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Simon Jul 2020
I became myself when no one else knew who I truly was. Why...?
Why couldn't anyone simply figure me out (ahead of time) when I could entirely (beforehand) figure myself out since even when I was first brought into this very world...? Well isn't it obvious...? A voice said, tempting me to gaze upon the very fixed position at which the voice came from. But when trying to focus on it harder... I seemed to have become both aware of and realized towards it's actual radius from how far it truly covered my very thought process. It became a rarity which seemed to last (somehow) for an entire lifetime. Because what this actually tells me, is that the radius came from everywhere! (How's such a thing even possible? I'd never know, truly!) No circumventing around any such corners or bends. No swerving out of alignment just so it could have a quick pit stop just to say something else that (could or could not have been just as important to what they simply just said right then...here and now). I was entirely speechless...! I didn't know what too think, except for what they said. Now sounding as if reverberating a soundless beat. Something that had used up ALL it's amplified power of sound to come to a now soothing calm beat. Something sounding too distant not to be fake. As it happened without any of my senses whereabouts from actually knowing. Because if my senses even knew where it was essentially coming from...they'd swear to know it was coming from deep within themselves. B-but that's a complete mistake...! It just had too be! There is NO WAY...it came from them.... Or else then, everything's not truly what it seems in one's very mind, right...? So in this very hour of need. This very desiring minute of youthfulness. These very repeating seconds that reveal totality in it's best remarks. Mind. Body. Soul. It's not what it seems to be. I've figured out my very self before anyone else could advance towards my literal cause. Because when I actually appeared before that very now still distant voice that simply gave off a very reverberating tension... I spoke back to it as if in the form of a single swaying of my gaze from the inside out. And do you ALL know what I saw...? NOTHING!!! I saw...NOTHING!!! That's *******! I thought too myself for a quick brief silence between (me, myself and I). There may be essentially nothing there... But I can see straight on through that nothingness as the horrors that await my true self. I know now why NO ONE else could figure me out or knew who I even was...before figuring myself out firstly. Because that's how it works... My true self is the horrors that await me past the horizon of that now still very distant reverberating sound. A message that speaks volumes against those outside myself to stay wary of who I truly am. (Or what I truly always was...without simply giving the very recognition it ever deserved.) I see ALL! Because I know ALL! It happened everywhere! Because it was everywhere! I surpassed my entire limits long ago without anyone seeing why that was. Only my own waking state, conscious mind keeping me rooted in regular reality long enough to keep being my still same sane and neutral self I've ALWAYS been!
When you've essentially figured out your entire self (before even growing up throughout different phases of lives very lessons)... You come to appreciate the horrors of what those very implications have in store when seeing everything else as a merely pale imitation trying to restore some resemblance back into just ("not knowing ahead of time")! When it's really the very creepy impression of ("beforehand") you should really watch out for...!
Simon Jul 2020
Tasting pleasure is not my fault for one reason, and one reason...ONLY...! I am ecstasy itself! Ecstasy that is not within my own choice to choose from. I merely tether my own choice towards the pleasure I hope to tether towards my ecstasy as tasting it with pride. That's why I tend to fail sometimes when knowing it's my fault for who I am... But fail (all the same) to see through the lies of my very delusions tell me so, simply! I'm a failure to my own structural design! As I'm also a failure to my own choices among the same decision-making my actions enforce. As I'm not going to lie about such things, but... I don't truly want to taste the pleasures my own inner "ecstasy" demons want from me! They want to mutually **** me dry! Only for myself to last long enough by the hand that want's to be free of them...ALL! I want them to stay and torment me for the pleasure of such tastes! I want to devour my own inner "ecstasy" demons...for I HATE what I've become. (Triggering forevermore something I could NEVER control!) Not to mention the torment I pose upon myself and those very demons! I want respect where respect can't (ever again) be given, when I've eaten myself up long ago! This simple passage is a given guilt upon the makings of an apology that I could come to grips about getting it out there into the BIG BAD open world! Who would come to appreciate my suffering (first and foremost)? A curse that will spread like wildfire! Where in time...the whole world could forgive me for what I've done to myself, and to others. Since what this passage reeks of, is the after-effect of the incident that is clearly behind the scenes doing GOD KNOWS WHAT!
Curses define pleasures, whilst curses than redefine those very pleasures like an epidemic!
PS... I hope such conclusions force you to realize what's become of you?!
Simon Jul 2020
There is no essential self that can't not weep their desires outward for their own delicate surface of skin not to notice. Since skin is the surface area of ALL sensory receptors to firstly take in the rush of potential environmental information. However, the most pleading debate here...is that tears are still flowing despite me not feeling the need to weep in the first place. That's because whatever rush of environmental information came splashing your very skin and the receptors that (majority wise) make sure to immediately take in (as if by automatic purposes). They entirely relay that very information by the balance of how your emotions simply took it. Which by judging simply by how I'm essentially tearing up, myself just went through an even bigger withdrawal, than I previously thought!
When you essentially tear up, you don't see a lot of data that seems to become sparked from deep inside yourself. That's because you aren't as self-aware as you give yourself credit for...at first!
PS... If you think otherwise...then why are you essentially still tearing up...?
Simon Jul 2020
Once I went out to seek for a new job.
Only to find out I came home (afterwards) completely mad!
When it comes to being unemployed it's hard to imagine success again.
When (once upon a time ago) you once savored every moment of that very success before your realizations of it suddenly one day...went down the drain!
Simon Jul 2020
Wearing such an appearance as gentle thoughts is an illusion!
Wearing it for fun is the slow delusion creeping up on you.
Gentle thoughts may be fake... B-but at least I have my own dignity to outshine my true self as my truer appearance!
PS... Gentle thoughts
Gentle thoughts... Is a very remedial option!
Simon Jul 2020
Have you ever once thought about being thoughtless...?
I have... And it's not very pleasant!
Showing I've been thoughtless towards my own inner self in order to gain the advantage of forced self-acceptance!
You are thoughtless once you can't begin to understand the very situation in front of you!
Simon Jul 2020
I rhyme to stay in touch with my own inner child!
Only enough before I realize I'm already too old to admit I've been wrong about why I've always thought I'd been rhyming...when it wasn't to begin with.
With that I've forsaken my own trust about who I am...till the very end!
Rhyme as you must... It's nothing to truly be taken seriously, unless it's an option to help you simply cope!
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