Everyone's dealin' with their own personal demon but I'm only ever bein' seen as a monster
Always judged accordingly, ironically by one family friendly imposter after another
Every other sinner the world over is allowed their own irrational feelings to be front and center
For them love is always the answer to offer, reassuring they need look no further
But I gotta "**** it up" and "move on" from this gutter faster which I take as to make sure my 50 caliber finisher is fully loaded with one in the chamber
And if the **** thing doesn't misfire on the first pull of this here trigger I figure I'll be a single bullet Russian roulette winner hero figure or would that make me a loser?
Am I an incurable cancer? I think I know the answer but I'm not sure and I'm sure not a doctor
However, it's only a matter of time before everything I touch turns into a disaster
Could it be that I'm just a carrier? An infectious delivery driver with t-rex arms making steering clear that much harder
What is pretty ******' clear is my presence here makes no one's life better, just spoiling the atmosphere, so I back pedal out of the picture
Then you label me a quitter the moment you notice I'm no longer there to be your *******
I guess I'll take that title if it'll make it easier or help you to feel better about what went down here, just please don't allow yourself to stay bitter forever
But rather allow time to erase my lingering stench of failure from the air altogether
It's only fair that I make way for you and anyone here to enjoy life without the fear of me being anywhere near
Your bright future wasn't mine to take and alter so I'll round up every bit of pain I caused that made your heart heavier and your life harder than it needed to be ever
Then take it with me to be a sacrificial offer next to me on the alter like a lamb to slaughter
Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of your forever with no black cloud loomin' over

I gotta ask...

Who do I apologize to once the deed is done and I pull out of the race, refusing to run
Instead, turning the starting gun on myself to become a ghostly astral projection
It should be everyone but it'll be close to no one due to a punctured lung and crushed windpipe from being hung from inside the hole I dug starting back when I was young
No human being person type thing had a single **** to spare, not a one
Wouldn't even let a rerun apology or empty sympathy roll off the tongue, and forget empathy, ain't capable of none
Couldn't hear or didn't care before I was gone so I'm a shoe in to continue on holdin' the same position I've been in from my beginnin', now doesn't that sound like fun?
I've gone and done the forbidden so any opinion of me will only worsen as they lose sight of who I was as a person
Forgettin' my mind was a maximum security prison, the only way out presentin' itself to me was a coffin
But you're only focusin' solely on one particular fraction of an action
Ignorin' why that particular path was even taken in the first place, don't be mistaken, it wasn't a knee **** reaction
A quick observation and the pain would have been plain as the nose on your face but I caught no eyes lookin'
Just heads turnin' away the exact moment I notice 'em watchin'
Silently each formed their own conclusion and brought with 'em some ******* opinion from their twisted vision of me, all to feed the illusion
The one that claims I took the easy way out without explorin' any other option
You say you know me, you call me friend but have proven not to be in the end
But by all means, go ahead and continue to pretend you're the better person

How could you have known...

First of all, exhaustion was half the reason I was even in that head space
I could only envision this exact endin' ever takin' place as I fell from grace
I gave up tryin' to replace the dark with light cause try as I might it was all in vain, and in my haste I didn't notice the byproduct of a chronic toxic waste
Every attempt to place one foot in front of the other was riddled with set backs and laced with failure and I could never seem to rid myself of the foul taste of my own biohazard base
I'll be just another cold case with more than a trace of evidence but the answers in the proof aren't important enough to chase, never the time nor the place
Given up on before I even started the race so no warm embrace at the finish, no congratulatory smile from a familiar face
No one there to return my dinghy smile that's held in place with cheap elementary school Elmers glue paste
Why was the tare down so quick to take place with hardly an ounce of effort but the rebuild progressed at a snails pace?
There were many who watched all this take place in real time but avoided eye contact whenever face to face and I'm convinced that would have continued to be the case
I know I'm a disgrace now but wasn't until now so what excuses are you going to pull from your briefcase of two face ******* and put in place explaining why you turned your back on me in the first place, back at my birthplace?

Surprise surprise...

...a silence washes over the crowd. What happened to how proud you were with your intentionally loud gossip predicting what round I'd go down?
Were you only joshin'? Just clownin' around? Didn't think you could ever or would never be bound to something so profound?
Well here we are, you called it, the words bound freely from your mouth but now that things have gone south you're no longer able to enjoy the sound so you just turn it down
Or were you one of those hanging around saying I'd never do it but if you ever bothered to look into it you'd find the proof of the opposite truth can be found
But no, it's gotta be that I'm just desperate for all the attention it would bring to my part of town
Whatever, doesn't matter now, you could have never comprehended the reason why while shooting for cloud nine I got stuck six clouds down and wasn't able to post up for a rebound
It's only understood by people who've had the same problem with ups and downs and picking themselves up to finish the round after being so down and out that sea level was seen as higher ground
I know the way my last act went down is frowned upon and the deformation process was bound to take place once I was no longer part of the crowd
But look, you want to know why I choked down a handful of pill bottles for my second time 'round?
My problems were gaining on me quickly, I was steadily losing ground
They had to be drowned or at the very least inhumanely put down
I was no longer fun to be around, a bad joke turned evil clown
My darkness broke free from the compound where it was bound
And now wherever you see me it too can be found
Every day a new battleground
Every sundown a new showdown
A new possibility to possibly be hellbound
Just please set me gently when you put me down
And I'll try to do the same when I let you down.

©2022

****** needed some remedials.
         A b sees and one two threes.
        Some tables and basics
        Lasix...for a swollen ego.
We go.
We  went
We gone.

A wash and wrinse... a manipedi. Exfoliate.
                 Real .
                 Uncluttered.
                 To the quick.

Too many lifetimes posing
A heart that forgot
The forget me nots.
Too many summer in the blazing sun
Many bone chilled winters.
Howling storms became the norm
Sooo.Gold stars and paper cuts
Elmers glue to start anew
Baby.
Kids need cookies and milk.
Hearts need to be gentle as spun silk.
Open like Dr Sues and simple.
Like popping your first
Pimple.
Simple.

The day started as many do
I ran up the hill of the grounds
I'd lept from bed, in fear and dread
that I would be late to the Downs
We had so many horses then
thirty one as I now recall
Only two men, to jog back then
rushed to finish before the squall

We had eight horses in that night
each hurried to finish in time
We'd bathed them all, cleaned each ones stall
life was hard back then in my prime
The rain was roiling from the west
black clouds had portended a storm
All were ready, stout and steady
for us this was just the norm

On that night between the races
I spoke with an old friend of mine
he the toughest, and the roughest
of all the horsemen you could find
His dad named him Elmer Conrad
he was a product of the old school
At eighty four, or maybe more
this young man thought he was so cool

As the oldest racing driver
I must admit he held great sway
In him I'd found, a lonesome sound
as he'd outlived all from his day
One night Elmer had caused a wreck
his temper puffed a powder keg
There on the ground, a cracking sound
he lay picking bones from his leg

But this night he drove his rig home
it was late and the roads were wet
He'd had bad luck, and wrecked the truck
I'm sure he blew it off, "no sweat"
That was the last I saw of him
his child thought him too old to drive
With no great ease, took Elmers keys
and with that his desire to thrive

Elmer hung himself in the barn
beside the home his father built
I wonder now, if it somehow
had left his child bereft of guilt
Next day I heard my hero died
where-bye we'd lost a man so great
Scrawled on a note, that he had wrote
"I am the Master of my Fate"

He treated me as if his own
and for that I honor him too
By eighty four, he had done more
than any man I had ever knew
He was the last great gentleman
I had known of four and four score
There died our best, eternal rest
they don't make those men anymore

Tate

A mutant, a radioactive contusion.
My ***, gave it gas, now im ******* moving.
Onto the end, the finish line, a ******* shoe in.
Im new an, your old news, news i knew and
screws im loosing, as we pretend this battle im loosing, wrap it up with a few loose ends,
confusing, a thriving city, up an left it in ruins.
Black cloaked, hooded druid, IV fluids,
Gat broke, firing pin, out i chewed it, trigger squeezed now, told you id do it.
Ten teeth marks on the barrel, yea EG blew it.
Face on some blue ****, stiff Elmers glue tip,
sticky grip, stick um up, Richy Rich, Jackson upper cuts, a Rampage, no *****.
Bomb on the stage, chickens with no cluck.
Took a bomb on stage, chicken heads, my ***** well ******.
Salmonella poisoning, chocked the chicken, she likes it real rough.
In an out, left and right, my blade keeps the feathers well plucked.
Goose and a swan, I recognize no duck, bad luck, body covered up in the back of the truck.
One G, no UN, i see, just me..no pun.
Mission complete, no fun, grey skies, trust me, no sun.. rains not done.
Bars run from bars, bring the heavens down from the stars, impacts bombard
even from behind bars locked cars explode far, gorilla tactics, no holds bared, reload the AR
Re-roll a new cigar, as i retold, another page from Scar
12 bubbles Gage the contents of this unmarked mason jar.
I know your popping some corny something, but i wasn't listening.
Busy kicking it with Popcorn Sutton, drinking an smoking **** in the kitchen.
These lines must be glitching, space-time the fabrics ripping.
Physics are ******, i need a new physician.
Watch as my feet move, roots grew planted in a quantum position.
Like Groot, stomp um like a twig, raging tunnel vision.
A ton of incisions, a gun mixed with questionable decisions.
A life for a life, changes nothing, for both sides the death penalty still glistens.
the only difference is the same as this blunt. *****, BLitZ3D is still hitting.
Next time i roar a warning make sure you ******* listen...
battle?
Im already bored with you
.....
I pulled a gun
And a sword you drew

every part of us has a place everyone of us has a purpose.
ive discovered my purpose while on earth is to help others .even as a child i can remember finding a dead bird i must of been about 5 ,i was very secluded growing up even though i had siblings ..what attention they did give me wasnt much diffrent from my stepmoms --often violent.
as i was playing in the backyard alone i wandered off to a creek on day--i had no supervision PERIOD .i always looked down in front of myself as i walked i dont know exactly why i walked always searching the ground as my feet met it,but i can tell you from doing so i observed and found alot of treasures that a kid my age had a field day with.because of this habit i came apon a dead bird in my path -i dont think itd been dead long---but for some reason i convienced myself it was injured and needed help but wasnt dead .i filled one hand with grass and flowers and laid the bird on top --i wanted it comfortable..in movies they wheeled out a bed..i walked quickly but carefully back home i got comfortable in a spot under a pine tree in the backyard and carefully started checking it for wounds --id seen DR welby M.D. obiously one to many times ,whenever i couldnt find any i remembered how a band-aid always seemed to help no matter what was wrong --so in the house i went ,yes out i came with a varity of shapes just in case, then i convienced myself it probaly just needed liquids -once again i remembered how sprite eventualy healed my stomach,i went back to the creek and pulled a bottle cap out of my pocket and put the tiny bit of water in it made the walk back home and when it didnt drink --i thought crackers! i was a natural born DR. lol if one thing didnt work i knew just what to try next,but when the bird still didnt respond i gave up ..back inside i went where i stuffed tolite paper in my pockets and the popsicle sticks i had collected and a tube of elmers glue.i sat outside in the freaking hot air and glued the poor bird a makeshift casket only it didnt exactly look like one it was the best this 5 yr old could do though. i wrapped the bird up with tissue and laid it in the popsicle stick casket and then carried it to the creek ,used a stick to undo some mud then laid it to rest covered it up and knew i was suppose to say something to god ,so i said a few words then walked away.even after all that i never accepted the bird stayed dead anytime i saw one that resembled it i just knew i cured it and it somehow set itself free to play and sing with the other birds.now as a adult everytime i see a red bird --i say there goes *red belly

fixed // 5:52 am


here we are, again, on the ground just counting sheep, or patterns or how many puzzle pieces you had to put together

how ur heart, when its shattered it turns into a puzzle, time to get some elmers glue and solve this

yes we make mistakes while we’re fixing our own problems, that we’re tired of fixing these problems, that we drink to get drunk, like when you’re a newborn u don’t remember anything, how no cares are given


maybe being drunk, makes us feel that way, or how we don’t have to worry for a slight second, its a temporary fix, than we’re back to it all again


getting destroyed is not fun, but destroying does sound fun, why don’t we destroy pain? destruction is what we love, if we destroy pain we’ll be fixed


mended, strong, welded together, its like being build up again, uniting yourself with the missing pieces, 5:52 am, and its not the why’s, and what if’s, it’s the joy of being able to know how to fix yourself


no manual is going to help, the only manual you’ll need is, yourself, how you were able to sign your own cast around your own broken heart, how the healing helped you get fix, and mend yourself


you didn’t do this all alone either, we all need friends who support us, who build us up to get stronger day by day, they push us to the limits, they empower us to be warriors, we fight to stay strong, as we fix to last longer