The worst part of it all is that I can’t even recognize the depth of my own flaws. I beg for forgiveness, but the same destructive habits rise up once again. Why can’t I change? I try over and over, sifting through the past, searching for the root of what needs to be fixed. But every time I think I’ve grasped it, it slips away, sinking back into the soil, just out of reach. The more I struggle, the further it moves from me. What am I doing wrong? I can’t seem to understand. The guilt tears at me, a gut-wrenching pain swelling in my chest as I hear how I’ve hurt you. Each day brings a new argument, one that never seems to resolve. I can handle the fights, as long as I get to keep you, but it doesn’t change anything; you just seem to drift farther away. I want to meet you in the middle, to make the effort, to bridge the gap, but it feels like the distance between us only grows. Every misstep, every harsh word, every mistake adds to the void. I just want to fix it, to end the pain, and to grow beyond this darkness inside of me.
