(up to date info:)
you said the last time would be the final
that if it ever happened again
to just leave
you said it wouldn't be worth coming back
over and over
just to get myself hurt again.

But yet you are clinging to the times
the times when I agreed just
so I wouldn't get anguished.

I was afraid
I was scared
I didn't want to disappoint you.

But now
now I have grown.
Now I see that
I don't have to keep you happy.
that I was starving myself just to meet your needs

I'm no longer scared.
I will not give in.
I will not say that I am sorry.

I will give you one thing
and one thing only.

advice:

what you have is a broken heart.
the pain will never go away.
it will keep you up for years
it will make you rage
it will make you starve
it will drain you physically, mentally, and emotionally.
knowing that if you did something different
changed the smallest things
changed a few of the lease meaningful things
how much of a happier ending you would have.
you will beat yourself up everyday.
BUT you will move on little by little.
You will meet other people
that will love and cherish you.
Who will love every aspect of you.
But my love and trust for you were neglected too much.
Too much for me to ever have them again.

Fingers are frozen, face is cold.
You press your lips against my nose,
You put my hands under your clothes.
Whispering, “I’ll keep you warm,”

Yet, I’m standing here while the wind blows.
And you wrap you arms around her waist,
While my tears freeze.

I may never walk anything more the same as him
In converse shoes slapping campus pavement,
Than taking down miles in memories
And mulling over trite bereavements.

If all we have left is muscle memory
Where summer grass stroked skin like hesitant fingers
Then I'll sink into autumn leaves
And worry my lip where the impressions linger.

we promise not to see each other
but i see you every night
i close my eyes
and know soon you'll be in sight

i time travel in my bed
back to you, back to us
to a future where we thrive
with no fights or mistrusts

it's torture to spend all night
with you in my head
and then when morning comes
wake up all alone in bed