I'm impatient
I'm afraid
Not consistent
I'm drowning again
I'm a hypocrite
You're my one weakness
I'm a hypocrite
And you're my one weakness.

Slowly my mind shifts from reality to fantasy,
My vision warps as I lose sense of what’s in front of me.
Is this real or am I just lost in my mind?
Both vivid, but thoughts are consuming.

                    Strong hands grab my waist from behind,
                    I feel their warmth seep into my skin,
                    His breath captivating my every sense.
                    I wonder, “Is this real?” as he holds me tighter, closer.
                    I can’t seem to deny him this satisfaction.

I’ve found myself think on more than one occasion
If this is how we find love
I wonder about whether or not it’s to fill a void
Or if this is an act of rebellion

                    The touch of his hand sends me
                    To a place in myself that I did not know existed.
                    Something about him intrigues me like no other.
                    There’s something inside I see
                    Trying to come out and stay in all at once.

Drawn to the darkest places inside everyone,
My darkness expands.
The comfort of isolation and the warmth of cool air surround me.
Though too weak to carry myself,
I can hold the world for anyone else.

                    The depth of despair is nowhere near the depth of his soul.
                    The scars that he hides to please the ones he loves grip his
                                        lungs.
                 ­   Each day he grows weaker,
                    More afraid of losing the strength to take another shallow
                                       breath.
                    Still he fights for consciousness to consume him.

Tears bleed down my face when I remember
The past few years and what they have done.
I promise myself never again.
I promise myself to **** the spark.
A promise I cannot keep as I’m still falling.

                    The ground is a comforting place to fall to.
                    The concrete makes a soft landing for the fall from the highest
                                       cloud.
                    The world never looked so clear through my blurry eyes,
                    But I’d guessed this is what would become of me.

Captivated in my thought, I can’t see the reality before me.
The madness inside is spewing into my false idea of reality.
These rooms are constantly spiraling out of control.
If I cannot trust my own eye to show me something steady,
How can I know that this world is authentic?

                    I can’t find reality in my madness.
                    I can’t find a dreamland in my consciousness.
                    My hands reach for my head
                    Hoping to hold onto the idea of sanity.
                    Is the rush of people around me real or am I just lost in my
                                       mind?

My thoughts are consuming the sense I had left.
I watch as I see myself dissolving in the surrounding air.
Barely clinging to the pain I’ve lost the safety of my heart.
I’m trying to make sense of the games I watch in play,
But nothing but Pain comes to say:

          “Take away my sense, take away my love.
          Pain; a safe place to stay it seems to be.
          See the man inside of you running away while you exhale?
          It seems to me that you’re trying to run from something too.”

lying in a fortress of solitude
would you dare bare it all?
or you'd back out cause,
it will lead to your downfall?
hiding is your major flaw;
going in circles of self-perpetuating
frailties, you'll break like a straw

dear death, you are woe
with a scythe in disguise

Poison put in a sacred chamber
seeps into its pores.

There is a dark storm on the horizon -
Let's have fun.
The storm will never come.

Swift, numbing winds blow
across the arid plain
with a hushed belligerence.
They are bringing the storm this way.
Familiar foes fill the empty space.
The storm is back.
First, the wind blows me back
And I am numb.
And I am gone.

After the winds, the storm hits.
Days go by.
Then, the storm is gone,
and I can see the sun.
I can see the sun,
but I cannot feel it on my face.
The storm is inside me
where the sun cannot reach.
Forever, I will carry the storm.
I will wait for the next wind to blow
So at least I can feel numb.

This poison.

i can't afford to be weak
because when i'm weak
people get hurt
and i can't bear seeing you
in pain
i've lost everyone
i can't lose you too

if love is weakness
**** it
stab it in the chest and watch it bleed
sit and cry
over hurting hearts
then move on
and get over it
because tomorrow
waking up
next to an empty bottle
will make you forget
it all