i could make lines somewhere else

but i'm too persistent

and a little too proud

so i'll just type a little harder

I could eat a dozen
Perhaps I ought, I glance at
The box, white and untouched
Alone on the table, sweet air inside

I can’t help but break the seal
Revealing ****** frosting, perfect lines
Would anyone know if I took
Both a fritter and macaroon?

Lord help me, no restraint
As I grab a fistful
My waistline can’t trust me
My tongue simply yearns
For every single pastry

The Wisdom of the slave Philosopher;
It's not that you don't want it,
It's that you don't need it.
You shall carry no burden.
Watch them fall.

At last, I’ve found a cause
A cause to put grey on yearning white
Which beckons an outpour without pause
That to my troubled heart may bring respite

It is one that holds no ties to joy
Neither is it one I’m glad to have found
For it speaks of my errors; the folly of a boy
And the prospect of pain for yet another round

All that need be done is abstain
Yet I fail, as I have before
To break this cycle of lovers' bane
To lull this rhythm forever more

I fail and so fall to sin
A sin of tameless indulgence
In desires that wear my heart thin
And leaps of love at great expense

O that The Lord would deliver me
From lust, from love, from yours truly
And draw me into His presence with glee
Until I’m ready to love, and love fully

Till then must I put sand to flame
That’s burned three times till present
And silence the echoes of her name
However lovely, however pleasant

It gets so much worse
When I lay in bed at night
And my heart begs me to call you
Or even just a text
And my mind screams self control
And I’m stuck in the middle of it all

These nights, I hate
Tonight is one of those nights
I have tears flowing out of my eyes
Instead of closed eyelids
When you're ruling like a little tyrant
When your little adorable self is nowhere in sight
And I'm managing the worst emotion

These nights are a test of my patience
They are a measure of my ability to stay focused
They are a test of my ability to stay sane
In the midst of the madness
That is my overwhelming emotions
They are a test of my ability to put you first
Not that I do have another choice
At times I can control it
Other times it gets too much
Sometimes I cry too much
Other times I just stare at you blankly
I want to ask you why you can't just let me
Get this precious thing I've waited all day to have
But I can't. Because you can't.

Then after several minutes, or hours
Of a mixture of self control and overreaction
I get what I wanted
I guess when you have to do things alone
You learn to wade through the mud that is your emotions
You learn to be strong in your weakness
You learn to give yourself a pat
You learn to encourage and admonish yourself
Because only you, can make yourself better
Or worse
And tonight, I choose better.

Due to popular belief. I believe that certain things are due to happen naturally.
Like all other things it's bound to grow. This thing, love.
We are due to become obese to this organic, homegrown feeling.

The initial look that begins as taste. Naturally we are starved.

Aroused by the scent that lures us close. This thing, love.

One thing we must learn is self control. To not over indulge in the primary reason it exists.

To selfishly take because it's there. This thing, love.

Effort exudes as it becomes habit. Being placed at a table readily available for what portion comes next.

This need becomes confused with want.

To please others before our need in unselfish manner. A straight forward response to habit.

The rising availability of also being taken for granted. The insurmountable outline that defines lust.

Our intake becomes higher attempting to justify the difference. Thus we become lazy.

Reacting in ways we normally wouldn't. This thing, love.

This scent acts as incentive,  instantly attracted by which we over indulge.

Searching for this thing, love.

It's a reasonable thing. Knowing when to reach. When to pull. When to give and sacrifice.

Almost always all of these happen, learning self control, vocalizing when we've had our fill.

Else we will continue to eat until there is nothing left.
Grown obese. This thing, love

Panic, panic
hold it together
When your bones don't hold together
And you break
See yourself
Watch yourself
fly across the room
no, stop
No, stop!
Hold yourself honey
Breathe,
Breathe,
B r e a t h e
You're fine, you're fine
Hold yourself together with
String,
Hold yourself with muscles you
Wish were stronger
You wish you were stronger
Your hands shake and
clap
Anything to keep them under control
You're drawing,
You're taking notes and then
your pen, it's buried in
Someone else's lap
How'd it get there?
Hold yourself
Hold yourself
How many people struggle
In an arm wrestle with themself?
Now sit down
Sit down and breathe
Coz you've noticed it happens
When you panic
So
Breathe
You're fine,
You're fine
You can handle this
Right?
Sit down
Listen to the music
Focus, focus
You need to pay attention
You look at the guy sitting next to you
And feel your arm move
It isn't you moving it
So you hold yourself
Hands in your pockets
You're crazy enough without this
So keep yourself down honey
You're fine
You aren't flying across the room
Not yet
Your bones hold you together
Like string
Like thread
You're fine
Anything, to keep you under
Your own control
Lady
Breathe
You're fine

You're fine

I'm fine...

...right?