Bipolar me,
and bipolar weather,
A playground in my mind
with a mood swing set,
and a slippery slide,

Happiness - a game of roulette,
what's holding me together
is being untied,
I'm coming undone on my own,
say you're there yet
my walls feel alone,

Say you care but
you sure don't show it,
If you care I
sure don't know it.

Do you know how crazy
it's driven me?
All these possibilities,
and could be's,

I bleed and I bleed,
no bandage,
I strive, I survive,
All I feel is damage.

Don't get too close to me,
I might be unkind, savage,
Don't leave me alone,
or there'll be nothing of me
left to salvage.

Sometimes, I just want a break.
There’s only so much I can take.
Sometimes I just want to breathe
Yell out the pain that lies beneath
Scream to the liars the truth
Find my own medicine that soothes
The anguish that makes me cry
The things I’m too tired to deny,
Knots I want to unravel
In idyllic bliss of travel.
I’m tired of too much work
It’s driving me crazy, berserk
That I repeat some old rhymes
For me, I can’t find any time
There is happiness I seek
A smidgen of courage to speak
Confidently to a crowd
Using talents on me bestowed.
I want to sleep for long days
Without messes in life to face
I don’t want a surgery
To extract foreign cyst in me
I want a good vacation
A month, a year of elation
I want to be who I’m not
Nimbly practise what I’ve been taught.
I am a rudderless ship
Someone, tell me to get a grip!
Is there anyone out there?
Not one who understands or cares?
I keep looking for someone
Lord knows, around me, I’ve a ton
Many I can lean upon
Who’d mourn for me when I am gone
I wonder on that, you know
If anyone would miss me so
If I’ve helped anyone live
If there’s someone I must forgive
I didn’t want to write sad poems
Yet, this is, a perverse proem
The last one searching for glee
Written by me in misery.
Why, why must it be so hard?
Why does life have to hand me shards?
God, lead me somewhere in peace
I can’t bear this anymore, please!
I’m exhausted with myself
With the world, with my selfish self.
(I know, I know what to do
You don’t have to give me a clue)
Give me moments to wallow
On thoughts that you don’t have to know
I’m anxious, not crazy or mad.
I’ll get up soon, don’t be sad.
But there are the times I think
Staring at space, drowning in drinks-
“Sometimes, I want to run away
Each time, I don’t know why I stay.”

Tired thoughts have taken over
Slacking on grammar
Word choice
Sentence structure
Originality
Plausibility
But you're still quick
And loud
In my sleepy brain and heart

Goodnight
My dear
Sleep well
My dear

Dream
My dear
Of us
My dear

I wish
My dear
I could watch you sleep
My dear

And hold you close
My dear
Tightly
My dear

I miss you
My dear
I love you
My dear

Goodnight
My dear
Sleep well
My dear

The sound you hear,
Is exclusively yours,
The uvula swings,
Wishing good night,
But remember my dear,
You got to repeat I fear...
When I yawn I turn deaf, I swear...

You are an entity never meant to be bound to anyone or anything on this planet.

You were made to be free to accomplish feats not yet even recognized by man as possible.

And so, since I understand this now, these are what I *will and will not be.

1. No, I will not be your guard dog.

I will not investigate your every move, or gather information on the people that surround you. I will not tell you to not let yourself get influenced by these people, or stay away from these people, or to bond with these people. I believe in your ability to learn from your experiences with human beings- because these beings are infinitely complex and come in all shapes in sizes

2. No, I will not be your parent.

I won’t get mad if you come home at 4am, completely drunk off liquor, strobe lights and whatever the DJ’s playing. I won’t get worried if you aren’t answering your phone when you’re with your friends. I genuinely swear not to give you the parent-like reprimands you’ve heard enough of from your parents

3. No, I will not be your local priest.

I won’t condemn you for everything you have done. I won’t judge you for the mistakes you’ve made. I won’t blame you for being you- and not believing in the Ten Commandments, or questioning the scientific proof behind the Creation Story.

I will not hold you back. Live your life the way you want to live it, because you are limitless.

But yes, I will be your home.

I will welcome you home with a smile and open arms. I will take care of you when you’re down with a fever, or when you’ve had just too much to drink. I’ll listen to your stories and rants about your experiences and what you’ve learned. I’ll make you the best “hangover recovery” breakfast you’ve ever had in your whole life. I’ll gently brush your hair, and tell you you’re the most beautiful person in existence, inside and out.

I will be your resting place.

*I will accept you, and I will love you. Come home.

Fluttering eyelids.
Yawn once, then once again.
"No more" my liver forbids.
Neon lights simmer behind my eyes.
Ah.
                                 You sent me a sunrise.