love is our only
reality so treat it
like the only one

6:15 PM
3/6/19

i know with you, i don't have to act like anything.
i don't have to act like anything is wrong,
like anything is okay.
we just Be around each other.
i never knew what just simply existing was until i met you.
you remind me of breezes that surround me when i lay on a park bench,
so gentle and comforting.
the butterflies in my stomach landed on your shoulders and you helped me understand what Everything was.

Imagine to my surprise when I say.
"You're my soul mate"
"You're my sole date"
"Yet we can't be because of fate"

Imagine to my dismay when he told me.
"She doesn't love right"
"She does't believe in it and so she fights all these emotions with all her might"

Imagine to my chest when,
It heaves
When each breath comes with a tug of pain.
And each beat with a realisation that we cannot be.

I cry.
I scream to the top of my lungs because I know what I want.
"Why doesn't she want me back?"
My soul keeps asking and my spirits keep shaking.
Nodding it's head no!
It doesn't make sense.
Why is the universe so over the fence about us?

Imagine to my soul the pain.
The emotional heart strain.
Truly can I not find and accept love in you?

You're my soul mate.
My one true fate.
So why can I not get closer?
Why must you be so far and so cold to me.

In this epiphany I see no us but I feel all of us.
It shouldn't be like this! If I don't get you at the end of the day.
If our souls cannot merge and become one.
Why must my soul convulse  and be torn from limb to limb.

Imagine my sheer disappointment
When knowing my one true cannot be my only true.

Panda this goes out to you.

I am accepting that the universe has linked us to be two of the same but not enough to be one.
It just affects me mentally knowing that what should be my other half is half of someone that I once was and cannot wholly be forever.

It affects me to notice how we synchronise yet we end up breaking apart.
The complexity behind what we had mistaken for simplicity.
Isn't there just a way for us to restart?

To meet in an alternation whereby our souls remain the same yet allow for the two of us to become one?
A universe that allows this to not end in such a dull dark way?

Can't I get a proper ending with you?
You're the soul mate that could be a star crossed lover.
Yet why haven't and why can I not fully experience us?

i closed my eyes and just listened to your voice.
my head created a white room where there was nothing,
no worries,
no weight of the world.
i opened my heart once again and let your voice, your light, in.
how can someone be so beautiful?
i opened my eyes and looked at you,
really looked at you.
the acne scars above your cheek,
your long eyelashes that i would spend my days counting,
the way the tip of your nose does that thing that i can't describe but it's beautiful,
you are everything,
you are beautiful.

I'm still trying
to describe you,
through poetry
and to explain you,
through song.
But the more I try,
the more I realize
that none of these mediums
will ever do you justice, love.

Plato believed that we used to have four arms and four legs
But we were too powerful so the gods split us in
Half.
And we spend our lives searching for our other part.
The red string of fate leads us along the path to the one we’re meant to be with.
We focus on finding that one person we’re meant to be with,
The atoms and energy we were close to when the universe emerged.

I said I didn’t want to be completed by anyone,
That I wanted to be enough on my own,
To be my own person.

You said

“you’ll be enough once you think you’re enough”

And that hit me.

Because I don’t feel like I’m enough.

You make me think about things
In ways I never have before,
Overwhelm me with feelings about myself and
You.

Maybe I don’t feel like I am enough right now,
I know I need to find myself
As cliche as that sounds.
I hope one day I will feel like I am enough,
Not necessarily for you,
For me.