The heavens won't spoil the skies,
unlike the hell that boils beneath us,
and unwrapped is the spoil of the prize
and head-on we walk into a bus.

I praise but could never had wished her
and her godly eyes and flesh perfection
is dreamy of a tanned and wonder colour
as my chest is like an athlete running.

I wish I could see her inner spirit,
and how she can pull back the tides
of those dreaming so desperately,
to corrupt the shores open so wide.

The trees still hold your spirit,
drifting on the river,
floating on the wind.
This world is still ours.

This world of rocky streams,
and muddy hills,
and dirt paths with fallen leaves,
still belongs to us both,
and that hurts more than anything else.

My friends giggled and said,
"She's falling in love,"
and I'd laugh along,
but now I know the truth.

This is not falling.
This is being pushed off a bridge,
down, down, down into a chasm,
that smells and looks and feels like you,
aches of you-
and knowing that you don't want me like this.

Not as a classmate,
not as an acquaintance,
not as a friend,
not as a lover-
Not even as a person.

I think that hurts most of all.

autumn tears...
  falling for you
    all over again

we’re just friends
 in the present tense
        making amends
     like cracks filled
          with silence

tears of yesterday
    still
      water my lawn
  i’ve been banking on a love
    that never matured
          just an emotion
            on loan

tell me—
  do you rest your hand
    under your chin
         like I did
             when you’re alone?

sharp edges
    on my mind
           but it feels
             pointless to forget you

to accept you
  is to accept
            not having you at all

the drink of your love
            I could never finish—
              you were
                too tall

too much
  too deep
     too far

you poured yourself
    out for me
  and I drank
    greedy

we kissed
  like language
    like memory

and I felt the shiver
        escape your pores

so why
    can’t I
          escape your love?

You could destroy me with everything you know.
You could tear down my careful reputation
with the secrets I willingly told you.
You could set fire to the comfortable life I’m living,
and have the flames engulf me too.

I don’t think it was healthy,
to  tell you that much.
I don’t think I should have told you
every one of my  d r e a m s
s e c r e t s ,
and  w i s h e s .  

But what was I supposed to do?
Every sign pointed that we had something real.
You helped me plant a garden in the shade
(it failed)
We ate popsicles on my front step
(they ruined my shirt)
You went swimming with me in the creek
(we hadn’t meant to get wet.)

You teased me when I slipped,
We both shared awkward glances at my sister’s questions,
I tried to get dirt out of your hair-
-you know, every time I see hair like yours I freeze.
It could be anyone, any length, anywhere, and I still stop dead.

I think you’ve ruined me without even whispering a word.

You never cared to much about my words, actually.
You didn’t care for my poems or my songs,
not more than politeness needed.
Politeness is one of your main qualities,
And like most polite people,
Honesty is not one of them.

I don’t know how I told you everything about me,
and you still didn’t know that the hard truth
would have hurt me less than the uncertainty
we’re now dangling in.
If you had just told me the truth-
I would have been okay with it.
Do you understand that?

I would have been more than okay with the truth.

They say love should not be idealized
but isn't love the only thing that deserves to be idealised ?
They say we shouldn't get too attached
but shouldn't we give our all for love
if not then can we call it love at all?

They say don't give your self up for love
but if not for love then what else is there
they say we shouldn't get too tethered to love
but isn't love something to get wrapped for?
oh what i would give to get wrapped in those arms

but why did you left me with this void instead of promised future
was it all in my head?
was I the one dreaming of you while sleepless
was i the one looking at your silhouette during the Sunkissed day
was i the one who felt the tug while you were chained at the bay?

How can one know the end still hope for change
how can i fight against the current of the river
while you were the sea itself
How can i stop myself from burning
when you lit the fire yourself.

I am a sinner,
A sinner who dared dreamt of love,
A sinner whose only sin was to be hideous,
A sinner who did not know it was a sin,
A sin to not be perfect as the world wants.

A beast who never got the beauty,
A dwarf in love with the sleeping beauty,
A frog who did not turn into a prince when kissed,
A Bluebeard without the forbidden room,
A beast who was never a cursed prince, never blissed.

So I tear away pieces of myself to be perfect,
To be someone, not bound by their looks—
The polite boy, the helpful friend, the good guy,
The martyr, the forgotten, the soldier of a hopeless war.
Only to be reminded I’ll always be the loveless one.

Beauty and the Beast, sounds so lovely, doesn’t it?
But I never wanted to be the beast.
It never sounded hopeful or enchanting in my abyss.
All I could hear was pity and sympathy,
Mixed with my demeaning and desperate pleas.

Is love such a luxury,
That one needs to be perfect to reach it?
Or is it just the case for me?
I see everywhere people have it and are happy—
Why are they nowhere close to the ideals burdened upon me?

So I weep and weep without cries and shouts
I weep for one to love me and only me unconditionally
To drown in me as I would for them—
To love me as deeply as I love,
But no one ever does.

In the flow of my words, I found love.
Through these fogged eyes, I saw you.
Through this hated heart, I saw yours.
It was ever so radiant, so genuine, and so divine.
It lit up my world; from the darkness, I awoke.

I was butterflies when you saw flies.
I was lost when I saw you smile.
I ate up my words when they made you cry.
I was ready to eat myself whole
If it meant making you mine.

Then everything choked.
The world lost its color.
I lost the voice I never had.
Your silence made the dead of night recur.
I lost the only song that kept my heart astir.

In this flow of words, I found guilt.
I found heartbreak, and I found everything bleak—
Everything that I was never meant to build.
So I silenced the voice of my cries
That hummed when they saw the gold in your eyes.

In these days of melancholy,
My world feels dull, lifeless, and blue.
My mind races to the days when we talked,
So effortlessly, so full of vigor and hearts glued.
Now I see only the emptiness
And the coldness of a smoke-choked heart

But even in the quiet, you linger near,
A ghost of love I hold sincere.