My group therapy ended today
Termination is such a violent word
For such a soft thing
Termination is harsh
Reminiscent of layoffs
And Austrian-born California governors
No. This wasn’t a firing.

It was a funeral.

Round robin reflection at a somber dinner table
An exchange of platitudes and promises
To stay in contact, to be available
And we all meant it. Every word.

But no.

We were demented sorcerers,
Holding tightly to fading magics

Ex-lovers
Trying to be friends

Though it was, ironically, a machine that once said.
“A thing is not beautiful because it lasts.”
And every part of me I found in them
Now is a part of them found in me
Carried in my self-revelations
In strides straight and confident as an honest Keyser Soze.
And though I am a penny none the richer

Today I am indigo.

Your life was so precious
And I took that away
Even though you can't hear me now
There's still some things I need to say..
It's all still so real
And the real pain is in my heart
I loved you then and I love you now
Yet you barely had a start.
Whether a little boy or a girl
You were a blessing either way
Following in the footsteps of your sister
Who would have loved for you to stay.
If I wasn't so selfish,
And If I wasn't so scared
I should have kept you with me
Your life I should have spared ..
Knowing that you would have been mine
But only half of your sister
Would have hurt so many people
And caused such a twister.
But you would have been worth it
And none of it would have mattered
Letting you go is my only regret
That will have me forever shattered
I think about you every day
And wish I would have chosen differently
I wish that I could have you in my arms And feel you growing inside of me.
I was supposed to protect you
But I betrayed you instead
It's the strongest regret I've ever felt
It's a constant pounding in my head.
I still feel u in my heart
Sometimes I swear you speak to me
In ways I can't explain
And I swear sometimes I feel you with me .

Let the wind take me like smoke
And every other over used metaphor
You’re a bore
No I am
I don’t know where I stand
Where we stand
We used to hold hands
Not anymore.
I’m in the bathroom hiding
Biding our time
Lets rewind
You’re always on my mind
Its inevitable that I’ll fall into my old ways
I’ll start littering again
And slithering around with suburban ****.
I haven’t become anything.
I’m just coming undone.
C.m.

8.3.14

I have a message
For you haters
You're the wreckage
Your words like razors

No longer shall I keel
To your decimating attitude
I have an intransigent zeal
Of undeniable magnitude

Your reign of terror
Now a speck in the past
Your puppet strings I sever
Now free I feel, at last

I dare you, I dare you
Try to cut me down
But be warned, I will strew
Your face all over the ground

No longer am i afraid.
All the hated, it's time to stand
All the haters, it's time to be repaid
No more worries, just grains of sand

The tides now change
Deny them their satisfaction
Their power has no range
Haters, this is your termination