you ask, I’ll
reply,” he cackles, which makes Nature
grin.  A fuzzy red vole begins to climb right
up the front of the pole, as I realize how new

it is, how fresh the pine.  When I think of the blood
shed by men for money I am struck dumb.  Right here--the only color
green you ever need--Nature.  I’d as soon carve as ****.

11/3/10

waiting to appear on film
you appeared where i’ve never stood
towards the reflection
reveling for the moment
how so, latent lover?
instant to where i felt pain
where i smile for exposure


                     

                       -for you to claim

i vent, i'm sure you heard of the invention known as the ventilator... it's like a lung-clone-subservient of a "nanny quality" of automating the words: breathe in... breathe out... breathe in... it precursors the in and outsources the *out, there's a cult-like-scheme involving the use of... the stated tools... worthy of a suggestion that epitomises August as the month of harvest - i.e. the sun finally sets to auburn crops and **** me, isn't the bread rightly puffy?! toad-squidgy aye aye? go on, give us a burping caricature of a squeeze!

imagine uttering the words:
i hope your mother lies
eternally run-sacked with hopes
of former ****** glory,
*****, bleeding,
as if a Mongolian horde just passed
her with a glorious encore of
clapping to match...
because that's what i assert
as been done to my mother,
you don't even understand the verb
or adjective or conjunction behind
the noun.... after all, you're an African
Muslim and a pyramid builder,
a ****-wit...
jaded ****-strap and gag's
worth of you the Ben & Jerry...
praise the Koran
but don't understand that behind
each noun there's a collective grammatical
structure, ******* English political correctness,
*******! *******! have your Reagent's Street
and Oxford Street, have 'em!
behind the noun all grammatical categories
follow suite... universal noun, what category
for the particular? ape transforms into apish,
or Quasimodo or ~ape, nouns are units,
like centimetres, forget the other things, unless you:
let the shoppers drop dead like flies!
but imagine saying the words:
i hope your mother gets gang-***** by
an equivalent of a Mongolian horde;
yep, Mongolian necrophilia.
you said it to my mother, and i'm mourning,
alive, and counting.... once more... so ********!

the people look like flowers at last, and i guess
what matters most is how well you walk through the fire*
worth the palette, and the eyes - it's the beef tongue honesty
as cited in the poem of the same name -
never mind the 1930s poem -
i too wish i could have written the 1980s
(Poland) - but the communist years
are marred and budding in China while
people bemoan the two years under Martial
Law - and queues, endless queues for
provisions, and stamps for rationed food,
and shops filled with empty shelves or
white vinegar (a childhood friend's mother
was rumoured to have committed suicide
by drinking white vinegar) -
in all honesty i guess before the borders opened
and products started pouring in we could
have claimed a happy childhood,
but for us back then it was the call of the wild -
and the fact that we were together as kids,
even though the steel plant was being undermined
for profit and people were either forced to
leave to somewhere else in the country or
abroad - a thriving beehive of a town reduced to
what became know as the pensioner town -
supermarkets sprouted like churches, the city
centre once a trading hot spot was now the bank
square - nothing but banks; growing up i used to
travel for summer holidays - a fit child i became
hooked on the coca cola dream - between 16 and 17
i lost 30 kilograms on my bike back home, doing
50 kilometres a day - once the fat kid at the back
of the class, now the pomegranate munching hippy -
but that didn't matter: aged 21... god... jealousy
is so horrible, it transcends the healthy competitive
streak of sports and capitalism - now, each waking
hour i wait for the evening so i can numb the pain
riddling my brain - it's like being perpetually nibbled
on my an electric chair - and i can't do anything about
the sizzling of blood on this organic sponge -
headphones sometimes provide an equilibrium
and i jack-in and the pain is reduced - but try talking
to someone when you can't hear them - god, jealousy
is so horrible - i remember times when i'd go with
the guy to Reagent's Park mosque and sit there on
the minimalist floor and just absorb this grand
poly-chromatic social experiment - born into a monochromatic
culture i was fond of the diversity - but times have
changed for the worse, and i'm proof of it -
as i already mentioned the other great schism (not
in religion but) in medicine - what insanity overcomes
them treating physical damage with metaphysical
promises of a chemical imbalance? they treat the brain
as some ******* chicken soup - thankfully i was well
aware of everything - but that's beside the point,
why i survived i attribute to what happened to Sisyphus -
i'm not going to be as bombastic as the original version
depicts Sisyphus, son of Atlas (both of them the boulder
men) - well, i don't see Sisyphus as an absurd hero
like Camus - i very much see him akin to Loki (the trickster),
but it's not about that - for me Sisyphus had a near-death
experience, and was condemned by the gods to
that boulder of his and the ***** and the rolling back
and forth as punishment for that Sisyphus had no insight
from his near-death experience - he didn't become a poet,
and he certainly didn't become a philosopher -
nor a ***, rebellious in the sense that what Sisyphus
did do is return to business as usual - he had no insight
into death, he didn't befriend it, he didn't akin to
Marcel Proust or Tristan Tzara gain "a new way of seeing";
not many people have near-death experiences in all
honesty - and from the myth as stated, few can return
with insight - most come back with cliches, the unimaginative
white light at the end of the tunnel -
Sisyphus was condemned to the boulder for his lack
of inspiration - then again, any madman talking about
the next world with promises is doing a handstand while
attempting to outperform someone running the hundred
metres - circus Olympics - what's keeping me motivated
is what others would call the Cartesian extension -
my brain can't craft a fluid cognitive narrative with ease
as it once was able to do - these are snippets of what reminds
me of the ease that the brain once hosted -
which contradictory if Descartes was about -
a thinking thing is un-extended - if that were true
he wouldn't have out-poured his thinking onto a blank
page - matter extends but does not think - unless of course
you get into a debate about god (i don't see the point
ascribing atheism all the perks - i'm also referring to an
impersonal entity, not a personal entity that might require
praying five times a day for personal gains and repressed
grievances - you know, god of the airy fairy and the casual
phrasing of the word that is usually censored by
Jews - g- -d - which i find as absurd as western censorship
of oath words). so coming back to this Descartes point,
it's true that physical corruption (damage) would qualify
me as a non-thinking entity, pure matter, and therefore
purely extending onto this digital pixel white -
but the counter argument is... there's a distinction between
thought and narrative - and given the casual standard
of philosophy is more akin to narration than abstraction
of either 2 + 2       in mathematics, or μ + ω
in phonetic encoding or whether ω could be encoded
to a more aesthetically pleasing macron-omicron (ō) -
because if we're going to follow Descartes prescription
(they are like doctors, those philosophers, or that's
how i treat them, every key idea they regurgitate out
from their predecessors - a priori - and is new
and challenging i treat it like i'd treat a prescription from
a doctor - Heidegger, for example, prescribed me
the equivalent of sleeping pills for my insomnia) we
don't have to necessarily accept it as the gold standard,
holy, a sword in a stone - but i'm not going to fall
for the rigidity of their vocabulary, the part where using
imagery would refer to a monkey pushing cubes
through a canvas of squares to the other side of something -
or that great table tennis match of philosophical
narration - how did something, nothing, everything,
anything are categorised as pronouns akin to
i, you, me, he etc. - i don't like their concentration on
either nothing or the basic self - that always bothered me -
but i guess it adds to the fluidity of language -
now i'm lost in my own labyrinth - and there's
the Minotaur on my heels breathing pungent hot-snot
from his snout - which can only mean one thing -
a trap to get into fixations and the stability of words
as one-dimensional, non-deviating from a unitary meaning,
rigidity of the non-existence of synonyms -
basically burning the Thesaurus Rex - which also means
no oil for cooking or butter for bread, or anti-ageing
creams - if ever anyone wanted one-dimensional
words, rigid language, a stability of some sort,
safe ~chemistry experiments read from a primer and
never new, black is black, white is white -
well... but i guess there's a preference for such an
approach to language, rather than the antonym of
such use of it, with negations in politics, in jurisprudence,
lies and corruptions, nuances, games and injured
hearts;
            Sisyphus ibin Atlas was punished because after
a near-death experience he didn't come back with
any insight - he just returned to his day job, and didn't
gamble on something beautiful - however
scrambled eggs it looked like.

Wishes, I never said...?
Rolling tongues, admit appearances
Are deceiving, but purpose to lead...
Has an ear for a rainbow's chances

Rainbows lead to pouting voices...
Facing the stare, I make a quiet
Collective memory served; has choices...
The reagent of a house of colors, so bright

Star's that starve?
As the moment indicates...
Your rhyme for the silent, is another's liar...
Privilege behind a scare, finishes the irate

Races of fate, found in a valued youth...
Respite is to be, an awkward challenge
Of a time, that accuses you for couth...
Curses of final fear, are often to nearer mention

The fright in the rain
Told to sit, by a silver voice...
Sigh's and minding, the candor of pain
Will such a song, begin here with loyalty?

Does and doesn't...
Shame wear a passion's decision?
Deciding upon, a notorious lesson won't
Is a handful of salt, the only shared intuition?

Liberty, at all costs...
And a hill named only rage
That worth's the world, with hosts
Sent to a wish, I made...

Time be a liar's friend...
One step more
Like love and hates marvel, to lend...
The story of reach, is who's war?

i've met a thief once, straight of prison,
who began to reshape his life,
as a dub-step d.j. when the genre first
arrived... i never understood it at the time,
but then i found the mellow grounds
of distance, and i managed a befitting
conjunction of: and it matters to rephrase
drum & bass as a genre, within dub step confines.*

so much of history is coherent -
so much well versed -
even without the literacy of
the gatekeepers of power -
when once power meant literacy,
as when once the hand could
mould a man into finding it -
all in all: when war became a
game...
               what a sadness to be able
encompass this world
with the world preceding it...
this world's over indulgence
its rapport for gluttony in the north
western lands,
    and its pompous greed out
of africa...
              fertile ukraine -
      the seething host for the tapeworm
posits of a populace -
once upon a time man made
milk, that turned sour,
  and became a sort of yogurt -
and was scooped with fresh baby
potatoes and dill...
     i remember the seasons in poland,
i remember the seasons in poland
because, once upon a time
the people had seasonal diets...
not this ******-down dilution of
a berry, this persistence to impress diners
with wintry strawberries from
the spaniards, or the dates of the levant...
seasonal diets were once in place
in poland...
           we ate the fruits in the summer,
and we ate the vegetables in
the autumn,
                 we ate without a vision
of a, ******* treadmill worth no man,
but a, ******* hamster!
- and when i ask a conclusive english couple
aiding their ailing dog,
whether they know of seasonal diets,
they startle me: bewildered.
    global warming begins with
an omni-inclusive diet -
there's nothing to await,
as there is nothing to miss,
as there is nothing to binge on -
          the only binge is that of food per se,
but never the surreal binge on
strawberries when in season...
or mushrooms in autumn...
      why is history so coherent,
while the present a vague attempt at
itemising a "vogue" -
with yesterday or today or through
to tomorrow, the current affairs of our days
seem so incoherent,
so, pointless -
     only with a hindsight can they
reveal something...
but they never do,
in that history states no real hindsight
worthy of attire...
           the "hindsight" of the ever-impeding
present is bound to a future, alone,
      the past is a gloating parthenon
of both celebration, and of unimaginable
anguish, nonetheless -
how gluttonous we have become
     by stockpiling historical events,
whether celebrated or simply archived -
history is a tapeworm,
    the past requires a host of the present day,
and the present day requires
a knowledge of the parasite that history
has become, or as it always was,
             i give you the sole, impeding
memory:
an ability to ascribe arithmetic -
  and an ability to assert grammar.
                yet beyond?
                   this cinematic daydreaming
theatre of unfulfilled "ambitions" -
this cinematic daydreaming
              theatre of the unfulfilled former
glories, reduced to paperweight in the modern
world, a paper or a pen,
       where once a sword might find
an abode in a firm hand?
there's nothing worse than pretending
to be the already pathetic rue of history
with coordinates lost...
these warrior like ambitions are like me
acquiring the patent for english discretion,
or sense of politeness -
my *** is stinging from the insulated
rage at the queue in a supermarket -
it's spitting cayenne pepper and chilli powder,
but i still manage to pull off the english
doubled-faced sorry, or: don't worry...
                   the english, after all, invented
theatre - the double edged sword of a smiling
face, the courteous smile,
but the sinister: pull your testicles in
a monkey wrench, and make you sing
ave ******* maria to a handel composition,
you, drum roll dumb, ****!
         oh ya ya, why don't the ******* ****
just close off oxford street and plant a *******
mosque in the middle!
****, close of reagent's st. while you're at it,
after all, reagent's st. has that nice cinematic
curve... but **** me,
you could have at least made cut ins into
the grand high st. layout of no traffic:
only pedestrians welcome.
                        you just created a pointless
array of cul de sacs... in the middle of london!!!!
**** it, whatever, the whiskey is good,
my mood is good,
  the post-summer / early autumnal blues are
other, finally i stopped caring about light...
because? early november:
  the thrill of a chilly night has arrived;
god, the cold is so important to blank out
the receding hairline of the sun -
but it only happens in early november /
late october -
    these are the days when you can finally
say goodbye to summer...
  the perky days of over 12 hours of sunlight,
the incredible sunrises and sets,
but only when the cold arrives,
   and starts pinching your face
like an annoying auntie when you were:
the cute 5 (year old).
                       and the rather necessary
post scriptum:
     i write verse, i don't write theory -
i spew strained content and then relax by
a necessary rant -
saying that:
some people have actually seen the pyramids
of giza, the taj mahal, the great wall of china,
they have, the mayan pyramids -
                       erected more as the gallows
for criminals than sites of superstitious
sacrifice for the sun -
                     but i have laboured enough
through writing, to find my own wonders,
equivalent to the ones stated, in my cognitive
escapades...
i have managed to endear a subjective
analogy bound to greek myth -
for my ego is a minotaur -
              guardian and seeker in thought -
that is his womb, the same exact labyrinth.
- and what have i most annoying about having
acquired the english language?
that everything has to be turned into a joke,
that nothing, ever, can be deemed profound,
that we all just shrug it off...
     only the english sense of humour is as
numbing in affection as a bite from a feral dog...
beneath the humour:
          seriousness becomes taboo...
and you can almost sense the silent struggle,
the silent agony of the english,
   the man-up-desperation...
                       with such a fine array
of topics that are "necessarily" funny comes
the consequence of taboo -
the taboo being: no man has ever suffered
or will ever suffer, the taboo being:
not ever man will shrug at his demise,
or his downfall, or his tragedy.
            english humour has created
  a mono-polar enterprise in being unable
to craft a reaction to tragedy,
a tragedy it might provide,
  but never an adequate reactions -
all it can provide, in a reactionary language is:
apathy mingling with confusion -
a befitting epitaph -
           a comedy that relies too fondly on wit,
and not on the shallows of what makes
man laugh...
      all these insider jokes -
             these arrogant insider jokes ******
who unwittingly began their own
exclusivity of a "joke" just landed the scorcher
sucker-punch:
hey, bro, i'm laughing because
laughing is a contagion -
i have no ******* clue whether the joke
you said it funny, or whether i'm laughing
next to this numb-wit to simply not appear
stupid.
  - come one - ego minotaur -
          cogitans labyrinth -
                    i've just suggested a perfectly
reasonable gesture of analogy -
and yes, i do not think it comical to excuse
  this analogy as a low-fat cheese of metaphor
to soften the blow of comparison...
otherwise? i can understand depression
  nearing the end of his life, like my grandfather
over 70...
what is bewildering is the current revelation
of premature depression in children...
what have these children accomplished?!
   nothing!
         it's unnatural to be prematurely depressed...
this definition ought to coexist
in the current psychiatric vocab alongside
premature dementia...
          as of yet, i'm still to find out
why the national health service of england
would treat bilingualism as schizophrenia -
   maybe i should find out: and sue them.

Fool, how late did you understand!
As little you just managed!
As all deceptive I mentioned,
And all that is holy failed.

The delight of lying dead load,
Of oppression is not raised.
Having seen a lot of art
Alive from the ashes not rose.

From the stale chaff of grain
You separate, alas, could not.
You confused white with black.,
The folly and vice.

Live. Seek in verses the medicine.
I'm looking for a reagent.
From reagents I build the kingdom.
The kingdom wanders positive.

I'd live in little stables.
I'd eat a little oatmeal.
I would be wild and unnecessary,
But the world is ruled by symbiosis.

it must be a clear misunderstanding when someone utters the words: 'you hurt my feelings'... taking offense etc. last time i checked... doubt is outright discredited... yet in doubt: such a plethora of emotions... bundles of emotions... emotions that i can't bestow a narrative onto... it's not like the lack of emotions matched with denial... doubt's plethora: it's a pale version of love... in all but certain times... a pinch of uncertainty is always welcome... as is being offended... it's a loose-paradox (paradox: probably a misnomer in the context) of... an imploding objectivity... all those who claim objectivity also claim: being cognitive pure... not being dragged: muddled by emotions... why are emotions so undeserving to be felt... i'm tired of the silence of the heart for almost forever... when people say they have "****-hurt feelings"... or that they might be "offended"... it's not that... i see it as: implanting emotions... somehow it's easier to digest thoughts: since... "somehow" thoughts can exist in both an: in vivo as in an in vitro staging... you will probably never take thoughts seriously... but emotions... that raw slice of cured beef? well... it's not that i "hurt" your "feelings"... it's only that i gave you... feelings you never prior experienced... no one has hurt feelings: never... people only have bothersome feelings they cannot digest... no one is hurting... there are only a few with indigestion qualms... but since it's not the stomach but the heart... no one their pigeon brain starts to coo coo: cook up nonsense...

in light of recent events, in England...
a proselyte: of a former Islamic persuasion...
gets stabbed, slashed... whatever...
for wearing a Charlie Hebdo t-shirt
at speakers' corner in Hyde Park...
does it matter she's a woman:
does it matter whether or not she
was actually talking or merely wearing the t-shirt?
a proselyte...
i'm sort of one: teasing at the adventure...
i'll write the word ****** because...
well: giggle... bundle...
i will not censor my thoughts...
but because i will not utter the word:
i will not: it's not for the debility
and some "sacred past"..
but i will not scream it: choke my thoughts
with it... i'll reach the platitude...
urban slur that it has become:
you... don't... "own" the word...
i don't need this black hole punctuation
marker...
                      the "N-word":
god grease this "taboo": i have better pork
to ****...

- when enough drink is in me
i'll be writing under the influence:
but i won't be cycling... i tried that once...
i collapsed on the side of the road
clenched my bicycle
like a woman might clench a ****-buddy
and just... lay there... i was aiming
for the moon... it was a moonless night...
i started aiming for the constellations:
it was cloudy... i just lay there on
the pavement...
it felt... very village-esque...
as if the Red Army just passed through
having seen the well-dressed SS-men
running for their life in scuffles
and... torn limbs... in rags...
thank god the Bolsheviks were not
those ****-smeared Mongols...
who ate nothing but rancid horse-meat
and drank nothing but horse blood...
but it figures...
can i please talk to some of the sensible
Muslims: the ****'ites?
the old world Persians... even they're ******:
how come a bunch of camel jockeys
started to dictate to the Persians
a new thinking parameter?
the youngest of the monotheistic brat-dom....
so easily offended...
my greatest "fear":
the jihadi with an acute sensitivity
most associated with: French footballers...
why are these Muslims as sensitive as
French footballers...
Islam was once so gracious:
i was almost willing to "revert"...
i was implored by some Muslims to do so...
that's the thing with associating yourself
with Muslims in the west:
a feeling of conversation soon turns into
a feeling of conversion...
i asked one ****-
            -stani who approached me in a park
while i was sipping a beer...
why are you single? he implored...
a man of your stature...
shouldn't be single...
i didn't ask him whether this was England or
whether it was Lahore..
i just asked him what:
Alif-Lãm-Mĩm
meant at the beginning of a surah...
he brushed it somehow "aside" with a:
'only god knows'...
sorry... but that's not good enough...
i have to be the worst type of
a convert prospect...
although the best should an architecture
student... come along with a joint...
me with two beers... him with Le Trio Joubran:
that is happened in Amsterdam:
of course it had to happen in Amsterdam!

Alif-Lãm-Mĩm: is that sort of quiz
akin to turning letters into numbers
and "seeing" patterns... there's that Hebrew term
for this practice... it's not chiromancy...
it's not the concern for the Zodiac...
it only takes three letters...

"666": ΧΞϚ

last time i checked: "they" were breeding black
athleticism over Hebrew intellectualism...
Hebrew intellect fell short &, sour...
with what came out of Marxism
and... Freud still chokes:
but it's hardly a ******* celebration
when translated into skyscrapers...
when there's also that alias of the ****
with the football stadium... no?

but the "******" can be celebrated for his
physical prowess...
there are more holier words in this language
than a slur i hope to confess has become
more of an urban doodle: prepositional-punctuation
marker....

at least i'm not screaming the "N-word" in the back
of my head like some stuttering numb-nuts...
it's there... plain to see...
if i were to write: Niggerian instead of Nigh-Gear-Ian...
it would imply... what?
the same sort of hyper-sensitivity associated
with Jihadi Johnsons alias:
macabre: Russian ballerinas are more cut-throat
than these French footballers...

there are more sacred words than require
black-holes of: translated into "thinking"...
the name of the Hebrew god...
hidden within a "name for a name":
ha-shem...
there... i'll go as far as that...
i will not utter this word...
but sure as hell i'll make a great dough
of it: seeing how it might rise...

**** a black girl: colonial superpower, i...
the English are the tourists of Europe...
i don't think the Polacks ever felt comfortable
in their backyard... ever...
the argument goes: since the English went
all over the world... the world now has
to come knocking...
for all this ****** weather: you're more than
welcome...
Japan is an island... it has much
better weather: go figure...

another example... a former ISIS bride has returned
to England...
she's living in a £500,000 house
and has been giving treatment for
a prosthetic extension
of a lost arm: "lost" in a drone strike...
**** me... should have fought for ISIS...
pumped myself up with all those
amphetamines all those warriors were
ingesting because:
drink is... b'a'a'a'h bad (stutter?) i bet
you want...

hypersensitivity:
great at running...
but... no good at swimming
or for that matter: rock climbing...
from a tree unto the rock...

no matter... i was watching the Australian masterchef
contest and spotted a stand-out...
her grandmother was of a south-east-asian
"persuasion"...
pure as chalk...
well... "good news": ol' sandpaper man
comes in... 2nd generation
of interracial breeding...
well... two generations short...
what's that like in dog years?
the first encounter... done...
2nd... by the 3rd turn product pops out...
all is bleached...
worked with sandpaper... of white: piglet skin...

what a pretty fine explanation...
this connect: nuanced: "us":
greedily waiting the next: new...
conversion...
how do born & bred Muslims treat
proselytes...
converts... "reverts":
if not black h'american Malcolm X
stints...
all white... Mamluk / Janissary types-typos...
second class: ha! "citizens":
i don't trust these anaemic-**** smears
from the sand-pits of wannabe Congo
any more than...
no... great curry...

how it came about that a western man
had to become: educated by
some... retrograde... concerning words:
he would never ******* use!
even in a bilingual sequence of "events"...
mind you... the niqab would come about
as sort of... useful...
concerning the mythological blonde and
her ******* tirade of cough-ups!

get the **** real: ******:
the blacks just want to be...
blacks... the whites just want to be:
white...
you... play-up your jazz
while i drown my ******* Prokofiev...
you be black... i be white...
women always: some great heritge
of brotherhood making a comeback?
must be a Vancuever sort-of
a shin-dig...
investment in lady... qualities...

just about right: how h'Arabs treat those
Bangladeshi whips...
you have to whip those h'Arabs into
owning some ******* whiskers...
brown-beat doesn't even cover it:
with the copper-necks...

- just don't get me started on the Turks...
Turks... supposedly Muslim...
but their alphabet originated with the Mongol
geography...
seeing how the Turks licked at Vienna...
spent so much time just below
the Carpathian mountains: in Europe...
the best barbers and the best
prostitutes known to man...
oh and the ****'ite Persians who still love their
iconography...
Charlie Hebdo was wrong in that respect:
i bet Muhammad was a handsome *******...
a camel jockey / goat herder...
an illiterate par excellence...

it's not like he was immediately liked in his
local Mecca...
i have my "theory": in praise of older women...
i'm pretty sure she was the elder
the literate... the business mind-set illuminated...
she must have been the person who
wrote down the first Surahs...
who? Khadija: Muhammad's first wife...

eh... and they really do think they're the dog's *******...
Eddie Izzard's explanation is still tip-toe for moi...
my francophobia will not go away:
i can't speak French and not retain a French accent...
that will not pass...
therefore? i will not learn French...
i'm not going to speak French like a foreigner...

clearly i wanted to convert to Islam once...
"clearly"? hmm...
i once listened to this spectacular adhan and cried
like a Janissary...
what put me off Islam?
****-
    -stani Islam...
                 Saudi Islam...
     i'm still teased by the Turks... well... Turkish prostitutes...
once upon a time i also
heard vaughan william's fantasia
on the theme of thomas tallis... and also cried...
i cry at beauty... that's what i do...

my ****** lot... because the Hebrew's devil is older
than my devil...
imagine... coming from a people
that still defended the last paganism
of the Lithuanians: the last paganism in Europe...
the year: 1410... a battle between the pagans...
the Tatars (remains of the Mongol Horde)
the Polacks: lack-land lack-land...
and the Teutonic Order...

perhaps i could have convinced myself
to convert to Islam...
but then... what the hell do i do with
the *******... ms. amber and all that bourbon
that... always reminds me of a brothel?

the Hebrew god...
well... it begins with the implosion and all that's
clockwork with the Greek Δ -
that became the Y or... the serpent's split tongue...
funny story...
i was chatted with a Greek on a train to central
Warsaw from the Modlin Airport...
my god... how similar Greek sounds to Spanish!

look here: γΥ!
                           eh? eh? it's a sound structure that
requires an umlaut when transcribed into
Latin:                     gÜ...
one parabola... two parabola: a pair of wheels:
goo!          of the ghoul!

i do believe the story of of Carmenta (the Cimmerian Sibyl)
because... why shouldn't
it not be mythological that the genius
of Sejong who invented Hangul...
enough time passes...
journalism becomes history and history becomes
myth... or... there abouts...

all for the best... now that we're all seemingly
literate...
under too much weight of history:
it seems that i have inherited too much...
and i have inherited too much:
there's a plateau of a horizon...
so much history for a single man to digest:
ingest... that we have hoarded so much
of it... enter filter... enter skim-reading...
but it happens  ever so often that a Quran arrives...
a fire... but then... all the restrictions
that come with it... so much with keeping
too much from the past...

if only Islam could have cured me
of my drinking solution
to the boredom associated with
the soberness of the everyday: platitudes...
perhaps enough: just enough of *** could
curate me towards a better path...
such are the times:
there's plenty of drink: available...
but never enough ***...
unless you're a performance artist...

i feel most sane on a bicycle... feel safest
when being overtaken by a juggernaut of
a truck's volume...
a critique of traffic...
i feel... completely bewildered when
a mini-cooper: this sized: ||
takes... this much: |       | of space
to overtake you...
while... a man driving a van...
or a truck sized: |       |
takes... || to pass you...

Gallows Corner roundabout...
the last thrill of a cyclist taking to orientating
traffic... in the newspaper...
another solipsistic cyclist was mowed down
by a truck turning left at some junction
of Holborn...
me and my unconscious spatial coordination
arithmetic: not some ******... although:
a ****** would probably wave hello
this was a paediatrician cycling to her job...
i don't pity her... let the earth be light
upon claiming her body...

most cyclists that die on the streets of London
deserve to die...
how nonchalantly they ignore...
how... no... nonchalant is a timid word:
how... blasé they seem...
every time i pass one of these solipsistic
bulges geared up for: target practice
i forget to laugh...

i feel human... i bought 70cl of bourbon...
gorgon... bourbon: watch me turn to stone...
**** it... i'll sober up tomorrow morning
on the dual carriage way...
why not take the risk?
i'm most sane when drinking and scribbling
or when cycling...
i was expecting to see some lovelies in
Upminster... but...
since i was riding a road bike with 23cm wide tires
i was looking down for... ***-holes...
more than looking up for cleavage...

but this glorious spot... just outside of Upminster...
beyond Cranham... easing into
Bird Ln... through to Tomkyns Ln.
while walking across the A127 Arterial...
the organic beauty of England is starting
to grow on me... i love what the Saxons did with
the place...
perhaps the Welsh and the Scots: the origins story
Britons that the Romans met would have
done just as much...
nice... tended to garden...
i once felt nostalgic for the land most associated
with Polacks occupying it
but a land the Swedes wanted... the Mongols...
the Russians... Turks and Germans...
i imagine i'd be as much involved with
a love for the organic north America
while missing the love for the...
culture that lay on top of the organic spectacle...

i much adore this topography...
of course i can hardly appreciate the natives
having too play the game of capitulation
of former colonial herd "animals"...
hurt feelings? or feelings aroused?
you felt them: your problem...

how the English capitulated to their former subjects...
it almost hurts... almost: no... it hurts...
i love this land...
i'm hardly going to agree with the people...
nicety... politeness:
you give them a ******* mosque in the middle
of... i've was invited to the Reagent Park mosque
as a prospectus convert...
what is it with having Muslim "friends":
you're only "friends"... "proper":
if you convert?!
what's that recipe you have for the Lavash?
who would have thought that rosemary
works just as well with beef as it does with lamb...
oh right... that was it?
fair enough... *******!

see... that's what put me off Islam...
****-
  -stani: Rotherman...
bad taste man... it just left a bad taste in
my mouth... i ended up without a mouth...
pretending to eat via the hole i **** from...
i'd scoff out some diarhoea digestive juices on
my meal and then... vacuum it up with my ****...
i remember the concept of teeth...
though... teeth were nice...
so was the tongue...

****-
  -stanis ruined my vision of converting to Islam...
i'll settled for this... makeshift of Christianity...
gnostic.. because... well:
in my position: you're not teasing at Hebrew
superstitions... you must be...

oh this land... this most glorious: serene land...
how breath-taking "concept" of Scotland...
all the finicky irks of the rolling hills of
what's mostly England...
on a bicycle: best...
do i mind the locals?
well... do the local mind their former colonial
subjects?
what's that saying: thanks for the recipe?

you see me in Bangkok... you see a *******
chimpanzee die from dehydration:
sweated out from his... salty... nut-sack!
i'm not going... to hell with south-east Asian
humidity...
it's a cancer... i'll best survive with "the idea"
of keeping up a hard-on / narrative on...
prospectus ghost horizons...
the Faroe Isles... *******: GREEN-LAND...

that's where Frankenstein's monster would
have went... i'd go there too...
the agony of summer...
everything decomposes too quickly...
the flies... the maggot **** the flies!

oh for the love of these isles... perhaps not the people:
then again... i rather drift in & out with
the anglo-saxons than be jumbled up with
"my" people...
you start to appreciate despising the
******* diaspora after a while...
i guess the Polacks are the most willing to
integrate...
whoever showcased the dynamics of the
congregation project of Chicago...
somehow forgot...
i'll drink drink this 70cl of bourbon:
don't worry... i won't clog up the arteries of
the NHS with my antics...

you what? i love this land... perhaps the wolves
have been culled...
but the foxes are still running rampant...
well: if life throw you foxes:
you're not going to exactly: ah-woooo!
bark? for the love of life: i will never
bark or take to the leash...
i own two maine *****...
i exhausted them while grooming them...

they ended up spending the afternooon
sleeping in my bed...
i'm hopefully going to retire to it:
with a horror movie soundtrack somehow:
soon...
spontaneity of narrative... closure:
more impromptu... less of that...
masquerade formality...
this god blessed land...
if only the Spanish armada...
like the Mongolian ships...
should the conquest of Yappon could have
been envisioned...

anyone still reading this still bothered about...
GG?
the consensus of... a neGlected...
     Giant...
i think... this former soy boys catching
their Goliaths... catch 'em cold... sober..
or... simply exchange them?
to perform so well in slam-dunk prowess...
reinvent classical music via jazz through
towards blues... rock... etc.?

somehow the weight on my shoulders shifts...
a Nigerian ****** turns out to be an urban slur that
doesn't invoke a Nigerian...
a soy boy vegan: perhaps...
i implore the use with coercion tactic...
for those offended: yeah... i'll just implant some
emotions into your heart...
it's very much offensive for my to intrude with
proper spelling...

let's be honest: anyone who has been:
honest... is by now... tired of walking on eggshells...
**** a black girl... what, you?! colonial beast!
yes... confuse the ****** with the Croat...
the Russian too... hell... throw some Ukrainian bias
while you're at it...
anti-racist western girls are...
eh... m'eh... if i can get what i want for
half a decade's worth with some Turkish raven
hair... beaus...
do i... have to mind... pronouns... prospectus quotes etc?

like i said... wait for the bleach..
or... the sandpaper...
i've seen the complete works...
i was ****** with... love... affairs...
girls that dated me...
sure... but they had younger sisters...
and their younger sisters were more...
most attractive...
terrible combination:
dating a girl while her younger sister
is more attractive...

for all the choices and Heidegger...
lucky loser...
no... thank you...
to be one of these super-sensitive Islam propagators...
me? convert?! *******: no!
best keep that ***** in the niqab...
if it were a bone tomahawk..
it would be a female... declined limbs...
blinded...
a torso readied for *******...
imagine that... a replica machinery...

oh i'm sure... Muhammad... was a handsome beast...
but i'm thankful...
that the first... last... true religion...
met a schism so early...
Muhammad was so easily undermined
not keeping a nepotistic promise for
a cousin Ali...
early schism: no truer than:
truth is somehow sold?!

i fiddle with my beard:
whoever says otherwise... no... i'm still playing a violin!
i'll sober up solo... cycling against the gusts of wind...
Eloise...
Eloise!
England... oh this well deserved and welcome land...

my land....
in deutsche:: mein(e) erde...
i watch the locals: capitulate....
   what are you?! slugging *****-best-please
sumac? i... i am to surround  suspicion?

this glorious land....
                   this.... glorious land...
this: ING-LAND...
best forget the wolves..
given the foxes are prunes...

well good
thank **** for the english
gravitating for their gravity...

strapped to an Island...

*****-whips...
  
        strapped to an island you
have zero argument....

nil...
                 you're basically Iceland...

you're anti-continental
not because you're anti-continental
politics, but because
you're continental...
******* Anglicans,
******* solipsists...

   ******* autistic fairies!

   ******* gammon spreads!
   little german cousins...
*******... *****!
always the Englush undermining
the English project...
jerking off the ****-*******
Americans...

    ich ist ein osten-berliner!!
osten-berliner!

                              ficken sie!
  
       what a fake, with thre Brexit...
it's a ******* island...
a ******* island...

  no continental politics...
   the English are not attempting
to be nice...
   they have the last exhaustive
excuse...
borders guaranteed by the sea,,,,
tthe English are nice...
they asre far beyond playing
nice...
   they're cowards with proud
faces...
     they're the sort of people
i never wish to ever,
become...
  
  i'd prefer to be considered
Italian fascist...
   i'd hate to be deemed
an English liberal,
  a Locke...
         the English just don't have
the ***** that Hungarians or the Poles
have... they gravitate within
the confines of an island...

no confiscation of a
  confined politics of a continent...
   the British play nice...
  but they're your usual typo of
*******...
            an island is an island,
adrift from continental shifts,
yet, somehow,
attracted to them by a format
of making compensation...

           no... the english can care to look
all pretty...
but they're pretty much as ugly
if not uglier than
the Quasimodo...
  fool me once...
                        fool me a second time...
third time?
   sure as **** i'll know
that you occupy an island
as a people;

it always appeared nice on paper...
but when it came to the a ctual
enterprise?
hardly a Reagent's Park mosque...
i'd have to be Muslim
to think the British weren't
formerly the scourge of America
as the infamous
red coats...
die rotmäntel...
    
         do i look like an eager *******,
or an even more eager
ice-scream scooper?

  well then... what's with
this Brexit hype?

       it's a ******* island...
it was never a continental concern...
the British were: red coats...
red... coats!
            
  i charge against the wall
with the horns of a goat,
        and the cranium of a bull!

22 hours ago LOL! I'm not Asian at all though Asian cultures are so rich and beautiful, their mythology interesting and less convoluted (perhaps?) than Greco-Roman mythology. Norse mythology, though, is interesting as well though just as fickle. And Egyptian! Of course, that stems from the months that I spent reading too much Rick Riordan. Either way, race isn't relevant between us. You're British. I'm American, and definitely not a "bad" person. Plus, not all ****** encounters are worth a moan or a groan.

  11 minutes ago you know: every time i para (i new term i picked up from someone else's comment... para implying paraletic) i have to wonder: what was it that i wrote that wasn't on canvas that might haunt me the next day... but you did say you don't get suntans... i went out with this russian girl once... very tsarist and all who did think that having a suntan implied you being of lower class... lower rank... because the aristocracy were all feeble vampires that hid in chateaus and what not... not exactly screaming vitamin D! just an idea: if you don't get suntans... i presumed... well... perhaps: your skin just doesn't do the copper-serpent trick of trickling through down to auburn / whiskey when the sun has its play with it... unless raw-ish ginger and freckle by freckle: it doesn't matter... you porcelain would be lobster by the end of it... all peeling and... eczemic...but i always have his nagging sensation in the back of my brain like i'm somehow Tony Soprano the narrator having "second thoughts"... sentimentalist through and through... mythologies... you cited a few but it's not like you would cite the Slavic mythologies... then again... what's there to "cite"? Rick Riordan... never heard of him... too much time spent on Heidegger, Knausgaard and Dickens, lately... three books i'm reading simultaneously that i don't seem to "want" to finish since... a little bit of this, a little bit of that: my grandfather having died and me being close to him... blah blah... ponderings VII - XI, my struggle vol. 4 & the Pickwick papers... respectively aligned to the rubric of authors... you're right... race isn't relevant... but saying you don't get a suntan... or can't... sort of enforces me staging a bizarre comment like this... i didn't jump to the logical conclusion of why you don't suntan... you can't? or like i already cited this one Russian exclusivity of: only serfs and farmers have suntans... it's a lower class "thing": we chateau dwellers like ourselves... porcelain skinned... anaemic... you're absolutely right in confessing that race isn't important... antics with a black girl i will not summarise... the self-evident works of piston(s) and lubricant of oysters... but unless you've been living under a rock... what's with all this attack on "abstraction" regarding pronouns and grammar... in general? it's like being attacked on two fronts: it's like the shared invasion of Poland by Germany and the Soviet Union... i fall back on race because it's so... charismatic at times that it becomes unavoidable...  it's like detailing the exclusionary inheritance of a daffodil... or a giraffe... "race" wasn't important until the point of: people having other people telling them "what languge is appropriate" and "what language isn't appropriate"... come on... you're not wed-locked (whim-locked more like) to this pre-suppositional stigma of fearing the tag "bad": i hope you're glad to still allow yourself a tendency to sometimes denote yourself as: person... i recently filled out the census for stats... i was also recently applying for a job as a prison warden... race popped up: or how i'd identify... i had come to encounter a neu-begriff... being American you know of Italian-American compounds... the stereotypes... Irish-h'american... blah blah... British is such a joyous term... god forbid i'd "identify" as English... Anglo-Saxon... so i kept the prefix... Anglo... and attached... well... have a look: Anglo-Slav... i don't see how some people feed the etymological lie that there's somehow an "E" missing... of a collective of a people that competed with "your" tribe during the cold war... bogus points for me as being of a people fudge-packed between the two: of the most... inglorious ******* of events... hell... i sometimes wish i was Croat or one of those Balkan ******* juggled between Rome, Byzantine and the Ottomans... heritage... i best compose myself: last time a Muslim identified me as a ******* ***** at the Reagent Park mosque while selling me prayer matts i was like: i'll let it pass... perhaps i have a more pronounced occipital bone... but i agree: race is not important... let alone in how language is used... a zebra, being a horse... is not exactly stripe material... a leopard doesn't have dots... the tiger doesn't have stripes... they're all cats... how about the grammatical issues concerning: the big cats don't ******* meow? it's not like i was going to make a joke about cushion-*******-lips either... while chalk girls torture themselves with imitation botox: duck... ****'s sake... came the world of chalk and choccie and all the world's masochistic mantras hit a ******* high note for the castratos to sing about! race isn't important: but calling a square a square, an apple an apple... a tiger a tiger: somehow bloodily obvious, is... i can get with the project of abstracting man (woe... +man)... but when the attack comes within the confines of the asylum of ******* grammar & algebra?! what would i otherwise resort to? when i drink to excess & only have a canvas to work with... fine... but when i faced with someone directly: i became doubly drunk on conversation... i'm somehow assured of being race-baiting... like reimagining dragon chasing: down the steeps of "old"...h'america... which part? i always imagine myself living a life of fullest fulfilment living in one of those... fly-over states... in some ******* where i can become my truest taoist...beside the current tongue i've acquired.... the past tongue i want to: less than merely forget... i sometimes thought: bilingualism could be an advantage? isn't mandarin the vogue-"prose": these days? i'm glad, though... i was certainly drunk... but i spelled out the most fathomable discretions...here's to you: and (a) tomorrow!

i cycled into central London... Loon & the Don came...
to read a few pages of Knausgaard's mein kampf
vol 4... and drink a beer...
and pretend to be a serpent lying flat on my
stomach... having satiated the "workload"
i turned over... making the universe oblivious
under the stretch of clouds and some itching
accents of bloo...
             on my back i smoked a cigarette
and drank the beer sideways...
i caressed the grass forgottening:
oh wait... it's not my hair...
it's not my beard either...
some crow some woodland pigeon:
i too felt displaced...
but that's what happens in central London...
you become a: huh?! tourist perusing the:
tide of faces... these faces... so many faces...
i should be wearing a mask seeing so many faces...
yes: seems to me that i'm happy...
to imagine where i started from...
to where i'm right now...
a spell-binding 3 years in Edinburgh...
i feel so comfortable among the London traffic
and... the madmen in ol' Hyde...
the swelling & the shrinking of the Thames
at Coldharbour near the Rainham marshes...
it might not feel like i own this town...
this village by village staccato...
but it owns me...
i pass 10 grade girls playing solipsistic games...
i pass alpha males playing: biz-e...
             thank god or the devil or...
that i'm no beta orbiter wishing for: waterfall: fore!
bring me the yacht! bring me the parachute...
headphones in but nonetheless i was stopped
by a fellow cyclist at Marble Arch...
i actually managed to conjure up a face full
of expression when he asked:
where is the nearest Argos...
HA became mouth agape... teeth showing...
eyes behind sunglasses lit up:
those stores still exist?!
perhaps in katakana: but write laughter for me...
we can thank the Hebrews for that:
definite article being... lost to giggles...
this is what laughter looks like
in katakana: i prefer katakana to hiragana...
i.e. ハハハハ:
       アハハハハ...
**** up sort of laughter: waiting to milk a cow...
sort of: ****** tease...
no sure... is it a parabola: broken at the tip?
there's a tip?!
typo... i could understand that...
ha! ******... shambles... shames...
the ol' circumcised lot of them...
   pwaying pwetty please god save us:
give us 40 more years in the desert with:
nerves of steel Moose... and... EsEs: i.e. Mayonnaise...
Moses! d'uh...

here's a funny notation:

                木 vs. キ

oh... they're the same... phonetically...
and... perhaps... also meaning...
KI...
                   (key): i.e.              TRÍ(!)
hence the exclamation mark in the brackets...
the emphasis is already hovering above
the iota: acutely...
e. e. cummings... what?!

the cat "emoji" is even better:
i can write only one KANJI...
i've exhausted myself on TRI...
EE... so no... "cat": N'EH K'OH... miu miu: me-ow...

i'm happy... i see a Japanese girl flashing her
knickers while i cycle past where
Oxford St. weds itself to Reagent St...
i think about the long dead kings...
ol' Lizzie and the Popes...
i think and i think:
but that's not much...
  i've already exhausted the avenue...
cul de sac of: ought i... ought i not...
so... emptied and gagging for some more...

look how feeble it all looks:
if this were a Kanji: :)...
ugh... i need to shoot myself in the foot...
i need to spot a kangaroo...
and also shoot it: in the ******* foot...
either way: one of us will try to hop again...
i need to shoot something...
perhaps a ******* Lukashenko....
yes... i'd love to scalp... hell...
forget shooting: a Lukashenko...
he's been keeping those migrants hiding:
as tactic?!
i'd love to shave a Lukashenko... proper...
sorry... it never came around to
a pan-Germanic: ambition...
how pan-Slavism served the hijacked purpose
of soviet communism: i... never...
talking to an individualistic proponent
among the collectivised sorts...
a bit like making a sober man talk to
a drunkard...

      when i see it: "it": i see... IT...
language can revel in reaching its final summary:
it's balancing act of banality...
we don't need language to communicate:
to make coercion something: less... less...
sinister... no... my tongue flapping above yours?
sure... we have a ******* booth for that too!

i like the english words: gambit...
plural... the colon... but no list...
no italics either...
BAT... like: nietoperz...
like: pałka... hulanka:
a *******: RONDEL...
such is the poverty of the English tongue
when it comes to nouns...

two words sound alike:
not two words:
blue: bloo...
i blew... sea's azure..
****'s sake...i die every Sunday...
by Monday i count as a miracle of waking...
who... what's... up?
the newly imported African ***** brigade?

white girls import: hell of a story...
she imports Ghana timber...
Nigerian pocket-thieves...
she's lubricated so much:
we ***** all the black dudes...
but... i'm not willing to **** all the black girls...
i don't want to **** all these black girls...
i want to ****... oh... let's take a pick...
a curry-smeared...
Punjabi... work-around...
if white girls want all the ******* they:
can and can't handle...
Paris...
                lemon baguettes...
ham & cheese crepes...
wine... the Eiffel tower...  topple! topple!
tow: two import...
the working African *****: purpose!
purpose!
thanks... project exclusion:
first...
i know how "they" dye the nickel...
the copper... coinage...

i just feel like...
i've been ******* on for... sometime...
some: prior...

sorry... what?!
seal... kiss from a rose...
****** has... had... will have..
expectations.. concerning... snow?!
yeah... i want to live in... Kenya...
Muhammad the camel-jockey is available:
sure... no one remembers him having:
not having wrote: the Quran...
because: celebrating older women..
biz-nest...
busy... qua?!
****** tells a story: it snows... ha ha!
his rose my ******* baobab!
you know you pushed it just too far...
the white women their carousel antics...  

colonel: tavington...
you... inter-breeding... with mind...
Calypso.. this is... Brazil... no?
i like a tackle of shade...
hush hush...
i like... this... creeping up... crisp...
all the world's an adventure.

i acknowledge that some of this is a delusion, but if it's only inscribed in thinking: and hurting never hurt anyone... if thinking doesn't translate into action... it can come: it can go as it pleases... as long as that feral creature: ego... can be tamed awhile... i'm all for it... then at least i know some of its needs are met... i guess the feral creature: ego... is best fed delusions...

the time of year has finally come to make wine...
this year's harvest has been terrible...
my vines seem to be stricken with a disease:
a botanical parasite of sorts...
it's not exactly the cancerous growth of mistletoe...
but the vine started to outreach with its sickness
to a nearby plum tree: and the plum tree grew
sick...
it wasn't the same sickness when "translated"
but at least the plum tree came out with
a good yield...
beside all the usual garden requirements
i managed to render in... circa 10kg of grape pulp...
which equates subsequently to:
circa 2.5 gallons of worthy juice...
finally! autumn! and finally! winter i'm itching
for! have come...

i've lived in her vicinity for almost 20 years...
but i've only learned her name today...
Sophie...
                  which i learned from my mother...
who learned it from the father of Jack...
who's she's dating...
i've seen her grow... become a woman...
then again: i didn't really see her grow:
now that she is a woman...
one memory most piquant...
seeing her seeing me sitting at the desk
proclaiming a presence in the window
with last night's circus freak Halloween
make-up... less hangover and more...
recovering from having drank a spiked drink...
some ****-art at best... it almost made me fall:
i had to pick up a slab to balance to get home...
but she saw me in my clown make-up...
and that smile... hmm...
or that time when... her older sister
would parade in the bedroom mermaid naked...
plump *******... then the mother would walk
in... likewise... such mature forms of those "things"...
and the added flab of the torso...
mermaid... half-naked...
then she walked in... how old was she then?
still in her teenage years...
   she just lived across the street...
circa 20 years... she has seen me...
aloof creature...
             still pretty much the most pristine form
of single...
if only i started using those dating apps...
i wouldn't be the one
spending £120 at half a decade's stretch
when prompted by .......
                              a female cat... no... no pandering!
ah! grooming... with her raised ****...
i had to revisit the brothel...
would i be using those dating apps...
isn't social media already: cancerous?!
it's a profile outgrowth of a parasitical nature...
it might be an investment for the future: at best...
at worst... it's a meta-mirror...

another muse... i've had a few...
now she's moving away...
from across the street... to... two doors down...
her boyfriend's father is a builder
and work is underway to recover the structure
from the previous occupant:
a single mother with an autistic boy
who would sometimes take 5 minutes to cross
the street...
a proper carousel lady...
sometimes there might have been
         a man every single week in that house:
but did he fix anything?
no... apparently it will take... 3 weeks to revamp
that house of horrors...
******* beta orbiters...
  would any of them fix anything...
beside probably abusing the kid
and ******* his mother... the boy beefed up...
stopped barking... now they're far away
about to start a new life in... Chelmsford...
somewhere in Essex...
         at least in the brothel you have a sense
of a working environment...
am i living with savages, for, ****'s sake?!
in a brothel you're... well...
there for only an hour...
there's the hour's keep...
         it's not like you can: eat where you take a ****...
i'd summon the moon to the forest
and **** there than keep my house in disarray...
where i might: read... a... ha ha! a book...
eat a meal...
it sounds even more demeaning when
listening to some medieval chants...

oh dear Sophie... she's moving away...
from across the street: two doors down...
this is where the delusional part of me says...
it's because she wants to be close to
her mother... and her boyfriend Jack is doing
the white-flight left available: from East Ham...
to Romford... not much longer...
soon there will be a white-flight from
Romford too... but not yet...

i have experienced women strangely though...
they're still a phenomenon...
i was walking out from my ex-girlfriends house
in Hackney when a "bearded lady":
a woman dressed in a niqab went past
and... unveiled herself...
perhaps i have a bad memory...
but i saw what would be best described as:
too little butter... spread over too much bread...
she looked mutilated...
i stood still and... follow her?
round up all the white knights in the area
and save her?!
eh... then this little quickie... cycling down
oxford street... this one oriental girl flashed herself
on the junction been oxford st. and reagent st.
again: perhaps i need glasses or my memory is
all lies: did she have knickers on...
or... were her ***** trimmed as... imitation
of knickers?!

to borrow from a people that gave names
to their letters: whether the greeks,
the northern men...
hebrews... or the arabs...
perhaps when a people give names
to their letters: something can become of them...
all the greek letters that became
scientifically-mathematical constant:
but not in Latin: as one might /
be expected to sing... or to write with greater
fluidity...

aleph: mim: shin...
    A: M : SH...
mind you... shin is a "doubled" consonant...
since it asks an Islam...
a harsh "Islam" of a consonant H...
to be submissive to S...
when... when coupled with A...
is the genesis of laughter...
-leph -im -in
                   Sophie could have moved far far away...
meta-relationships: investing
in the uncertain future of: from death do us part:
                Jack...

all that's happening is para... phrasing...
sense & sensibility...
pomp & circumstance...
              
  dearest Sophie is moving away...
the day Jack saw me rooted walking back
with two bottle of cider i sort of knew...
i wish i could lend you a cushion to sleep
on... Jack...
but... hey... a woman's fickle mind...
if she's not ensnared and made comfortable
to even adorn the niqab...
i'm your lucky loser... Jack...
if she is allowed old again: and i'm allowed old
age... even in my presence
she'll turn into a budgie:
reading Harlequin novels...

        i'd play a tugging game: i too want
to relieve myself of this life...
on the other hand...
it is SUB-LIME...
ha ha... not sub... lemon?
ha ha...            how words are conjured...
from... prefixes and nouns...
later arrived at...

Sophie is moving away... from across
the street to: two doors down...
might she want a better angle of me...
sometime... toiling in the garden...
psst... let's keep me and you...
a mystery for her...
otherwise... boredom...
expectation... recurrence...
same old... same in... let's become forever
"un-attainble"...
              but i hear whispers from the past...
how courting can happen in the modern
day almost unavoidably...
poor Jack... all the trades: beckon...

IF YOU'RE GOING TO MOVE...
YOU'RE GOING TO MOVE... MOVE...
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MOVE
ACROSS THE STREET TO BE CLOSE
TO BE CLOSE TO YOUR MOTHER...
MOST DAUGHTERS ABHOR THEIR MOTHERS!

huh?!

i'm delusional! i'm even an adjective prone:
delusionaly 'appy!
poor Jack: he owns a car and works
the Docklands...
i own a bicycle and sometimes the night
and sometimes the forest...
because... i'll walk bare torso into it
and ask for the callings of the owl...
to sooth my drinking habit...

meta-relationships happen... when...
there's an invested hope in...
no death do us part...
         there's a rejuvenation process...

oh to hell! the self-proclaimed wine-making
process can wait...
there's all thought-exclusive...
thinking about the girl: woman
to be...

were diu werlt alle min...
i'm delusional.. of course... of course i am!
such tender lamb!
such impostor i!
                
we're here concerned about making wine.... whine(s)...
wine not whine...
and for that it would: most necessarily require....
a yeast compound:
dried yeast, bentonite...
yeast nutrients: diammonium phosphate,
magnesium sulphate, nicotinic acid,
magnesium carbonate, thiamine hydrochloride,
zinc sulphate, ferrous ammonium,
sulphate, biotin...

to get things moving...
fermenting... eating itself to give new life...
i won't get into the stabiliser stage
where you'll need sodium metabisulphate
& potassium sorbate...

drink any bottle of alcohol...
it will contain a disclaimer as if vegans
are to be necessarily minded...
it contains... sulphites...
i think i'm excited about making my own
wine...
it only happens once a year...
and i think: if i were only allowed to
make... wine once a year...
i'd have a carnival!
i'd have an ****...
so much so that we wouldn't sip the ******
sip throughout the year:
faking it... seasonally!
we'd eat fruit in the summer...
apples and pears in the autumn...
get ****** mid-way through winter...
while the rest of the year would be:
could be: would be... spent... sobering up...
but only after that **** of drinking and *******!

how it is... so readily available...
for the lowest of man and the highest of man:
likewise... given the same circumstance of: now...
my heart is already broken:
my mind too... what else is there to throw
at the "unexpected"... "surprise" stampede...
boxing my liver into a cubist shape?!

                  i drink some cider: i feel... hungry...
i combat that with drinking some whiskey:
i'm full...
sober, sane, people... if not workaholics...
have so much time spent for / off of them...
i'm drinking hoping that someone
sane diagnosed me as insane...
but... there's little chance of that...

i walk in canoes: size shoe 10up... 11...
i have canoe feet...
people tend to stumble over my shoes
sometimes barricading the most shortened
space between stairs and the civil room...
the living room:
if the t.v. is to be implied as fireplace?
i'll pick up a book to find my eyes: burning!

picking up a book via someone who
wrote about: numeracy of... ******... not ******
partners... talking to someone on the phone
for an hour...
when was the last time i talked to someone
for an hour... wait... i can't remember...
last time i checked i was sending someone
the equivalence of braille...
not my first love... not her...
i was in love with her sister...
in this supposed heaven
there's not *****: no menopause...

so... i turn all crazy at the fold: this...
is... all... that... ever is... or will... be?!
post-science... post-news: fake...
adolescent acknowledgement of the rules of:
hide & seek... rekindled...
it's not like too many people know
how to play the game...
some of us made it so difficult that the rest
of them found it boring...
we turned the game into a war-game...
sharpshooting their presence...
climbing trees and roofs to aim with
imaginary rifles...
the game was lost... everyone lost
interest...
we were beginning to be snipers at
the battle of Stalingrad...
no fun in that... the world moved on...
bored... as ever...

Sophie... what a pretty name...
she's moving...
from across the street...
two doors down...
i just can't wait for the horrors...
it's not like i'm writing this from the perspective
of a perfect husband...
i'm a proper ****-up i never used
a hook-up bribe of app...
submerged myself into:

what came first... the chicken (consciousness)...
or the egg (sub-consciousness)?
i'm pretty sure h. h. holmes was
merely a con-artist...
with a few naive lambs to slaughter...
albert fish though?
needles pointing into his pevlis
while he died: ******* into an electric chair...
another: altogether...
do you mind?

the slaughter of world war I: for kin!
G... the son against the grandson!...
the Hebrews turned into... cattle...
come world war II... willingly they walked
into the slaughterhouses!
said quote: the Jew is what the Arab
now sow via...
a non-important quote...
why lever... thise Semite from a Semite...
such a kippah-tease-of-the-north...
              believe me when i say:
i have venom's worth of eyes for the niqab...
i'm yet to hear about the future
guided by... anti-usury...
i'm not going to hear much from
that "tabernacle"... am i?
                  forget it... you push along...
push forth... you settle down...
have your children...
Darwinism is... primarily applicable
in the anglo-sphere of the zunge...
i'll sleep...
                    Darwinism will never be
French or German equivalent of
existentialism... it... hasn't arrived yet...
it's still basic... form focus...
it wasn't fashionable in 19th century
continental Europe... it's still not fashionable
in 21st... continental Europe creeping in on
the islanders...
                  
the ancient Romans looked at the ape too!
and they too said: well... maybe...
similis!
                     there's nothing ******* new!
the WASP attack on Copernicus...
suggesting... the ancient Egyptians knew just
as much...
well then... given that Darwinism
is so ******* obvious...
the apes knew too!
so they allowed men to conjure up
their pyramids and their coliseums!
while they remained mute...
and via mute: giggle...
pity man...
pity that he might think himself
to remain.

how's that?! i hate Darwinism...
               i don't need to accept it...
it arrived in the mind of one man...
"originally"...
in my mind it arrived as either POP
or plagiarised...
otherwise... exhausted...
i still retain the observational luxury
of keeping: ape...
no? you revive Darwinism with keeping
a man in a cage...
i might respond... then.

Politics in a happier hand
Salt and salacious minds
To work in the evening sun of the land
Tried and true, the irony of vice to distinguish the times

Politics deciding to give at most, a wonder, a try...
Through a peering shadow, we accepted was a rancor
Timid is and if a ruling thought, nowhere but shied...?
The loft to a rolling voice, that has it to serve...

Politics knowing utmost is the whole, dominion
Taken to beauty, and serenity, notes of comprehension
Compassion is an adding wait, of sincerity to come again
With the dole of rendition, edicts of forces we see, reagent

Politics of friends and lovers, with the guidance of decency
Met erudite, the cold versus the heat of problems...
That suggest the kindred of speed, and the reasoned empathy
In our hands for vows, that come and go like angels, whim

Politics of offering a host of charisma
The time of day, and the mustiness of night
Where one decision for the many, is made in heed's behalf, dilemma
We know and care for, like a curiosity was the other half of might

Politics of poise, and a surreal appetite
Privilege before a sunny honor, the future of ought, energy
Long in truth, and chosen for bright minds that saw a sight
Of worth in the worlds grasp, looking one more time for sought anarchy...