Masks we sometimes wear
Wearing a happy face when we want to cry
why do we disguise what is truely inside and hide behind these masks we wear?
A comedy mask to hide the pain and tears that we still prefer not to face after all these years
the true tragedy that we endured is buried deep beneath
We can become slaves to fear and let the mask turn to a horrific one if we let the fear overcome us.
We can be so afraid of rejection instead of seeking protection from fear itself or instead of letting someone know us for who we really are.
It is better to be real with those around us then to be suffocating behind the masks we sometimes chose to wear
It can be so freeing to just except ourselves and let others see our unique real qualities instead of a masked altered identity.

patient love,
they tell me.

it's the best love,
yet here i am
alone in the dark.

wait for love,
they say.

i just want to
jump blindly
and see what
happens.

Feelings passed and hours are gone.
Distracted by these demons
Of right and wrong.
Anxiety now at its prime
Id wince and cry
Or count the hours to the time I'd die.
Alone I feel, within this space.
Slicing my arms in disgrace.
Her face still stuck in my mind.
Her eyes, her hair, her lips which I find...
So tempting.
But I am only wasting my breath.
Shaking hands with ideas of death.
Hoping this pathetic pain will subside.
Till then this heartache is by my side.

I know right now your heart is broken,
The days are never ending and you're feel like you are.
I know that sometimes, it's hard to breathe,
Sometimes letting it all go away is not too far.
Your head hurts and your heart aches,
There is this heaviness that is weighing you down.
Somedays are so long that you wonder what made you like this,
You curse, you cry, you scream, you sit in silence.
Silence was usually comforting but now it allows the darkness to seep in slowly.

I know you're hurting,  I know you're bending.
But don't break, honey.
Things may hurt you, scar you, bruise you,
But don't let them break you.
You're worthy of all the happiness in this world.
Somedays, you might just exist and just existing is fine,
Don't break honey.
I promise you, it gets better.

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **

Breathe in
Breathe out

I'm drowning
I can't think
I'm all alone

Breathe in
Breathe out

It's all darkness
The light fled
I'm blind and lost

Breathe in
Breathe out

I can't move
I'm so tired
Everything is too fast

Breathe in
Breathe out

I can't go on
I don't want to live
I want it to stop

Breathe in
Breathe out


Breathe in
Breathe out


Breathe in
Breathe out


Breathe in....








Breathe out

I am worthless
I'm about to fall
But that's okay
No one else cares
So why should you?

I am worthless
I can't contribute
All I do is waste
Waste anything and everthing
Food
Water
Shelter
Words
Light
Time
Space
Everthing I touch is wasted

I am worthless
Don't bother trying to save me
If I leave
If I die
It will be better for everyone

I am worthless
Just let me die

I promise you I don't want to **** myself
This isn't a letter saying goodbye
Not a poem blaming you for not seeing this coming
But sometimes
When I'm all alone
I sit in the bath just a little bit longer,
hoping and hoping I drift off to sleep
Or smoke three cigarettes
one after the other after the other
and hope my lungs get so filled with tar that I
stop breathing
Or stand dangerously close to the edge of a building
and close my eyes hoping the wind might *******
just hard enough to fall

It's easy to imagine
I know what everyone would say
How some people would cry
And some would secretly be glad
Some would feel guilt
Others sorrow
And in about a week it wouldn't matter

But I want to matter
Whether it be to just my mom
Or the man I helped cross the street
I want to matter

And so I tuck those thoughts deeper in the closet
And I step away from sharp objects and steep edges
And I sit and write poetry
Poetry will be the death of us all
Anyway