"Do you believe in global warming?"
they asked me
as though it was something you could choose to believe in
like santa
sitting on the melting polar ice caps

wondering how else he could tickle our fancies
for our momentary pleasure
one sizzling christmas eve

“but”, they said, “but its all circumstantial,
And”, they said,"all natural,
All part of a cycle,
all part of a plan-
And there’s no evidence anyways"
Is santa melting?
Do ice caps exist?
Who knows!

Who knows?

statistically,
I will die of a very old age, enveloped in the warm covers, my now oblivious tomb, with my hands grasping for a year my mind ran to in its final moments,
that year would be yours,
I named it after you because you seemed to stain every sunday morning with your tears caused by our laughter, the evenings ring silver bells of your warm embrace,
I named it after you because each Monday, as I rose out of that same comforting coffin, and fell into your arms like the wings of an owl carrying me to a higher limb, singing me songs like a mocking bird to make strange voices sound relatively close,
I named it after you because Tuesday's were the days you held my heart to a microphone, you let the world hear me fall deeper and deeper in love with you,
I named it after you because every Wednesday you brought me postcards from the places you visited in my mind, the places I long since forgot in my travels, the places where you planted daisies at every truck stop
I named it after you because Thursday's couldn't be anyone else, not with the karaoke nights and discos, you barged into each door with every intention of making me dance and sing until I felt beautiful,
I named it after you because Friday's were the only days in the week where you let me take you somewhere, where I held your face between my hands and gazed into your eyes, searching for the routes to take to get closer to you
I named it after you, because every Saturday, we walked to a garden, or down a city street, or through art museums, or down river streams, just moving, moving further from the places we've been, our pinkies intertwined, stumbling on each other's feet drunk from the ecstasy of our lovers deep embrace,
I named it after you, because every day you littered these moments with memories I swore I would never forget,
so when the new year bells rang,
and you were miles away,
and I was thinking you were a drop of perfect in such an imperfect place,
and all I wanted was just one taste,
you were taking buses to get to a new mind to conquer

I should have listened to you say, "I shouldn't start the new year with you, if I can't be there by your side to finish it"

Your eyes once light and holy galaxies to me
look at me now like voids upon which I endlessly
search for stars,

Like the nights we spent smoking our last cigarettes
stars, like the moles on your skin that I traced in every last breath before we slept
stars, as vast and expansive as all the secrets we shared with our mouths and then kept
stars, that dot the sky which I lie underneath
when I had you, and then when you left.

I didn't mean to beam up at you like sunlight without remembering to filter through the clouds first
too overwhelming for those eyes that used to shine back unafraid and clear like glass
I didn't mean to make those eyes hurt

And I knew before that sunny days don't last forever
and I knew before that though you were lost in me, you'd find your way out someday,
that I was your city and you'd wander my streets without any guarantee that you'd stay,
but all the while I hoped that us being together
meant something greater than metaphors about cities and weather.

You don't understand how important it was just to be held by you,
how just your heartbeat could make me feel like one of the lucky few
who managed to really love someone
and be loved by them too.
And as I wrap myself in the photo-negatives of our memories I wonder why it is that
you no longer see these things like I do.

I never meant to create friction, but I set myself on fire anyway
just to give you warmth when you weren't cold,
just in the hope that when we were old and twofold
we'd be timeless.
I never understood that sewing our hearts together would make such a mess when you tore yours away,
but you took the stitching with you, and when I tried to make you stay
you ripped my heart in half too,
and you didn't even mean to.

So now I'm better suited to darkness
but all I can think about are those eyes, those eyes I'm so accustomed to
void of light that once gleamed through
every time you smiled that smile, meant only for me
eyes now dark, unlike mine that shine with tears clear like glass
with the salty residue of fear you leave every time you say goodbye to me
I never really knew it would feel so empty.

Maybe that's why I can't stand daylight, now
when it burns through my windows and doors.
I can't bear to be reminded of your smile
when it's not for me anymore.

What would you do if I told you I love you?