I log into the network of my self-esteem,
To see the hearts and the wows and the laughs flooding in.
A simple 'like' wouldn’t cut it anymore
‘Likes’ were so 2010, even 2010 was bored.

‘Cause that’s the zeitgeist of the age, you see,
A tendency to wear hearts on sleeves.
Loves and kisses are a dime a dozen,
With a million friends and followers double.

National debates and social justice petitions,
Real crises, distorted renditions.
High definition photos of disaster zones
Flash up against cat videos on every smart phone.

Snapchat filters do not lie,
Just tell a story of hours gone by;
Selecting the perfect background, the ideal shade
To express love on the dozen’th date.

But that’s the zeitgeist of the century,
A tendency to wear hearts on sleeves.
To document in minute detail, with extensive pictorial evidence
Clockwork days of humdrum nonchalance.

And perhaps the generation that came before
Would call it vanity, vainglory, or something more.
But it ain’t like they were without their sins,
We didn’t invent tabloid columnists.

And now that we are at the end,
Let me sign off with this request:
Like, comment, and share your love
Let your heart fall out of your shirt cuff.

son comes home from a long day, father notices his son’s eyes begin to water, attempting to hold it all in. father sits son down and reminds him that men weren’t created to be inhumane, without emotion. he reminds son that men don’t always need to split red seas to walk through on dry land; they are just as entitled to allow themselves to flood for forty days and nights if it means that they have the strength to start again,
bigger and better this time.

father reminds son that most things are worth dying for, but sometimes, when you’ve done all you can, you must stand, take up your bed and walk away. some people will expect you to break yourself into pieces and feed all 5,000 of their insecurities. some people will expect you to come out of your peaceful place and calm down their storms before tending to your own. some people will nail you to a cross of their expectation, stab your side then ask you why you’re bleeding. there are many that will pay to see you die, whilst smiling in your face with happy eyes and impure hearts. many will call you one thing, not knowing that that is not your name, and you are so much more.
so much more.

son puts masculinity on a fast. Jericho breaks down. Jordan rushes in. there are enough tears to water Eden.

father embraces.

I wish it was easy,
reaching out,
but it's a struggle.
Every day
so lonely,
isolated.
I don't know what to do.

But I have to keep trying
even though I know
I will find myself here again.
Neverending isolation.
Is it me?

Day after day
unimportant chatter.
Smartphones in my way,
fear in my heart.

The armor comes off
ever so slowly.
Painful insecurity.
Fear of being left behind
without defense.

Though all I wish for
is to lie in your arms
and for you to lie in mine
completely bare,
all our vulnerability
on display.
We hold on to each other
fearing the moment we'll break apart,
but trusting it will never come.

I know we're on the way there,
though I have to confess
sometimes I still find myself
feeling isolated and lonely,
like now.

I'm trying to deal with it
but it hurts so bad.
Still I want you to know
it's not your fault,
you couldn't be more wonderful.
Maybe something is broken inside,
maybe it's just me.

Sometimes I just long for an embrace.
I crave a hand caressing my face.
Sometimes I wish
someone would tell me
I'm beautiful,
I'm intriguing.
It makes me feel so fragile,
but I don't want to be seen as fragile,
it hurts when people see me that way,
for its not all that I am.
I want to be strong in my fragility,
I want to be seen for who I really am.

But i promise to not shut myself off
no matter how hard it may be.
I will try to keep reaching out.
I know it will be painful sometimes,
sometimes i'll still feel isolated,
sometimes i'll feel misunderstood,
but i'll keep trying,
for you,
and most importantly myself.

yesterday,
i tripped over you again.
today, i made sure to
tie double knots.

yet, here i am again.
on the ground.

the sky seems
further away, (it is),
i’ve killed an army
of bugs with the weight
of my being;
the clouds tower over me,
the wind jumps
over my head.

i find myself tripping often.

only, these days
it’s you that seems further away,
i **** a lot
of time with the weight
of this feeling;
your absence towers over me,
my love jumps
over your head.

I always waste time,
Thinking about what I could have said,
You never look back,
You said what you would have said,
I don’t know why I regret it so much,
The remorse in my eyes,
Says more about how I feel,
Than the words stumbling out of my mouth,
This nagging feeling of inconveniencing you,
Obscures the actions I make,
I feel so lost in the wake of this moment,
It’s as if I had been brought back into a dream,
Turned into the nightmare I felt before,
And I’m wondering if this time,
I’ll end up falling through the never ending floor,
Because I came back to you,
In a state of pure vulnerability,
And this time you truly rejected me.

I am a rose growing from the concrete.
Already birthed into negativity,
just finding a way to bloom in hard times.
Harder than concrete could ever be.
So why do you want to hurt me?
I've already struggled.
No need to throw a stone at an innocent rose.
I've already cried.
No need to step on me.
Please don't hurt me anymore.
You'll crush a beautiful rose who made herself grow from the water of her fighting will.
My demise belongs to me,
not a person looking for an easy victim.
I'm the only rose left on this sidewalk.
All the others rotted in the sun,
Or got caught up in life's daily stampede.
But me,
I lived to plant my seed.
So leave me be,
Don't even pluck my petals,
Or stand too close.
Just leave me alone to my peace,
nestled into the grooves of the concrete to which I was born.