Your waters are slowly drowning me
The waves of your unrequitedness dragging me below
This ocean so indifferent and cold
My gasps for air fall deaf on your salty waters

Your currents tossing me around like a rag doll
Gurgling cries emanating from my lungs
A Godly barge frantically tossing a life saver
My attempts are no match for your choppy seas

Fight I will with all my might
To survive, to live and to thrive
Victorious, I will reign above the drenching flow
Of your dark emotionless undertow

You bide my time, and cleanse your mind, and board in damped corners of mine.
You fall asleep at the wrong time to rouse when gongs resound inside.
None be so scarred to sleep as he; let him emerge for me to see.
Here I am; I've won already. On my God, how are you doing?

~ A.M, F.H.

All I ever wanted
Was to love
And to be loved in return
Yet my wish was never granted

All I ever desired
Was to be a resident
In thy heart
Just as thou were in mine
Yet I became homeless

Every tears I shed
That needed thy comfort
Instead of a cloth you threw in my face
To wipe those salty water escaping
Yet you found it ****

Every hug I longed for
That you threw me a pillow
As if it can give me the warmth
I felt in thy chest
Yet you persuaded

Every kiss thy lips ached for
Just to take away the emptiness
I felt in thy presence
Even if it was just a touch and go
Yet I was denied

Every touch I yearned for
That you left unattended
As you closed that door
And handed down the note
Written " Be out of my apartment by 11h00"
Yet I waited for an apology

I lost myself in the process
While being treated as an option
Yet you continued to progress
Still I loved you yet I hated you

music plays in my ears
my thoughts are laced with the rhythm
and lyrics
while my physical body is at a standstill
with my mind
and my heart
i cannot render anything
nothing makes sense anymore
without this particular person
even though i’ve lost this person long ago
i foster the craving of their presence
lost i am
lost.

dear lover,

they asked me why i loved you, but to be honest, i knew more than i wanted to. i always would state that i didn't know, because it had felt like my heart knew more than my mind did-- that my body knew more than i could ever fathom. when my words fail just like dreams do, the question echoes-- why do i love you?

is it because of the way you put your forehead against mine, or the way you **** me and revive me with just the utter of my name? your name makes me dance. watch me twirl to your music even in your silence. your love is the most beautiful, horrid tune i've ever heard-- i'll dance in your flames and let my one-sided love burn me out. one match lit lover and oh my stars, look how i shine for you.

i exchanged wishful words with the meteor rocketing across the sky, "can you send my love to him? oh please, shower him in my celestial kisses and burning body. oh, how i wish i was you, so he could watch my skin glisten and gleam and gaze upon all my glory. maybe he'd call me beautiful once more and taste the air that i currently reside. so far, yet just an inch closer. oh, selfishness doesn't compare to my nightly despair! watch me die and be reborn as the brightest heavenly body so he will look up at me and know that i am here-- watching him and protecting him and loving him-- a star is as close as i can be to being his angel.  my love as the heavenly fuel for my radiance, he'll look up at me and think of my name. that too much to wish for? too much to aspire for!? don't you know that one-sided love is like an unclaimed, cold planet aimlessly orbiting around the sun? awaiting for a warmth that will never come?"

the shooting star didn't respond and left me with the pregnant silence of my own melancholy. if the star were to speak, it'd tell me that i am nothing more than a mere fool who loves gently, but is never enough and too much all the same time; a sweet treat gone sour and a future cavity.

so why do i love you so dearly, so deeply? is it because you hold my hand and stare at it with such gentle eyes? is it because of the way you light me up, tickle me, and make me guffaw until i have tears and pain in my side? is it because of your tough exterior that melts away like bittersweet chocolate when we are alone? is it because of the way your eyes soften when you talk about your interests? is it because of the way you say i'm your princess? is it the way you made me feel so beautiful and smart? is it because i felt like your equal? is it because you know exactly what i want? is it because you know me-- really know me? is it because you are my mirrored image in the flesh? or am i clouded by the delusions of what we could've been? all of this, dear heart, you are no good for my health. i told you that i didn't want anyone else when you exist and how there was no one like you to which you replied "that's not true."

you lied.

i'd rather you have died than to know you left gazing upon another with those same eyes. the same love you gave me is tripled and poured into another's chalice; torturous couldn't even begin to describe my pain. i'll rip my eyes out their sockets with bare hands that you once have touch than to defile them with the sight of my lover with the Delilah of a woman-- she will be your downfall as i am praying on it. with your name shouted as my religious mantra, you are my most divine, sweetest disgrace. you are an abomination amongst peers and an apparition that slices the tendons of my wrists and heels in your love's absence. reading through old messages and reminiscing about the way you used to speak to me-- i used to be a woman you said you'd worship at my feet, but you'd fallen for a power far greater than mine.

with her around, i will always be last place.

a flash of purple light roused me from my slumber and i thought i saw you--i promise you, i did. your silhouette haunts me so...our messages, our words, our laughs, our tears, all our 'ours' gravelly whisper in my ears. i fought against the pools of brine, that eventually won the battle, as they fell from my eyes. i cried out and begged for you tonight. i am nothing but a pawn in the ultimate war of life; love is a losing game of chess and you say, "checkmate."

i know that if i were on my death bed, ill and lame, all it would take were for you to say i love you one last time and even god would be witness to your miracles.

history books may not know about us nor will they speak on us, but i will remember you.

i may not know why i love you, but i do know how i cannot live without you. you are not mine, but i am yours-- always and forever. my king, my world, my darkness, and my light, i love you. speaking of you in the past tense is the most painful, yet glorious experience, for i can't wait for the day you are no longer on my mind.  thank you.

with love and grace,
kai

Face wiped off from the colors,
hands wrinkled from the water–
Stripped off from all the clothes and accessories,
You’re all the same to me, suitcase of memories.

Woke up when the day was running,
though I stayed in bed until the sun was leaving.
That’s when I knew what the recurring dispositions meant–
You only ever call when it’s convenient.

I’d let it slide,
even though you had a lot to hide.
I did this a thousand times,
not knowing they were already crimes.

And now I’m bursting with emotions.
It's so heavy, like I’m carrying the whole nation.
I took a shot in the dark where the nightingales sing–
Guess I didn’t know what my future would bring.

So I just stayed in bed until the sun was leaving–
–forced myself to sleep, run away from everything.
’cause I always knew what the dispositions meant;
You only ever call when it’s convenient.

- c.s. (120217)

The petal on the cherry tree

gently whispers: "Let it be.

Don't think back, don't reminisce."

Yet you I cannot help but miss.


It's been too long, if truth be told;

my scarlet flames should have run cold –

but they burn bright as the desert sun,

a million candles joined in one.


You're the one that got away.

Only memories decide to stay,

to remind me of your eyes,

your smile, your not-goodbyes.


Are you safe? Are you well?

That's all I wish to know;

You haunt me – an angel of hell,

a rose-arrow in Cupid's bow.


I have no right, and never did.

Still, my thoughts keep wandering,

Pandora's box without the lid,

a kingdom lost without a king.


Spare me a thought, just now and then:

flicker me to life, for old time's sake,

My butterfly un-caught, remind me of when

I dared to dream of you, wide awake.