Pathetic parasite
of a woman
perpetuates
love indefinitely,
a plague
upon hopelessly
romantic people.
A performance.
Smiling, always.
Hates
good news and
sleeps around,
sleeps
surrounded
in black light.
Wearing sunglasses.
Her day is
nighttime.
She breathes
aesthetic,
instagram posts
to survive.
But thrives, only.
The numb gummed
princess cries
every day and
yes. She said it,
even
a hundred times
but
language
proves flexible.
Same words mean
different things
and we
obviously don’t
speak the same
language.
I meant mine.
I didn’t know
she’d sell hers
for snow.
Fame.
Attention from strangers.

Welcome home.

Winter came and stayed,
love never lived here.

the story went as though
she'd always known the sea
and trusted in its depth
to mellow any ill, caress her
open lovingkind as in a dream.
and dream she would upon the waves,
having settled into floating reverie.
she'd close her eyes and inhale being
there among herself caressing only
ocean, only breath, all sunlit space
to draw her earthly trials gently out.
softened beachside noise would fade
and let alone her ears to hear
the water oneness dipping clear
and deeper in the troughs, for distance
from the stranded holidays,
the beachy noise of seaside frills
and bear her boyancy to rest
in lilting motion, peaceful cresting sleep
atop an intercontinental,
earthsize water bed.
her trust profoundly spanned
the trans-atlantic rift
and any rift to set apart her undulating
ancient ocean mastery. moon
and sun were kneading vastly where
her snores were lost in starfish whispers balancing
the tidal volume set
to always fill and keep afloat,
or otherwise to wake in
sputters and a salty throat.
her body settles into swinging comfort
napping over waves so deep the shore recedes...
... what bright, kind, clarity cascaded in your dreams?
what heart you had, embracing open quiddity,
never sinking nowness breath alert in lucid sleep
and water surface mystic skyward shallow course?
to merfolk gazing up in wonderment
you limply crossed their bouncing sky,
just another flight of fancy in a world of mystery?
did you dream you were a whalesong
sphering out to carry sadness sonorously? did you
school the many impulse-thoughts to clump and flee
the jaws of time? did you bask in light
and find a shining womb of self
to nurture once again and labor out anew?
did gravity make sense to you?
i float sometimes and live that question true.
sleeping far you drifted out and out and in and out of view
and whistles drowned in gathered drama fear
'my grandma! my grandma!'
screamed my cousin at the lifeguard
sweating ******* and leaping over stroke to spash
into your side a breathless shouting mess for you to calm
and ask 'what's wrong?' and angle slowly back to shore
in fits of giggles, bubble laughter at commotion's reach.
they blink in crowds, standing herdlike on the beach.

and now you swim your last,
another summer day.
like any other i awoke
and fed you eggs, so soft
     (at first it wrinkled my nose),
but taste is strange, and slimy works
just fine sometimes,
like in the absence of teeth.
she never liked her dentures,
     (she said she couldn't taste her food)
and gummed her frozen dinner meals with a smile,
like it was the greatest thing in the world.
     (in fact she'd often say, 'that was the best meal i had ever had',
     and with a force that made me happy to suspend my doubt)
and who am i, judging
that which you select? your pills,
your diapers and your vote,
your shows, your nursery rhymes,
your crown manipulation,
your age?
i use abjection well,
as something not unlike a whetstone for denial.
performing daily rituals i abhor
i retrain and edit, revising social eyes:
dilapidated fictions, safer norms
and mores tailored to a loan
with interest from the self.

she didn't call herself a 'nudist,'
though she lived beyond the fence
living **** for decades saying
'i'll never leave, i love my home.'
we played dominoes 'til noon
'another kind of indoor game, one on a side'
her interpretation of my being there
changed soon, like my aversion
for the liquid yoke she buttered with a spoon.
our neighbors loved her and i,
and to meander down our path,
lay their towels and sit
like all there was to do was visit.
lunched,
she hobbles from her plants back to the sink,
and filling the cat dish, stands
century-old arms akimbo
in the doorway, with a sigh to wake the sun.
being of caretaking was never so fun.
holding hands i help her over roots,
around the rocky sections, through
the easy path and level now
she hobbles sure, the cane a decoration
for her pride at being old and young
at heart and quick at stories overtold
in grooves to satisfy the sense of time.
greetings shower us with beaming smiles,
inching to the sandy edge. denuding,
joining everyone, we stand engulfed
in air. modern digambar to don
a vaster cloth of letting be.
skinny dipping grandma, and me.
the water slips around
her fraglile skin, human driftwood
knotted with a smile.
a grand mother slipping through akashic cracks
to undiscover friends their seeing core.
they wonder at the shore
of hoary plight
and wonder on, once we're gone.

I can't keep pushing this down any deeper
Why do I keep trying if I can't keep her?
Every move I make
Is just another mistake
I wonder what it would take
Because it feels like there's a hole inside my body
Like there's a hole inside my heart
It's like this feeling is gonna consume me
If I keep waiting for this thing to start
Oh, I feel like I'm all gummed up inside
It's like I'm all gummed up inside

It's like I'm all gummed up inside...

"Walk my eggshells?" I drool like a dog,
something you're eager to **** with
and dispose of.
I should walk your eggshells
like a minefield in first
world countries?
Mold on your fruits of love or labor,
yet I eat like ******* swine,
aftermath; no hope or sense of self,
**** my sense of identity senseless,
since September still yet towards
another fake continent or mass
of fictional places.
Stuffed back into a box and strangled,
slept next to the coffin he was buried in.
Didn't find it poignant until eight
weeks later washing dishes
for a Latverian dictator.
Google took the teeth out of the search,
and the hand that fed was gummed.
You love the rain till you're stuck in it.
You love escape till you have no home.
You love what you can abuse
and still take home;
Violet on your skin,
Violet on my mind,
Violet for a dream,
Violet for a name,
Violet in my blood,
Violet on my toes,
Violet as a drug,
Violet as an insect
you eat in private,
Violet as violet as violet
as a tautology,
or addictive prescription.
Once I had the leash on you,
now the sores have come back,
my knees and palms make
sick ******* with earth
I cough.

baby in the crib, turns closed eyes into dream-light
young boy at the window, eyes on the calf
woman with the cow, flies milling around the eyes


1.
every morning, with a penchant for rising before his hour
           he stands, sees the calf at the wooden-fence
           watches with the fawn-coloured beauty of sea-shell heartbeat..
                              the rising-eye
while his sister, nearly a young-woman, washes dishes with eyeballs
                              out the tiny-window
           heifer passes by and he looks straight into eyes – gentle eyes –
                              soothes calamity

2.
in the cold morning on the farmstead, the baby curls in its warm-folds
     she chases off the flies from the horns
     and cleans gummed-openings
yet deity’s crown falls from splendour this day
      as moments devoured by need eventually bear witness
to warm dripping in the sand
the bowl is filled

                                           *(high-scale horror)

and the boy has seen it, too
he holds his arms round him to stop the wholesale-shaking.. bites down hard
     as his face contorts baleful.. in impotent-anger
     his silence bought decades ago.. in another life
no price on his shock
and the bird on the branch flies off.. glint-eyes on another branch

it’s that time once again: she takes the old-cow to town
they await her before nightfall
she never does return


3.
I’m begging you
        leave it be, this is how it is
go pick up the baby, please
(the baby won’t stop crying)




your fences, I’ll rip up your fences with your very own whip
while them wolves howl on and on
I got oppressive-time to suffer your unmatched-law in the crush-of-daylight
now, kindly.. get outta my face!







S T – 22 Jan 2014

a harp has been strummed
a banjo picked
a heart has been numbed
a ****** flicked
a page has been thumbed
a sharp ice pick
a mouth has been gummed
a desiduous tick
a cigarette has been bummed
a virginal stick
a town has been slummed
a slippery ****
a ***** has been ******
a little *****
a lonely man jumped
a fall and a click
a crowd has been pumped
a comedy shtick
a mind has been stumped
a clever trick

toothless junkies
        rifle through trinkets
             hearts leaking tar
           onto the bus’s gummed out floor
hoodied heads bow
             begging for a break
    or a stake in the heart
        or a steak
          half burnt trees flay   flash by      pray         for one less day
                 dogs chase
           the beat up clunker                                        yellow
        gnashing blindly
         at the machinery
         screaming dust
              in the world’s
                 face
         I hate Mondays



4/19/11

He made the stairs up from the yard,
Without falling even once.
Entered the house with a feeble little
skip and a bound of renewed energy,
Wagging his long crooked tail,
wearing the shaggy faded yellow
coat of an aged Labrador.
Loose skin and bone where once firm
muscles shown.
Nearly blind and fully deaf he still managed
to grab up an unclaimed tennis ball from
off the floor. Tooth and gummed it a few times
then flopped down on his rug, exhausted and spent.  
Sixteen summers and winters lived,
Loving companion, faithful friend,
Raising my grandsons to the ages of seven and ten,
Slept by their beds and protected them.

The mobile Vet has come, it's the needle not the gun.
I can not attend, too soft of heart,
I've buried too many canine friends.
My son is stoic, tending to what must be done,
But later alone, he will grieve and weep as I have done,
He is after all his father's son.

Rest in Peace Bennie you brought our family much joy.

So **** before the shadows
Like silk against the light

Passion unbreakable
Gummed above the grave

Be watchful
There are ghosts under the mist

Shining awake
Saying goodbye

A phone ringing somewhere
For how long

Forget to go home
Wondering why

The vision has died
Repent

I sat cross legged on the balcony as he rolled me a cigarette. He didn't smoke but he rolled perfectly. His perfectionism was killing me.
"The other night I filmed myself on my webcam." he said, rolling, rolling, thumbs turned inward. "I filmed myself going to sleep. I wanted to see if I talked or had nightmares or whatever..."
"Yeah..."
"So I watched the film back this morning. Turns out, I woke up in the middle of the night and chucked all of my things onto the floor. My books, my notepad, everything. It was like watching Big Brother or something. I mean, it was me, but it wasn’t me. I would never chuck my books onto the floor."
"Well…we all think that we would never chuck our books onto the floor, but we do don’t we? Hey you can really see the stars out here."
"I know. It's wonderful with a telescope. I have a very good telescope."
"Where is it?"
"Upstairs. We have a space gazing window. It’s my telescope but Frederick likes it too. But then he always smudges up the lens." He handed me the cigarette, thin as candy and gummed down with precision. "I could teach you about space."
"Oh, please, I'd never take it in."
"Yes you would."
I lit the cigarette and the paper glowed.
"I just like looking."
'You can't just look and not know. You won't even know what you're looking at."
I looked at him.
"Yeah, I know."

there, in those strawberry fields of dreaming-
those blooms of a season long since dead and torched-
     i swore i found you
and you were speaking sweetly in a smokey room
with a crescent smile
and a cheap long-neck bottle
and a blue ball-point pen
that you'd only pry from it's waltzing
     to chuckle with (and charm) the bartender

an older lady
with muddy-water curls
and poision ivy eyes
     and...there's something about her that reminds me of my mom...
then the moment's gone
and now, all i can wonder
is how it is that she's counting change when she hasn't got any fingers

the captain must be on the mic again
with bull-**** banter about the weather
     or our eventual destination
     or something about the turbulence to calm the unfortunate un-drugged
his monotone monotony
sneaking through my sleep to me
     and coming through like the voice of the radio host
     as my head's beneath tepid bathwater

your ellegance uneffected by his audible intrusion
into my sub-concious dellusion
     you pull at the tides of your brew
     and wink
then back to a busy pen

     i have to get to you
you've got to remember
  
come back

but dreams don't work like that

it's as if my feet don't match my body
or my legs are facing backward
or i'm in that godforsaken hallway scene of "The Shining"
     and i'm finding this to be far more frustrating
     than remaining concious through the flight could have ever been

and again
somewhere over nebraska
the ride gets increasingly shaky
     not obnoxious enough to wake me
     just enough to take me to the part of the nightmare
     where my teeth start falling out
          like precious little gems of vicodin and nicorrette
               t a p p i n g out my fragile skull
and now i'm wearing some ******-gummed grin
and that charming lounge is feeling like "From Dusk Till Dawn"
and all of the friendly faces are gone
     except for yours
          and you look horrified

how come now i've got your attention?

touchdown at o'hare
and i wake in the window seat next to a vacant chair
     alive and well
except that you're not there

and to think
     when i was a kid
          my nightmares all had fearsome beasts
then i grew up
          and found the monster to be me

Kami-Kaze dinner test
This is a test of the emergency Kami-Kaze dinner alert
If this were a real emergency,
You would have been instructed where to go
And what to do next;
But as this is just a test,
Please pick up your napkins
And arrange them comfortably on your laps.

Begin the salad or soup course,
Picking up the correct utensils when the main course appears,
Don't forget to sniff for the delicate aromas-
Wait, hold it-hold it-hold it.
Hold on for just a dad-gummed minute there:
No shish-kebobs allowed on the menu!
Kami-Kazes just love shish-kebobs..
(Heads are gonna roll for this one)
This is no longer a test;
Get ready now, everyone

Dive beneath the table now
Fast as you can,
This is no joke, no;
This is real, as real as it gets
Come on-
Push aside the table cloth,
Bend down, bend down quickly
Forehead to knees, and hold your breath,
Just like you were taught years ago in school-
And prepare to kiss the pork ****, goodbye.

his eyes were singing ghostly blues
blue weather clung tight to the sky that day
his hair was light, just barely blonde
how lucky you are, i told him
how lucky you are
i am so young but i know
how lucky you are

don’t talk to me like that, he said
but he held my hand
the ******* sewn to his left arm
harmless men can be forced
to bring harm to others
at the drop of a dictator’s hand

i had barely ever seen snow fall and he said
he’d never seen snow quite like this
red stuck gummed to the crystals
and the stove pipe chimneys choked out
skin charred like burnt paper
so white
they had died in the dark

i’m sorry, he said
how old are you, he said
five years old, i said
he shook his head
and led me towards the doors
of buchenwald

is that even a word?
literaturely?
who cares really?
It is now, to me

I have oft complained
the seductive heat
of tar and ink
that has literaturely
clogged my veins
and in turn
gummed my brain
often touting screams
that proclaim
NOT SANE
is here to remain
but I was wrong?

When last I cut my wrists
the pain ran Red
and inside my head
I literaturely turned Blue
Who knew?
that all things unsaid
are put to bed
on a razors edge
cutting my soul in half
that never once
turned on you

I literaturely turned gray

I paled beneath dying embers
of forgotten burning fires
dulling as ash coated remnants
of long ago desires

I now step back
from the fray
I've had my weak
my day
and upon the hour
where the clock strikes
the 780th minute
13 leaves a sour
taste in my mouth

turning all good things South
swimming in blackness
in my new ruby red
bathing suit
that literaturely
turned white
I literaturely died
tonight

Now a mute
blood red in vane
I sit and stare
at the bones
of my soul
that remain
A ghastly caricature
of a misspent life
that can't negotiate
the road at the bend

I literaturely can
no longer
comprehend

Started off simple you were smokin joints with your mates,
14years old hangin around at the school gates,
a juvenile delinquent,little pain in the ***,
a father at 15 grew up way too fast,
the Irish system failed you,kicked you out at 16,
moved in with your girl,a baby raised by 2 teens,
no real education so crime is your path,
tried your hand at a blag+ended up in pats(Irish Juvenile Detention),

So whats the matter sonny? life's not like the flicks,
criminals get caught,so get used to the nick,
but **** it now you're 18 thinkin' you're an O.G.,
and when you end up in the joy(Mountjoy Prison) you say listen to me,
got your apprentices in robbin,sellin poppin off fightin,
feelin like a crime titan,think you're Irelands mike tyson,
do a few more blags court dates count up,
another girl gets pregnant so the problems mount up

"I've seen the needle and the damage done, a Syringe in a Vein is like a loaded gun"

You could get a job,but **** that work's for dopes,
you spend your days dodging court dates,bangin' out dope,
snortin coke with your mates,all hard as nails,
while the real crims sit back and count their sales
all you are is a customer,forget the smiles,
there'll be another fool parted from his money in a while,
your mate johno flipped out from a long coke binge,
now he's sittin in the john o gods(Christian Rehab centre),shivering and cringin',

That'll never be you,you got a real game plan,
got a cousin who's a driver on Securicor vans,
so you hire out a shotgun,on with the bally(Balaclava),
hit the van in broad daylight,and run for an alley,
but guess whats waiting? a Special Branch team(Armed Gardai),
get the **** on the ground! is what they all just scream,
now you're banged up bigtime,a 10yr stretch
got your first bag of gear(Irish name for Smack) from a kid named fletch

CHORUS.
"well every cloud's got a silver lining  these years,
the only silver you see is tin foil for your gear,
you gave your life for a buzz that passed way to soon,
its only now you get to see the dark side of the spoon"


well its release day,Seven years down the line,
three years in remission for good behaviour time
went in the Joy a teenager,comin out a man,
with a habit that's longer than a nuns,*******
went from hash and pills to a sharper doom
your life's over,now you're on the dark side of the spoon
so you slip into the underworld,but no more blags,
robbers don't trust junkies,and your hooked through the bag,

you whine about your bad breaks,how you coulda been big,
cos you're a shadow of yourself man,smack is a pig
you're too busy to contemplate,its rob,rob,rob,
and your arms are fulla craters,so there's still no job,
you got your girl hooked too man,ain't you great,
you look at life through eyes gummed up with hate,
social welfare have put you on a methadone course,
but that ***** just as bad,it just makes you worse,

your lifes flying by now in a haze of drugs,
morphine,Oxy,blueys(******) anything for a buzz,
Skip on a few years...**** what does it matter,
days pass like mist,the gears all that matters
your girlfriends screamin' ,babies long gone,
for both of you the needle sings a sad sad song,
look behind ya - your progress is as straight as a die,
another Irish ****** ****** up your life til you die,

The smack dealers are laughin' ,Politicians don't care,
you're a skinny,pale sweaty robbin' smack nightmare,
you gave away your whole life for the solace of a spike,
it didnt cost 4million,its cheap,it cost a life(the Spire in Dublin cost 4 Million(at least) to *****, and is coloquially known as "The Spike")

who the **** can you blame?,you made your own decision,
when you first creased a vein with a simple incision,
infusion of the drug is all you care about now,
the Dark side of the Spoon,there's no way out now

Well every clouds got a silver linin' but these years,
the only silver ya see is tinfoil for your Gear,
gave your life for a buzz that passed WAY too soon,
life's over now, you're on the Dark side of the Spoon
Chorusx2,fade.

you were
saltwater
through pores
in my lips
stinging bliss
hanging like lack jawed
freewheeling masterpieces
anonymous thick gummed
arteries pressing
life into one another
one gulp at a time.

the beautiful irony,
of course,
is that
I would have fallen for you

if I hadn't
still loved her.

8:55 or even 9:30
but surely Pm...
I dont remember the time
i never dont remember it!
Its crowdy over there
some mobs moving from shop to shop
listening to hip hop music of babbling society.
I sat on that rock beneath the pillar
waiting for the bus...watching the time[but i dont remember it]
listening to the silent tickling of cruel watch
innovating the ideas to **** time.
A man sat infront of me
i dont know from how much time he was there
i dont even remember if he was there before me
but he was there.
He wore white dress but its not white...
its ashy black.
His stomach is more like a bowl
liberating starving howls of hunger.
Beside him is a women
who is as thin as a grasshopper
and she wore no pant or anything covering
but she wore a long shirt...long enough...
and she got that secret ingredient
in long pocket of her rusted shirt
that gummed his interest from the beginning.
Give it to me- asked he
she ignored
Give it to me...he raised his voice
he raised his spirits
she...moved a little like a worm
and taken the thing from her pocket...as long as her hand
as her eyes scintillated like an angel
an angel trying to reveal her glory
she took out some powder
a black powder...not gun powder
some tobacco powder.
She powdered it...even powdered it with her thumb
grinned it...and finally
raised her neck and opened her mouth...ate it
elegantly
...i can see the flow of powder through her pharynx
and then she smirked...she didnt noticed me seeing
she didnt noticed anyone seeing her...but she smirked.
I love her smirk.
Then the man asked him to give him this powder
but she ignored him
forced her to give it...but she repelled
then she gave it...gave it being helpless
and then she smirked...not caring the loss of her property.
He wrapped it in a paper
and kept it deep in his pocket...a corner
where everyone keep their gold.

Horns...
your attention please
bus number 6712 arrived at platform number 3...
we raced... towards the bus
following the rhythms of horns
and thats it...
thats the final time i saw her...materially!

The plastic lid on the fish tank locked you inside with Death-
A cold, liquid murderer.
You breathed in His saliva through your gills.
It gummed your mouth and jaundiced your eyes.
I watched you suffer through quarter inch glass,
While you, an inmate, wished to die
From poison oxygen on our cherry floor.
I rested a shoe on top of the aquarium lid
To prevent your suicide while we slept.

I dreamt that night of you
dragging me to the bottom of your cell
With your chapped fins and rotting
sucker mouth grasping my shoulder,
Gasping for clean water.
You forced me to inhale
Death's unforgettable stench
As we did you.

You were dead the next morning,
And I never got to tell you sorry.
Instead I shoveled your carcass
Out from the blue gravel
Coated in your corpse.

In
The hours
When the lips of the rocks
Were gummed
The howling waters
Wore the garments of tranquility
And laid allay

We
Stood on the waters
Head truss
Like a petal and a sepal on a stalk
We spoke no words
Yet our minds
Understood the language of the heart
The burning flames within
And the sparkling urges

Then
I lurk through her breath
And stole her soul
Together our spirits went aloft
Over jaundiced shadows
High and higher to the clouds
Till it gulp us onto the universe

There
I tucked her arm onto mine
And walked her
Down the aisles and palaces
Of the planets
Jupiter was no more,but Johanna

Then
I sat her on the hallowed throne
And touched her hands with the smiles of the sun
With the candies of the moon
In her mouth
One,two,three,...
I counted the stars
As my parole of love

Infinte Parole
©Historian E.Lexano

Kashtanka had lost him on the street
Instinct had stung her mongrel brain
tiny legs had span out of control.
And when she looked back
a grey desert hid her friend,
And had she been human
Tears would have pooled in her
Gummed ducts.
She padded through pavements for dog days as
Umbilical hunger for a scratch behind
Ears pulsed through her vital organs.

Simultaneously, it was ethanol that pulsed
Through Luka's.
And had she known how little
He was thinking of her,
Her tiny canine heart might
Have faltered.

Problematic blockheads
make up for a
tiresome,
strenuous,
elongated
work week.
Fights and disputes
with significant others
added.
Feelings are as cold and numb
as the frozen tundra
from lack of stimulation and affection.
Vexed and frustrated
with only one outlet
to take the edge off.
Drown your sorrows
out at the nearby
hole-in-the-wall tavern
as a safe haven.
Coincidentally opened
at your convenience
for when you've hit your
lowest point.
Enter through the
neon lit beer signs
of the tap room in a
dark, damp atmosphere.
The bar keep already
knows your name.
Grab a barstool
at the u-shaped countertop,
light up a smoke,
tuck the pack in your front pocket,
order up your first pint
and take a look around
at this all-star lineup.
As the smoke clears....
it's like the city of the dead.
Necropolis for the local drunkards.
Crippled motards and disabled vets
play cards and scream of old war stories
and tell bad jokes.
Swimming in a sea of
mechanics uniforms with their names
etched upon their hearts.
Neighborhood friendly bar *****
with raspy voices.
Quenching for lust
in demeaning mannerisms.
Like a cigarette vending machine,
exchanging the poussoise
for free drinks and moloko.
Rowdy, ****-Eyed wonder boys
gather round at Sunday's mass for alcoholics and hover over pool tables
and smother dartboards.
Slipping pills in the
dead soldiers of the innocence.
All, over controlling the jukebox
with the appalling top 40 hits.
Pitcher after pitcher.
Empty and refilling their dog dishes
over and over again until they're in a
complete state of incoherence
and belligerence without pacing
and/or enjoying the simply
effects of alcohol.
Sober to blackout with
no in between.
Gilded with suds of
low budget malts.
Treated with over priced
sugary cocktails and
watered down aqua vitae
with colorful names.
You sit alone.
Head tilted back.
Drink slow.
Let it flow
as you pour the shots and drafts
down your throat with
that burning sensation aftermath.
Fueled by barley and hops.
You're catapulted into that warm,
fuzzy feeling of being buzzed
and you let it overtake you.
It may not be much but
it's all you got at the moment.
Entire paychecks blown.
Myriad of ashtrays fill up
while engaging with
preposterous claptrap conversationalists.
Muscled, mustache macho men
feel pilloried over petty and
trivial coin tricks
and have to swing their
over compensated ***** by
quickly escalating in violence
and breaking beer bottles
over the heads of Neanderthals
who are evolutionary one step behind.
Gummed by shanky old hags
in bathroom blow jobs.
Eight ball party favors
lined up for indulgence
on the seats of the scummiest toilets.
And those mirrors.....
Those ******* mirrors
behind the bar.
Every time you look into them,
only to see yourself
and your surroundings.
You are reminded of the shameful digest
and wonders of how it is,
that it all comes down to this.
Yet,
there you are,
still sipping beer through a straw.
Morning arrives,
you wake up feeling below par
and hazy.
As you gather your thoughts,
you roll over next to that
butterface haggard horrid wet spot
you avoided on the last stop
of your tour of profligacy.
Feeling ashamed of yourself
as this lifestyle hardens you.
You drink to remember.
You drink to forget.
You drink to your losses.
You drink to your gains.
You drink to celebrate.
You drink to your melancholy
and loneliness.
Either way....
you drink.

In the bowels of a prison, in a tomb of concrete, for twenty three hours a day-
The “Teflon Don” was alone all that time, free only to scream, curse, or pray.
To seek refuge in madness most men would resort, but that was not John Gotti’s way.
He was chained when he showered; by the guards he called cowards,
he saw the Sun seldom these days.

His mind oft would drift back to better days at the Bergin hunt and fish-
Playing cards with friends and cronies who indulged his every wish..
He recalled how he rose to be Don; it was a blood drenched throne,
but, unlike his predecessor, he would die slowly and alone

Cancer took his lower jaw; he gummed what food he ate.
Four grey walls surrounded him, the door an iron gate.
His tumor soon metastasized; that death was imminent was plain.
Although John Gotti was in agony he took nothing for the pain.

He would not chance a mental lapse, a confession overheard.
He would not give the ******* that; he would not say a word.
He died choking on his own blood, his corpse lay still and cold.
It was then, and only then, the Feds released their hold

I  am  no philosopher
I  am  Paul  from  The Meadows
pulled skinny  poor from the  shadows to put  a  deal of fat  on his bones

so  how  did   I  end  up   here?
what penalty did   I  accrue?

taking the  ten  point deduction for  conduct unbecoming
I  place my  attention  deficit on re-order that I  don’t  yet  forget

smothered  in the  scrim of this  Hogarthian hood every  chip toothed  blue   scriptured face
proffers  passage to a  poisonous but tantalising hook

to write the  junk  must I  taste the junk?

peddled or paddled for  a  sweeter  flight this  avenue never  taken,
hedonic ingress  unwalked,  unwanted yet  still wondered
could such  deep surrender  be   so  sweet to  allow the  most  intimate  of plunder?

am I  Dante?
corralled   around  the  streets
of a  society that  shows no compromise amongst  the  dying embers  of fallen  enterprise

eternal  damnable gyres around a  ****** **** pyre
of concrete,  glass  and  broken  humanity

with    each    uttered    breath    a    cold      cocktail    of profanity

the  bouncing soles of the  air  I  wear  may ease  me over  the  gummed archipelagos
flag  spij-speckle  guaran islands slab secure and  fast
against  the  counselled wash an  eternal  fossilised chaw
that  resists  the  fiercest chemical blast

lost in this  sea    I  cannot  be   but shaken  by the  waxy  man  with his  head  of startled  hemp and  coterie  of cracked  carbon
as  he breaches the  domestic brink

turning a key, his shoulders  hunched  in protective  shawl against

the  spittled spate
he stares  back through me
for  sightless  miles insides out,  front  to rear, then  scuffles, rattling,  townwardly

cannot resist  the  insecticidal compulsion of the  green  and  white purgatory
where  the  neatly  stacked  wash  of fluorescence makes  oven ready  your  heaven
amid the  threnodial thrum  of
a  hundred syncopated Siemens

following  that   shuffling   cortege  of  the   bussed  in dead and  dying
I  am dutiful, altar  bound, avowed and  accursed the  host with the  ghosts in this  haunted  mall lost  and  lonely  within  England’s  mountain  green
it  is no longer the  god   bothering needles and  blunts that    draw the crowds
as  flat  screened pharmacological rapture,
that  trinity  of distilled, medicated caffeination

lead   a   once   pious   nation   through   a   precocious dream

maybe Allah yet  sees  here  his
Jerusalem  and  leads his children
upon  England’s  land  of  crescent  green

I come home to the darkest it’s ever been.

Every light choked off; there’s a cinch somewhere in the hose.
It’s the stillest it’s ever been here, for ten years.

The last time it was this still the trees grew a different way:
        not all twisted, sideways and flat

        not planks and sheets.
They grew straight up and down,

        but with branches going left to right,
        but with leaves swallowing sunlight.
They were spindly, fat, twiggy and thick.
not stapled, smashed, ground or shaped
not nailed, glued, pressed into place.

I come home to the quietest it’s ever been.
Every sound gagged; the fan’s gummed up.
It’s the most silence this place has heard for ten years.
The last time it was this quiet Forest ruled the place.

The ground below will never grow
green or brown extensions of carbon earth
-not since the concrete took up hearth
-not since ten years ago.

The notebook is full, tea turned cold.
State of satisfaction without completion,
no itch to scratch,
no craving to amuse on;
the binge has abated for now.

Fragmented selves have presented as me,
adjusting hair in the faces of strangers,
a drink in hand,
elephants in the room;
none of them relate to me.

Naturally gummed papers strew the desk,
audio jacks and water stained notes.
This is entropy,
this pile of laundry;
the European map, made in China.

Going crazy is an ongoing process, friend.
It takes a lifetime to master
the Bojangles walk,
the flat-capped freedom;
a filthy soldier's limp.

I am finding my place amongst the misfits.
The world behind a blast-screen,
no invested belief,
no disease left to treat,
staying in for the evening,

staying in for the week.

I long for the cry of a lyric in simplicity, profound, catching
my throat unexpectedly, knowing with immediacy
the feel of real honesty. Perfunctory has no mind space,
straight as a die, absent of side-lines that trip you up,

take you off balance into a whirl of wondering, when
meaning is lost in translation to the untrained eye.
Solidarity has no invitation to understand, we cannot share
freely, the highbrow world punctures their interest, the pages

gummed…..no longer turn; this high minded plethora stunts us.
Hangs off shoulders like last year’s fashion, trailing the
ground, grabbing misunderstandings so deep that it is lost to
those who are crying out for peace of mind, souls who are in

need of plain and simple food with true meaning.  Wanting
with all their might to be drawn in. Speak to them, straight tongues
without forks jammed beneath pallets, plumbs released from
mechanical jaws blocking breath to breathe and sighs to form,

not from boredom, but knee deep in wonder; at last offering
a tear, a depth, identifying with amusement, laughter. It could be
felt, this sense of clarity, like a mountain stream washed clean over
time.  Find them, find a way to burrow in to meet eyes asking for more

Weave for me a web;
and share the captured

your lies are sticky
Gummed with poison

Lets sit down and eat;
unwrap the victims

Blips of color greet the green leave wonder of evergreen bushes
The fluttering finally subsides and winged whispers hush
Leaving the night void of movement

The stars were brighter outside than normal
Sitting out freezing frozen numbed tips of blue
Curled tightly in jacket edge
Where I sat
In the stillness of evening
Watching the world wind down
Except the wind
Whose words went unanswered
Pleading the sane to find heated doors
And cozy bed clothes

But I never claimed sanity anyway
Who wanted that dull bias label anyway
Moreover who could claim normality in a world of individuals
It was peaceful here briskly captivated by moonlight
But I could not keep composure
The flat line balm ripped itself once more into frenzy

For you popped right back into my mind
As if you only left to grab a bite
Instead of locking yourself out in this cold night
You had to wander back inside
And muck up all the barriers and reassurances I had made myself
Leveling the levy
I had built so I would not drown in sorrow any longer

You with a capitol Y
The one thing that could both leave me in bliss and shatter the fabric of my being
Burn it so the pattern is left thread bare
The edges frayed
Gummed up like some ancient machinery left in the elements of your wrath
Or worse
Your apathy

My solace ruined
I regrettably turn in
Creaking rusted legs
And pluck the melancholy dew drops
Of love  from the heavy air

i am the body at the center
the nut of the problem gnashing
i hate to write

my soul and heart and singular being
they were gummed up i tell him
like cholesterol in arteries
call it soul phlebitis explaining
have to stand on head meditation
to drain blood from leg
fill brain to align yr dharma

yr too caught in how others perceive you
tells he, jacket over shoulders
having found soul swagger
handsome pride brotherly love
yip o yab yum

higher than everest
she makes i am her mark
we kiss hard in loud booming bar
biting my lip til nearly ******
i squeeze breast when
you move my hands to where
they wanted to go anyway
you jump in arms
hug and sway

it's nice to see you
i yell between kisses
eating each other
small fervent little bites
and it is

and it pains
dull hurt, an ache
still deep down feels good