"fuckup" poems
HELLO MOTHER
HELLO FATHER
SORRY IM THE
DIFFICULT DAUGHTER
CANT WAIT TO SHOW YOU
ALL MY PROGRESS
TO MAKE UP FOR 23 YEARS
OF DISAPPOINTMENT
Apr 28, 2016
Apr 28, 2016 at 4:10 AM UTC
wont be long before shes blowing trumps trumpet
***** little cuntservertive strumpet
armageddons coming unelected to the ball
this ******* party is going to drown us all
military fluffers for when the going gets tough
were all going **** diving and its going to be rough
all the ****** in the universe couldnt help me get it up
for our new prime sinister and its new world ******
Jul 12, 2016
Jul 12, 2016 at 3:25 PM UTC
the sum of my parts
is not greater than i am as a whole, no,
i am not simply a collection of scars
and ******** storylines, oh,
i
am more than
the gristle and bone
the fibers interwoven through my arms
my lily-white striped clavicle
this corpse is my throne
i am not simply a ******
i am a ****** with a history
i am mauve valleys' majesty,
i am more than just my regrets
and my atrophies
and if it's not commendable, well, at least it's a story.
i,
simply because of my condition,
have lived through more than you could imagine
i have burned down in the depths with fire-skinned demons-
with messes deeper than your credit-card sins-
and i
have managed to get through it
these are my battle scars
i've fought ******* wars
and yet you shun me as if i'm not a hero
as if i'm not honorable for just making it
but i know you simply don't possess the tenacity
or the strength of wit
to deal with my ****
there's no reason to reproach
the type of behavior which keeps me alive
when i've done greater things than you ever will
stop staring
like i'm some sort of reject
like i'm something to pity
like i'm something worth nothing
like i can't recover
this is just a bad habit
and though you may find it disgusting i know i
can find worse dirt staining your mind
even if i leave this life
without a square inch of me unscarred
i have never backstabbed
i have not given in
while your inky secrets stay unspoken,
mine are imprinted upon my skin
and darling, that's all there is
if i am hateful, i will show you so
i have nothing to hide
my mouth isn't lipsticked shut
so what
if i cut
i'm still a good person
and though my battle is visible
there is nothing more around the corner
i am here to stay
so are my scars
and that's all there is to say
Mar 25, 2013
Mar 25, 2013 at 2:43 PM UTC
Stop ******* crying you piece of **** why are you so ******* dependent? Of course he's ignoring you, it's because you're such a huge burden on his life. Everything is a problem and you can't just be content for five ******* seconds. Consider it a miracle that you've lasted this long together. Maybe if you had some friends to distract you, you'd feel better. Too bad you don't have any, because you're a burden to them too. All you are is a sack of attention-seeking self-pitying bullshit. It's pathetic how weak you are, you can't even pretend to be a normal person? What the **** is wrong with you? Are you trying to be a disappointment? It's working. You make your mom cry. Your dad only brags about your brother. Your relatives find you awkward and uncomfortable. God, why are you such a ******
Jun 19, 2014
Jun 19, 2014 at 9:18 PM UTC
i'm trying my best but
you dont seem to understand but
i know youre trying but
i need your help but
it's all falling apart
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 6:36 PM UTC
I just want to run away
Escape and get away.
I'm so tired of everyone jumping down my throat.
My mom isn't even the same woman I remember her to be.
I'm stuck thinking if she even cares about me at all.
My stepdad has become so irritating.
They seem to love my little brother more than they even love me.
IF they even love me.
My biological dad is a ******
He left.
No one gives me a ******* break.
NO ONE TAKES ME OUT OF HELL. THEY JUST PUSH ME DEEPER INTO IT.
I've been waiting to pack my **** and go.
But where do I go?
Anywhere but this house would be fine.
I have no friends which I dont really care about but now it feels like I dont have a family.
I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY. SO FAR AWAY.
IM GIVING UP.
im just trying not to.
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 4:07 PM UTC
I’m at work
Buzzing to get out of there
Out of the fluorescence
And the din of screaming children
As it downplays the howling heads
Of their mothers who
Dream of their children’s exposed
Necks and getting out of the grocery store
Before it starts to rain.
I am Bobcat Goldthwait
underneath
The large hanging lamps,
pale green as barge lights
I make little sounds with my lips
And tongue, little incoherent sounds
To push the time forward .
A man comes through
My line holding a beige patch
Of cloth
Over his exposed trachea beneath,
with a voice like he crushes cement
puts it in his coffee
and ***** it up through a fiberglass straw.,
He drops some
Toothpaste and a brush on the counter
And says to me with that mutilated
Voice:
“there are only two types of *****
Big old *****
And old big *****
His skin is blotchy in the cheeks
like the husks of craters seen from the sky,
and the corners of his mouth
are dry and cracked
snaking and splitting outward like dry riverbeds.
For a second I want to laugh so hard,
That people will think I’m crazy, and
Maybe one of the twitchy managers will have
Me committed.
If he says any more, it’s this:
“You’re young, enjoy it,
if you worry
About the fuckups now,
you’ll Be worrying
until you’re an old ******
and that doesn’t do you any good,
***** hates the old **** ups.”
Nov 16, 2011
Nov 16, 2011 at 10:42 PM UTC
Something changed today
I looked in the mirror and saw a stranger
the cute pudgy girl I detested was gone
she was replaced by a skeleton
with empty, frightened eyes
With wrists so thin you could tear them in two
She always wanted to be skinny
To lose just enough to be accepted
Maybe then a guy would talk to her
Maybe then her father,
wouldn't think she was such a ******
A few turned to fifty
Meals went from three to none
She found herself disgusted at the mere thought of food
There were days where She desperately want to eat
but didn't remember how
change is supposed to be good
so why did she look so afraid?
May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 11:23 PM UTC
I wrote it on the back of my hand one day, I told you that I needed you – you wiped the smile off my face with your thumb, like I had smudged the words right out of my mouth. You taught me invaluable lessons I am sure never to forget, I was schooled by you, in ways I never really understood. I was a child, innocent by the very lapels on which you grew me up. Dragged me up, scuffed my shoes at the front and back. Untied my bra strap with your little finger and told me, listen here, love, I know exactly what I am doing. Made me believe in you, you did. Made me fall for every word. Made me fall for every whisper of love. Tenderly I was hooked by you.
You were the machine of my creation. Your greatest ever work of art. You sculpted my very inner being, tied me to my soul with burnt fingers and made me believe I was worth nothing more than **** Your purpose was excellent. Completely fooled I was, your succinct underhand ways grievously ruined my sight. No longer could I see reality, living in world prepared for, cooked up and served by you. I lost a lot of blood in those first few years, a lot of good stock died. My passion became my greatest detriment, for should I talk you would take the words from my mouth and mark them in the air; deconstructed with a red pen you would make me realise my mistakes.
Thank you for all you have done. To me. For me. With me. My ear is no longer connected to your mouth. I can breeeeeathe without having to miss a step. All my love that I was proud to possess had been given away, but I was proud to have failed you, I was proud to weep under you, I was proud, to have loved you and not gotten away with it. I take full responsibility for all my tremendous actions, the ones I gave for you, laid down in honour for you, to wipe your pretty little feet all over the back of my head. I turned around to face you and slapped that face right off your mouth
Loved I was by you. Needed I was by you, to be, you. I wrote **** you, on my ******* fingers and shoved them up your **** Now you talk my language, now you wait for me to see you. Now you know I am no longer your dishrag, your teatowel or your muse. Got it back I did, got back my heat, my fury, and glory. Action packed with honour and fire, loving and loved. I learnt from you lessons which I shall never forget, I was schooled by you. Wanted to thank you, for I am no longer afraid, my sweet ****** of you and your heart. This is a glorious world, one which you will never feel.
Jan 19, 2013
Jan 19, 2013 at 4:58 PM UTC
Not sure how it really works
I go and ask the clerks.
Ages five and up…
it’s hard to ******
he said.
Really? It’s simple?
Give an example.
Turn on the boy and he'll find the girl.
Everyone's given it a whirl,
he said.
******** I’ve already:
poked out my eyes,
which left them leaking.
bruised my thighs,
which won’t stop aching!
and sealed my heart’s demise
for future breaking.
Stunned and oblivious he cocked his head
opened his mouth and said:
You’re doing it wrong.
Dec 16, 2010
Dec 16, 2010 at 9:31 PM UTC
get the **** up out of your 1993 hole of "this is the worst generation ever", anti-social media, and "put your phone down and look at the trees". The first step out of the labyrinth is letting yourself know that you arent getting anywhere when being stuck in the past. Fat chicks are hotter than you remember; if your wondering, confidence is key. Michael jackson died and the man taking his place is a what you would call, a ****** The gay man that sits next to you on the bus is more productive than you are and you think its impossible because "christianity is the only way to go".
Move on from the past, generations are moving through and you can either jump on the train or miss it and be stuck in a field of greasy haired, rock and roll, pale men that forgot about their mother.
May 29, 2015
May 29, 2015 at 3:14 AM UTC
I’m not tired but there are sleep spots in my irises,
And I’m contemplating tomorrow’s leftover dinner,
Whether I’ll feed them to the saint at my gate or to the sinner on my porch,
Soon enough the sun will come up and break through,
Potholes strewn on my street show me that things have gone down.
Treading lightly cause I might wake up those dogs,
Nowadays I see empty collars,
And my footsteps hitting the ground as I’m running,
Hearing the barks and howls of what cannot get on the streets,
Good luck, headache.
Gravel crunches beneath the feet of the liar,
Now on the paper that is clenched in his hand,
Spells the time of his vision being blinded by bathroom porcelain,
Cuts and bruises that few, yet so many would understand,
Yet he fell and now he falls again.
Treading lightly cause I might find a weapon,
Nowadays I see that weapon,
And my heartbeats hitting my chest as I’m running,
Hearing the rumbling of thunder and lightening,
Good luck, headache.
Apr 2, 2020
Apr 2, 2020 at 6:32 AM UTC
Sorry that I'm not worthy
You trusted me to
Stay strong
But I failed all of you
I'm sorry that I can't be there
At least not for now
I wish I could help you
Make it through the pain
I'm sorry I cared about you
That you meant a lot to me
Yet it was too easy
For you to let go of me
I'm sorry you never cared
I was a joke, some bet
You never really cared about me
I'm sorry I'm me
A mess a mistake
One huge ******
That you wish would go away
Sorry I didn't die at birth
Like I was supposed to
That woulda caused less problems
I'm sorry I'm here
Maybe I should do what's right
Go away and disappear
Apr 9, 2013
Apr 9, 2013 at 4:35 PM UTC
"Dont question me he said"
(huh?)
"Its not good enough"
(well ****
"You are a ******
(ooh thats a new one)
"Its my way or the highway"
(narcissist)
He held his ground
(with a big wooden paddle)
My *** was the targetboard.
Friends told me to take it...im a man
Your 15 they said.
(It still hurts)
He took the liberty of ruining my life.
(what a pleasure!)
He fed on my tears.
All i wanted was an end.
But know
I see a shrink
Once a week
To "discuss" my....well.....me
Because IM THE ONE with issues.
Because getting hit and tortured makes a kid normal and....happy.
WRONG.
Because i remember everything.
I am left to dream about every bruise
I am left for dead
In my head.
I am tormented with the want for an explenation.
I am ok
(syke)
I am just an overreacting teen
(are you ******* nuts?!?!)
Vicious.
(not even, fam)
Look.
I need help.
But he,
He needs death.
Thats the only cure for him.
Dad.
No.
P.o.s?
Yep
Loser?
Yep.
****
Yep
******
Totally.
I have no respect
(i know)
Jul 5, 2016
Jul 5, 2016 at 11:50 PM UTC
Im waiting for the sting.
For the gunshot that ends me.
Im waiting for you to give up on me.
Im scared that
In the midst of my happieness
You will come forth and mention your upmost sadness.
Im afraid you are gonna hurt me
(yes, guys get hurt and remember it too)
Im waiting for you to realize what a ****** i am.
I wait for the day you find someone better.
And though you tell me im the one,
I still have nightmares of abandonment.
Its not your fault.
Maybe i should just believe in love,
in you
But im scared
Cause ive put my faith in places before,
and was met with overwhelmong dissapointment
Aug 12, 2016
Aug 12, 2016 at 12:20 AM UTC
*As i sit in my old chair,
thinking if anyone is out their?
does she miss me too,
or still, am i a dream following you?
As i sit upon my bed,
my pillows folded,
ready for my rest,
i dream,
As i lay down,
my body fills with hope,
that is washed away,
by the though
"she has another"
I try to change it,
to see her happy,
but maybe i messed it up,
now im a dreamy ******
in realality i give up,
my hope is out of good luck,
i have to stop ******* up,
or maybe ill start looking up*
Aug 22, 2016
Aug 22, 2016 at 10:53 PM UTC
I will be good for a while
I won’t cut as often
I won’t want to **** myself every day
I will actually see the other side of the tunnel
But then
Something ticks inside me
I’m reminded that I’m not normal
I remember that I’m a depressed ******
And my arm becomes full of cuts
My head becomes clouded with suicidal thoughts
And one day
When I tick
It will be enough
To push me over the edge
Jan 23, 2018
Jan 23, 2018 at 11:04 PM UTC
She waits
She waits for it
She waits for me
To ******
My stupid feelings then
Get ****** in
I can never win
It's no longer a game
Just the same ****
Different day
I take a rest
But she's ready for war
Clapping at my door
So I can snap back
Giver her a reason to attack
In my sleep
So I can't breathe
She's killing me
All I see is a girl that bleeds
And bleeds she pleads
So weak
Hanging in defeat
Off her feet, locked knees
Tears seep
Falling...
Falling free
Of the memories
The chaotic screams
She can finally leave
Truly at peace
She is taken with the breeze.
Mar 18, 2017
Mar 18, 2017 at 5:23 AM UTC
She said this is my last chance and that if i **** this up she is done with me, and I think those are reasonable terms. After all of the ******** I've put her through and all the hurt, tears, and heartbreak I am unsure why she is even playing with the idea of giving me another chance but she is and I'm going to give it my absolute best attempt at not being the natural born ****** POS who ***** at everything for a while so we can at least deal with all of our BS superficial problems and maybe get to things that are important like world problem and **** and maybe we can debate and have meaningful discussions like we used to when everything was ******* rainbows and butterflies and we were in love and it seemed like there were no problems in the world and that we'd be together forever and that we'd grow old and be happy even though we both knew that the chances of that actually happening were next to none yet we still went for it because of the hope of that small sliver of it actually working. I miss that old us, but i understand why reality set in and took us over because in the real world fairytale relationships don't exist. this is the real world and “You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”
Jul 30, 2014
Jul 30, 2014 at 2:40 AM UTC
Public schooling houses dangerous and
the most delicate beings to walk shy
or stomp upon the dirt. Thou whom love
to hate, yet hate to love; teenagers. They
take their pill if good mannered, but hide it
behind false grins, if not, to find later
in a tin box dusted in carcinogens.
The golf boy doesn't hide his pill- never.
Swallowed with a glass of social simi-
-larity, he melts away but likes it.
He feels safe and warmed by the flame of
fake. And then she comes along taking a
psychedelic too many- red eyes of
their own fire. Taste the skin of ana-
-ther on her lips; sweet like cyanide tang.
She takes her own kind of pill named CANTSTOP.
She is named crack ***** by more than a-
-lot of head down murmured voices coated
in curiosity. They're not afraid of
her anymore- he is though. Slightly but
he doesn't say it. **** up- They know it.
Golf boy knows it. Crack ***** knows it. He knows
it. Small town ****** no future- can't even stay
in school long enough to see a paper.
But can play a chord like a rose in the
barrel of steel- a voice of nostog-
-ia. He makes people feel things too deep yet
barely scratches the surface of himself.
He used to hide his pill. Not anymore.
She dreams of running away with a bottle
of pennies. He drinks champagne and dreams black.
She writes melodramatic spells above
her collarbone- he spends the night alone
thinking dark things about a girl who now lacks
a soul- she used to light up. Not now though.
And they all take their pill like good little
kids.
Feb 6, 2018
Feb 6, 2018 at 2:04 PM UTC
I'm lifeless
Running out of time
Inbetween wanting and desiring nothing
Things are never easy, it comes and goes
They say life is priceless,
doesn't mean much to me
I look in the mirror and only see hate
there's nothing inside me worth wanting
nothing out here worth touching
just can't shrug off my tears
cause I've lived this life
beneath a mountain of fear
I'm nothing, nobody, and I just can't keep up
with everything everyone wants, always been a ******
I'm diseased, plagued by failed wantings
every moment passes with a bit too much haste
this life will be nothing if not in vain
I seek remedy to rivers overflowed in pain
and in the end, will I get anything I've wanted?
can't stand to live without my emotions being blunted
so I hide away in days best left unsaid,
and forgive me cause' all I'm saying is nothing worth reading,
and the entirety of whats to come,
doesn't deserve repeating.
Jun 25, 2018
Jun 25, 2018 at 6:22 PM UTC
****
fuckfuckfuck
you know
six years ago
i was a freak
a ******
but then you got ****** up too
and now i can be cool
**** that
you made me what i am
i wont change for you
when i die
im dying a freak
a ******
a dead loser
with your heart
Jan 25, 2021
Jan 25, 2021 at 11:49 AM UTC