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  Nov 2018 c
Elinor
I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.
never trust anyone who doesn't like coldplay.
c Nov 2018
You see,
It’s taken me
Half of my life
To get good at smiling
When it’s the last
Thing I feel
Like doing.
c Oct 2018
Isn’t it beautiful?
How I’m cutting the strings
That hold me together
And falling
So prettily
Apart?
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore but i know I’m only hurting myself
c Oct 2018
It’s not that I’m smiling
Because I’m happy
It’s the fact that I tend to cry
When I laugh.
c Oct 2018
I'm treading on
shoe soles of glass
one wrong move
I bust my ***.
they say I'm pretty
but what's that mean?
when pain is beauty,
you **** the queen.
watch your step
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