They say love should not be idealized
but isn't love the only thing that deserves to be idealised ?
They say we shouldn't get too attached
but shouldn't we give our all for love
if not then can we call it love at all?

They say don't give your self up for love
but if not for love then what else is there
they say we shouldn't get too tethered to love
but isn't love something to get wrapped for?
oh what i would give to get wrapped in those arms

but why did you left me with this void instead of promised future
was it all in my head?
was I the one dreaming of you while sleepless
was i the one looking at your silhouette during the Sunkissed day
was i the one who felt the tug while you were chained at the bay?

How can one know the end still hope for change
how can i fight against the current of the river
while you were the sea itself
How can i stop myself from burning
when you lit the fire yourself.

I am a sinner,
A sinner who dared dreamt of love,
A sinner whose only sin was to be hideous,
A sinner who did not know it was a sin,
A sin to not be perfect as the world wants.

A beast who never got the beauty,
A dwarf in love with the sleeping beauty,
A frog who did not turn into a prince when kissed,
A Bluebeard without the forbidden room,
A beast who was never a cursed prince, never blissed.

So I tear away pieces of myself to be perfect,
To be someone, not bound by their looks—
The polite boy, the helpful friend, the good guy,
The martyr, the forgotten, the soldier of a hopeless war.
Only to be reminded I’ll always be the loveless one.

Beauty and the Beast, sounds so lovely, doesn’t it?
But I never wanted to be the beast.
It never sounded hopeful or enchanting in my abyss.
All I could hear was pity and sympathy,
Mixed with my demeaning and desperate pleas.

Is love such a luxury,
That one needs to be perfect to reach it?
Or is it just the case for me?
I see everywhere people have it and are happy—
Why are they nowhere close to the ideals burdened upon me?

So I weep and weep without cries and shouts
I weep for one to love me and only me unconditionally
To drown in me as I would for them—
To love me as deeply as I love,
But no one ever does.

In the flow of my words, I found love.
Through these fogged eyes, I saw you.
Through this hated heart, I saw yours.
It was ever so radiant, so genuine, and so divine.
It lit up my world; from the darkness, I awoke.

I was butterflies when you saw flies.
I was lost when I saw you smile.
I ate up my words when they made you cry.
I was ready to eat myself whole
If it meant making you mine.

Then everything choked.
The world lost its color.
I lost the voice I never had.
Your silence made the dead of night recur.
I lost the only song that kept my heart astir.

In this flow of words, I found guilt.
I found heartbreak, and I found everything bleak—
Everything that I was never meant to build.
So I silenced the voice of my cries
That hummed when they saw the gold in your eyes.

In these days of melancholy,
My world feels dull, lifeless, and blue.
My mind races to the days when we talked,
So effortlessly, so full of vigor and hearts glued.
Now I see only the emptiness
And the coldness of a smoke-choked heart

But even in the quiet, you linger near,
A ghost of love I hold sincere.

i've got something,
a feeling of all sorts

if there's anything i have learned
through the entirety of my growth
it's to know and understand
and find the right moment
where i have to twist and wring and pull
such a tight knot in my chest,
just so none of my feelings
would sleep anywhere close
to those they are concerned for
or took birth 'cause of

barely tried for 407 hours,
simply gave up

always a mix and combination of almost
never the forever
always a something,
never the nothing's everything

i will wring out my heart
until every single drop
of this newly found heartbreak
breaks me from within
and does not seep
into anyone else's thought

but what if i meant
i wanted to disappear
only to be found
by the one who has enough time
and enough want
to actually search for me?

some days i despise
having this weak, old, ratty heart
that is attached to the tip of my finger,
not even the sleeves—
and slips itself
into the pocket of anyone
who so much as breathes

do not despise the love i feel
(even though doing the gulp of acceptance
is like drinking lemon
straight from the pet it's found in.)

Crush are the sounds of my heart—
When you are tearing it apart.


Crush are the sounds of my tear—
When you are not being near.


Crush are the sounds of my voice—
When you said I am here just to fill the void.


How could you love me?
Is this just an act of kindness?
When someone who should love me
Only love me if I am being good enough for them?


Am I good enough for your love?
Am I worth your love, time, and kindness?

Darling I—


Who are you?
How could you love me?
Someone that broken beyond repair?


Can you see it now?
The despair I hold on to myself
Like the sound of someone crush the wildflower beneath their foot with hatred.


Crush

Oh, there she goes again, stopping by your heart
It's not long till you'll want another start
The pain resides within you, you try to get away
But how can you, when your soul is saying "stay"?

You know it's wrong, it'll end badly
But she's got you on a hook wrapped around so tightly

How do you remove someone from your life in vain
If every stone from your path shouts their name.
It's like a parasite, an illness without a cure
So you try and try again just to be sure

I can't compete with her, no I wouldn't dare
For your eyes draw a love that doesn't compare,
But if I did, would I be the winner in such fight?
Or would I be the villain, two crossed out words in this path that feels "just right"?

Do I let that invisible string intertwine my brains
And feel the pain linger as it flows through my veins?
No,
The door is halfway open, window's completely gone,
I try and try again but for the love of god I can't move on

Compared your acne to constellations in the sky
The sun and moon to the gleam inside your eyes
So during every sunset, every night
I was always mesmerized, just looking at the light

Every laughter, every game, every joke you'd make
I cherished it cause I felt like it'd be the last memory I get to take
Never really asked myself why
But in a way, I wanted you to be mine

The eyes, the hair, the love is out of sight
Yet they reach my mind in the middle of the nigh
You say you like me, but not in the way that I want you to
I keep on waiting and waiting, oh what else am I to do?

So here I end my poem, but with a lot more to say
My kindest regards, to the one that got away.