Recovery is not
Simple
It's not being better
It's bumps in the road

Recovery is relapse
Going back to old habits
Because it's easier than
Coping

Recovery is hiding the
Pain because everyone else
Believes it's gone

For me
Recovery just
Isnt a reality
I'll likely die before
"It gets better"

Suicide is not a ***** word!
It's helplessness
It's feeling like an ending will
Benefit those around it
It is death for a cause
It's leaving behind a world
That refused to believe in
Struggle they can't see



Depression is not a ***** word!
It's a vortex of
Emptiness
Swirling through my veins
Smiles that fail to hide the pain
A sadness that ***** the
Joy from daily activity
Preventing me from
Doing more than merely existing

Anxiety is not a ***** word!
It's an abundance of mental energy
Keeping me up late at night
It's consuming
Nerves that never leave
Thoughts you can't shake
Despite how they've shaken you

Mental health is not *****
Its's not something that should be
Wrong or
Frowned upon

We need to change this narrative
Because it's not a death sentence
And we don't need to be outcasts
Acceptance goes a long way

Dear muse
I know I said
This was over but
There are still things
Left unsaid
Things you need to know

I can't just leave
Everything we had behind us
It meant
So much to me

We were friends for
Six years and I
Thought that meant something
Maybe our friendship
Could come first

You threw
Everything away and
Wonder why I'm hurt

I loved you so much
Somehow still do
I would give everything to
Be with you

You know so
Much about me
The things I told you are all real

I want you back
In my life
We had something good

Dear muse
I deserve answers
The least you could do
Is tell me the truth so I can
Finally let go
Of what we
Used to be

Dear Mitch
You are the
Realest part of me
Even though you don't exist

Nobody accepts you, and
I am sorry
Sorry you won't find the
Happiness we deserve

I am holding on
Mostly for you to
See if you will
Thrive in a world I'm floundering in

I know parts of you
Mitch, you are happy
Living in a body that is scar free

You have a future
One beyond your
Twenties and Thirties
You have a zest for life
One that I am losing

This body
This life
It's yours to take
I need you

I hope one day
The world understands
Why you are so much
Better more
Deserving
Of this life than me

Scars slowly fading away
An urge that feels
Impossible to beat
This battle that is a
Constant loss

Butchered skin waiting
Questioning
Will I be whole?
Should these
Wounds be reopened

Blade is a
Poisonous addiction
Maybe I'm not
Sorry
I started

Couldn't help that
Life got out of control
Aided in the beginning
Refused to let it end

It's sad really
Relapse I mean
Three years
Clean
Blade called out to me

Will it ever be over?
Will I ever stop
Scaring my body

Will I ever
Learn how to
Love this person I am or
Will I die trying to
Figure it out?

Dear muse
I am done
Beating myself up
Over your decisions

You could have
Done better
Made time for us
Kept a friendship
You could have stayed
Should have stayed

This has
Taken up
Too much of my life
Swallowed me whole

It's been over
Longer than I've
Been willing to admit
It's not like I
Moved on in a week

Even if I had moved
So fast from you
It's not as bad as
Leaving when we
Were us
When he loved
Each other to the end

All the lies
Have eaten me up
For such a long time
Distance ****** but we
Could have figured it out

I don't need to
Scar my skin
Starve my body
Lose my mind for
Someone who
Played me and
Wouldn't actually
Care
If I was gone

Dear muse
I have moved on
Found parts of myself
Thought long gone
Discovered my
Passion for writing

Dear muse
Yes there's someone new
But don't think
I've totally
Forgiven and forgotten you

Dear muse
Is this the end?
Will my mind finally
Withdraw from the
Memories clinging

These memories need to be
Burnt with the rest of my heart
Crumble and disappear
A wisp of smoke

I still don't know
Whats real
Too many unanswered
Questions words
Wanting to be spoken

Dear muse
I am
Tired of this
You refuse to say
You were wrong
Admit you caused
This pain