dear friend,
trying to participate
falling and failing epically
perks of being seemingly invisible
to the only one you see

don't want to wake up on your own
so you accept the love you think you deserve
put them first and now you know
this is how a wallflower grows

your friends they see it, live it, breathe it
smokey parties and poorly lit rooms
synthetic happiness, the only way to get by
fragile hopes and dreams

you know everyone and no one
watching their daily lives happen
but nobody stops it takes a second look
at your wilting petals and falling leaves

below average, psychos together
"welcome to the island of misfit toys"
somehow a place of belonging
and now in this moment, you feel infinite

love always,

I'm built of water splashing over edges
As I fall and break upon rocks

With mud in my bones and creaky joints
and sand makes my eyes lashes

I'm built of dust, blowing away
Carried by the wind wherever it goes

I don't care anymore for it doesn't matter
I'm just built of words with no meaning

And of empty light burning in darkness
And hollow waves crashing against storms

I fall beneath and beneath
And hit the darkness rusting underneath

Where no one shows when I scream
Where no light dares to touch my eyes

And my bones all shatter,
until they're just powdered calcium

And blood freeze in my bones,
forming stalactites, piercing through my veins

And my skin cracks and breaths escape
And the shadows sink inside my shell

And fissures seep through my irises
And oceans dissolve my dust eyelashes

And memories burn my eyes
and flow past the brims

It's only raw, absolute, sheer pain
As I tear slowly without screaming

Only tears, howls and lost love
And your betrayal and false friends

I've lived for so long but haven't found peace
Now I'm just begging your memories to leave me be

For there's nothing now I could lose
Nothing left of me or my dreams anymore

Nothing of wounded hope
And my canvas of love

I've seen the streets for a thousand years
always wandering never finding my own home

I'm afraid if I let my eyes closet they'll dream again
For I'm torn, vein by vein and cell by cell

I'm nothing but a shadow of who I was
Nothing but reflection of my past

Just an echo of a scream I used to be
Just an illusion of the life I've lived

Nothing more is left, love
For I've given you all of me

How can you tear me, love?
I'm already lying in red ribbons

I'm strips of flesh and blood
And of Silver pain and Black hope

Love, I'm smiling the last time
Please tell me to stay

And hold me for eternity
Because just forever isn't enough for me.

I dont know  if
I am either
falling apart
ore
falling in love
I´ve brought my own
torch to the darkness
and stayed awake
despite your madness
I dont know if
I am either
falling in love with you
ore with myself

I influence
one life
only to tear the next down
I reward one part of my body
and dump my problems
on an already filled mind
I am a surgeon
who will cut anything
but itself
I am the theif that stabs
you for a penny.
I am the opposite of good intention
and the opposite of blessed harmony
I could go deeper and pollute
the enviroment
To the world I came as a gift
but to the grave I return as a burden
I never did  care, nor could
care  for anything but myself.
Even in death I spill
poison into earth