tldr

poems contain pieces of my soul, captured by clicks of fingers on phones
the scratching noises within my pen
the giving ups and the starting agains

i wasn’t aware that when i shared some with you
i wanted a piece of you in return
not an applause or a compliment
perhaps an acknowledgement of what you learned

did you feel a melting sensation? did my pain seep into your soul? did you become more educated? did i help you become more whole?

quite literally, my poems are a book,
a journal, a diary possessing bits of my life
moments that cause you to emit a giggle
all the way to experiences i hate to give light

tldr, it kind of hurts
when you ask to go beneath my skin
from now on, I’m wearing a jacket
to keep the careless from within

let's run away and never look back
this place isn't for us
it hurts me—
all these missed connections,
this guarded vulnerability

i never want to come back here
never again—
these memories i buried
keep coming back to haunt me
it hurts so much i can feel it in my bones

i don't want to listen to the wind
as it whispers all its secrets
i don't want to look at this familiar town
as it drips pain like honey
not anymore—

i want nothing to do with these
blood-soaked histories
let's run away—
leave everything behind
in this ****** town where everything hurts

A stranger once asked me, "What is your deepest darkest secret?" I laughed at his curiosity, hesitated for a few moments and then gave up.
"I can't think of any at the moment." I replied.
Lie.
"I'll have to get back to you."
Another lie.  
My deepest darkest secret is the words that spill from the ink of my pen into limericks, narratives and sonnets. It is the raw, most pure form of my fears, hopes and dreams.  
It is poetry.

Your voice scares me
It's as deep and sudden as thunder
Yet when you speak
It's like a mellifluous melody that I can't quite place

I don't know why our eyes always seem to meet
Am I looking for you, or are you looking for me?
Just why do you appear in all my nightmares?
With a smile you always change the scene into a dream

When I think I've finally managed to tear you away
Your eyes stand guard in my mind
As if daring me to ignore you
Daring me to ignore the pounding in my heart

It's always been your eyes
They haven't left me since the moment they met mine

The first time you said my name sent shivers down my spine
I was surprised you knew it since we barely spoke
We were always like that
Just a sentence or two ever so often

That didn't stop me from wondering what you were really like
Behind your cold brooding exterior that made everyone afraid
Everyone but me, I knew you were just misunderstood
I'm sure deep down you are just as scared

You put up the front to keep away the vulnerability
But behind your tall walls you shelter all your insecurity
Allow me to be the first to peer past
I'll let you into my mind if you let me into yours

in those distant days, i said i never wanted to puff a single cigarette; i never wanted to put any dangerous substances in my system that would compel me to ask for it over and over again. you might be getting high off them, but the thought of they’d harm me—consume me little by little, gradually, until there’s nothing left with me but addiction and dependency is dreadful to me.

it all changed after you decided to break my heart.

now, i don’t care if i harm myself with cigarettes or any dangerous substances. i’m not afraid. because i survived you. you and your love are more harmful. the apocalyptic moment when we pressed our lips together, you also ****** the soul out of my body, leaving me a little to none of myself; you crept inside of me, savoring my vulnerability—they're even more harmful and addictive and euphoric than cigarettes or any dangerous substances could do to our bodies. yet i still survive, although i'm trembling every now and then with some pieces of you and me left in my grasp.

I would give myself away
as I so often do.

crack a smile
shed a tear
laugh abrubtly
or sit silent

Always with my heart on my sleeve,
where I have made a spot for it.

I would give myself away.
everytime.
if the person I am yeilding to is you.

And I will not hide anymore.
So that maybe
Maybe
Maybe we will teach each other
the serenity
In loving someone who let's you keep your heart on your sleeve
So they might see it.

So loving,
just loving
might come with less questions

I cannot give you serenity,
but if it meant you might find it
for yourself
I would give myself away.

For you,
I would give myself away.