i'm realizing that i didn't fight hard enough for you. i got so caught up in fighting you, that i forgot to fight for you. looking back, the stuff we argued on was not worth the energy or the love lost. i think we were both a little...warm blooded. everything we did, we did with passion. which, of course, translated into the fights of fire and flames. in any case, what are you wearing today? it's strange to think about you wearing outfits that i haven't touched, seen, worn. for old times sake, why don't you wear the navy blue shirt that i dropped garlic-butter on. man, i nearly **** myself because i thought i'd stained your favorite shirt. but you laughed. and i nervously laughed too. i'm glad the stain came out in the end. i rocked that shirt better than you did anyway, hehe.

i am in a haze today. it is cloudy and beautiful outside. it is also pressing down on my chest and i struggle for air. i wore your shirt to bed last night and it helped steady my oxygen supply. i wish you were here to say my name and speak to me in my native tongue to remind who i am and where i've come from. i'm forgetting everything, slowly. recreating yourself is only good when you haven't done it five thousand times over. i just want to be me now. but how do i become me if there is no you? pick me up from the library and walk me to class. hold my hand and tell me that you will stay with me no matter how grey the sky is or how cold my fingers feel.

today was a good day. i went to see the house i'm going to be living in next year. they have co-ed rooming, and i told my roommate that i wish i could have roomed with you instead. she wasn't hurt by it, she knows that you're always on the back of my mind. the rooms were nice, not too big but not too small. i think we would have been great roommates. anyways, i hope your day went well too. i know the weather's been getting warmer- do you remember the summer before last? that summer heat brought out the best (and the worst) in us. and when the electricity went out in the middle of the night and the room went dark in the midst of the summer heat. you told me not to worry because you know i'm afraid of the dark. i wasn't worried. i had you. the only thing worse than being single is not being yours.

i stayed up all night
waiting for a text from you.
sunlight knocked on my bedroom window,
but i just shut it out once again...
i refuse to let anything other than u in

you know, i could never fall asleep properly until i heard from you...
so i guess you could say i haven’t gotten much sleep these past few months.
i have been staring at my ceiling for so long,
trying to picture us together again,
that i’ve nearly forgotten what the rest of the world looks like.

i never thought the day would come where my longing for you would bring me nothing but misery,
but here i am,
staring at my ceiling,
the sunlight is starting to creep in on me...
so i guess it’s time for me to close my blinds again.

The harsh light of my phone blinds me,
Yet I need to do something.
The darkness of my bedroom surrounds me,
And the light is my only connection to the world.
I hesitantly open my messages,
And I feel my heart wrenching wide open.
A chasm forms, a deep ravine, a wild earthquake
That irreparably defaces the land.
Tapping your name releases aftershocks,
And I steel my heart for the worst as I
Scroll to the very top and read
Every single message.
All I want to know is, when?
When did I suddenly mean nothing to you?
When is the moment you threw me out of your life?
And why didn’t you tell me?
I keep scrolling, trying to assuage my pain,
Yet each word, each letter you typed, holds so much,
I’m overwhelmed, and my canyon widens.
My breathing is labored, I can feel myself trembling,
And the tears have only just begun.
I turn off my phone.
Darkness.

I'm going mad for you
The good kind of insane
I would rather go crazy for you
Than be with anyone else and sane

I love you with all of my heart
No, more, with every atom inside
Each cell in my body lives for you
My molecules long to be by your side.