it would seem
this boat we are in
took on some water

were our hearts too full?
too heavy to bring about
the bouyancy that
drifting at sea requires?

were we paddling with impatience?
that song we sang it had
a cadence that left
little time for reflection
no time to notice
the water lapping and rising at
our own feet

despite what we've been told
rarely is one prepared
for such a trip

after all
who could anticipate
the severe solitude
one discovers
adrift at sea,
hearts unmoored,
souls all afire
all aflutter
sails stormily snapping
and lapping up the
tempestuous wind

Oh, hope
make your mess again.

Hope
don't keep asking more of me
than I'm willing to give.

Forreal tho,
I was in trouble before the boat sunk
and the drowned
finally let loose their blood
in bouyant droplets.

Because I was a little boy,
on the ship,
and you came in to my room,
and laid beside me
with a watermelon smell in your barrettes,
and a "I'm forever"
in your  siuking voice,
as the ship tipped.

So much of me shrieks;
you make me.

Who is I?
In the Now. I am of true boi essence.
A writer, a recluse, abandoned only of fate: Destiny ever alluring in the palm of my hand.
Limited only by my own inabilty to be present in only one consciousness.
I am split between reality strings.
A permeant spectre, caught betwixt parallel dimensions.
At times incoherrant, lost in esoteric translation.
I am physic(al) - I of breath + flesh, perception being my holster, corruption my armoury.
Intuitively, i am harmonious, sanctonious, welcoming of illuminations and the darker side of each unfettered moon.
Awareness sleeps by my side. Each waking minute guarded. of commonality.
I am enlightened.
I am bouyant.
mobile, fluid-like in kinesis.
Conventional existense being the foundation over which i fly.
Arms outstretched, willing risk to be my pull.
Enticing Love to be my drag.
balance, mediums, equilibrium.
Lifted high amidst winds roaring with possibility.
I am stark in naked complication, although often prone to cover up in cynical, self critical analysis.
I am given of self; being the taker a refreshing discourse to which i stray accordingly.

Of culture i am a liar.
By nature i tend towards honesty only straying when survivalistic path need tread.
I am of blood,
private yet optimistically open to scarring.
By custom i am trained, civil, content.
Of instinct; native raw tongue, i am rampant, rapid in force, compelled to grow then emerge.
Only.
To submerge
is to take full scope.
i am telescopic
in view of A/all else to which i drown my vision.
I am unsure if i am young,
Although certain that my passage is still being lit by the glow of its entrance, dark passageways luring with their shadows and cavernous corners.
I am liberal, random in speculatory silence. I am idle, often motivated by industrial desire.
Mechanical in process, structured of cerebreal architecture, yet somewhat discombobulated in particularity.
Sporadic be my strain, its think tank choking always on the weeds of sorrow.
Essentially i am nothing: yet overwhelmingly everything.
I was
I am
I will
therefore i
Exist
to i as
A/all and nothing.
As yesterday is to tommorrow, and visa versa, i am a window, a door, a channel:
as closed as i am open.
Dependant only on my own deliverence of influence and potential.
Driven by the promise of future and the demands of my past.
I am a vehicle in time, my presence, my motion, my journey
is I.

My nose is above the water,
My lips just below
The waves sweep over my head
And I struggle to breathe
I’m trying to survive here,
Trying to stay afloat
But it’s hard to stay bouyant
When I’ve become so numb and cold
Just above me, I can see a fogged-over sun
I wish it would shine, clear and free
I wish it could spread its blanket of rays across me
Warm blanket of gold thread
Let me sleep here, warm
A wave sweeps over my head
I’m drowning again
I can’t sleep here, it’s much to cold
The only way I can close my eyes
Is if I let myself die
But there across the sea
My love is waiting for me
He sits on an island, toes in the waves
He’s waiting there for me
My limbs are weak, my heart is giving in
But, **** it all, I will still swim
I will keep fighting these arctic waves
Until I have finally reached my love,
And I can be warm with him again.

Symphonies of time echoes for long
traversing the roads unkown
Left were the imprints, haunting bold

Singing rivers of deep melancholy
seeping beads of nostalgia in air
dancing vacant bouyant wind
uncovering the mystique affair

pieces of broken sense
mosaic of moments scattered
paused and captured in the time frame

heavy loaded steps
reminiscent of the baggage past
placing perspective right
We account for nothing in the galaxies vast


Manisha

Burn the way money burns,  
clear into ash our feelings glow.
You could write a book through me through you.
You could be my father when winter is snow.

Me, like some precious stone, I sink,
like the one I grasp around the nape of my neck,
the turquoise one with the ivory glow,
some symbols are lost but this one grows.

You, like some enchanting pond, you pool
hard like truth, like summer out of school,  
colors blend the songs of you,
and speak to me though an invisible ear.

You're bouyant and I float on my elbows,
inching to gaze down the deep end of me.  
But you feel the whiplash of my current
first red hot, the cauldron of morning, then blue.

Your eyes get hard and lidless;
you're a cyclone off the South Pacific of my heart.
I hear you wailing wind into me.
You sound like the bagpipes of my life.

You think I don't know,
the weight of me in the pool of you
but even a fool can see, thats not true,
because the myth of me is found in you.

My grasp is failing
on this thing that like
a silk sheet filters through
my fists, I am starting to understand.

This thing is
the embrace of blood
flowing circulary
in our fingertips and veins.

Together and ebullient
bouyant, bouncing
at the bony freckled feel
of arms, the soapy smell
of our dirt hair and lemon eyes.

It is not the warm months of
being sticky happy in the dark
wooden, refridgerator-lighted
kitchen.

I grasp at something greater
a finish and a start
to pull me back from
poisonous tides,
slipping hillsides.

Its the track of
everyone I've ever been
Because my truth
is that I'm only
me with them.

A track to run
and time to spend.
Finding our ways
back again
in little toothy
smile moments

Stars in the daytime
or ships in the dark
They're my finish
they're my start

charge at my viscera.
take tender care to not tip our boat,
for we will not fall,
but glide, listlessly into sea.

know what it is to thirst for nothing to surround you.
to rise and fall,
aether-bouyant through axes unknown.
which direction does your spinal fluid flow?
you’ll be uncertain.
only i know.
and i won’t tell you.

you don’t have to.

Sun kissed, sea salted
Fine mist condensing on your
white dress
Early morning, cool dip
A resting smile on your
full lips
Water pooling in my hand
Our feet easing into sand

Through my camera's lens
the light bends around you
Flared out it crowns you
with a halo
Glowing angel

I dissipate, contemplate
what I wish to wash away
Shed sorrowed sallowed skin
on the shore of yesterday

Find a new spark! Fire! Ignition!
within us and
relinquish the unwanted ties
that have bound us
so we can begin again
begin again
begin again

I scream with my soul
to the horizon
Make me whole!
Only you can push and pull
my heart strings, the tide within me
You said you're tired of the weight
I said I'm tired of the wait
Forever is now

I'll sing through the night
if it would ease the lonely
frightened space inside you
Let my voice reverberate
off the walls of the hollow
pit you reside in when alone
Too often, I too, find my home
in the quiet isolation

Eyes closed, red glow
Floating fractalled spirals
weaving in and out of my lids
Bouyant, bouncing on the tip
of waves

I'd waste my day
melting drifting spinning sinking
drinking margaritas on the rocks
laying back with a big cigar
My coconut heart split spilling out on
petrified driftwood
You are loved and have
been loved by somebody good

My dieties gather
in the drunken hour
Sunken treasured memories
quell my delusions of grandeur
Reminding me how the smallest moments
linger

I want to kiss you deep
and remember it this time.
Leave out the spinning bottle,
sleep, and wake up refined
Tell you how I love you,
my partner in crime
We are two sides of the same coin
Harmonics in the southern cicadas song

Let's get up and out and on our way
through a city bright and new
before we're back on the road
to the unbecoming home

With new sight and fresh minds
clear conscious and the feeling
of hope and elation

With memories to slow our pulses
acceleration.

In the moments of anxieties
I am here for you
whatever our relation

I see who you are
in the moments of hesitation

I'm pulling in

feeling half past dead

Your love is light and bouyant and free,
With you I laugh like a child
And can be completely me
How long has it been since I've loved so passionately?
You're a friend,
And I'll get to know you,
Slowly,
Steadily,
But surely
The more time I'm around you,
The more I fall,
Into this deep love
Rooted in reality
But I'm still dazed
I've waited a thousand days
To have a love so real
Patience has paid off
But their is still more time to pass,
I don't crave to push and pull or grab and claw
All I need is to be able to look into your eyes,
Get lost in those deep blue skies
Where true feelings cannot hide,
Where I can't conceal with pride,
And you see the little child inside
Holding out her beating heart,
For you

So my love,
Take my hand
My heart is a sunset
And I'm asking you to be my man,
Collect my sunset,
Put it in your pocket,
Take a picture of my face and put it in a locket
Let's sit on that hill behind your house
And watch the sky fall dark
And in those moments of dwindling light,
Maybe our camaraderie will ignite a spark.

Tides are changing and the moon's pull draws breath from my lungs, refilling my body, bouyant

And as I lie there in the achingly frigid water I am overwhelmed by the exhaustion barely kept at bay, sinking

Pausing for a moment opens the floodgates and I am pulled downward as the weight of my world pins me to the floor, stagnant

How much longer can I continue this path of distraction, ruining myself from inside out, purging only the scantest of my full grief, simmering

It won't take much more to topple this body of cards, no tarot reading necessary to define my tears, flooding

carry me on your back
legs wrapped
around your waist
when I am tired
wash my body
lovingly
warm water
cascading
from the shower
of your deconstructed
bathroom
I want to remain
all softened edges
sleepy and quiet
while you attend
to your task
thoroughly
then carry me
again
lay me in our bed
warm clean & happy
I ache to sink deep
into the waters
of your love
never hit the bottom
never ascend
to breathe the air
of the mundane world
outside our bedroom
dissolving
embraced
bouyant
consumed
and enveloped
by your
extraordinary  love
you fill my senses
with a deep joy
the ways
you express your love
for me
In all its
rarified loveliness
unequalled tenderness
with
fiery passion &
sweet devotion
has me ruined
forevermore
for any other.

© J.C.