The worst part of it all is that I can’t even recognize the depth of my own flaws. I beg for forgiveness, but the same destructive habits rise up once again. Why can’t I change? I try over and over, sifting through the past, searching for the root of what needs to be fixed. But every time I think I’ve grasped it, it slips away, sinking back into the soil, just out of reach. The more I struggle, the further it moves from me. What am I doing wrong? I can’t seem to understand. The guilt tears at me, a gut-wrenching pain swelling in my chest as I hear how I’ve hurt you. Each day brings a new argument, one that never seems to resolve. I can handle the fights, as long as I get to keep you, but it doesn’t change anything; you just seem to drift farther away. I want to meet you in the middle, to make the effort, to bridge the gap, but it feels like the distance between us only grows. Every misstep, every harsh word, every mistake adds to the void. I just want to fix it, to end the pain, and to grow beyond this darkness inside of me.

I found today
I scraped my knee--
Hadn't realized it had
started to bleed--
The cut was shallow but the
blood flowed slick,
and stained the shade
of my lipstick.

I try my best,
It's all we can do,
Messy as being a
Human is,
We all have faults--
We all have sins.

The song of laughter
Brings us in,
The tears of loss
cement us--
and it's all the
strangeness
weirdness
quiet
In between
that makes us
whole
Makes us
Seen.

I see you.
I see it in you.
The beauty and
the heartache. The mess
and the intention,
The skill and the folly,
The breakdown and the
Refinishing.
I see it in you.

all I know how to do is love
my bones ache to care
and I'm not sorry for trying
even if you didn't deserve it
I deserve the chance

I’m striving to write a poem, yet the words elude me, as if every letter has crumbled to dust within my mind. A spark of poetic fire ignites, but when I reach for even a single syllable to shatter the silence, each nascent line dissolves into emptiness. I battle on, though the will I once possessed has faded like a flame doused by relentless rain, leaving only wet coals behind. I wander into the void of night, my energy dissipating into shadows, each effort emerging as a desperate plea that the void mercilessly swallows. Still, I stand at the edge, peering into a vast sea of forgotten verses, watching the rhythmic ebb of lost words. I know that soon, I will gather the scattered strands of my thoughts and awaken the dormant creation within.

i watched today,
as unicef came,
and asked to speak with my parents,
i hid away as the adults conversed,
and sat back down to dinner,
their conversation was abrupt,
halted by a shut door,
and an exhale of annoyance,
their rant stuck to me,
and I thought,
as they complained,
-at least they're trying.

I'm not sure if it's braver
to stay
or to go
I'm afraid either way
and I just don't know
luckily I don't have to decide
tonight