i google it at 3am because
lightless blue shadowed rooms can cover secrets
and lies.
and the glance up, look away quickly and blink blink blink

like it never happened, can hide behind my eyelids for now. because
tainted thoughts don’t qualify for pity
and wake up headache stare into space isn’t a question of how are you, it’s why are you this way?

i don’t know, i say.
i’m sorry, i say.

that my brain clutter is too much of not the right stuff and my eyes don’t look dreamy like you imagined
they would be. dripping caramel swirls and covered with a golden starry sky.
that all i have are unsteady hands and undecided eyes and uncertain everythings.

and because yes, i live
in oblivion but that doesn’t mean i enjoy it.
or that i like staring at the shine bright white between us
or the dot dot dot of our thoughts . . . willing the what ifs and if onlys to come true because

the clouds move faster than i do. hot glue face to window
until you say my name           soft on the edge of your lips

because what would happen if i hung by anything more than a thread

i google it at 3am because how else am i supposed to know.
my blood is floating with question marked uncertainties and

blurry,, blurry vision.

You
Intriguing sparkles
As I peer in,
Curious;
Earnest to learn more
About you.

I yearn
To admire you
Through a kaleidoscope,
Watch the crystals crash perfectly
The beautiful imperfections blend
Into unique shapes
Of you.

I so desire
To fit us both
Into a kaleidoscope,
Watch us collide like fate
And fuse
Into breathtaking art
Reflecting each other
As the kaleidoscope of life
Endlessly turns.

Uncertain
It is,
But one day perhaps
I pray
It'll freeze,
Everlasting
Where our feelings meet.

Everyone wears a mask in this world
This mask we develop from young to old
Emotions we lock that clouds our judgement
Mind over heart, this marks our testament

A smile may hide an excruciating pain
Or a tear may hold deceit and sin
In this world not everything is certain
So doubt a little, the truth you may gain

How peculiar some people of the human race
They have masks that perfectly match their face
They are either good people with mind so pure
Or despicable humans who show their true nature

For faith and love some people are blinded
For these, wise people become dumb
Wrong becomes right, in lies we succumb
What use is the senses if the heart is one sided

I’m telling you nothing is wrong with trust
Nor it is wrong to believe
But we as humans we deceive
So to check for facts is a must

I don't know
what I'm feeling right now
but if loving you
meant riding the same roller coaster
way back then,

I'd gladly join you over and over again.

tell me
as i know nothing
clueless as it is
everything is just unknown

as i want to know things
to understand, not to be mad
i want to be open
in everything i want to know

so tell me
as i am clueless
like a child full of woes
am curious enough?

Kingfisher at rest,
Aggression’s switch still twitch;
Uncertain balance!

why must time progress??
i need to take a rest
each falt'ring sentence brings
me closer to my death