With a boat made of hope
I'll go sailing
In the search of love
If my heart gets wrecked and crushed
From the storm of empty promises
I'll bury it in the depth of my chest
like treasures from a shipwreck
For you to find it and peace it back together

I hold on too tightly,
You tell me to ‘tread lightly.’
Fearful to let go,
you tell me “let’s just take it slow.”
you pull away;
I pull you close.

My nails sink deep into your skin,
You flinch away in pain-
I apologize,
Yet I pull you close again.

I kissed you too hard,
until your lips were blue and sore.
I ran my fingers down your back,
And made you bleed some more.

I kissed your neck,
Then you started to choke.
I held your face in my hands,
until it was fear I started to evoke.

I held you tight,
you started to suffocate.
I held on with all my might,
you continued to hesitate.

now I’ve lost you;

I hadn’t realized my hands had claws,
I had you clenched in my jaws.
If I could’ve just paused,
Maybe I’d seen the harm I’d caused.

Please understand what I have to do;
it was far too much to put us both through.

Now I keep my distance,
I couldn’t continue my persistence.
My kisses no longer linger,
like a bee whose lost its stinger.  

I stung you,
and pulled out my insides.

I won’t hold my lips to you neck,
or wait to hear your pulse.
I left us such a wreck,
I clung onto you like an impulse.

I held on too tightly,
until I had to completely let you go.
Now you’re just a pain that visits nightly,
you came in at a point where I was already at a low.

Why couldn’t I just take you slow?

I gave the boy with the pretty frame-worthy eyes a pen the other day in class,

I switched the top of the black one I gave him to the blue that I used, and vice verse-a giving him a blue-black pen and me a black-blue one.

To him, in that moment,
I was just goofing off in class instead of listening to the teacher yap,

But to me, the pens and the colors meant something,
The day I made that blue-black pen, I was trying to make me and him,
The blue me, the black him, and together, us.
It was my heart,
And me giving him the blue-black pen was in a way, me giving him my love.

Maybe he missed the message in between the lines, or maybe he chose to by pass it,
Or maybe,
What I thought we had going on, was a delusion,
Maybe it was only one sided, and the connection was all in my head,

Perhaps I should’ve left the pens alone,
leaving my feelings unknown, and the lack of reciprocation would’ve hurt a little less,
But now my heart aches,
Especially whenever I see that cursed blue-black pen.

I think,
unrequited is addicted to me.
I don’t know but it just happens to find me no matter where I hide,
It’s almost like it’s waiting for my smile to be a little to wide,
and my cheeks to turn a little too red to creep back into my life and turn things on its head,

I think its favorite pass time is to make my heart ache because just when I swear that I’m done, someone comes and so does unrequited right behind it,
I hate it,

It’s almost like it needs me to stay with it because it chases everything else away, it’s addicted,

But somewhere deep down, I think I need unrequited just as much as it needs me
I kind of hope it doesn’t leave me,
Not yet at least,
I’ve grown well acquainted with unrequited, and it’s strange because, even though I don’t want it, reject it, and run from it,
it’s always there waiting for me after my heart is done being too happy,

It’s almost like it’s home for me, no matter where I go it waits patiently for me.
I don’t think I’ll know what to do when it really leaves,
So now I wonder,
Am I just as addicted to unrequited as unrequited is addicted to me?

You left without saying goodbye.

Not a whisper, not a word, not even a reason why.

You could have said anything, perhaps told a lie,

But it would be better than nothing, a reason not to cry.

You thought yourself a footnote in the universe,

You were the spirit of my words, every line and every verse.

You taught me how to write,

How to take these feelings to colour from black and white.

You gave me everything, mostly your time,

While I gave you love and words that sometimes rhyme.

But everything I had was simply not enough,

Such that you left me in the dark and in the rough.

I understand that I made mistakes,

But in the recesses of my mind, a pathway paves,

Looking for reasons why you walked away,

From a home built for you, a place to stay.

I want to tell you that I love you, but the words are not there,

A heart once beating with no emotion to spare.

I hope you read these words I've written,

To find all the love yet to be given.

I hope these words inspire you to think,

For your name on my chest, in permanent ink.

This chapter will never come to an end,

For it is a chapter that only you and I could mend.

In the depth of the night, I wish upon a star
To be a part of your story, not just a distant observer afar
Instead of just smiling at your whatsapp status
I wish to be the words in your captions
I wish I could call you, at any time of the day
To share my thoughts, to listen to the things you'd like to say
"How was your day?", I wish I could ask you
To share in your joys, to ease any blue
I wish to know your favorite color, the food that makes you smile
To understand the little things that make your life worthwhile
I wish someday you’d call me for a ride in a fine weather
To explore unknown roads, to watch the setting sun together
I wish for a coffee date, or a walk beneath the sky
To exchange stories and laughter, as time passes by
I wish you'd sing for me, a song of your choice
I wish to be lost in your soulful surreal voice
I wish you knew, the depth of my heart
How I admire you, right from the start
But you, like a star, distant and bright
Forever out of reach, in the quiet of night
I know these dreams may never find their way
Still, I wish for you to be mine someday.

I never planned on falling for you,

Or feeling joy when I usually prefer being sad.

The way I see all the details you quickly forget,

The constant pain in my cheeks from smiling too much,

I never planned this at all but I want more.

They always said there was more to life,

But I never believed it until I met you.

You're the "more" and you brought the "life" with you,

And I wonder if you're fatigued at all,

From running through my mind at all times.

And now I find myself dreaming with my eyes open,

Of what it feels like to have your skin touch mine,

Or what our life will be like a few years from now.

I never planned on falling for you,

Or wanting to be better so I feel worthy of you.

I never wanted to open up the way you inspired me to,

But I knew it on the day you showed me the stars,

And I fell for you because they looked like your eyes.

I fell from grace in trying to land among the stars,

But now that I've fallen I just hope you'll catch me.

With your soft and sweet hands,

wrap them around me,

And tell me you've been waiting,

Because I never planned on falling for you.

we meet at midnight (or maybe one) and you’re wearing the same
hoodie you’ve been wearing for three years. the wind nudges us
apart but somehow still you’re soft and smiling. i don’t have a
scarf. there’s a snowball down my shirt and then there’s
this noise ripped from me like i’m gasping and
laughing at the same time and it’s the
ugliest noise i’ve ever heard. i try
to chase you but you’re faster
and it’s okay because
you and i both
have such
terrible
aim.

we’re both just glad to be alone.

there
are beds
i’ll never lie in
ever again and that
is for the best. i remember
there was a time i’d wait for you
i’d sit and literally gaze out my window,
see kids on bikes and the sun passing by
but never you till i conned the moon into friendship
and she introduced us. i’d start arguments to hear you talk
but sometimes (and only sometimes) i would breathe and think,
i wanna fall asleep standing on this salted sidewalk and never wanna
wake up. sometimes you look away when my lips move like you can’t
hear. but i follow you. i teach you to paint and you teach me to dance.

it’s always the same. we get inside. you
hand me bread. we sit on the couch.
i skin my knees falling to the ground
just to hear you laugh. you shift and a
part of me wants to know the rhyme or
reason why but you roll your eyes when
i tell you poetry doesn’t need to rhyme
and i am a happy hypocrite. the bottle
is warm where your hand's been killing
it. it’s dead when i hand it back.

when i fall asleep your eyes are with me
and when i wake up you’re holding my
wrists. my skin is petrichor and yours is
smoke. suddenly there’s thunder bridging
the distance between the moon and sun,
matchflame and cumulonimbus clouds
and the carpet flips over as i pitch toward
the kitchen table. you’re photokeratitis
and i go blind. i make snow angels.
i need. i need to close my eyes.

you make me tea. i put my head in my hands.
my hair frizzes under lightning. there are no
blankets and no conversation. i pretend
to sleep on the floor and in two long hours
i’ve made friends with the spiders under
your bed. you haven’t met.

--

the alarm whispers. i pick myself off his floor. i steady myself.
i can’t look at him for too long, can't say goodbye. i glance.
his eyes are closed. there’s no way to wake him without
feeling like a wolf, or maybe a sheep. my wrinkled coat
is tangled in the rug. it's dawn. red eyes. if he was up
he would call me a mess. he's not. the sun drapes
over his sheets. i am freezing. my hand shakes
at the doorknob and i think, wrong, this
is the ugliest noise i have ever heard.
the bottle is on its side next to him.
it says nothing. i never opened
a door more slowly. i run
like there’s something
behind me. i lose a
minute when i sit
on the stairs. my
my eyes bleed. i
laugh. i told him
i hate love songs.
it's not like he
follows my
*******
spotify.

it’s always morning here
and always so quiet;
it doesn't let me say goodbye.
he's asleep but i’m alone and the air
is still. there are no stormclouds,
no suns
or snow or crescent moons.

the sky is
blue

I give with my time and effort for no reason,
Though I'm too afraid to flirt, even with my thoughts
Of you, kissing me back through the mist that shapes itself into a mold of your lips

And then I wake up
From my fantasies of your arms wrapped around my shoulders
As you stare back at me with the same affection i project sparingly
Subtle enough to confess without you noticing
How proud I am for loving you and
You only.
If only, I was the one...

I care too much to look away from your glances,
Eyes taking in every detail I'm willing to love,
To touch...
Then you brush your hand against mine,
Rewiring my nerves to ache for the texture of your skin

Who am I to think of you
In a light that shines away from me,
To the others who deserve your attention more than I do
Even then, I can't look away from the surge of winged colors
Holding my heart hostage against the grip of a chance
With you, my thoughts are
       S                                            
         C                                      
                A         T
                                      T               R      E
                                              E                        
                                                                     D
All across the possibilities and worlds where we are together

Dear unrequited lover,
Oh how you control me like a marionette,
Each smile and compliment tugging at my heart strings
Which maneuvers my every action,
Every decision I make,
Just to be a little closer to having you

Slightly dangling hints over my head,
Lighting fires that sting my lungs,
To the point where the heat weakens my knees,
And holds my body close to the flame that burns for you

Forever

My endless devotion, pouring out as I wish for worlds where there's an us
On top of the tyrannical wire we call fate,
Your harmonious siren's song beckons to me
In my rose-colored dreams,
You are mine
And in every other infinite universe that can contain my desire,
I am yours

Please, Let me be yours