Sometimes, I'd think that I missed it.
All the late-night conversations,
good morning "I love you"s,
glances exchanged in the halls,
awkward smiles,
adorable nicknames,
that bracelet.

But I don't wear that bracelet anymore,
not since you starting doubting all we had.

When the good morning texts were just typed,
sitting there with the send button unpressed.
When we started avoiding each other in the halls
because we couldn't bear to see the other's face.
When those awkward smiles we'd exchange
turned into just plain awkward.
When the adorable nicknames went away.
When that bracelet just sat there,
on my dresser instead of my wrist.

Sometimes, I thought I missed the way we were.
But now I know, we're better off the way we are.

9:15; a quarter mile away from truth.
Conversations are boring, all about what we've done for today.
Innocence of two kids before their moppet words find their youth.

Texts get a little deeper, a minute past ten.
All past experiences, and mistakes are; with heart and soul
expressed. Their companionship sees the other more than a friend.
"I like you," a quickly deleted message, but has been read.
Emoji eyes; "I seen what you wanted unseen," the eyes seemingly said.

Awkward silence, awkward silence; both sides typing and clearing
their response. Nobody presses send; while there's a slap on the
head exclaiming; "not like this, not the beginning of this
relationship's end"

"I didn't mean to make things weird with my emotions.
I'd like you as a lover, but I love how we are as friends in the
open," a brave text sent out of one still hoping.

"But I like you too," the next reply came around late.
Phew! What a relief; least for now. But what happens next,
I guess is the pending question of staying up this late.

It was best to go to bed by eight...

Anxiety,
When aren't near me,
Anxiety,
When you don't talk to me

Maybe it's because today I've had too much caffeine,
But I've got you circling my mind and it's not too keen,
On the fact that you haven't talked to me in more than a minute,
If you called I'd tell you that I really don't like it,
I'm trying not to blow up your phone with texts,
They say it's more when you leave a guy with less,
You really don't like it when anyone plays games,
The problem is that it's getting kind of late,
And I've been getting fewer good night texts,
It's been messing a  bit with my head,
But I know you're in your own lately,
So I'm trying not to take it too personally,
I miss you every time you aren't right here,
Since this pillow doesn't have the same feel,
When I cuddle it by myself at night,
Sometimes I like to leave on a light,
And hope you'll walk right in my door,
Loneliness isn't a feeling I want to afford,
Not anymore, because I'm getting too **** old,
To spend so much time alone and cold,
I'd rather have you, my personal furnace,
And I know all of this with the sureness,
Of someone who's kissed way too many *******,
To know when I've found the perfect *******,
I'm done ******* around,
I'll say it so **** loud,
I want you,
And only you,

Anxiety,
When aren't near me,
Anxiety,
When you don't talk to me.

(6/21 at 10:36 AM)
this is where it started, you went full blast, with
[ssfydbso]
(6/24 at 8:12 PM)
cute words and flattery that made me laugh;
[mfsivv]
(7/3 at 1:11 PM)
the nicknames, if you could call them that, in the very least
[vks/sks]
(7/3 at 1:29 PM)
the way we matched
[sks/vks]
(7/6 at 10:13)
the unapologetic delivery
[v#1s/fc]
(8/19 at 12:52 AM)
although before i'd been skeptical, i soon fell into a habit of you, and when i confronted you, oops, little did i learn, how you felt, yet i still extrapolated
[ysaah]
(9/6 at 10:57? PM)
as you shared your music, you showed me new songs and i think i saved them all.
[DBL you said @1am but if i'm honest, i think you were projecting how you felt onto someone else, but maybe i know a thing or two about that]
(10/23 at 6:49 PM)
then things got out of hand, so to speak (wink, wink)
[hbbg]
(11/13 at 11:00 AM)
and i thought it would be a one-time thing, and it was, more or less, until the moment you texted, telling me i had invaded your dreams
[wtbalos? (edited)/(redacted)]
(11/15 at ??:?? AM?)
but when i reached out, in the dead of night, maybe you thought it had underlying meaning, when really, i was lonely and wanted to talk to someone, but that someone was mainly you, or the version of you i concocted in my mind.
[twtnajgd]
(11/24 at 10:53 AM)
and after months of reading into nonexistent nuances, and constructing a cacophony of daydreams involving you,
when i threw my phone out, like three days later - well, i did say three was my favorite number -
i reached out, for i wanted answers, and clarity and closure, and i guess i got it; i finally ******* got it and it drove me to poetry, where i spent the most time in a long time
on you, searching for screenshots for timestamps so this ******* poem is the most accurate it possibly could be, and i even maxed out the discord character limit - just on you, and that's something that i rarely ever do.
[biadttg]
(11/28 at 11:48 PM)
so, my phone is still thrown out, and i get my access back tomorrow, and now i must stick to the reasoning for which i threw it out in the first place, but i still seek out your name and activity on spotify,
(?/? at ??:?? AM&PM)
but i will work to curb that habit and every other one i have associated with you, and one day, they will all be but a distant memory

I forgot how much I missed you
Until we started talking again
I've been through lots of painful things
But not many compare to losing a friend

You texted me a week ago
You tried to apologize
It wasn't your fault
(You liked looking in my eyes)

Said you found this jacket
In the picture, it reminded
Me of a 80s quilt
I said you should get it, you did

Adults keep pulling on our sleeves
Telling us to grow up
Keep only what you need
Well I needed connection
And I needed a friend
You were running low on those too
Maybe life's out to get us
Maybe they just don't care
I know it's easier
If I have you there

do you want to play chess?
I would, but it's 11 pm
The connection is bad
ok
i like it when you win
i don't let you win, i don't try my hardest but
even if i did, you'd win
Ok
I like it when you win

I heard the news
Maybe he meant for me to see
Slipped out in a 3-person text thread
Funny it was only news to me