Its not that I didn't love him enough
I loved him too much

I cried into the darkness,
Tears dripping on notebook paper,
My reasoning scribbled between calculus,
Roommate snoozing as the clock blinked 1:00.
I pulled myself wearily into bed,
Empty Gatorade and pill bottles littered the floor.
I had not realized
Until after I swallowed
I didn't want to die
Anymore.

I can count your name a million times
From fading stars to sunrise
There's nowhere I'd rather be
Under the sun's shining gloom.

If meteorites faded upon the ground
If the moon danced, crumbling down
If the galaxy was safe and sound
Would you stand there with me
Under the sun's shining gloom?

If we sank beneath the sea
If the world's turned upon our reach
If we watched Earth plummet underneath our feet
Would you stand there with me
Under the sun's shining gloom?

Or would we drown below the blue?
Would you pull away, as you do?
Would you pick up the pieces, lathered in glue?
If we stood under the sun, blazing like crystals in the dew
Would we fall apart?
Or is it too soon?

Trying to be perfect,
is killing me,
sending acid in my veins
Fire in my lungs.
Maybe I'll just wilt away
And show you what you've created.

Yes, feelings ****. Not that I have a lot of them, but the ones I have **** me up, and mess with my brain, body and mental health. The only place I still feel genuine hapiness is with you. I'm happy in a lot of other places, with a lot of other people. And I wouldn't wanna change those moments. But I'm never the same happy I am with you. I've never felt something quite like that hapiness. I used to see you pass by in the hallway, and still, if I pass you by, my eyes light up a little. It used to be hard to find you in a crowded place, now your face is the only face I seem to find. You don't wear colorful clothes, but you always catch my eye. You light up those really dark places, just by being there. You don't even need to smile. I don't think a lot of people see that. I don't think you see that. But I do. And I don't think I would still be able to see in the dark without that light. I'd stumble and fall, over and over again. And it's okay if I have to walk there, alone in the dark, for a little while, because I know that if I'd fall again, you'd be there to catch me. Maybe not now, Maybe not everytime, but someday, in the future, It may be.

I believe that was the first time I wrote something about you (Or maybe posted.) I'm sot sure what I wrote before that, We'd have to dive into the history books. March 15, Almost half a year ago. I've thought about a lot of people since then, I've loved a lot of those people too. But, it's been 172 days. 172 days and I there hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought about you. And I don't think those days will come soon.