It is time to do something
I am ready to begin
My life is not a race
It is a slow and lovely stroll
I can do this now
I know I can
I am ready to take the keys
I am ready to take the wheel.

Nothing short of a miracle
Can deliver what the Blue-Haired Monster
Took from me
Don’t stop me now
I’m on a roll
All I hear is no
Will somebody say…

Nothing short of a miracle
Can deliver what the Blue-Haired Monster
Stole from me
Don’t stop me now
I’m on a roll
All I am is no
Please say…

Please…

Let me in
Give me warm clothes
And a bed
Don’t say “no” again
Somebody, say “yes”

Fear, please don't embrace me.
Please don't come chasing after me.
Please don't.

Fear, please don't stop me.
Please don't make me to be afraid to even worship God...

Worthlessness, please don't replace my mirror.
Please don't take away my identity, the truth I hold onto.

Uselessness, please don't come and be my secretary.
Please don't be my frequent notifications on my phone, on my heart.

Unloving, please don't come and replace my heart.
Please don't keep captives my thoughts, my words, my actions.

No. I am not asking.
I am telling you.
To leave.

YES
AND
ONLY
YES!

30.11.17

Would you dream of me in the space of a breath?

Please say yes.

she kissed her knees
waiting for the wind
to take her slowly away.
             yet the hands of time
             were far too patient
         making her stay.
               she was in pain
    and way too
           lonely
        and yet
she never wanted company
                 just the storm
                       and she
      doesn't deserve it:
                   neither the rainfall
                   nor this draught.
                         she kissed her knees
                                 and whispered
            out of new words to pray
                            "please."
                she barely even muttered
                                  "just take me today."
                       hands pressed tight together
     and lips trembling shut
                   kissing her
            wet and salted knees
       with her back against the wall
                facing a hard place
           a dead end
                    to a thousand feet freefall
     and rock bottom...
                to dust.
                       she kissed her knees
          with closed eyes
                   and an open wrist...
      waiting for her tears
      to slowly drown her----
              with one more
                   shattered bottle
           beside her
                      and one less
                            plea to say.
                 "just take me away."
      she kissed her knees
           and she hugged her legs.
                 all soaked in her own waste
  and her own faults
              she nods her head
      totally out of lies to
         chant herself asleep
                     until she gnawed herself
               downwards
                         six feet deep.
                              she never became a
         failed adult
                   because life blew up
            in her face so suddenly
                            all she is
                                           is a shattered child
                     waiting for life
                             to spew her out.
                                          she kissed her knees...

It starts like this:
"Where is my beginning?"
"Is there an end?"
"Where did the maddness
        come from?"
Does the ghost wail for
  itself?
or for
  others?
Who do you wail for.
There are no answers.
Only questions.
What is your answer?
Now tell me your question.
The end is always nigh.
Especially if you are
        planning for it.

In a way this sort of feels like school.
One moment we're curiously writing and passing notes to each other.
The next we're caught and sent off to detention.
I never knew which box you checked.
Yes.
No.
Maybe kinda sort of.

There's a lesson to be learned from all of this.
Which one I am really not sure.
I wasn't paying attention.
Instead of studying.
Here I am writing another note.
It never really occurred to me.
That while the teacher is teaching.
Filling us with what passes the time.
Life happens behind his back.

The context of how competitive everything is.
In retrospect.
What did you get for number 2.
A.
B.
Or C

Which answer dictates how fast he turns around.
One day soon we'll both know

I can't say I missed you,
but I'm glad you're back half of the time.
In those moments when your lips tense
in focus on a new ****** mystery novel,
you're convinced you know the killer
and I'm convinced you'll **** me in the night,
so we lie awake, side by side.
A shared cold so we're sniffling
I was sick but we couldn't help kissing
I'm beyond infatuated,
have always been emotional,
but with you I really lose my mind.