"hyperventilated" poems

one mistake when you were too young to know how to play by the rules, when lines were blurred and first times felt like finallys. you had to tell him it was over seven separate times, had to endure each time he passed too close to you at work. until, mercifully, you never saw him again. two mistakes still too young to understand right and wrong but old enough to understand the spark and the beat of the music. you let him do the things that made him keep one eye out for anyone you knew, because you thought you were special until the night you realized you weren't. all the times you left smelling like him turned into a burning on your skin it took you years to wash away. three mistakes three strikes, old enough, but not for him. still too naive for the secret meetings that didn't feel wrong until they did. the first time there was lots of blood and he wiped away your tears while you hyperventilated on the bathroom floor. he brought you water and then kicked you out and found new ways to do it all again until you'd had enough.

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Dec 31, 2021

Dec 31, 2021 at 6:10 AM UTC

CountRayma

three strikes

one mistake when you were too young to know how to play by the rules, when lines were blurred and first times felt like finallys. you had to tell him it was over seven separate times, had to endure each time he passed too close to you at work. until, mercifully, you never saw him again. two mistakes still too young to understand right and wrong but old enough to understand the spark and the beat of the music. you let him do the things that made him keep one eye out for anyone you knew, because you thought you were special until the night you realized you weren't. all the times you left smelling like him turned into a burning on your skin it took you years to wash away. three mistakes three strikes, old enough, but not for him. still too naive for the secret meetings that didn't feel wrong until they did. the first time there was lots of blood and he wiped away your tears while you hyperventilated on the bathroom floor. he brought you water and then kicked you out and found new ways to do it all again until you'd had enough.

36

She was warned that a collection of rice would weigh a lot. She shook her head and claimed nonsense while exhibiting the size of each grain. And her collection grew with marvelous and hideous grains of rice Until 9:30pm one Saturday, while she was sitting on a couch with loved ones, laughing at baseball And she knew, if she drew one more breath- She would implode. The bag would explode Millions, billions of grains would come spilling out of the wound. She ran Hyperventilated the whole way home- Not even home, dog sitting was more rice she picked up that week. Curled in a ball all night, counting the seconds until she could flee to her sanctuary- Retrieve her thread Sew the hole Hold onto the grain Every breath a dagger Every heart beat, a beat for a grain- The reason she has them to begin with

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Apr 20, 2014

Apr 20, 2014 at 9:37 PM UTC

laura-mankowski

Rice

She was warned that a collection of rice would weigh a lot. She shook her head and claimed nonsense while exhibiting the size of each grain. And her collection grew with marvelous and hideous grains of rice Until 9:30pm one Saturday, while she was sitting on a couch with loved ones, laughing at baseball And she knew, if she drew one more breath- She would implode. The bag would explode Millions, billions of grains would come spilling out of the wound. She ran Hyperventilated the whole way home- Not even home, dog sitting was more rice she picked up that week. Curled in a ball all night, counting the seconds until she could flee to her sanctuary- Retrieve her thread Sew the hole Hold onto the grain Every breath a dagger Every heart beat, a beat for a grain- The reason she has them to begin with

19

Prologue: The Devil and the Nymphet There she ran to the moon lighted alleyway. Her heart beat fast, blood pressure hyperventilated. She might be a runaway from somewhere else. This nymphet seemed to be lost in thoughts. There by the lamp post stood a coffee shop. Inside, a silhouette sitting figure awaits. Every sip dictated the nearing of the nymph. Suddenly, the door's chimes sang like their head's insanity. A lost soul meeting a devil of liberty!

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Jul 30, 2019

Jul 30, 2019 at 7:28 AM UTC

dwayneluis

Pier Cafe at Schicks st. prol.

Prologue: The Devil and the Nymphet There she ran to the moon lighted alleyway. Her heart beat fast, blood pressure hyperventilated. She might be a runaway from somewhere else. This nymphet seemed to be lost in thoughts. There by the lamp post stood a coffee shop. Inside, a silhouette sitting figure awaits. Every sip dictated the nearing of the nymph. Suddenly, the door's chimes sang like their head's insanity. A lost soul meeting a devil of liberty!

10

I died. Mommy, I died and I can’t tell you I did. I can’t tell you that I’m sitting on the other side crying because I’ve hurt you more than I ever knew I possibly could I couldn’t sleep before, knowing my heartbeats were numbered so I counted them. Sixty beats a minute, fourteen-hundred something minutes a day, thirty days for six months 60 times 1400 times 30 times 6. I did the arithmetic so I could have one more math test to cheat on. I ran laps and hyperventilated and did every upbeat thing I could think of to upend my pulse so I could lie to myself. 140 times 1400 times 30 times 6. It’s twice as big. I don’t know if I can sleep now, and I didn’t tell you, mommy. cause I didn’t want you to lose sleep then, and I hate you’re losing sleep now.

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Jun 29, 2018

Jun 29, 2018 at 7:35 PM UTC

n-schlegel

End

I died. Mommy, I died and I can’t tell you I did. I can’t tell you that I’m sitting on the other side crying because I’ve hurt you more than I ever knew I possibly could I couldn’t sleep before, knowing my heartbeats were numbered so I counted them. Sixty beats a minute, fourteen-hundred something minutes a day, thirty days for six months 60 times 1400 times 30 times 6. I did the arithmetic so I could have one more math test to cheat on. I ran laps and hyperventilated and did every upbeat thing I could think of to upend my pulse so I could lie to myself. 140 times 1400 times 30 times 6. It’s twice as big. I don’t know if I can sleep now, and I didn’t tell you, mommy. cause I didn’t want you to lose sleep then, and I hate you’re losing sleep now.

17

a thick fog of hyperventilated breath, microwaved dinners, and nail polish remover separates into two halves as my mother breaks through my bedroom the creaking of the door always, without fail, pierces directly through my ears and into the part of my brain that knows how to be kind and pleasant no mother, i didn't hear about the wreck on 288 today no, i don't know if i can go grocery shopping tomorrow no, i don't ******* care to be a part of this family every picture of a sad-looking, round-faced, blonde pigtailed child in any photo album collecting dust on a shelf in my house has "victim" written underneath like a description of a particularly memorable event, photographed to document such a milestone i never caught any fish i never won a trophy there was so much empty space mother, i could've been a ballerina i would have enjoyed learning an instrument mother, i wish none of this happened either i suppose you can't ask why someone is upset when their house burns down because they left an open flame too close to the curtain it doesn't matter why everything you own has turned to ash, it just matters when every birthday cake for every year seems like a post card from the future saying "wish you were here" it feels good to blow out the candles yes mother, i am the curtains of the family no, i don't want to be

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Apr 18, 2017

Apr 18, 2017 at 2:56 AM UTC

Poppy-seed

the conductor

a thick fog of hyperventilated breath, microwaved dinners, and nail polish remover separates into two halves as my mother breaks through my bedroom the creaking of the door always, without fail, pierces directly through my ears and into the part of my brain that knows how to be kind and pleasant no mother, i didn't hear about the wreck on 288 today no, i don't know if i can go grocery shopping tomorrow no, i don't ******* care to be a part of this family every picture of a sad-looking, round-faced, blonde pigtailed child in any photo album collecting dust on a shelf in my house has "victim" written underneath like a description of a particularly memorable event, photographed to document such a milestone i never caught any fish i never won a trophy there was so much empty space mother, i could've been a ballerina i would have enjoyed learning an instrument mother, i wish none of this happened either i suppose you can't ask why someone is upset when their house burns down because they left an open flame too close to the curtain it doesn't matter why everything you own has turned to ash, it just matters when every birthday cake for every year seems like a post card from the future saying "wish you were here" it feels good to blow out the candles yes mother, i am the curtains of the family no, i don't want to be

17

It’s 11:24 in the morning and it’s taking all of me not to text you good morning And tell you how much I love you And tell you I miss the taste of your lips And the feeling of your arms wrapped around me And your scent when I dig my face into your chest To tell you I’m heartbroken would be an understatement I’m completely crushed You said you still loved me and you didn’t want to do this. You cried I hyperventilated on the side of the street as you held me and told me to calm down before I made myself sick. I didn’t care, let me get sick You were leaving me I still love you and care about you a ton and I’m always here, I’m never leaving you said to me that night But I want you back I did nothing wrong Please I miss you.

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Aug 11, 2019

Aug 11, 2019 at 11:27 AM UTC

Torrenmaa

Break up

It’s 11:24 in the morning and it’s taking all of me not to text you good morning And tell you how much I love you And tell you I miss the taste of your lips And the feeling of your arms wrapped around me And your scent when I dig my face into your chest To tell you I’m heartbroken would be an understatement I’m completely crushed You said you still loved me and you didn’t want to do this. You cried I hyperventilated on the side of the street as you held me and told me to calm down before I made myself sick. I didn’t care, let me get sick You were leaving me I still love you and care about you a ton and I’m always here, I’m never leaving you said to me that night But I want you back I did nothing wrong Please I miss you.

17

you didn't have to touch me to instil fear in my body silencing me from the screaming and rage in your eyes i saw the devil i saw the same hatred as the man who tortured me you didn't have to touch me to awaken my trauma i cried harder than i ever have hyperventilation the pain was inflicted inside but hurt worse than cigarette burns and you told me you'd take me home but when I asked you insisted I laid in bed and ignored my uncomfort knowing I was too afraid to walk out the door putting your arms around me, I was stiff and my cries were screams and I had never hyperventilated that hard before like I forgot how to breathe I can't handle reliving those moments you basically held me against my will for your own comfort when I was the one in pain I never thought I'd be the same after that you kept telling me you loved me but you were just obsessed and wanted me in your possession.

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Oct 6, 2014

Oct 6, 2014 at 3:49 PM UTC

breanna-hermann

Untitled

you didn't have to touch me to instil fear in my body silencing me from the screaming and rage in your eyes i saw the devil i saw the same hatred as the man who tortured me you didn't have to touch me to awaken my trauma i cried harder than i ever have hyperventilation the pain was inflicted inside but hurt worse than cigarette burns and you told me you'd take me home but when I asked you insisted I laid in bed and ignored my uncomfort knowing I was too afraid to walk out the door putting your arms around me, I was stiff and my cries were screams and I had never hyperventilated that hard before like I forgot how to breathe I can't handle reliving those moments you basically held me against my will for your own comfort when I was the one in pain I never thought I'd be the same after that you kept telling me you loved me but you were just obsessed and wanted me in your possession.

1

A fly lazily perched on my computer, it brushed its legs against each other. Like you used to. I stared at its black eyes, dark like your gaze when you gripped me by hand and pulled me away into your bedroom. I remember how dark the world seemed when I shut my eyes, counting every second. Hoping that it’d make it fade, make it stop, make it less real. But the fly’s legs were thin, fragile, small, tiny the same way I felt powerless when you were around. And then the fly flew away. It swept through the window, free. Oblivious to my catching breath, while I hyperventilated trapped between the memories of what you have already forgotten.

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Mar 31, 2025

Mar 31, 2025 at 3:00 PM UTC

izan_almira

Dark eyes

A fly lazily perched on my computer, it brushed its legs against each other. Like you used to. I stared at its black eyes, dark like your gaze when you gripped me by hand and pulled me away into your bedroom. I remember how dark the world seemed when I shut my eyes, counting every second. Hoping that it’d make it fade, make it stop, make it less real. But the fly’s legs were thin, fragile, small, tiny the same way I felt powerless when you were around. And then the fly flew away. It swept through the window, free. Oblivious to my catching breath, while I hyperventilated trapped between the memories of what you have already forgotten.

21

I keep telling myself this is all your fault because of what you did. I never really sat back and thought about all of the things you never actually did. You didn't listen to the way my heart broke when you decided it was of no use to you anymore. I never realized how little you really cared about me until that one day. You know, that one day I laid in your bed with my head on your chest. As stupid as it sounds, I expected your heart to skip a beat like mine did; I expected your heart rate to increase. I mean, how could you breathe normally when you had this beautiful girl lying in your bed. Caressing your skin. Touching your hair. And maybe I was the stupid one. (I was the stupid one.) It was like a movie playing in my head; a romantic comedy, starring you and I. However, the title quickly went from The Greatest Feeling I Have Ever Felt to Wow, You Must've Had A Lot Of Girls In Your Bed. You never hyperventilated. You never got nervous. You never looked into my eyes. The ceiling and that streetlight on the corner by your house became our best friends because when conversations got heavy, we knew we could always turn to them to make light of the situation. And you trusted them more than me. They knew all the secrets your eyes betrayed that your words never would. I knew it was over when you never cared that I Love Talking To You turned into We Need To Talk all the time. You never talked. Even when the sky turned from black to blue and I finally decided it was time for me to go, you still wouldn't tell me why you couldn't sleep. You never slept. You never let your hands touch mine. I always knew it was because that would mean something. And I never meant anything. You never told her. And I never made sense in this equation. You and her were always two, and three was just too many because you two were parallel lines, continuing forever and I was the one intersecting. You never liked math class, not even geometry. But you always seemed to like the shape of my body when it was convenient for you. And she will never find out about your love of deception the way I did. You promised at least 10 times to stop so that you would never have to lie to her again. You could never keep a promise. But once I stopped believing you, you started to leave... And you never stopped leaving.

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Aug 14, 2014

Aug 14, 2014 at 4:42 AM UTC

dejahhhh

Things You Never Did

I keep telling myself this is all your fault because of what you did. I never really sat back and thought about all of the things you never actually did. You didn't listen to the way my heart broke when you decided it was of no use to you anymore. I never realized how little you really cared about me until that one day. You know, that one day I laid in your bed with my head on your chest. As stupid as it sounds, I expected your heart to skip a beat like mine did; I expected your heart rate to increase. I mean, how could you breathe normally when you had this beautiful girl lying in your bed. Caressing your skin. Touching your hair. And maybe I was the stupid one. (I was the stupid one.) It was like a movie playing in my head; a romantic comedy, starring you and I. However, the title quickly went from The Greatest Feeling I Have Ever Felt to Wow, You Must've Had A Lot Of Girls In Your Bed. You never hyperventilated. You never got nervous. You never looked into my eyes. The ceiling and that streetlight on the corner by your house became our best friends because when conversations got heavy, we knew we could always turn to them to make light of the situation. And you trusted them more than me. They knew all the secrets your eyes betrayed that your words never would. I knew it was over when you never cared that I Love Talking To You turned into We Need To Talk all the time. You never talked. Even when the sky turned from black to blue and I finally decided it was time for me to go, you still wouldn't tell me why you couldn't sleep. You never slept. You never let your hands touch mine. I always knew it was because that would mean something. And I never meant anything. You never told her. And I never made sense in this equation. You and her were always two, and three was just too many because you two were parallel lines, continuing forever and I was the one intersecting. You never liked math class, not even geometry. But you always seemed to like the shape of my body when it was convenient for you. And she will never find out about your love of deception the way I did. You promised at least 10 times to stop so that you would never have to lie to her again. You could never keep a promise. But once I stopped believing you, you started to leave... And you never stopped leaving.

34

That focused look in your eyes, And the slight furrow of your brow Sends a spiral of butterflies Fluttering in my stomach. And the warmth of your hands On my skin, And the comfort of your arms Around me, Reminds me That I am just as human As anyone else, And I have needs and wants As anyone else. And hyperventilated Breathing From a nightmare Where I was bound and trapped All too real Because at one point it was real, And it saddens me That sometimes you have to see me With fear in my eyes. But the comfort of your breath On my neck And your words In my ears, And your eyes Locked on me, With your hands On my skin or Fingers tangled in my hair Regulates my breathing So that I may fall back to sleep. Your voice is loving And calming And suddenly I am Filled with warmth Even for a moment. I am far from perfect, But I am beginning to think That you are okay with that.

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Dec 4, 2016

Dec 4, 2016 at 10:52 AM UTC

LittleBirdWitch

On the Topic of Being Far From Perfect

That focused look in your eyes, And the slight furrow of your brow Sends a spiral of butterflies Fluttering in my stomach. And the warmth of your hands On my skin, And the comfort of your arms Around me, Reminds me That I am just as human As anyone else, And I have needs and wants As anyone else. And hyperventilated Breathing From a nightmare Where I was bound and trapped All too real Because at one point it was real, And it saddens me That sometimes you have to see me With fear in my eyes. But the comfort of your breath On my neck And your words In my ears, And your eyes Locked on me, With your hands On my skin or Fingers tangled in my hair Regulates my breathing So that I may fall back to sleep. Your voice is loving And calming And suddenly I am Filled with warmth Even for a moment. I am far from perfect, But I am beginning to think That you are okay with that.

41