Moving hard out
of the gate.
Zip-lining, flying out
of this state.
Everything seems so small
as I elevate.
People sound so slow
as they dissipate.

Floating in ninety-eight, point six
degrees.
Nobody cares for tricks
as your thoughts leave.
Yeah, they leave you
stranded, you see.

When you see the stars
you're still not even close.
Realizing rational decisions
were never what you first chose.
Brain waves, surgical incisions
you can be the King and everyone knows.
Harnessing grandiose visions,
as the wind cuts through your petty shows
and lines up your mistakes in neat little rows.

I want conversation and car rides,
long nights of green eyes.

I want pastries with whipped cream,
text messages that make me kiss the screen.

I want belted Frank Sinatra,
followed by Moonlight Sonata.

I want gifts I can't afford
that you bought when you were bored.

I want to be calmed and collected,
defended and protected.

I want knowledgeable open-minds,
loquacious words to be defined.

I want my hands to be called soft
and looked at more often

I want my neck to be smelled
then my face to be held.

I want impressed parents,
please share your organic carrots.

I want admiring looks
over the top of Ayn Rand's books.

I want a loss of words
over a song that you just heard.

I want minor disputes
over ideas that don't compute.

I want you to continue to listen
when I question your decisions.

I want button-ups and bowties
that make you different from most guys.

I want time to freeze
and for you to always need me.

I want envious stares
from people who shouldn't care.

I want effortless chemistry
to attract me helplessly.

I want tension filled days,
say you want me with a gaze.

I want my back to be a painting so scandalous
you brush your lips up and down the canvas.

I want clean, boring sheets
to be livened with heat

that I provided.

I want you to be excited

when I come around.

Some people think they know what pain is.
I'll tell you what pain is.

Pain is accidentally using your astringent instead of your eye makeup remover.
Pain is stepping on a lego barefoot.
Pain is stubbing your pinky toe on the same table leg for the 50th time.

Pain is taking responsibility for something that wasn't your fault simply because you're an "adult."
Pain is shedding a tear for the close friend who committed suicide over a year ago.
Pain is thinking about the last look of recognition before your grandfather's death.

Pain is feeling like you can never be honest with anyone about what you are truly feeling.
Pain is the fear that you may not ever find "the one."
Pain is caring too much for people who will never love you.

Pain is realizing that everything you believed in might be false.
Pain is knowing that the people you trusted have lied to you.
Pain is understanding that they were only doing what they thought was right.

This is my pain.
What's yours?

take my fears and

place them by

the river bed


--if you can--


swim near the shore

and hold my head

above water so

I can see land,

only then

will I believe

what’s in

store ahead.

It's terrifying to watch her chest rise and fall
It's like she's not taking in any air at all
She lives and breathes like it doesn't matter if she dies
And behind her smiles and reassurance, there's sorrow in her eyes
She says she's fine and sometimes I think she might be
But if you look at  her closely, a broken girl is all you'll see
Her eyes are green and I think it suits her in a morbid way
Because her eyes are filled with envy when they watch other's happy smiles every day
When she tells me that it doesn't hurt anymore, I can see her hands shake
And when she falls into a dreamless sleep, I can hear her heart break
She walks through the streets with her head held high
But I think she just likes imagining being somewhere over the rainbow, past the grey sky
She's barely held together and fragile as can be
And the hardest part of it all is that she is me.