I'm missing you & you are right here,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­        I'm not feeling that you still care                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                        
  Sometimes I reach for you at night                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                      
wishing you would hold me tight                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­ 
and the few times, we do kiss,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                          
  I want more than a peck on the
lips                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
We have drifted so far apart,                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                    
we no longer know each other's hearts                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                               
Every disagreement becomes full blown,                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                    
it's been so long since love's been shown                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                              
Never on the right page at the same time,                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                            
  I wonder if I ever cross your mind                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                
No just because phone calls during the day,                                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
  you don't hear a thing I say anyway                                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
I haven't gotten flowers in so many years,                                            
              ­                                                                 ­                                         
I don't know why I'm even still here                                                             ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­          
The kids are grown, they filled my day,                                                            
                                                                ­                                                
now it's me & you & we're not okay                                                          
                                                                ­                                                        
I feel like I give more than I recieve,                                                         ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
and you're ******* the life out of me                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                                   
I hold on because I want us to work,                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                          
while you pull away & it really hurts                                                            ­  
                                                                ­                                                        
  I want things the way they used to
be                                                               ­ 
                                                               ­                                                 
when I loved you & you loved
me                                                               ­                                         
                       ­                                                                 ­                          
but deep down, I know the cold dark truth,                                                           ­       
                                                                ­                                                
those days are over & so are me & you

Not so very long ago,                                                             ­                                           
                     ­                                                                 ­                                    
I tried hard to let you know,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
that you played a part,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
in creating hate in my heart                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­       
I wanted you to pay,                                                             ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­          
every single **** day                                                              ­                        
                                                                ­                                                  
but while I punished you,                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
I was punishing me too                                                              ­                                
                                                                ­                                                      
It took all my strength,                                                        ­                            
                                                                ­                                                      
to hurt you at great lengths                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­           
I wanted to see you cry,                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
you knew the reasons why                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
I wanted you to break,                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­              
yearned to tie you to the stake,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­
to watch you hurt and bleed,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
just like you did to me                                                               ­               
                                                                ­                                                
Now you are old & gray                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                             and I too have also aged,                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                        
I heard you are alone,                                                           ­                                         
                                                                ­                                                                 ­    feeling bad for what you've done                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                               
As stubborn as can be,                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
you won't say you're sorry to me                                                               ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
but as I have grown up,                                                              ­                                
                                                                ­                                                          
I feel you've paid enough                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
So, I'll be the bigger person                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
and tell you're forgiven,                                                        ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
as much for you as for me,                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
I will say I'm sorry

I watched her fall apart,                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                
felt the breaking of her
heart,                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                    
saw the life in her
eyes,                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                        
                                                                ­                                                        
go dimmer then fade &
die                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
Wiped away so many
tears,                                                           ­                                       
                                                                ­                                          
held her through all her
fears,                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                         
                                                                ­                                          
comforted her when she was
alone                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                
tried to soften her heart of
stone                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                                        
  I wish she would have known,                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                       
that we all hurt as we
grow                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
  I didn't see all the fine
  cracks,                                                       ­                         
                                                                ­                                                        
 I didn't know all the facts                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                            
Fragile as a porcelain doll,                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
she managed to weather it all                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
She never thought she was strong,                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                  
but she was so very wrong                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
  You may wonder, who is she?                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
  The answer is, she used to be me

Juggling all the *****,                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                              
putting out the fires,                                                           ­                                       
                                                                ­                                                      
you sit through it all                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
and I am getting tired                                                            ­                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
never too little too late,                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­                 
I have been waiting,                                                         ­                                 
                                                                ­                                              
while you try to debate,                                                          ­                            
                                                                ­                                                  
  I'm left here hating                                                           ­                                       
                                                                ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
  I've given you the time                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                  
  and you've been taking it,                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                      
  to make up your mind,                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­       
  of whether I 'm worth it                                                               ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­                
   I have news for you,                                                             ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                  
  your love doesn't define me,                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­ 
  so do what you need to                                                               ­                               
                                                                ­                                              
while you stand behind me                                                               ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
  I've already done it all,                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                                    
  as you sat thinking                                                         ­                                                   
             ­                                                                 ­                                          
  I won't take the fall                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                    
   for your slow rising                                                           ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                    
  I did it all without you,                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                              
What are you good for?                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                    
  Do what you have to,                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
I won't be here anymore                                                          ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­             
                                                                ­                                            
  Raised our kids all alone.                                                           ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­            
  kept the house up everyday                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­     
                                                           ­                                                             
  worked my fingers to the bones,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                              
  while you went out & played                                                           ­                         
                                                                ­                                            
  Tucked the kids into bed at night,                                                           ­   
                                                                ­                                              
   raised them with love & pride                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                              
  What you did isn't right,                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
  you never stood by my side                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                         
       ­                                                                 ­                                            
When you were out drinking,                                                        ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
  I was at home all alone                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                            
  What the hell was I thinking                                                         ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­                                        
  while I was sitting on the phone                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                    
  Cheating on me, watching me cry                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                                  
  as beat myself up all the time,                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­         
   And yet, still a fool, I tried,                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                               
   it is true, love is blind

I've crawled through the ashes                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                  
 left behind by my downfall                                                         ­                                                                                                                      ­                                          
with knuckles made of brass                                                            ­                                        
                                                                ­                                            
 I fought and still stood
 tall                                                           ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                          
You thought you destroyed
me                                                               ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­  
but I made it
through                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­           
  So don't ask for pity,                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                                  
this revenge is for
you                                                              ­                            
                                                                ­                                                      
As my scars are barely
healing                                                         ­                                                                 ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
and my wounds remain undried                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­         
I am happy to be feeling,                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­    
that it's your turn to cry                                                              ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                   
You've spent your life basking,                                                         ­                                                             
   ­                                                                 ­                                            
with the sun in your face                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
now it's your turn to be asking                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­              
for my mercy & grace                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­           
I want to see you broken,                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                        
shattered & worn down,                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                                    
it's just a little token                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                             from the strength I 've
found                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                        
  I want you to beg
  me                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
to take you back again                                                            ­                                        
                                                                ­                                                      
  it will make me
  happy                                                         ­                                       
                                                                ­                                                      
to know you're suffering

I want to shrivel up and blow
away                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                      
like a fallen leaf on an autumn
day                                                              ­  
                                                              ­                                                          
      a carefree dancer, waltzing in the
breeze                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                   
 form a pile on the ground, jump in
  me,                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­                  
  feel the rainfall wash over me                                                      
                                                                ­                                                    
  then bask in the sunlight, so
  colorfully                                                    ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
I want to melt into the damp dark
earth                                                        
                                                                ­                                                     
 to be born again when Spring gives birth

I don't love who you
are,                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                        
I love who you used to be                                                               ­                                                     
                                                                ­                                                      
 I keep hoping that not too          
 far,                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                      
  that person is still
  lurking                                                       ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                        
   I get a glimpse now &
   then                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                 
 that keeps my hopes
alive                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
I keep on wondering
when,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                
you'll tell me he's
arrived                                                          ­                            
                                                                ­                                                
Every once in a
while,                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                    
he shows himself to
me,                                                              ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                       
in a look or a smile                                                            ­                                                    
            ­                                                                 ­                                           
and it is so reassuring                                                       ­                                                               
                                                                ­                                                  
but those glimpses are so few                                                              ­                              
                                                                ­                                                      
  it leaves me questioning                                                      ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­               
  Why do I stay with you?                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­              
What's this loves direction?                                                       ­                           
                                                                ­                                                  
My heart still won't give up                                                               ­                   
                                                                ­                                                    
it's missing what is gone                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
but I know it's been long
enough                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
and he's not coming home

Today I got a hug, out of the blue                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                                               
and it even came with an "I love you''                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                        
Such a simple kind gesture                                                          ­                                                  
              ­                                                                 ­                               
  It brought me such pleasure                                                         ­                     
                                                                ­                                                          
It picked me up when I felt down                                                             ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­      
  turned my day totally around                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
  Just when I thought no one cared                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                        
someone loved me, someone shared

I'm the one out there for everyone else,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
who is there when I need someone myself?                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
I'll go to battle for those that I love,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                          
  if you bring the push, I'll bring the shove                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                                
  I am the strongman, the rock, the tough                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                          
  but the world on my shoulders is rough                                                            ­  
                                                                ­                                      
  Sometimes I need someone to take the wheel                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­     
  Let me catch my breath, I need time to heal                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                        
  I am the one to rise up to every cause                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
   but it would be nice to take a pause                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­     
   It's hard for me to ask for the help                                                            
­                                                                 ­                                                       
   that you would offer to anyone else                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                  
  You want to watch me to struggle,                                                        ­              
                                                  ­                                                        
  trapped inside your controlling bubble                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                 
  while you stand back judging me,                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                                
  your hand on your hip so haughtily                                                        ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
  but you have still failed to see                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                
  you have underestimated me

Sometimes I want to run into the sea,                                                             ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­                  
let the cold-water wash all over
me                                                               ­                   
                                                                ­                                                        
as the waves pull me into its
midst                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                        
as the sand buries my feet in its
drifts                                                           ­                                             
                                                                ­                                                        
I'd open my lungs & **** the water
down                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                             
saltwater filling me up until I
drown                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                                    
  I'll fall into a blackened deep
  sleep                                                         ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                      
it will wash away the secrets I
keep                                                             ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                        
at the same time, it swallows me
whole                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
I allow it to cleanse the darkness of my
soul                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                     
  Cover me up with the grains of
  sand                                                          ­  
                                                              ­                                              
  making me a part of the sea & land

I have to laugh when you rush up to my walls,                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                   thundering mad, trying to make them fall                                                    
        ­                                                                 ­                                               
   I think there's something you need to
know,                                                        
                                                                ­                                                    
they will never come down, they will never
go                                                  
                                                                ­                                                
You've broken my heart so many times
before                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
  that you will never get that close
  anymore                                                    
  ­                                                                 ­                                                   
It doesn't make me happy or
proud                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                          
to have to say those words out
loud                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
but you've given me no reason to
trust                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                  
   and without that, there will be no
us                                                               ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
  I've given you chances that you mess
up                                                               ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
  and I have taken more than
enough                                                          
­                                                                 ­                                                   
  So, that's your cue to turn & walk
away                                                          
  ­                                                                 ­                                               
  I'm no longer a partner in the games you play

I was trying to control everything,                                                      ­            
                                                                ­                                                
answer the phone on the first ring                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                  
That way of life became exhausting                                                       ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­     
and it didn't accomplish
anything                                                         ­   
                                                             ­                                                         
I admitted that I didn't know it all                                                            
 ­                                                                 ­                                    
Surrendered & fell into a free fall                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
Free from my trapped head
space,                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                      
everything began to fall into place                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                          
Released from all my mental bounds                                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
I had survived being buried
underground                                                      ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
I armed myself with a new attitude                                                         ­ 
                                                               ­                                                   
and a newfound state of
gratitude                                                        ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­                   
I let my worry fall to the
wayside                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
and learned to really start living
life                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                        
I found out I love who I am
inside,                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
  I urge everyone to give it a try

I am still a work on
progress,                                                        ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
some mistakes but no
regrets                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                            
Pushed myself through the
unknown,                                                         ­       
                                                                ­                                                 
 proud of this person &, how I've
  grown                                                         ­     
  I hold my head up, stand up
  straight                                                      ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
doing my best, no inner debates                                                          ­            
                                                    ­                                                                
No excuses made as I forge ahead                                                      
                                                                ­                                        
Learning & changing everyday                                                         ­                 
                                                                ­                                              
loving myself, I'm on my way

I am going on a journey, I don't know where,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
I'll let you know the details, when I get there                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
You call it running away, I claim escape,                                                      
                                                                ­                                            
anything to put a smile back on my face                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
You call it self-indulging, I say it's a
need,                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                                    
this deep-rooted hunger that I have to feed                                                             ­                                         
                                                                ­                                                  
See, I have been trying to make myself believe                                  
                       ­                                                                 ­                          
that your sparse love is all that I need                                                
            ­                                                                 ­                                     
Now I've awakened, that doesn't satisify me                                                               ­           
                                                                ­                                                  
and I'm the only one who can make me happy                                                    
                                                                ­                                                      
If my leaving hurts you, know I am sorry                                                      
                                                                ­                                                  
  but I'm long overdue for this journey

Aging is a process that takes you by surprise,                                                        ­
                                                                ­                                                      
  one day you see a reflection you don't  recognize                                                 ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­          
Wrinkles where once smooth skin used to be,                                      
                       ­                                                                 ­                              
  fine lines around your eyes you missed completely                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
No amounts of lotion will make it go away                                                             ­                                                     
           ­                                                                 ­                                       
  When did your body betray you, no
permission  gave                                                ­                                                    
                                                                ­                                                
Eyes once so vibrant have now begun to fade,                                                
                                                                ­                                                      
in them a faint glimmer of your glory days                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                   
 No wonder they say. you're only as young as you
feel,                                                
           ­                                                                 ­                                      
You still feel young inside, this is so surreal                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                        
Then the aches & pains start to catch up to you,                                                    
                                                                ­                                                      
 is when you realize the damage the years can
  do                                    
                                                                 ­                                                   
So caught up in life before you get the
chance                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                      
 to be able to know you're a victim of
  circumstance                                              
   ­                                                                 ­                                                
  So, breathe in deeply, give into your
fate                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­  
and promise to enjoy living before it's too late

Wading into the sea of vulnerability,                                                   ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­     
    bobbing constantly so it won't swallow me,                                                      
       ­                                                                 ­                                                
as the tide rolls in, it tries to consume
me                                                               ­   
                                                                ­                                                      
   I know where I am & where I want to
   be,                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                        
  so, I hold on strong & breathe
slightly                                                        ­                                                            
                                                                ­                                                        
I might be wrong, my insight evades
me                                                              
­                                                                 ­                                               
Until I see the shore & the sun
rising                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
I will be unsure until God enlightens
  me                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                      
if it is really safe for me, in the sea of vulnerability?                                                   ­                          ,

I climbed up the mountain side,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
taking in the beautiful sights                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                          
Breathing in the fresh air so
high                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
until it totally filled me inside                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­          
While I inhaled so freely                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                        
of the mountain air so
deeply                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
I felt I was taking in its
beauty                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                  
and the essence went through
me                                                               ­       
                                                         ­                                                               
I became a part of that
mountain,                                                        ­                    
                                                                ­                                                
pure energy flowing like a
fountain                                                         ­       
                                                         ­                                                    
 Filling me with its
serenity                                                         ­                         
                                                                ­                                                    
as a calmness washed over
me                                                               ­       
                                                                ­                                           
       Mother Nature, God &
  Heaven                                                        ­                  
                                                                ­                                          
working together times
seven                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                              
    Never have I felt such
    peace                                                       ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­      
the way God wants me to be

Go ahead and point your finger at
me,                                                              ­    
                                                            ­                                                            
   I only reflect your own
insecurities                                                    ­                                                        
        ­                                                                 ­                                             
Call me the names that cause you
fear,                                                            ­                              
                                                                ­                                                  
afraid of what you don't want to
hear                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                  
Gang up on me with your group of
friends,                                                         ­ 
                                                                ­                                            
worrying that they'll turn on you in the
end                                                            
                                                                ­                                        
Persecute me & deflect from the
truth                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                    
convince them that you have some
proof                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                        
Mock how I'm comfortable in my
skin,                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­             
as you fight the torture from  
within                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                         
I know you hate admiring me the
most                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                
you're in the shadows, I am your
ghost                                                      
                                                                ­                                               
  While you are taking turns hurting
  me,                                                          
­                                                                 ­                                     
remember I am who you want to be

Dear other woman,                                                           ­                                     
                                                                ­                                                        
he doesn't care about you,                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
he was once my man                                                              ­                                                  
and at one time I was you                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                                
­                                                                 ­                                                   
He'll never
checkup                                                          ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                   
to make sure you're
okay                                                             ­                         
                                                                ­                                                  
and when he's had
enough,                                                          ­                                
                                                                ­                                                    
he will be on his way                                                              ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­             
He'll spend his
weekends,                                                        ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­       
doing what he wants                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                        
Hanging out with friends,                                                         ­                       
                                                                ­                                                  
and you stay home alone                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                
You'll be up all night,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                       
waiting by the phone                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­            
 and he'll start a
fight                                                            ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                    
  so, he can stay out on his
own                                                              ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­           
You'll think he's
cheating,                                                        ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­              
 he'll say it's in your
  mind                                                          ­                              
                                                                ­                                                    
  He will have you
  thinking,                                                     ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­      
that you're wasting his
time                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                  
Just when you think you                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­   
can't take it anymore                                                          ­                                                    
            ­                                                                 ­                                    
  and you have the
proof                                                            ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                       
to nail his *** to the floor,                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                                
here come the flowers                                                          ­                                                    
                                                                ­                                                    
so, he can get back in                                                               ­                                   
                                                                ­                                            
Giving him back the
power,                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­                
to cheat on you again                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­                   
I know you are wondering,                                                       ­               
                                                 ­                                                                
 why I am confiding in
you,                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                    
  it's because I've been
  there,                                                        ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                           
and at one time I was you

Sometimes you have to fall on your knees,                                                           ­ 
                                                                ­                                                        
to prove how strong you can really
be                                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
The ability to get back
up,                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                           
can make you hard, make you
tough                                                           ­                                                   
                                                                ­                                    
    Sometimes you have to shed some tears                                                            ­        
to realize how to fight your fears
                                                                 ­                                                  
You know what they all say,                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                         
there are gonna be better days                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                      
A broken heart can heal
itself,                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                
with a little love, a little
help                                                             ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­        
Don't just give your heart
away                                                             ­                                             
                                                                ­                                          
because someone tells you it's
okay                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                                   
Love's not all that it's cracked up to
be                                                              
­                                                                 ­                                                 
and being alone doesn't mean
lonely                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                            
  Learn to love yourself the
  best                                                          ­                
                                                                ­                                                 
 and let God do all the
  rest                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­     
  Be your own true & best friend,                                                          ­
                                                                ­                                                     
  we all die alone in the
  end                                                           ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­    
Do what is right between you &
you,                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
life is beautiful when you do

Sometimes it's hard to know where a man's loyalties
lie                                                              ­                                                    
and at times, it's hard to see what's right before your
eyes                                                             ­                                                               
and when & if that happens, he can take you for a
ride                                                             ­                                            
 and that kind of resentment does not easily
subside                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
 It can be easy for a man to pull you right
 in                                                             ­                                                     
when he says the right things & pays
attention                                                        ­                                          
The only way to see if he's the cheating
kind                                                             ­                                               
is to fall in love first with his soul & his
 mind                                                    
                                                                ­                                                        
 If he's worth the wait, he will stick
   around                                                          ­                                             
  If he's pressuring you, tell him to hit the ground
  It is not that easy for a treasure to be
  found                                                         ­                                                
 So, listen with both ears, wait for the right
  sound                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
Too many times, we give away our heart                                                            ­                                              
too much too soon can tear it all apart                                                            ­                                                  
Take it slow & easy that's a good                                                          
  ­start                                                            ­                                  
 building a true love is the best part

You are a two-faced poser, a wanna be,                                                              ­    
                                                                ­                                                          
  a tourist in your life, who are you gonna be?                                              
               ­                                                                 ­                                          
  A Gemini, chameleon, you're a deuce                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                    
  everyone you've known you've abused                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                                 ­
You've spent whole your life trying to be                                                              
­                                                                 ­                                           
  a real-life person with integrity                                                        ­          
                                                                ­                                                
You're a hater & can't stand to see                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                            
anyone who's happier than you'll ever be                                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
A ruiner of life, you're a charade                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
filled with self-loathing & rage                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­        
I wish I could feel bad for you                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                  
but you make that difficult to do                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
If you could admit what you've done,                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                                  
you could have had what you want                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                
True to your nature you remain to be,                                                              ­          
                                                      ­                                                                
a backstabbing snake & a wanna be

The embers from the campfire,                                                        ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
  are like fireflies in flight                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                  
  as they escape, they burn brighter                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                         
 an orange star in the
night                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­         
Tendrils of smoke wafting in the
air,                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                         
 it's in our clothes, in our hair                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­  
 It smells like summertime out
here,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                              
  eating hotdogs & drinking beer                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                 
 Turn the music way up high                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                                 ­  
 The moon shines so bright                                                          
                                                                ­                                                  
 The crickets are trilling all
around,                                                          ­        
                                                                ­                                                    
it's like we are in surround
sound                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
  I love this cool summer
  night                                                         ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
  the campfire feels so nice

Words haunt me,                                                              ­                                                    
                                                                ­                                          
forming
unprovoked,                                                      ­                                        
                                                                ­                                            
growing inside   me,                                                              ­                                                              
  ­                                                                 ­                                               
stuck in my
throat                                                           ­                                               
                                                                ­                                              
Keeps me up
nightly,                                                         ­                                       
                                                                ­                                      
sometimes I must
write,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                
can't take it
lightly,                                                         ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                    
till I make it right                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                
Pushing,
evolving,                                                        ­                                          
                                                                ­                                        
thoughts in my
head,                                                            ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                           
puzzle solving,                                                         ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­  
writing in my
bed                                                              ­                                        
                                                                ­                                          
Causing
anxiety                                                          ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                             
if I don't get it out                                                              ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­             
It stays in my
memory                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
and jumbles about                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­     
Finally, the ******,                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
I've got it all down,                                                            ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                           
 as I try to go
  back,                                                         ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                          
to sleep safe &
sound                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­             
Like a leaky
faucet,                                                          ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                       
it comes back
on,                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
I've had
enough,                                                          ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                        
I write until dawn

The darkness doesn't frighten me,                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                          
I know in God there's light                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
No hatred will silence me,                                                              ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
I'll fight for what's right                                                            ­                        
                                                                ­                                          
Hunger will not quell me,                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
I'll feast on his words,                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                
they will sustain the soul in me,                                                              ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­   
I will devour every word                                                             ­                                     
                                                                ­                                          
  Without him I am nothing                                                          ­      
                                                                ­                                                  
and that will be my death                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                       With him I can do anything,                                                        ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­    for he gives me every breath

Show me innocence,                                                       ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                        
that I long to see                                                              ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                     
 The world is so tense,                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­               
it should find release                                                          ­                        
                                                                ­                                                
Escape into happy,                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­            
smile through the hurt,                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                              
make everything pretty,                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­   
don't think of the worst,                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
look into the sunrise,                                                         ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                    
take a cleansing breath,                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­     
laugh & don't cry,                                                             ­                                                 
               ­                                                                 ­                                    
let God handle the rest,                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­         
lie in the grass,                                                           ­                                         
                                                                ­                                              
cloud watch all day,                                                             ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­           
 eat sweets in
masses,                                                          ­                                
                                                                ­                                              
watch children play,                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­           
  visit a pet store,                                                           ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                      
  and pet everyone.                                                        ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                       
open your front door,                                                            ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                           
  and let in the sun,                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­              
pick wildflowers,                                                     ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                    
  eat an ice cream
  cone,                                                         ­                           
                                                                ­                                            
dawdle for hours                                                            ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                   
and never go home,                                                            ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                 
  climb an oak tree,                                                            ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­               
walk barefoot outside,                                                         ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­            
  life can be easy,                                                            ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                      
  take it all in stride

Life doesn't get easier as you get
older,                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                         
the world gets heavier on your
shoulders                                                      
                                                                ­                                          
Sometimes I feel the weight will crush
me,                                                              ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
this massive weight of responsibility                                                   ­               
                                                                ­                                                
Being the glue that holds everything,                                                      ­  
                                                                ­                                                  
can cause you to crack & fade with strain                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                      
Being all that others need you to be                                                               ­             
                                                   ­                                                         
doesn't leave much left for me                                                               ­             
                                                                ­                                            
Noone seems amazed that I don't fall apart,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
only I know how it breaks my heart                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                              
I never once hear a simple thank you,                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                       
no act of kindness paid, no gratitude                                                        ­                                                          
      ­                                                                 ­                                                 
I don't even know how I don't fall down,                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                          
  with no encouragement to be found                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
  I hold my breath, and no one sees,                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
  they are busy fulfilling their needs                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                              
  No awards, no prize, they don't realize                                                          ­  
                                                              ­                                                    
  this glue is cracked, yellowed & dry

Finally blossoming                                                       ­                                                               
 ­                                                                 ­                                                    
like a fragile flower,                                                          ­                              
                                                                ­                                                            
a rare orchid,                                                          ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                       
A reclusive butterfly                                                        ­                                          
                      ­                                                                 ­                                   
I wriggle free,                                                            ­                                          
                                                                ­                                            
breaking away,                                                            ­                                    
                                                                ­                                                  
into life, I dive,                                                            ­                                      
                          ­                                                                 ­               
gasping the air,                                                             ­                                         
                       ­                                                                 ­                      
taking it all in                                                               ­                   
                                                                ­                                          
Coming around,                                                          ­                                    
                                                                ­                                                
headfirst, wide eyed,                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                        
  I come alive

Magazines strewn amongst,                                                         ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­            
mis-matched coffee cups,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                  
white rings on the tabletops,                                                       ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                      
We are just getting
up                                                               ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                                  
You yawn & look at me,                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­                making your way, groggily,                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
rub your eyes sleepily                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                                       
  as we exchange, ''good
  morning ''                                                               ­         
                                                                ­                                                
Hair sticking up in the air,                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                              
neither one really cares                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                           
 Noisily pulling out a
  chair,                                                        ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
both of us, with feet
bare                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                
Coffee smells
permeate,                                                        ­                        
                                                                ­                                                    
as it drips &
percolates,                                                      ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­             
begging us to take a
taste                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                               
  Aren't Sunday mornings great?

I fell but I didn't stay down,                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
got back up & I looked
around                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
While there, guess what I
found                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                      
that I was still success
bound                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
For all of those who laughed at
me,                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                    
  hurt me more than
  repeatedly,                                                   ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                
took their pleasure in my pain,                                                      
                                                                ­                                            
kicked me over & over
again                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                                        
I hold myself with a sense of
pride                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
and that takes more than you  
realize                                                          ­                                
                                                                ­                                                     
 It would be easier to roll over &
  die                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
but it's not in me to not at least
try                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                               
 Now that my life's on the right track,                                              
                                                                ­                                                
    there is no more going
   back                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                  
It is you that I feel sorry
for,                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                               
 ­ you don't know what a heart is
for                                                              ­        
                                                        ­                                                                
I am going to spend my
time,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                           
 healing my heart ,body &
  mind,                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                              
while you continue to be miserable,                                                       ­ 
                                                                ­                                                        
I will continue to be wonderful!

She stayed quiet & chained,                                                         ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                    
too tired, too weak to
think                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
He knew that she would
stay                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
as he poured another
drink                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
She was so beaten
down,                                                            ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                                     
she didn't even disagree                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                              
While he was *******
around                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
she told people she was happy                                                            ­                                                                 ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                
He took full advantage
of                                                               ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­            
a love he never
deserved                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                  
  When would she call his
  bluff?                                                        ­                
                                                ­                                                              
  ­When would her voice be
  heard?                                                        ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
  Would there ever come a
  day,                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
  that her pain would find a
way                                                             ­                                                                 ­
                                                                ­                                                 
 and her rage would blow him
  away?                                                         ­       
                                                         ­                                                           
No one would blink an
eye                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                  
but she would still probably
cry                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                              
While everyone was asking
why,                                                             ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
she was not able to say good-
bye                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­ 
To the man who held her
down                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                    
so, he could keep her in
check,                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
face pushed into the
ground,                                                         ­                                                         
                                                                ­                                                
and kept his foot on her neck                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                    
  When would she break
  free,                                                         ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                          
  be who she wanted to
  be                                                            ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                             
  not a victim of
  brutality                                                     ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                  
  Why would she dare to disagree?

I have been medicated                                                        ­                            
                                                                ­                                              
because life is overrated,                                                       ­                 
                                                                ­                                                        
it's better when I'm sedated                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                                          
If I wasn't I wouldn't make it                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­      
This is my brain on drugs                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­           
I only nod yes, or shrug                                                            ­                            
                                                                ­                                                  
Let the world handle the pain,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­         
I like it here with the insane                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                               
 ­ Behind my fortress walls,                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                                        
  I can hide away from it all                                                              ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­ 
  Let the world self-destruct                                                    ­                                
                                                                ­                                                
  from here it doesn't matter much

Day in and day out,                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                      
feet shuffle, heads down                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
Take your eyes off the ground,                                                          ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                    
look & take in the sounds                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
Life if going to pass you by,                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                                          
if you don't soon realize                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                            
Nighttime lights off,                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­
your body's had too much                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                         
Tomorrow is another day,                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­    
don't sleep your life away                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                    
Get up without delay                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­        
  and start another great day

I know the chances I
take                                                             ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                                 
    and I can make
mistakes                                                         ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                      
but head on, no
brakes                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­              
  won't stop until I break                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                  
  Consequences are
paid,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                          
  I live with them every
  day                                                           ­                               
                                                                ­                                                        
I can't help myself,                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
 I think I like it in
hell                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                    
It's a fine line that I walk,                                                            ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                               
I take credit and the fault                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­   
I'm sorry it affects you                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
but after what I've been
through                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
It is the only way I know,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
it is a weight that I tow                                                              ­                            
                                                                ­                                                
This is all that I am,                                                              ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
just another lost human

If you sewed my mouth up,                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                      
my eyes would still speak                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                          
If you tore my tongue out,                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­            
I could still clench my teeth                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­                     
If I slit open my wrists,                                                          ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                
words would bleed out of me                                                               ­                                                           
                                                                ­                                                  
You can't stop me from feeling                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
If I close my eyes tight,                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
my tears would tell the tale                                                             ­                                               
                                                                ­                                                  
Put me in a room with no light,                                                           ­             
                                                   ­                                                               
  my aura pulsates & swells                                                           ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­      
  if you cut my hands off,                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                    
  I'd learn to write with my feet                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
   I'm someone who feels too much                                                    
                                                                ­                                                                 ­           
  and you can't stop me

Your fire will burn us alive,                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                        
I will be happy not to survive                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                          
I want to feel the heat of your
flame,                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                           
let it burn me again & again                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­               
I want to spend all my days,                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                          
consumed by your white-hot blaze                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                        
I crave all of your intensity                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
  I want to burn for eternity

Take me where the grass grows,                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
high up over my knees,                                                           ­                                                         
       ­                                                                 ­                                                
to a place the cool breeze blows,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                   
somewhere that I can breathe                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
I'll bask in the sunlight,                                                        ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
facing the bright blue sky                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                    
  I'll take in all the sights,                                                          ­                    
                                                                ­                                                  
listen to the wildlife,                                                        ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
  absorb the scenery                                                          ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                     
   Feel as free as a kite,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
   and let nature swallow me

I will bend but I will not
break,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
I have given more than I
take,                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­     
I have fallen but got back
up,                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                     
    paid my dues more than
enough                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
Have stood tall against the
storm,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
faced those who have done me
wrong,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
I've surprised even
myself,                                                          ­                                      
                          ­                                                                 ­                 
walked through the fires of
hell                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                            
 You may ask me
  how,                                                          ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­               
I'm still strong even
now                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­         
I have one word to
say,                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                
God, helps me through each
day                                                              ­  
                                                              ­                                                  
  With him in my
  heart,                                                        ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                               
 each day's a new
start                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­               
  He gives me all I need,                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                            
  healing me when I
  bleed                                                         ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
I owe him everything,                                                      ­                                                    
                                                                ­                                                  
  I love the peace he brings                                                           ­                                                       
         ­                                                                 ­                                        
My inner strength is
him                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
He loves me despite my sins.

After the first storm of spring                                                           ­                             
                                                                ­                                                  
turns everything to green,                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                
making all the birds sing                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­            
Where have all the flowers been?                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­     
It smells so fresh outside,                                                         ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
as I stand in the sunlight,                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
I can see blue birds in flight,                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                      
their colors are so bright                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                              
There are buds on the trees,                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                 
  trying to turn into leaves                                                           ­                 
                                               ­                                                         
  Children crossing the street,                                                          ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­         
  kites blowing in the breeze,                                                        
 ­                                                                 ­                                  
  earthworms peeking from the dirt,                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                
­  mother rabbits giving birth                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                        
  Daffodils pushing up through                                                        
 ­                                                                 ­                                              
with their bright yellow hues                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
The wonder of Spring                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                  
the renewed hope it brings                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                          
  Chasing Winter blues away,                                                            ­                        
                                                                ­                                                
what a beautiful day

You breathed life into my heart when it was deflated,                                          
             ­                                                                 ­                                        
you changed my mind even after it was jaded                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
You gave me a reason to get up every day                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­   
and you showed me love all along the way                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                      
You taught me how to laugh & be
myself,                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                                
­ you showed me the way out of my shell                                                            ­                                                                 ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
Who am I kidding? you changed everything                                                       ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
When I'm with you I feel like a queen                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                              
  Before you I was alive but not living,                                                    
     ­                                                                 ­                                      
  you've accepted me since the beginning                                                        ­        
                                                                ­                                              
   When I feel down, you lift me up                                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
  and shower me with beautiful love                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                                 ­
I often wonder where I would be                                                               ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
if you had never loved me

My heart is a gray painted room                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­      
  the paint is chipped & peeling off                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
The only window I can view,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
is filthy & the dirt is smudged                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
The dimmed light that filters
in                                                               ­             
                                                                ­                                                          
is speckled with floating dust                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
but yet I can still pretend                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
that that is good enough                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
the wallpaper under it,                                                              ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
almost hidden from view                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­
pictures of daisy & violets                                                          ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
and dandelions too                                                              ­                
                                                ­                                                                
­ Even though it's faded,                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                    
  it's still able to be seen                                                             ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                        
 It has not dissipated                                                       ­                                     
                                                                ­                                            
there's still love in me

I can't keep giving away pieces of me,                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
to someone who regards them so
carelessly                                                       ­     
                                                                ­                                                
You've made me put up a protective
wall                                                        
                                                                ­                                              
because you don't deserve me at
all                                                              ­    
                                                            ­                                                              
I remember when our love was
carefree,                                                        ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
when I thought you really loved
me                                                               ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
but I don't feel the same
today,                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­  
since I've had to take my trust
away                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                             
Chances are you were always this way,                                        
                                                                ­                                            
putting yourself first every
day                                                              ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
I admit there were times I didn't
see,                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
you couldn't be mine
faithfully                                                       ­                 
                                                                ­                                                        
I felt if I just loved you
more,                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                              
  you'd step up, make me feel
secure                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                
That didn't happen, so here we are,                                                          
                                                                ­                                          
together still but our hearts so far.

So many words written on
me,                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
that define my
personality                                                      ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                     
Even though they are not
seen,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                    
they mirror
accountability                                                   ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­              
Some are benign, mother &
wife                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
others reflect my road map of
life                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
  Documents of sadness &
  pain                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                          
labeling me again &
again                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                            
Failure is a word I
see,                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
in every picture taken of
me                                                               ­           
                                                                ­                                              
Every image, glance or
stare                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                            
  reflects the words," I don't
care"                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­   
  degrading remarks once
  said                                                          ­            
                                                    ­                                                                
­  are written across my
forehead                                                         ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­    
   In bold black letters I can
  see                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
   the word victimized on
  me                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                
­   Invisible to the human eye,                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                    
  are they truth or are they lies?

You & I have disconnected,                                                    ­                                  
somewhere along the way                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                  
 I've been feeling neglected                                                        ­
                                                                ­                                                    
more with every passing
day                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­       
  If I ever asked you to
go,                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
  would you ask me to
stay,                                                            ­                              
                                                                ­                                                  
  and even if I had said
no,                                                              ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­       
   would you stay
anyway?                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
   If I thought you
cared,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                      
    if I knew you loved
me,                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
   the house that we
shared,                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                        
    wouldn't feel so
  lonely                                                        ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                     
    If I believed you would try,                                                             ­                               
                                                                ­                                                      
    if I knew you'd be there,                                                           ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                      
     then my crying eyes,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                        
    wouldn't have this cold stare                                                            ­                                                                 ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
    I have done more than my part,                                                            ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                 
    I've stepped up to the plate                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                                  
   and now my once loving heart,                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                             
   ­ is only filled with hate

Our love has spanned a lifetime,                                                        ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­               
even apart you're still on my mind                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                               
Wherever you are I find myself,                                                          ­                                
                                                                ­                                                      
never wanted to be anywhere else                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
Reach for me, I'll be right there                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­       
I'll always be there, will always care                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
I close my eyes; it's you I see                                                              ­        
                                                        ­                                                
wherever you are it's always with me

The rain comes
down,                                                            ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­               
  making plinking
sounds,                                                          ­                                              
                                                                ­                                              
forming puddles all
around,                                                          ­                        
                                                                ­                                                    
dark skies the
background                                                       ­                         
                                                                ­                                                        
                                                                ­                                                      
I hold my face up,                                                              ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­     
 put my hands like a
  cup,                                                          ­                            
                                                                ­                                                  
begin to let it fill
up                                                               ­                               
                                                                ­                                                
Hold it up to my
lips                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­            
with wet
fingertips                                                       ­                                       
                                                                ­                                          
Nothing better than
this,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
  a raindrops kiss

I saw the light in your eyes go out as I leave,                                        
                  ­                                                                 ­                               
heard you struggle for breath 'cause the air went with me                                                               ­     
                                                           ­                                                               
I have to admit I was more than pleased,                                                         ­                                                     
           ­                                                                 ­                                            
for the past hundred years you did it to me                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                                     
I wanted to look back & see if you were crying                                                      
    ­                                                                 ­                                                 
and it took all my strength to stop me from trying                                      
                                                                ­                                                          
  I wanted to watch your heartache firsthand                                                        ­
                                                                ­                                                  
  but then I'd be like you & I'm better than that                                        
                    ­                                                                 ­                               
  I'd have to be satisfied leaving you sitting there                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                        
   knowing that I hate you & now life is fair

I've been taking down the giants in my
life                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                             
Lining them all up without thinking
twice                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                      
I'm so tired of bending for everyone
else,                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                                    
it's time for me to raise a little bit of
hell                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                
Trying to breathe life into my
brokeness,                                                       ­   
                                                             ­                                                    
getting all the negativity off my
chest                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
  I won't be bullied into changing my
mind,                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                          
every dog gets his day & I 'm taking
mine                                                            ­                                                    
            ­                                                                 ­                                           
You can't guilt me into thinking like
you                                                          
   ­                                                                 ­                                                    
I don't care if you don't like the
truth                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                              
That's the first thing that you should
see,                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                  
this isn't about you, it's all about
me                                                              
                                                                ­                                                        
I found out something can you guess
what?                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                            
My opinion matters, so keep your mouth shut

No one cares what you've been
through,                                                         ­ 
                                                               ­                                                         
all the details, of what they did to
you                                                              ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­         
  I have been there & all I have to
say,                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                      
  is  you need to heal, find your own
way                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­         
How long will you stay in your
past?                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­     
How long do you want the pain to
last?                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                
Holding up your angry walls is hard to
do,                                                            
                                                                ­                                              
you're wasting energy that could heal
you                                                    
         ­                                                                 ­                                    
What you put out, comes back times
three,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                
 can you live with all the
  negativity?                                                   ­         
                                                       ­                                                               
If you can't forgive than try to
forget,                                                        
 ­                                                                 ­                                      
everyone in life has pain and
regrets                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
You can't take back what happened
yesterday                                                        ­    
                                                            ­                                                      
but you can begin again and change today

This is my voice,                                                           ­                                           
                                                                ­                                                      
pen & paper pain                                                             ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                      
I've made the choice                                                           ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                            
to blot the stain                                                            ­                                                  
              ­                                                                 ­                               
Band-Aid pulled off,                                                             ­                                                           
     ­                                                                 ­                                                  
let the wound bleed                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                                      
Yes, it is
tough                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                         
but it's what I
need                                                             ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                              
I can't pretend                                                          ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                   
  that I am
  fine                                                          ­                                          
                      ­                                                                 ­                             
so, I use my pen                                                              ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                    
 to speak my
  mind                                                          ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­             
Journal
everything,                                                      ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
getting it all
out                                                              ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­           
because doing
nothing                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­             
is a silent shout