It doesn't matter what happens
Though I'd like to control what will
I don't know how, what and when
But I do know one thing,
I want you and I choose you

No matter how lost I am in the darkness and chaos in my head
There's nothing that could keep my vision away from you

In every version of reality
All of it combined and all kept apart
It would say the same

It would say,
I want you in forever
And choose you for *always

I usually know how to say how I feel, but this sadness is too great
Can't write it beautifully, just cry
Every waking moment tears are streaming, nothing can stop them from falling

I wrote you a letter
That you will carry with you forever

I'm sorry
I cannot say
Or write
Anything great

I kept telling myself the same things over and over again in my head
Told myself to stay strong
To not shed a tear
And to continue to laugh

But when he said that he's okay with it and that it didn't really matter
I did break
I broke

Although, in that moment
I did stay strong
I didn't shed a tear in his presence
And I laughed at his way of telling the story behind the casino on the cruise

I dred looking back at photo's of him
Because it will never be again

The only man who I've ever called 'daddy'
Just he who heard that word come out of my mouth
He, had his last Christmas
And we have spent it together

I think I'm losing my mind
    What am I saying?

Because
Really

I've lost it many years ago.

I want to feel your love
But once again I forgot
Somewhere I know
But I don't feel it anymore

Worried that your friends mean more
To you than me
I want to be the only one
Although that thought is sick

Want you to be with me
Us together
Always
Be together

Hate everything that keeps us apart
Even when I know that's wrong
It's what I feel
And it makes me feel

Some sort of shame

He seems
So careless
But I know
There is more

The things that don’t show
But in the inside it is full

Getting
To know
Every bit
Of him

Afraid of what he does not care about
Loving him for the way he thinks

How he
Was always
There
He cared

He cares about more than it shows
Let’s me see his mind like never before

I am
Starting
To love
Him even more

I am walking down this path
And I can see

The different colors around me
And the brown fallen leaves
The cloudy but bright color of the sky
A peaceful creek and the slowly streaming water inside

I am walking down this path
And I can smell

The fresh air
And the scent of the dirt on my shoes
The raindrops from last night
A lost daisy in the grass

I am walking down this path
And I can hear

The steps that I happily take
And the playing music in my head
The birds flapping their wings as they soothingly fly away
A mouse that is still awake

I am walking down this path
And I can feel

The light that shines through the branches of the trees
And the warmth it leaves on my skin
The soft breeze touching my loose wavy hair
A feeling that will soon go away, even though I wish it would stay

Time after time,
It happened again

I am drowning in my tears and don’t remember how to swim
No strength to keep my head up and breathe
Only suffocation by the darkness and the devastating rain
No way of living, no way of trying

Time after time,
I cannot see a thing

It rains so hard, it blocks my sight
Darkness in my brain
I feel nothing but misery
Hopelessness in the worst kind of way

Time after time,
It happened once more

Don’t know how to stay
Though I cannot say goodbye
Too exhausted to find the right words and scribble them down on the piece of paper beside me
I wish I could

Time after time,
I don’t know how to say

It happens all the time
Tell me how to fight the dark when I’m too sad to even lift my fingertip  
I want to stay, I want to fight
But I’m tired of staying and I can no longer fight

A thousand words could not compare to the feeling of your touch
The sun can shine its brightest, but it won’t  bring me the light of your existence
I get lost in your eyes, hoping they will never look away
The darkness in my head fades as you always make me laugh

Light surrounds me and fills my body with warmth just by the thought of your presence
You make me feel like I have found everything that was lost

Loving you is the greatest privilege I’ve ever endured
Saying ‘I love you,’ will never be enough to tell you how much I care about you,
How much I think about you, how much I feel for you

Your mind, never leaves mine

The colors you bring me, are the ones I never expected to see
I may be broken, but with you I am more whole than I’ve ever been
Our hands fit like my whole world just clicked and made it all alright

You are everything that’s supposed to be
The laugh to my smile, the sunshine through the rain
Your eyes tell me all the things I need to hear,

And so they tell me
I want you,
All of you.

I wish, there was no such thing as time
We wouldn’t have to worry about you being late for dinner
Or this moment not lasting forever

I wish, we could just lie on the bed
Or somewhere in the grass
And just talk about everything that crosses our minds
About the real stuff and the things that don’t really matter

I wish, I could hold you forever
That we wouldn’t have to let go
And that we will always be together

How I wish, there was no time
No things to hurry
Only love to give
No end, no goodbye