i've grown to be a very lonely person

loneliness is a paper bag
loneliness isn't an emotion
it's what you become

you forget how to talk
when your thoughts are the only voices

your life becomes an existential mirage
all you have are memories you grasp
as they fade away

so alone that memories are the only company keeping you sane
memories distract you of the reality that you are now irrelevant
reminders that you once were wanted in a room, there were people wanting to share their time with you. you were visible. you were cared for.

my life is an old scrapbook
everyone moves on with their lives
i'm stuck in the past but no one cared to pull me out

you don't know what loneliness is until your past is the only thing you think about and your bed becomes your crying shoulder

atleast a bed can soak up my tears// atleast my bed supports my aching body

people will just drown you and break all of your bones

you didn't have to touch me to instil fear in my body silencing me from the screaming and rage in your eyes i saw the devil i saw the same hatred as the man who tortured me you didn't have to touch me to awaken my trauma i cried harder than i ever have hyperventilation the pain was inflicted inside but hurt worse than cigarette burns and you told me you'd take me home but when I asked you insisted I laid in bed and ignored my uncomfort knowing I was too afraid to walk out the door putting your arms around me, I was stiff and my cries were screams and I had never hyperventilated that hard before like I forgot how to breathe I can't handle reliving those moments you basically held me against my will for your own comfort when I was the one in pain I never thought I'd be the same after that you kept telling me you loved me but you were just obsessed and wanted me in your possession.

humans are just small planets
i want you orbiting me
we could play frisbee with the stars
i want us on the moon sleeping in it's craters
frick me on the big dipper
we'll make our own constellations

i was a piñata and you swung at me with a spiked bat and tore me open and all of my candy fell out and emptied all of the sweetness I kept inside to keep myself from turning bitter

I spilt Pepsi on the poems I wrote you in your notebook
an accident that hinted they didn't mean a thing

you made a home out of my heart


only to become an interior designer.

i just want to keep learning // my mind is a sponge soaking up all of the information around me // my mind is a black hole ******* every experience in

i want to grow i water myself my body is so small but i don't have to be

i don't want to think of things i want to just know the answers

i want to be insightful to you i want to impress you with my mind

one day you'll learn so much from me

one day i'll be the teacher instead of the student // you will carry my words of wisdom with you across your brain

i want to make a difference i want to be remembered for the things pouring out of my mind // i want people to think of me as an intelligent woman overall

not for my tiny figure or heavy heart