?????????

Time is not flying
the evening hours are so slow, inching by
and spent tossing and turning
my restless mind roams dark avenues
my restless feet roam the bed,
left...right...then back, over and over.
the bed, that was my hammock....no longer sways
a promise of peaceful slumber, flies away,
???????
new and strange images
start to trail me...they're heavy tassels,
tagging on the  hemlines of my mind,
seeking to connect...to be known
???????
this late hour, i recall
a forked road, not far from a winding road,
from afar, a child admires a white castle
high as the clouds, its windows, foggy,
its high fence, mossy...on its front lawn
is a treehouse, perched...resting like a bird
inside a very old tree, leaning to its left side,
with a long set of steps...all painted white.
just below the white steps are gathered,
doyens of poetry...seated in their own chosen
corners...tacit, yet, empowered by their brilliant minds
the tips of their feathered pens, smoothly sliding on
paper......strange, that they're waving at me,
why, they could be dead!
???????
i must be dreaming...my muse is showing
me paths, i would think twice of treading
???????
a quartered moon selfishly glows
unsettles even more, my murky thoughts...
yet....my pressing thumb is on my journals
i must heed.........the need.
???????
"o' my elusive unknown poem,
kindly show me...lead me to your home
let my pen give light to your dim path
give second wind to my weary mind and heart,
deny, even a bit of a space......for wrath,

help me, push me...my efforts musn't cease
show me your face...we'll both have peace."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
~
Sally  

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
April 21, 2018

No one loves you.
No one loves you.
The voice reminds me
as the loneliness creeps back in.

No one loves you.
No one loves you.
The words slip off my tongue so easily,
and it feels so truthful to say.

NO ONE loves you.
NO ONE loves you!
It blows me away that this is where I am today,
but it's where I reside
and it's somehow comforting.

No one loves you.
No one loves you..
Days go by;
I am invisible.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Out of strength, out of time.

I don't want anything from you.
I know that it sometimes seems like all I do is use you.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
You're so much more to me than that.
You raised me, for god's sake.
No one could ever replace you.
I need you so much, and I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you.
The doctors can't get it right, and it keeps getting worse.
We fight all the time but I can't live without you.
I'm scared that those could've been the last words that I said.
I know I went too far, and I can't go back.
I can't apologize my way out of this one.
You think that I want to replace you.
I know that I act like I do.
I love you so much.
I'm sorry.
I rarely cry.
I am now.
Please.