Picking my words carefully on the field of eggshells.

Knowing that if I told you the truth you'd leave.

Like so many times before..

My struggles are seperating us.

Leaving me walking on the ground cracking with every step.

A faked laugh is worth your smile.

A proud hug that I cannot live up to.

With a heavy heart I know I've failed you..

As I lay me down to sleep
   in the quiet of the night
   I loose these tears I'm meant to keep
   into a pillow, soft and white

As I lay me down to bed
   in satin sheets of yellow gold
   thoughts of you will fill my head
   and all the love we couldn't hold

As I lay me down to rest
   wishing you were by my side
   I think on how we did our best
   but in the end were still denied

As I lay me down to dream
   just as the darkness settles in
   I pray our love will be redeemed
   that we can find what might have been

What happened to us...
was worse than a break upyousee,

I mourn you as if you were dead.
silent memories of you were all that remained

because

you cut me out,
and                                                      gone without a trace.

NOW my guts are sprawled out,
naked and exposed,
it hit me like aTRAINOUTOFNOWHERE




It was worse than a break up
                                                it wasn’t sweet and gentle

you decided to cut every connection and leave me with the phone,
                   trying to figure out why the line was dead

This was worse than a break up
I was giving and I shared
joys-
splendor-
Secrets-
hoping to heal your holes
but now I’m sitting here writing and            collapsingIntoMyself
because I am          missing          so            much

This was worse than a break up
                                because I mourned for you

never bothered to tell me if you were dead NEVER bothered to care

in your hour of pain
you shared the wealth.
I care for you STILL
but
that’s all this is now













STILLNESS

I wish this was a break up.

Long days filled with laughter,
I was always happy to be with you
Even if it was just for a car ride to the store.

You taught me so much.

Unfortuantly, my brain wasn't a sponge back then.

Instead, it was a hard rock
Or better yet, a ball of rubber bands
Tightly wound and great at deflecting anything that was good for me.

The first time I left was also the first time I ever saw you cry.

A grown man
Sobbing and emotional.

I thought things would never change.

After all, you've always been a phone call away.

But distance turned into more than miles

Distance became the pain that I talk about now when I'm drunk.

It became our undoing.

It became a part of me that I never wanted.

It's been ten years
And I still haven't found the bridge back to us.

Drag me Down
Drug me up
I need you
I **** it up
You come back
You leave Again
I need you
I need you

There we were staring into each others eyes
Mine were screaming be mine
While she stared straight through mine
Why oh why do we have to say goodbye
One last hug and one final goodbye
Now I got nothing left to do but cry

"A" is for Abuelitos left back in Mexico who are
Heartbreaking knowing the moment,
they see their children leave home
to cross a dessert they might ever cross.
Heartbreaking knowing once they do arrive al Norte
decades might pass without seeing eachother.
Heartbreaking knowing that they might not get to know
their nietos because their salud esta muy delicada
Heartbreaking knowing that their would be a chance
of someone dying in either side
and wont be able to say the last goodbye.

"A" is for Abuelitos left back in Mexico who
I have never got the chance to meet.
Abuelitos who I loved since the day
I saw pictures junto a mis padres
Abuelitos who I share sangre y caracter and face feautures.
Habra un dia donde nos reuniemos como la familia que somos.
Pero hoy escribo un poema en sus memoria.
Tambien para los abuelitos que me siguen esperando,
Los quiero mucho y sean fuertes

In memory of Memorio Covarrubias y Cecilia Martinez.