I experienced a miracle tonight
You'd probably laugh
If I tell you exactly what I mean by miracle so I wont
But I found it, alone and forgotten
In the corner of the room
I say miracle because it came to me
In my time of need, sleep wouldn't come
I was up thinking of what I should've said
What I could possibly say to you tomorrow
Trying in vain to lose this desperate feeling
So scoff as you might, a miracle
Happened here tonight, a gift
From the **** gods
I know, I know, it was just a gift
From one of my stoner friends
But it was a everything to me, so
I went to my room, put on some music
And prepared to write you this
To somehow help me say what I need to say
And when my phone sang of death
As I so often like to do, I saw your face
And I was terrified
You made me feel something I haven't felt in ages
I hate spending time worrying about what-ifs
I try to focus on only what I know
What if I left the stove on and the house burnt down?
What if I just can't pay my bills and have to live with my parents?
What if Christians are right about God and I'm going to Hell?
What if somewhere it rained apple juice and chocolate covered raisins?
You get it, the list goes on forever
But... what if you loved me
I believe in a lot of things
People meet for a reason
Rarely yeah, but sometimes
And I haven't figured out
If I met you for a reason yet
So for that instant
As I considered myself at the end of things
Instead of being at peace
I was absolutely petrified
Of never finding out
What if I loved you?
What if you were the final piece of this puzzle?
Like I said, I believe in a lot of things
Miracles being one of them
Yeah, it may be a shallow excuse for a so called act of God
But look, it helped this all come pouring out
It made me think of you
If only I had a machine or crystal ball
Or an app on this stupid smart phone
To show me all of the ******* possibilities...
Scratch that, I already know
It'd probably show you in my arms
As we rest in the shade of a blossoming cherry tree
Show me sleeping with my ear over your heart
Soothed by the symphony of the blood in your veins
Show us everything we've ever hoped to find
And if the weight of my own loneliness
Fails to grind my backbone into dust
It will be a miracle
Life is the biggest one that I know of
Our existence itself the greatest gift of all
It's sad how it's usually only appreciated
In the face of its own ending
Or in the faces of the ones
Who flash before your eyes in that moment
Like yours, and I don't even know you yet
Who's to say that I ever will
So what the **** does this mean?
Now I can't help but ask myself
Do I really believe in all that ******* I say?
That death is not an abyss, I am the Universe
So even if I was truly dying, take comfort
Embrace it, all life must end someday
And when my time is up, I will finally know you
As if I always have, as if we were
Never apart in the first place
Now those ******* questions
That can't be answered
Have me staying up to ask
The moon, the stars
What if there is only darkness after death?
What if this life is my only chance to know love?
What if all the nights such as this mean nothing at all?
The worst part of this whole thing is
That I might never find out.