"Well, that just doesn't pluck my
                                                                heartstrings."
He said at the girl.
Those ruby lips pursed
and he wanted to part them roughly
                                                                with his tongue.
She flipped her honey hair
sending a wave of cigarette smoke
                                                               and expensive
                                                                                    perfume

filling his eyes
and his head
and his mouth
The urge to grab a handful
and push her to her knees
                                                               grew.

He grabbed her hand
bringing it gently to his lips
looking into her brown eyes, he

                                                             winked.

He's New York penthouse
and I'm small town trailer park.
Kinda worried my blue collar might
stain the white one he wears so well...
But he likes the way my perfume smells
(I don't tell him it's from Walmart)
when it lingers on his pillows
and I like the way his sweaters fit me
(my favorite's his from college).
He holds my hand in public
and folds my clothes after ***,
I hide under the blankets
as he gets ready for work.
He's New York penthouse
and I'm small town trailer park
but he tells me I'm just what he needs.
So maybe I'll leave my toothbrush in his bathroom
and a dress in his closet,
maybe get comfy (or frisky) on the couch,
maybe I'll let him say "we" a few times,
I might even try it out,
We
Us
maybe add some future words,
Will
Should
Next summer
Next Christmas.
He's New York penthouse
and I'm small town trailer park
but We
say, "I love you"

It wasn't a
            bad
                 downhill
                                ride
The seats were leather
the music
was loud

I wasn't afraid
                      to
                            fall
the ground always
                     catches
                               me
and the Batman bandaids
make me look
                        hip.

This music between you and me
is meant to be played
by your heart and mine.
It was meant to make us move and dance,
to pull from us the passions
that make our souls alive.
It was meant to crescendo
at inopportune times.
It was meant to go flat
or strike a wrong chord,
to fall quiet
so no one can hear it
but us.
It was meant to be erratic
and cacophonous.
It was meant to be peaceful
and harmonious.
This music between you and me,
it was meant to sound like this.

In the corner of my eye
at the top of my neck
just about
almost maybe
sometimes
I'm positive
there's a subtle message
floating in the dust
sent by God
telling me
**These Things Do Happen

But you
weren't.

I missed you before you left me
My heart ached to think of you gone
and slowly I realized
I'd have to get high alone

The pillows you lay your head on
at night are filled with bugs
Their marching puts you to sleep. You pull
your dead self over your
dying self, warming your living
self, warning your living self of the
dangers of
making love or searching out the familiar.
The familiar lies like
the drugs you take forgetting your feelings.
What you feel is a truth. What you feel.
What are you feeling?
Feeling down, feeling dragged?
It's Dragsville man
the only way out of this prison is to dig.
Ya dig?
No not you dig
They dig,
and you just lay down. You lay down
and rest in your bed with your
pillows.

God

is mad at us

because

we don't show Him who He is

"Your sin is blocking the mirror, I can't see myself.....in you"

They
are speaking God's language
and they don't even
KNOW it

One in a Hundred


What if I am just a psychopath with a god delusion?
(Do psychopaths have a conscience?)
Because I need a secret
I can’t live without a secret
Something has to be MINE
But I can’t even be MINE
Because I am YOURS
And I just want to be me,
But I am you
And I can’t be YOU
Because you are so BIG but
That is ok because I’ll never be like you
Because I am not you
Because I am me
(Is that even supposed to be comforting?)

Four tablespoons of love
In the form of *****
Swallowed and accepted
Tap it out
Then send me a screen shot

I could tell what mood she was in by the apron she was wearing. She was mixing something sweet. The air hung heavy with powdered sugar. I slipped into our small kitchen and wrapped my arms around her. I could feel the heat of her back on my chest. I gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. She dipped a finger into that sugary goodness and brought it to my lips. I licked that divine icing from her index finger and whispered, "I want more."

Soft grunts of morning love
Anchoring down the blankets
Rolling over begging you
Pet my belly

This house makes too much noise
now that you're not in it

Is she special
before you kiss her, or
does she become special
because
you kiss her?

you smell like something i could have
called
home
but now when i look at you
I have to close my eyes

You'll get it when you're older,
but little girl,
you don't have to hold hands
with anybody
with nobody
with somebody
you don't want to.

We dance on the rocks and talk about God
the white noise makes a bubble
the broken piece is beautiful in a way
like a challenge
and if we sat there for a hundred years the trees would still feel our presence for a hundred more
making our first impressions the least of our worries
for if God clothes the flowers then how
much more will he clothe you?

Beentheredonethat

I feel more comfortable raising my arms up
at a concert
Than at church because those words
Spoken through that mic
Shouted through that guitar and the drum that crashes and burst into
my heart
Has the same words as my world
Because HE went through what I went through
and HE came out before me
and HE can tell me there is hope
BECAUSE temptation is nothing
when SIN
is what gets your *** thrown in hell

I didn't know what it was
but it's better now that I do
I was disappointed when we didn't
and from there
things changed
and I didn't know what I wanted
but at that moment I knew
I wanted
you

They aren’t listening
You could find it if you looked, but
Just because someone hasn’t proven it doesn’t mean that it is not there
Hey, even the animals have same gender ***.
why shouldn’t the humans?
because I only think of santa clause one time a year
And how my parents lied to me
So what if I like when my celebrities run for office
It means someone with money cares
Someone young
Someone who probably knows what it is like to hit rock bottom somewhere outside in an unfamiliar place with the stench of the night lingering into that sudden clarity that makes you scream at the top of your lungs
WHAT THE **** AM i DOING WITH my LIFE?!!!!?
And why am I still awake?
Define Improvement
So what if our stomachs were made to eat plants
We eat meat now.
Can you imagine if we started shooting our dead into the sky?
I could say Granpa was in the stars
That everyone went to heaven when they died
And about the Arc
Maybe they didn’t have to. Maybe they
Were where they needed to be all along

You are my fortress wall
With room enough to sleep
Strong and solid
You are my fortress wall and I will scale your height
You help me reach the top and from there
I can see the world
You are my fortress wall and on your shoulders I can swim in the clouds
You are my fortress wall and you keep my garden safe
I know every stone and from where I stand there are no
Weak spots


Sun Kiss
Because you make me feel like I’m living on a beach
The same kind of happy as sundresses and
Bathing suits
The sun
As yellow because Yellow is my happy
You are my favorite color
My Yellow

Of white and yellow

You make me think of white
Of being fresh and clean
I’m still so ******* high on you
Of white because you make me think
And see and plan. White because
You’re so **** fancy

Your skin has holes in it
to breathe
So really they can't help that they get in,
they can't help that they get in
Your skin has holes in it to breathe
You picked at some and made them
bigger
They picked at some and made them bigger
and because life is how life is, Most of you
and most of them
learned that if you try to fix them you will
Suffocate

When do wishes become weeds?
When the roots are rotten.

This dark roast isn't as dark as I
Remember
I suppose I have found darker things since
Then

My thoughts are
TOO BIG!!
for your mini post-it's

One time when I was
little I called nine-one-one
to make sure it worked

Things look yellow tonight
and I can see your empty hand
let's get into my car
and go looking for the moon
I know you like adventure
I know you like the chase
baby I filled the tank for you
I have your favorite cd in
Tonight the world is yellow
I can see your empty hand
we can drive ourselves to the beach
bring the car as far as we can
watch our yellow become pink
baby I know you like to push it
I know you like to take that leap
I can see your empty hand
I know you play for keeps

I want to live for you
because I can't live for myself
I am lost
I don't know what I am
I have no sun
I have no mirror
you were my constant reminder of
what I could be              but my doubt won
I left you and stepped out on my own
out on my own
on my own
I do no good
I am unsure
i searched for you in  all the wrong places
i looked in puddles
i looked in broken glass
i didn't call for your help, i thought i
                                            remembered the way
I wish to live for you
I want to hear you call my name
I want to feel your happiness
once again,
*please

As long as i live
until I die
Remind me that I am not God
tell me again
that I cannot control everything
that I should not control everything
lift me up
as long as I live
until I die
I want to look at you

Tonight my mind is a crucible
my thoughts are calling for a witch hunt
and it might look like I'm dancing with the devil
but it's just Logic

How do I live
Let me count the ways
happy
lost
lonely, ecstatic
fully, intentionally, drifting, wandering
am I wasting away
this gift
that was ****** upon me at birth?
Oh, to remember
the conversation God and I had before
before I was made flesh and birthed
that ending conversation
Did I even know what I was saying?
Lord, remember me
and change me so I can return
I pray.
I prayIprayIprayIpray
So be it.

Tell me how much better I am than them
Then throw your sass in the backseat with the dog
Give me a kiss and tell me something I don't know.
I've got your hand so we can get lost together
I'm pretty sure third gear should be on the
bottom, but you tell me that's silly.
So I'll just look at you and smile because
We're getting **** good at talking without
talking.
Which is probably why we can stay on the phone for hours at a time, Babe,
You are the reason that I love you

Suspended in silk and raised on nectar
is it so much better because I made it?
Because i make a lot of things
including cancer
But what I say goes because
I can say it
So I say
God says
I am important

Pure?
To when you were nothing?
To when you were a single cell?
Because I can feel every cell dividing, and God ****** it stings.
It stings
every part of me.

what exactly is wrong with internet poestry, instagram haikus, and the words that reach me while I type om my phone. typos included as my fingers speed across the screen. trying to squeeze my thoughts through my thumbs. projecting my vision back onto the lightbox. light speaking to light. can you hear me? you tiny reflection be better than me. something, has to be better than me.