Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Taylor Feb 10
I’m 18, almost 19 now, but when I was at the age of 13-14 I was curious, wanted to explore my sexuality. Not even that. My best friend at the time, who was a girl, said she liked me. I was young, the “weird” girl in school. Someone showed interest in me and I went for it. My first relationship, ever, was with a girl. Nothing wrong with that.
But with this being my first relationship, I wanted to move slow. I was young and I was scared to be seen in public, holding hands with a girl. My middle school wasn’t a place that really supported being gay or bisexual or anything other than straight.
I wanted to keep it a secret, she didn’t want to keep it a secret. She wanted to move fast, I wanted to move slow.
She kept wanting to kiss and I kept saying no. She’d get upset with me so I just caved and let it happen, I was uncomfortable, I realized girls were not who I wanted to be with. I was straight. I was afraid to break up with her because she was suicidal and I couldn’t handle what would happen if I did break up with her.
It got to the point where she made me join track with her.
We were in the locker room and we were the last two to leave the locker room. I get ready to walk away and she grabs me and pulls me to her. She’s trying to kiss me. I was sick. I didn’t want to kiss her and give her whatever sickness I had. She didn’t like me pulling away, refusing to kiss her and she grabbed me harder and started to hit me. She slammed my head into the mirror in the locker room, mad that I wouldn’t give her what she wanted. She continued to hit me and abuse me mentally and physically until I cut it off for sure. I’d come home from school with bruises and sore from the day. I cut the relationship off. I stayed longer and took the abuse not wanting to hurt her, knowing she was suicidal. But staying I realized I was slowly killing myself.


*this was 5-6 years ago.
Taylor Aug 2019
Me- “why do you keep bringing me up into conversation?”
Him- “maybe because you were a big part of my life for a ******* year Taylor”
And that’s when it hit me
He’s hurting
Taylor Aug 2019
Ok
I keep portraying myself like I’m really actually ok and I’m getting over everything
But once I’m alone I realize I’m not ok and I keep telling myself I am but when no one is around I get to thinking and I’m not ok and I wish I could express how I feel to you and I know I can’t and it just
Hurts
Taylor Aug 2019
It’s 11:24 in the morning and it’s taking all of me not to text you good morning
And tell you how much I love you
And tell you I miss the taste of your lips
And the feeling of your arms wrapped around me
And your scent when I dig my face into your chest
To tell you I’m heartbroken would be an understatement
I’m completely crushed
You said you still loved me and you didn’t want to do this.
You cried
I hyperventilated on the side of the street as you held me and told me to calm down before I made myself sick.
I didn’t care, let me get sick
You were leaving me
I still love you and care about you a ton and I’m always here, I’m never leaving you said to me that night
But I want you back
I did nothing wrong
Please
I miss you.
Taylor Jun 2019
It’s been almost 10 months
At first I was scared we wouldn’t work out
But now we talk about the future
Marriage
Children
I lay on your chest and I imagine this 10 years from now
A baby on the way
Good stable jobs
A beautiful house
I don’t want that with anyone else
I’ve never been happier than I am with you
I can’t remember what life was like before you
I’ve finally found my missing puzzle piece
You’re amazing, a handsome *** young man, a great boyfriend
Everything I’ve ever wanted and more
Please never leave
I love you
Love, Tiny
Taylor Feb 2019
What if you tell someone to dream big but they can’t because they can’t dream the dream they want to dream because they have these monsters in their head, shredding their dreams and giving them unforgettable nightmares.

But so what?

Dreams are overrated anyways.
Taylor Feb 2019
There are the girls who are your boyfriends exes
That’ll come up to you and act all nice...
Then fill your head with ******* lies.
Because they’re jealous.

They’re jealous because you were able to work out your problems
Instead of having a blowout in the hall
Jealous because that boy cares about you more than he ever did to all those girls...
Combined.
Next page