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Forever together
Pssh yea right more like forever away
Better yet forever in pain
You don’t make me feel loved
You can’t make me feel healed
My soul just keeps getting shredded up
The longer I’m with you, the faster I die
I don’t want to die, so you need to instead
Will you die for me?
After all you said we have true love
Be honest though are you with me for love
Or do you stay with me for the money?
The connections?
The drugs?
The alcohol?
I’m yelling for you to get away
Instead you stay
I might just drown myself in the bay
I can’t stay near you
I need to move on
I need a new start
So please just leave
Get away from me before I hurt you
I don’t want to hurt you
You’re pushing my limits though
So please just go before I hurt you
I don’t want you to feel the pain I feel
I don’t want you to get hurt, like you’ve hurt me
So stay away
She’s torturing me
She keeps teasing me
Pulling me in then leaving
She plays these games
I don’t  want to play  them though they hurt my soul and heart
I just want to love her
I just want to make her feel good
I want to make her feel loved
She won’t open herself up to me though
She’s hiding behind a wall of masked emotions
I’m tired of playing hide and seek
I just want somebody to love
So come love me
As I look in the mirror and say good bye
I look around and I begin to cry
I call myself a coward
Just do it I yell to myself.
I ask if it was easier for the others
It can’t be such a bad option if so many others have done it
It will protect the people I love
From the monsters inside of me
I want to do it so I can finally be free
Somethings holding me back though
Don’t know who or what it is
I can’t explain the feeling
You might call it love but it’s something more than that.
Religious people might say it’s god
But I stopped believing a long time age so how can it be that?
Am I cursed so I can only leave by natural means?
I know I want to leave or do I
Why can’t I do it?
It shouldn’t have to be hard
After all so many people do it
Am I not good enough?
Am I to cowardly?
I want to scream
I want to shout
I want to punch something or someone
I want to end this ocean of pain
I want to end this misery
All this and more I think to myself
My thoughts are racing around my head
I wish I could stop them
Freeze time so I can do it
Bring someone back who can tell me what it’s like
Bring someone I love to convince me to do it
Will the person I love even do that
Or will she tell me it’s not worth it and to stay for her
If she tells me to stay I don’t think I could listen
I don’t think I’d be able to bear it
I don’t want to live this life anymore
I don’t want to live this destiny
It’s been going on for too long
I sit here and I wonder if life will get better
because I look around and think this life isn't worth living
So much **** I've ****** up
So much **** I've put up with
So much **** I've had happen to me
All the ****** up things I've seen
All the ****** up things I've heard
The ****** up things I've done
The people I've hurt
The people who've hurt me
I've had my heart broken so many times
I've stopped keeping track
I’ve been backed stabbed and even betrayed
right in front of my eyes
I’ve been emotionally and physically abused.
Its gotten so hard to cope with all this anger inside of me
I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever be happy
At the rate I’m going, this leap looks to be
The best option for me.
I’m going crazy
Having to live this ****** up life of mine
Letting all the **** be
I’m going crazy
Is there something mentally wrong with me?
Holding the monsters inside of me back
I’m going crazy
Not being able to talk to anyone
Not having anyone to love
I’m going crazy
Helping everyone else with their problems
Letting the emotions rage on inside of me
I’m going crazy
Worrying about others opinions; and not my own
Watching and listing to everyone else faking it
I’m going crazy
Hearing everyone else scream and shout at me
Always being treated unfairly
I’m going crazy
Relying on myself and keeping others out of my life
Seeing everyone else so happy and being so depressed
I’m going crazy
Though I’ll continue to tell everyone I’m fine
Natalie Walker Jan 2016
MY CHILDHOOD ROOM
FEELS LIKE A MUSEUM
no matter how many times
I dust the shelves.
The trophies look more plastic than ever
and the cat collection is a little out of hand.
The books are still my pride and joy
but their covers haven’t been caressed in
years?

Has it really been
years?

I light a candle and cradle my thoughts in my cranium
tapping my toes in tandem with
THE TERRIBLE SQUEAK in my ceiling fan
I asked my mom to get that fixed
does she forget everything when I’m not home
do the doors go unlocked when I’m not home
do the cats go unfed
does the truth go unsaid
WHY DO I NO LONGER FIT MY CHILDHOOD BED.

In the silence I can hear her.
I hear the little girl with the long braided hair
ask her mom for a book
For Christmas.
I envy her.

This Christmas  my list consisted of things
I know my mom can’t buy.
This year I asked for peace, for a stable career after college,
for a meaningful relationship that doesn’t
breed in the dark cracks of insecurity and small talk.
I asked for love, I asked for bathroom mirrors to stop insulting me,
and for people at grocery stores to smile more.
I asked for patience, I asked for the sun to show her face a little longer
so  I could finish everything I promised I would do.
I asked for joy, I asked for rainfall I could dance in, for a snowstorm where I can make snow angels and not care about the ice
that slides down my sleeve
I asked for knowledge, I asked for the stories of the unheard to be shouted from the skyscrapers
and for politicians TO STOP SCREAMING.
I asked for trust, I asked for lying to be illegal
and for people to feel safe when they hold out their hearts
in front of them.

I asked for someone to listen.
Because I know I can’t do this by myself.
It’s okay that we don’t fit out childhood beds
and growing up means growing out
of our once-favorite things.

We can stop asking
for books for Christmas–
as long as we write a new one
together.
by Natalie M. Walker
Canaan Massie Dec 2015
If you were the Sun,
And I were the Moon,
I'd reflect your beauty onto Earth.

You give life with your light,
But they're still geocentric,
They can't look in your eyes,
And they don't know your worth,

...But I do.

And if I were the Sun,
And you were the Moon,
I'd die from the distance,
And you'd love the waves.
I'd flare up my nostrils,
Obliterate planets,
Just to give my dear Luna,
Her space.

...But I think...
You're more like...
...Earth.

Nature and Nurture,
You're one in the same.
Your waters replenish,
There's "art" in your name...
Earth.

Polluted by people,
And carbon and cancer,
You bottle it up,
Til you burst from your mantle,
But you're
Iron.
To.
Your.
Core.

When grey takes your green,
Still, you protect your people,
And provide a harvest,
Regardless you feed them.
You harbor the humans,
That crack up your crust,
Then create the concrete,
That covers your lungs...
...Then they ask why you can't breathe.

You put the "die" in "Dioxide"
There's gold in your soul,
They mine for your diamonds,
But only find coal,
Yet...
They're BOTH COMPRESSED CARBON?!?!?

The shade of your surface,
Brings shame to the soil,
Your soul can grow much more than crops.
And if that asteroid Apophis,
Gets a little too close,
I'm the astronaut poppin Apocalypse off,
Or the artist that's armin' Armageddon's bomb.
Our connection is stronger than Hydrogen bonds.
When I hold your hand,
I've got the world in my palm.

Accumulate cumulus,
Shrouded in clouds,
Your circumference serves,
As the circle of life.
And I tried...
And I tried...
And I finally realized,
That without planet Earth...

...I would die.
Written slam-style.
kenny Diamond Dec 2015
I wish that i could take back the kindest i shared
You are  so closed  mind   and stuck in the past
I can't  live in world  where its  one way
I have take step back look see the world from outside looking in
I am nothing to then  you then just another step
My heart is too kind for you
I wish i could walk and slam door in your face
You never see how u are  blind by your own self
It  is time to remove this cancer out of my life
And  stop being the hammer to the nail
olivia grace Dec 2015
when he asked if I wanted to drive deep into the mountains
if I wanted to go down back roads and across forgotten trails
if I wanted to drive past every lost monument that wasn't littered with the names of children who let go of themselves, etched into the cool pavement with black ink,
I said no,
because those names,
those monuments,
spark of a memory I don't share a psychological bond with
it brings me back to days I didn't walk through
the smell of the paint almost dry
carries me on a breeze that's cold as ice from the lack of my touch.

I didn't live in those memories.
but the stain they leave behind,
the valleys I walked through were covered limb to limb in the acrylic drippings of time
and I am here just moments later
moments after the show began
the finale lingers in the leaves
covering each berry in hues of gray

I didn't live there.
but I won't go further from this spot till it returns.
so when you ask me to run away with you,
I only wish you could hear the sound my nails make, the scraping and scratching,
clawing at years I didn't live to see.
air I wasn't there to breath
footprints that were walked over many times before my arrival.

when you ask me to let go,
I only wish you could hear the earth telling me to stay.
I want to end it all.
Let my eyes close one last time.
Take one last fall;as I end it all.
Will I have a ball;before I end it all.
Should I go shopping at the mall;before I end it all.
Perhaps I’ll make one last call;before I end it all.
Will I take more time or stall;before I end it all.
As I end it all will I say I saw my life flash before my eyes.
Will my body heave out one last sigh.
Will somebody say oh my;when I end it all.
As I end it all will I cry.
Will I tell everyone a lie.
Say I’m fine;before I end it all.
Or will I smile at everyone and even say I’m great.
Shakespear said to be or not to be
So I ask myself to end it all or not to?
Will I leave a clue
For everyone I knew
A love letter for a selected few?
When it’s finally over will I say whew?
Will it start all over new?
Or will god look at me and say “I’m through,with you.”
Or will he say you have a lot left to do.
Will I look down at the world and say nice view.
I want to end it all.
I call this an ADHD poem but I guess it's really called a slam poem
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